Florida Stories 2: The Adventures of Florida Man (and Woman)

[47of74]

Florida Man and Florida Women are keeping us all entertained during this difficult time

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A defendant who threw two naked women out of his Florida home during a 2 AM altercation yesterday told police that the victims attacked him after he declined to engage in a sexual threesome, according to criminal complaints.

Responding to a 911 call about a disturbance at a Clearwater apartment building, cops interviewed Ciraya Rassasombath, 27, and Angelique Pavelec, 28, about an encounter with Rassasombath’s husband that allegedly turned violent.

According to arrest affidavits, Pavelec went to Rassasombath’s home to “hang out and drink.” While at the apartment, Pavelec said, “they had planned sexual arrangements with her friend’s husband,” Calvin Rassasombath, 33.

But before a threesome ensued, a verbal argument began, Pavelec reported, over the way Calvin was treating his wife. As the dispute escalated, Calvin allegedly choked both naked women before throwing them out of the residence. Ciraya told cops that the attack occurred “during a planned sexual arrangement.”

 

[47of74]

Bud Light Mike strikes again!

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According to Florida police, Michael Filipkowski swiped 24 cans of Bud Light from a Publix supermarket in Treasure Island. Filipkowski, 51, was subsequently arrested after being found in possession of 21 of the purloined cans.

An arrest affidavit lists the New Jersey native’s alias as “Bud Light Mike.” Court records reveal how Filipkowski (seen at right) earned that handle.

In April, he was convicted of stealing a case of Bud Light from a Wawa convenience store in Clearwater. He has twice been convicted of carrying an open container of Bud Light (once on the beach, once at a bus stop). He also has been convicted of stealing two 18-packs of Bud Light from a Speedway store. In 2016, Filipkowski was convicted after he could not pay for a Bud Light (and a shot of Captain Morgan rum) at a hotel bar.

Well I guess if you're gonna steal beer might as well take the mass produced stuff and leave the good stuff for the rest of us.

[47of74]

Hey Florida Man just because there's some weird shit going on down in Florida it's not an excuse to be an idiot about your AR-15 unless you want to wind up getting mocked here.

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Police report that Kaleb Kleiss, 20, was involved in a “traffic altercation” while driving his 2016 Volkswagen near his Clearwater apartment.

A witness told cops that Kleiss had the barrel of the AR-15 sticking out his vehicle’s driver side window. At one point, Kleiss lifted the weapon off his lap and pointed it out the window, investigators charge. “This put the witness in great fear,” an affidavit states.

When police located Kleiss, he was standing near his car, which was parked and running outside a laundromat. The AR-15 was “displayed carelessly and laying on the dashboard...in plain view of everyone walking by the store,” an officer noted.

After being read his rights, Kleiss reportedly told police that he carried the AR-15 for “self defense” because he “has seen crazy stuff since moving to Florida.” The affidavits do not indicate when Kleiss relocated to Florida from a town in southeastern Alabama.

Yeah of course alcohol was also involved here.

[47of74]

Florida Man did not let 2020 slow him down

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Florida isn’t just the Sunshine State, it’s the Florida Man State, where crimes and crazy antics are elevated to a whole new level thanks to our very liberal “sunshine laws.” So basically, if it happened to Florida Man, it probably involves alligators, snakes, and iguanas or it could be amphetamines, guns and even facial masks. Yes, protective facial masks during the COVID pandemic brought Florida Man a ton of trouble.

In any case, COVID-19 didn’t slow down Florida Man in 2020. He’s still an internet favorite and we’re already awaiting the first Florida Man story of 2021.

 

[The Mother Dust]

On 12/14/2020 at 5:03 PM, 47of74 said:

Hey Florida Man just because there's some weird shit going on down in Florida it's not an excuse to be an idiot about your AR-15 unless you want to wind up getting mocked here.

Yeah of course alcohol was also involved here.

The irony of "Alabama Man" thinking he's so much better than Florida Man.

[47of74]

Florida Man was hungry

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A man slipped on gloves and stole all the the chicken wings and hot food at the counter of a Naples 7-Eleven Tuesday night, according to the gas station clerk.

Collier County Sheriff’s Office deputies confirm they responded to the incident at 1183 Airport-Pulling Road N at 8:23 PM. The clerk said the man has come into the store before — the last time he came in, he ate three chicken wings in front of him and left without paying.

The man and two other subjects in a car fled the scene. Deputies caught up with the trio at the end of Cape Sable Road, off Radio Road, according to a witness.

All three subjects were detained, but just one man was arrested.

 

[Cartmann99]

2 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Collier County Sheriff’s Office deputies confirm they responded to the incident at 1183 Airport-Pulling Road N at 8:23 PM.

My brain is weird. I've got Willie Nelson in my head driving a tow truck singing "On The Road Again" while pulling the airport to its new location. ?

 

[47of74]

36 minutes ago, Cartmann99 said:

My brain is weird. I've got Willie Nelson in my head driving a tow truck singing "On The Road Again" while pulling the airport to its new location. ?

 

Good catch!  Didn’t realize that bout the address until you said something @Cartmann99

[47of74]

Florida Man ending 2020 as only Florida Man can!

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After police found a scale and bags containing white and brown substances in his backpack, a Florida Man claimed that he was carrying “a bag of sugar and a bag of corn starch to bake a cake,” according to an arrest report.

Investigators say that ex-con Jethro Geneus, 30, was a passenger in a Honda that was pulled over by Port St. Lucie cops around 3 AM on New Year’s Eve. Geneus, seen at right, was removed from the car after officers determined that he was the subject of an outstanding arrest warrant.

A subsequent search of a backpack that was at Geneus’s feet on the front floorboard revealed “two large bags of a white and brown substance,” cops report. Geneus, who reportedly claimed ownership of the backpack, said that the seized substances were actually ingredients for a cake to be baked.

However, a field test revealed that both substances--which weighed a combined two-thirds of a pound--contained Ecstasy. In addition to a narcotics trafficking count, Geneus was charged with introducing contraband into a detention facility after he allegedly dropped a bag of meth while in custody at the county jail.

 

[Cartmann99]

48 minutes ago, 47of74 said:

After police found a scale and bags containing white and brown substances in his backpack, a Florida Man claimed that he was carrying “a bag of sugar and a bag of corn starch to bake a cake,” according to an arrest report.

Investigators say that ex-con Jethro Geneus, 30, was a passenger in a Honda that was pulled over by Port St. Lucie cops around 3 AM on New Year’s Eve. Geneus, seen at right, was removed from the car after officers determined that he was the subject of an outstanding arrest warrant.

A subsequent search of a backpack that was at Geneus’s feet on the front floorboard revealed “two large bags of a white and brown substance,” cops report. Geneus, who reportedly claimed ownership of the backpack, said that the seized substances were actually ingredients for a cake to be baked.

However, a field test revealed that both substances--which weighed a combined two-thirds of a pound--contained Ecstasy. In addition to a narcotics trafficking count, Geneus was charged with introducing contraband into a detention facility after he allegedly dropped a bag of meth while in custody at the county jail.

My grandma taught me to always put a little meth in the frosting of my Ecstasy cakes.

 

[47of74]

And now Florida Man Tyler Johnathon Cribbs is staring off 2021 with a mug shot complete with a Snidely Whiplash Sharpie Cookie Duster.

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The 28-year-old Floridian was charged yesterday with robbing an acquaintance of his wallet and phone, according to a probable cause affidavit.

Along with a felony robbery count, Cribbs was also charged with theft, a misdemeanor. Upon being located by cops Sunday, Cribbs allegedly resisted officers and was found in possession of methamphetamine, leading to the filing of additional charges against the 5’ 7”,

Cribbs, whose rap sheet includes convictions for possession of drug paraphernalia, resisting, and driving without a license, has the words “KING” and “SIZE” tattooed on his knuckles in the style of “The Night of the Hunter.” He also has “Perfect” inked on one arm and “Imperfection” on the other.

As for the Snidely Whiplash mustache seen in Cribbs’s latest booking photo, it appears to be the kind of ephemeral Sharpie artwork that is usually created when the human canvas is passed out on a couch.

 

[47of74]

Florida Man is pulling a Donald and refusing to make good on the bet he made. 

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A friendly $100 wager over the 2020 presidential election has landed in a Florida small claims court.

Before the election, Sean Hynes, a Trump supporter from St. Petersburg, reached out to Jeffrey Costa, an acquaintance who is a Biden supporter from Atlanta. The deal was sealed on Facebook Messenger: If Trump won, Costa would pay $100. If Biden won, Hynes would pay up.

But once the votes were counted, Hynes refused to acknowledge the Democrat’s victory, even after recounts, the Supreme Court’s rejection of court challenges and the Electoral College’s confirmation, the Tampa Bay Times reported.

Costa, 50, decided to sue. He’s seeking the $100, plus $250 in court costs and $300 in interest on the unpaid bet. He’s representing himself in the action, filed Dec. 28 in Pinellas County small claims court.

Yeah pay up Florida Man. 

[Ozlsn]

Magic mushrooms grown in Nebraska man's blood stream after he injects "psychadelic" tea.

Ingest was the word on the packaging you idiot, not inject.

Also don't inject spores into your bloodstream, it's really not a good idea.

[47of74]

Behold Florida Man, in all his Florida Glory 

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Police said they saw Nicholas Debetes, 18, driving a red Hyundai Elantra “at an extremely high rate of speed” Thursday around 11:15 p.m. near the intersection of North Dixie Avenue and Mayfair Way and turned on their lights in an attempt to get him to stop.

Records show Debetes passed several locations where he could have stopped but instead continued to a trailer park on North Dixie Avenue where he parked the car.

After he was placed in handcuffs, a Brevard County deputy arrived and said Debetes had an outstanding warrant, adding that she had tried to pull him over earlier that night but he sped away and she was unable to catch up, according to the affidavit.

Debetes claimed he was speeding because his mother wanted him to come home for an unknown reason and he added that he was driving too fast to stop, the report said.

And the car?  Oh yeah, it was stolen. 

[Flossie]

18 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Behold Florida Man, in all his Florida Glory 

And the car?  Oh yeah, it was stolen. 

Of course.  Hope no one bails him out.

[Alisamer]

Is this where all the Trump stories will go now? I hope?

[47of74]

1 hour ago, Alisamer said:

Is this where all the Trump stories will go now? I hope?

 

[ADoyle90815]

Edited January 20, 2021 by ADoyle90815

[ADoyle90815]

Florida Man (legislator) wants to name a state highway after
 Newest Florida Man, 45.

 

[Howl]

 

[thoughtful]

 

[47of74]

No officer that's not heroin, that's chocolate laxative

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An ex-con facing a felony narcotics collar insisted to Florida police that the substance he was found in possession of was not heroin, but rather a chocolate laxative, according to an arrest report. 

Steven Coplen, 29, was driving near his home in Crestview Saturday afternoon when he was pulled over for an expired vehicle registration.

A subsequent search of the auto turned up assorted drug paraphernalia, Oxycodone pills, and a plastic bag with methamphetamine residue. Cops also discovered 26 grams of heroin under the driver’s seat and one gram on the passenger side floorboard, according to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office report.

Coplen, however, denied he was holding heroin, instead claiming that the substance was a “chocolate laxative,” a la ex-lax. Coplen did not offer an explanation as to why some of the purported laxative was stashed under his seat.

 

[47of74]

Florida Man leaves no doubt that he is a Florida Man....

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

17 minutes ago, 47of74 said:

Florida Man leaves no doubt that he is a Florida Man....

 

When I first looked at that picture I swear I thought he had a perfectly Florida shaped birthmark. Because that’s the only explanation that would make sense in my brain. 

[ADoyle90815]

There was also this bit from the Superbowl. Florida Man charged with trespassing.