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Andrea Reins is Engaged!


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1 hour ago, Lurky said:

I was going to say exactly the same thing.  These 3 young teens have had to be completely responsible for the house and their siblings, and it will be really hard to walk the line between either walking in and expecting them to keep on drudging, like Cinderella's evil stepmother, or expecting them to do things completely differently, because now she's in charge. 

Of course the ideal is that she's Julie Andrews in Sound of Music (and NOT the real-life Maria von Trapp, from what I've read!) but I can't see how that could work in Fundyland, where Andrea's first and last duties are to submit to her husband, and the daughters have to keep sweet....

Ugh, so difficult - and ALL his fault, for putting so much responsibility on his little daughters' shoulders.

Seppis are somehow related to the Von Trapps and pretty much that took any romantic ideals of that family and stomped on them.   My question with Andrea is how mature is she?  And the role of mom and SAHD are so radically different (then there is the S-E-X).  And if Andrea is homeschooling these kids well she will not even do Classical Conversations or another co-op program.  Kudos to her for moving to small town Ohio.  And their church is the denomination Spanky left/was fired from: CPC

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21 hours ago, tabitha2 said:

It’s ultimately a marriage of convenience. He gets a mother for his children and compliant wife she gets children and a male headship and someone to take care of her financially.  It ain’t love but it ain’t bad. 

It would not be the first time that someone married for reasons other than love.  A marriage not based on love it not automatically going to fail, provided that both parties are on the same page and agree.  It is possible that this is that type of circumstance.  Or it's possible that she is an aging SAHD who wants out of her father's house and is willing to marry an older man with many children, and his age could mean that she will be a relatively "young" widow.  She may be looking at the big picture in those terms - a few children and being taken care of financially after he dies.

 

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Well yeah. Not everyone is looking for a flowers and unicorn glitter farts romantic fairytale. As long as he is reasonably kind and Godly  I suspect that’s enough  in this case.

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The expression on Andrea's father's face in that bizarre SOM video, though! What was that about? Could he actually have enough taste to see how cringeworthy all that was?

WTAF says Mr Reins.png

Then there's the quals list for how to be an elder in the husband-to-be's church. Doesn't look promising to me -- same old patriarse nonsense -- but maybe these people are better than their bullshit rules.

634444581_Howtobeanelder.thumb.png.3d62de59d60ed6637a9d73409c49a7e4.png

Edited by hoipolloi
Adding info
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A basic "WTF" expression, and which fundie patriarse did it better -- Daddy Boyer or Daddy Reins?

Untitled.jpg.12713af4e4c38be0022af016b5144959.jpg

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1 hour ago, Briefly said:

It would not be the first time that someone married for reasons other than love.  A marriage not based on love it not automatically going to fail, provided that both parties are on the same page and agree.  It is possible that this is that type of circumstance.  Or it's possible that she is an aging SAHD who wants out of her father's house and is willing to marry an older man with many children, and his age could mean that she will be a relatively "young" widow.  She may be looking at the big picture in those terms - a few children and being taken care of financially after he dies.

 

I wonder how good the odds of that really are, though. Is anyone else getting somewhat grift-y vibes from his "banking" career?

http://www.norwalkreflector.com/Local/2017/09/06/Faith-and-family-forever

Maybe I'm wrong , but this sounds like standard fundy BS to me...

Quote

My original goal was to rise to the top of the banking industry and with 20 years of tenure, I felt I was well on the way. But there were family functions sacrificed that brought on unneeded stress so we decided to try this new venture

As does:

Quote

“Although my salary was zero back in 2015, I now have a private business that is well established and one that has me working much of the time from my home with students using and on-line course along with a lesson plan.

Then there's this:

https://www.homeschoolfoundation.org/index.php?id=350

Quote

The Keusals qualified for a grant, which enabled them to purchase math and science curriculum for an entire year, many supplementary books they had on their wish list, a used laptop, and some music lessons for three of the children. 

 

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12 minutes ago, AnnaSofia said:

Quote from Keusal: “Although my salary was zero back in 2015, I now have a private business that is well established and one that has me working much of the time from my home with students using and on-line course along with a lesson plan."

You're absolutely right about the above being standard fundie bullshit. 

Keusal may well have lifted it from James & Stacy McDonald's essential oils scam, Shoshanna Pearl Easling's Plexus nonsense, the Coghlans' secrets to success for selling on Amazon, and on & on, ad nauseam. 

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12 hours ago, VVV said:

I wonder if he actually approached Kelly first and in a completely uncharacteristic moment of common sense, she passed.

My great-great-grandmother was a Civil War widow (no children; they were newlyweds) who married her sister-in-law's widower (many children). She went on to have many children of her own. Later in life, she said that if she'd known she was going to have nine children, she wouldn't have married [my great-great-grandfather] if he'd been the best man on earth. 

I feel a bit bad admitting this, but I was recently messaged on a dating site by a newly divorced dad with 4 young kids, (shared custody w/ ex.) .  At a glance he seems like a nice enough guy, but i've never had my own kids on purpose (I am actually same age as Andrea) and I briefly thought about it, but i've decided not to message him back because I just cant.....I CANT handle the kids....Andrea is going to 9!

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1 hour ago, The Mother Dust said:

I feel a bit bad admitting this, but I was recently messaged on a dating site by a newly divorced dad with 4 young kids, (shared custody w/ ex.) .  At a glance he seems like a nice enough guy, but i've never had my own kids on purpose (I am actually same age as Andrea) and I briefly thought about it, but i've decided not to message him back because I just cant.....I CANT handle the kids....Andrea is going to 9!

I am not against kids. However, I have found myself in a long distance conversation/connection with a single father. A large part of the reason we cannot connect further this - is his dedication to supporting his daughters.

I would ask for nothing less than that from a potential mate. Previously I had a brief thing with a guy who had three separate baby mamas..and lived with his own (on a mattress with no sheets). He was not a man with great priorities.

However, I wasn't really thinking about when we started briefly chatting and the fact that he was so far away. Etc.

Tldr: there's nothing wrong with swiping based on children. They take up time and they should if being handled correctly :) You have every right to be all in or no thanks on that.

Edited by AliceInFundyland
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Plus 4 children is a lot of children. (I am the oldest of 7 so I am not shaming large families.) However, the financial and emotional  responsibilities are very real. Plus these are four children that you did not get a say in having. They are no doubt beautiful, wonderful, amazing little creatures but in the eyes of the law at least they aren't yours. I know for some getting involved with a single parent means getting attached to their children and then being devastated if they aren't allowed to see the children once the relationship ends. I think blended families can be a truly beautiful thing. They just aren't for everybody. 

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16 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

His sons are Matthew, Mark, Luke and then the rest are girls. How much you want to bet the next boy will be John...

In high school, I used to babysit a family with four boys; Mathew, Mark, Luke, and...Benji!

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My good friend is currently dating someone with three kids and she has two of her own. I keep telling her, just take things slow. Because that adds up to a lot of damn kids! 

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8 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

I am not against kids. However, I have found myself in a long distance conversation/connection with a single father. A large part of the reason we cannot connect further this - is his dedication to supporting his daughters.

I would ask for nothing less than that from a potential mate.

Tldr: there's nothing wrong with swiping based on children. They take up time and they should if being handled correctly :) You have every right to be all in or no thanks on that.

Heartily agree with the above.  I am a widow, and my husband and I had both come into the relationship equally not wanting kids.  Can't lie, I greatly enjoyed being the sole focus of his attention, and I know the attention would be split if I date someone with young kids.  Heck, even someone with young adults these days.  And you are right @AliceInFundyland, that is the way it should be.  In fact I would be even more turned off if I found out they were a half-ass parent.  

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These families have such weird and romanticized views. They probably see themselves as the Hollywood Von Trapps the family and characters from Sarah plain and tall not realizing the fictitious nature of these retelling.   

What could work is if Andrea sits with the girls and acknowledges and congratulated them on all they've managed and then ask where she can help or take over to give the girls time to be kids. Obviously, she also needs to show gracefully that she is an adult and capable of leading the home, etc and that the girls will need to (continue) to follow the rules of the home, dad and now step- mom, but this could all be done with the Input of the kids, especially the older ones... oh and counseling. A lot of outside support and counseling for everyone including this lady stepping in to this situation who may need emotional and mental (and he’ll physical!) support...

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12 hours ago, AnnaSofia said:

I wonder how good the odds of that really are, though. Is anyone else getting somewhat grift-y vibes from his "banking" career?

Yeah, I didn't know what to take from all of that. Unlike a lot of the grifting Fundies, he did have a valid career for a long period of time in an actual field and he has a real college degree from a well-regarded school. But the new "consultant" job sounds weird to me. I could be wrong. 

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I’m a widow about to remarry.  He’s a widower with 2 (early 20s) adult children.   I’m thankful I’ll be their father’s wife, not their stepmother.

Two years seems soon to remarry, to me.  Not crazy soon, or insultingly soon, but soon.  I hope it’s not just replacing one warm body with another warm body; hopefully they feel something for each other, if only on the level of compatibility.  

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3 minutes ago, Closed Womb said:

I’m a widow about to remarry.  He’s a widower with 2 (early 20s) adult children.   I’m thankful I’ll be their father’s wife, not their stepmother.

Two years seems soon to remarry, to me.  Not crazy soon, or insultingly soon, but soon.  I hope it’s not just replacing one warm body with another warm body; hopefully they feel something for each other, if only on the level of compatibility.  

I’m glad he waited until 6 days after the second anniversary of his wife’s death to propose...

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13 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m glad he waited until 6 days after the second anniversary of his wife’s death to propose...

Wow...should have waited the whole week  

 

Edited by Closed Womb
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I can't imagine being a fundie girl going through puberty without a mother. Menstruation, body changes, hormones, shaving, boys... are not things that are discussed with patriarchal fathers. 

The relationship with Andrea will be bittersweet for them at best, but I'm glad they have a woman they can talk to. My heart breaks for all those children. My husband lost his dad as a little kid and that feeling of being robbed of your parent is one you never recover from. 

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7 hours ago, usedbicycle said:

I can't imagine being a fundie girl going through puberty without a mother. Menstruation, body changes, hormones, shaving, boys... are not things that are discussed with patriarchal fathers. 

The relationship with Andrea will be bittersweet for them at best, but I'm glad they have a woman they can talk to. My heart breaks for all those children. My husband lost his dad as a little kid and that feeling of being robbed of your parent is one you never recover from. 

Some fundy families don't even educate the girls on much, I would think that might include their bodies and the changes they go through.  How many of them actually do shave, for example?  I also wonder if they really do get much in the way of lessons on the facts of life, as it used to be called?

I understand what you mean about children feeling robbed of a parent, Mr. Briefly's father basically abandoned the family for many years after he and his wife got divorced.  He was gone for close to 10 years and probably would still be gone, if Mr. Briefly had not looked up his grandparents (his dad's parents) and told them to let his dad know that he was graduating from high school.  His dad showed up and they eventually all managed to build a relationship with him.  But it's not really a good relationship and in many ways, they all (including Mr. Briefly) sometimes wish that they had never reconnected.  Too much time was lost.

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On 5/3/2019 at 12:33 AM, louannems said:

In high school, I used to babysit a family with four boys; Mathew, Mark, Luke, and...Benji!

My mother's sister has Matthew, Mark, Luke...and Charlie. All same father. It's always made me laugh! She isn't particularly religious at all as far as I know. Maybe if you asked her directly if she believed in God or Jesus Christ, she'd probably say yes but she has never attended to church to my knowledge, I know for a fact she thinks "religious nuts" (anyone who attends church regularly in her mind and everyday experience) are self-righteous and judgmental, and she most definitely does not live a 'Christian lifestyle' (even in the most lax ways possible). Matthew was definitely named after my deceased uncle who died while my aunt was pregnant with her Matthew. I suspect that she just liked the names Luke and Mark and the pattern didn't even occur to her. I find that even more comical ?

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On 5/3/2019 at 7:20 PM, Briefly said:

Some fundy families don't even educate the girls on much, I would think that might include their bodies and the changes they go through.  How many of them actually do shave, for example?  I also wonder if they really do get much in the way of lessons on the facts of life, as it used to be called?

I understand what you mean about children feeling robbed of a parent, Mr. Briefly's father basically abandoned the family for many years after he and his wife got divorced.  He was gone for close to 10 years and probably would still be gone, if Mr. Briefly had not looked up his grandparents (his dad's parents) and told them to let his dad know that he was graduating from high school.  His dad showed up and they eventually all managed to build a relationship with him.  But it's not really a good relationship and in many ways, they all (including Mr. Briefly) sometimes wish that they had never reconnected.  Too much time was lost.

It's definitely a very complex thing for any child to go through. I think that step-parents, even if they only become so once their spouse's children are adults, can add some joy to life even if it isn't in that parental role.

My Dad met his current long-term partner in my early-mid-20s. He had partners before her that tried to completely be a mother to me and that messed with my emotions a lot because it was an offer of a relationship I craved, they said the right things, but they clearly didn't feel that truly because they also walked away from me without a backwards glance when their relationship with my Dad ended. His current partner has never sold herself to me as a mother or even a mother-figure. By the time she came into all of our lives, I was completely resistant to forming any real relationship with my father's love interests myself but I was warm and civil because I want my Dad to be happy.

His partner and I have a wonderful friendship now. It took me years but one day, in just a really benign and every day circumstance that I don't even remember, "I love you" slipped out as part of a sentence. I think she went inside to my Dad and told him during a break in the conversation? Or maybe she teared up on the spot? Either way the next thing I remember was her being all teary and emotional and asking me if I meant to say it and it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world to me that I loved her so I was genuinely confused that it meant so much and I told her, "Well, yeah...of course I love you. You're one of the best people I've ever met and anyone who can care about and for my Dad like you, anyone who so nonchalantly both accepts and respects his quirks, who takes on our entire extended family as their own? How could I not love you?" She cried more and said, "I love you so so so much; I have for a very long time. I have wanted to say it a thousand times- I tell your Dad how much I love you and how incredible I think you are- but you're so hard to read. You're like your Dad like that. I didn't want to say it and for you to think that I had some other motive in saying it." I literally (kindly) laughed at her.

She'll never be my mother or mother-figure. I have one mother who is terrible in that role and she keeps my hands full. I had an amazing Nana and I have 2 wonderful aunts that have raised/mothered me pretty well. But I am super grateful to have my step-mom in my life, I enjoy her company, and I absolutely know she is itching for me to have some babies so she can be their grandmother. It makes me happy that when/if I have kids in the future, they will have a doting and devoted grandmother and I know that she and I meeting once I was grown and didn't need raising and biology will not get in the way of her being a super involved and excited grandmother.

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I just have a few random thoughts on this topic.

#1.) I think Andrea looks happy in the compilation video.  I don't think she could fake that.

#2.) It would seem that she went and visited (stayed with?) the family without a chaperone!  Alone!  Before they were even engaged!  And HELD HANDS!   As far as fundy standards go, this is huge.  Maybe it is a sign that he is not completely a fundy prick and that she had some choice in this direction her life was going.

#3.) The Sound of Music spoof video was horrific.  Ugh.  

#4.) From a fundy perspective, Andrea has hit the jackpot.  As an 'old maid' in fundyland, she had few options.  Now she will suddenly find herself with a headship who appears to be able to support her and an instant family.  As a 'Mom of Many' (TM) she will be in a position to command respect from her peers. 

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On 5/2/2019 at 12:30 AM, HeatherFeather said:

That's an unlisted video. How did you find it?

Looking at it I wonder how they will compromise at the modesty question. In his family it seems to be skirts for the womenfolks and Andrea herself seems to like trousers.

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On 5/1/2019 at 8:59 PM, VVV said:

Does it seem weird to anyone else that the particular Sound of Music scene being referenced in that video is the scene with the Baroness? Not Maria? And that particular engagement did not end well.

You are thinking about this a hella lot more than they did!

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