Florida Stories 2: The Adventures of Florida Man (and Woman)

[47of74]

Florida Woman didn't like how late her 26 year old stepson was in getting home

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A Florida Woman was arrested early yesterday for striking her adult stepson with a leather belt 30 times after he was late for his midnight curfew, police report.

Cops allege that Valerie Branch-Galloway delivered the 12:30 AM belt lashing in the Largo home she shares with her husband, who is the father of the victim (who has been residing with the couple for the past three months).

According to an arrest affidavit, Branch-Galloway offered the victim his choice of two punishments for being 30 minutes late: She could tell his father or he could endure the “licks.”

The man, investigators say, “picked the licks.” As a result, Branch-Galloway struck the victim 11 times in the “buttock area” before he told her to stop. However, cops allege, Branch-Galloway said, “No, you have 19 more” and delivered the balance of the belt “licks.”

 

[47of74]

And Florida Man learned an expensive lesson

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The wiseass who identified himself as “Ben Dover” when police found him in a Florida park after hours has been sentenced to pay a $500 fine in connection with his no contest plea to an obstruction charge, records show.

In November, a sheriff’s deputy got into a confrontation with a man whom he sought to remove from a park in a St. Petersburg suburb. Asked to identify himself, the suspect “responded by stating his name was ‘Ben Dover,’” the officer reported.

“Dover” was, in fact, Andrew Leighton, 22. He was arrested for obstruction and resisting an officer.

 

[47of74]

Now a Florida Teacher has stepped in it

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A high school teacher in Panama City, Fla. could face disciplinary action after writing “WTF” — shorthand for “what the f***” — on a student’s paper recently.

Smith said she understood that her son wouldn’t receive points for an incorrect homework assignment, but it was the profanity that took her aback. “Just seeing WTF... it wasn't anything about not getting the credit,” she told news station WJHG. “It was more so the language...that was very inappropriate and not acceptable.”

Coy Pilson, the principal of Rutherford High School, said that district officials and the school’s Human Resources department are investigating the incident and plan to take the necessary steps to resolve it.

Pilson told Yahoo Lifestyle that the teacher — who he said “realized she did wrong and is distraught” — will face discipline, but the nature of those consequences will be kept private.

 

[47of74]

Hell even the alligators are getting in on the act now

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A Clearwater woman was startled to hear a loud crash overnight, but she was even more surprised when she saw the culprit: A 10-foot alligator that had crashed its way into her kitchen.

Ten officers and two trappers arrived to the home on Eagles Landing Circle and led Wischhusen out the back while they spent two hours coaxing and dragging the alligator outside so it could be evaluated for potential relocation.

Wischhusen credited her 55 years as a nurse with helping her stay calm. But in hindsight, she said, she is most upset that the gator smashed her bottles of red wide – the “good stuff."

“It’s all over my floor,” she lamented. 

 

[Snowless]

On 5/3/2019 at 12:52 PM, 47of74 said:

Florida Man and Woman gave the cop shop a show!

 

Welcome to Key West: Come for the conch and Ernest Hemingway’s cats, stay for the seedy sex show at the police station! ?

I can’t believe this is my own home state at times.  We sure get a lot of weirdos around here!

[47of74]

When is Florida Woman gonna learn that putting stuff up there is not all that effective.

A Florida Woman denied ownership of a bag of MDMA that dropped from her crotch right after a “feminine product” fell from the same space, cops say.

Officers responding to a call Saturday afternoon about a disturbance at a Vero Beach residence encountered Kristen Szatmary, 34, seated in a taxi outside the home.

While speaking with Szatmary--who said she had just been in a “verbal disturbance” with her mother--a sheriff’s deputy “observed white powder on her right nostril.” The cop then asked Szatmary to exit the vehicle.

As Szatmary stepped out of the taxi, “a feminine product fell from her shorts followed by a clear bag with a white substance,” according to an arrest affidavit. “It’s not mine,” Szatmary reportedly declared. “I’m supposed to give it to someone.”

[47of74]

•   Why, Florida man?
•  

Why, Florida man?

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A Florida Man is facing a domestic battery rap after allegedly covering his sleeping girlfriend in ketchup, court records show.

Investigators say Peter Wagman, 37, and his 41-year-old girlfriend have recently “been in arguments over infidelity by the victim.” The couple, who live in Pinellas Park, have been together for 11 years.

At around 4:45 AM Sunday, cops report, the victim awoke “to ketchup being poured on her by” Wagman, who was yelling, “That’s what you get, bitch.”

When police arrived at the residence, they found the woman “covered in ketchup.” Wagman denied the condiment attack, though a patrolman noted that “he has ketchup on the right side of his pants.”

[47of74]

Calling 911 17 times because you're lonely is not a good idea

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If you are feeling blue and need someone to talk to, do not call the 911 operator to chat.

Police allege that Jeffrey Gorton, 55, called the emergency dispatch number 17 times between Wednesday and Thursday this week. The Florida Man explained that he dialed 911 because “he was lonely and needed someone to talk to,” according to a criminal complaint.

Gorton was warned, cops say, that if he persisted contacting emergency services “without the need for such services he would be subject to arrest.”

 

[47of74]

Yeah, you can't bring your own sharps to an axe throwing bar...

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One cannot bring their own beer to a bar. Turns out, one also cannot bring their own machetes to an axe-throwing bar.

But that is not the only reason why Victoria Morley got in trouble last week, according to St. Petersburg police.

The 54-year-old transient was brandishing a machete in each hand when she showed up at St. Pete Axe & Ale at about 7:30 p.m. on May 31, police said.

She started scraping the blades together and told the crowd that “she had killed over 100 people with those machetes,” according to her arrest report.

 

Meanwhile, not to be outdone, Florida Woman tried to bring her own weapons to an axe throwing bar.

Yeah, went as well as expected.

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One cannot bring their own beer to a bar. Turns out, one also cannot bring their own machetes to an axe-throwing bar.

But that is not the only reason why Victoria Morley got in trouble last week, according to St. Petersburg police.

The 54-year-old transient was brandishing a machete in each hand when she showed up at St. Pete Axe & Ale at about 7:30 p.m. on May 31, police said.

She started scraping the blades together and told the crowd that “she had killed over 100 people with those machetes,” according to her arrest report.

 

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

Gotta admit, I keep checking this thread because I know one day I'm going to see a name I recognize.  Most seem to take place in my hood or former hoods.  St. Pete, Clearwater, Largo, Pinellas Park...  Oh my!

[47of74]

Guess what the Florida Man wearing the Coke shirt was busted for?

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A career criminal with multiple narcotics convictions on his rap sheet was wearing a shirt with “red lettering on the front that said ‘COKE’” when he sold four crack cocaine rocks to a Florida undercover agent, according to an arrest affidavit.

Terry Leon Simmons, 53, was arrested Friday afternoon at his home in Fort Pierce on a felony cocaine sales charge. He was also hit with a second felony count after arresting officers spotted a marijuana joint and a bag of MDMA in plain view inside the residence.

Cops charge that Simmons sold crack cocaine to a driver who pulled up outside of a convenience store a couple of blocks from the ex-con’s apartment.

At the time of the $40 transaction, Simmons was wearing a “two toned blue shirt with red lettering on the front that said ‘COKE’ on the front.” The arrest does not indicate whether the lettering was in the style of the popular soft drink.

Sigh Florida Man.

 

And another Florida Man tried the "it's not mine" excuse.  Worked as well as expected.

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Fabricio Jimenez, 20, was a passenger in a car that was pulled over Sunday during a 4:30 AM traffic stop in suburban Tampa.

When a Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office deputy approached the auto, the female cop “immediately noticed Jimenez had a white powdery substance on his nose she recognized to be powder cocaine,” according to investigators.

Jimenez’s nose was subsequently swabbed by police and a field test returned a positive result for the presence of cocaine in the sample. As seen above, deputies photographed Jimenez and his dusty nose during the traffic stop.

A search of Jimenez yielded a small bag of cocaine, while police also seized a backpack containing 250 grams of marijuana and 13 Xanax pills (

 

[47of74]

Yikes

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A creepy fetishist is behind bars in connection with a months-long robbery spree that netted dozens of pool floats that the suspect said he “sexually gratifies himself with,” according to police reports.

Christopher Monnin, a 35-year-old ex-con, reportedly told cops that he opted for the pool floats “instead of raping women.”

Monnin, who has served time for burglary, was arrested around 1:30 AM Thursday after being stopped as a “suspicious person” by a Palm Bay Police Department officer. Monnin, who was riding his bicycle at the time, was carrying a “white garbage bag full of what he identified as deflated pool floats,” the cop reported.

Monnin accompanied police to the home, where investigators found “an estimated 75 pool floats,” including a lounge chair with cup holders, a float shaped like a piece of bacon, a duck float, and a watermelon float. Monnin also allegedly swiped a Shaquille O’Neal-branded “Shaq” inflatable lounger.

 

[47of74]

Mickey D's wasn't loving it when Florida Man put on a show at one of their establishments.

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As diners at a McDonald’s in Florida enjoyed their Big Macs, a 62-year-old man removed his clothes and performed a “strange dance” before apparently “trying to have relations with a railing,” according to a police report.

Investigators say that John Morgan was arrested Sunday after his impromptu 7:30 PM performance at the restaurant in Collier County. Charged with trespassing, the homeless Morgan was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor count. He is scheduled for arraignment on July 3.

Sheriff’s deputies were dispatched to the McDonald’s due to a report of “Male taking clothes off doing a strange dance, subject possibly on drugs.” A 911 caller also reported that “it looked as though the male was trying to have relations with a railing.”

 

[47of74]

And guess where a prosthetic ear washed up

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Police in Florida trying to find the rightful owner of a prosthetic ear that washed up on their beach got a happy phone call from South Carolina on Thursday.

Holmes Beach Police Sgt. Brian Hall said a woman called saying the rubber ear they posted on Facebook belongs to her husband.

Hall said the Beaufort couple was vacationing in the Tampa Bay area when the man went swimming. She said he was trying to put the ear in his pocket for safekeeping when “a wave knocked it off his hand.”

The police department posted a photo of the left ear, saying a local resident found it in the sand on Saturday after the “World’s Strongest Man” contest on Anna Maria Island.

 

[thoughtful]

Ah, the van Goghs of Beaufort, SC -- a lovely couple.

[Snowless]

@47of74, in reference to the man caught with cocaine on his nose, I have to wonder: why does it seem that the weirdest of the weird Florida Man stories tend to happen in and around Hillsborough County?  Did all of the strip clubs in Tampa contribute to an extra level of kooky there?

[nokidsmom]

Woman stomps on sea turtle nest.  WTF. 

 

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A woman has been arrested in Miami Beach, Florida, after she was seen stomping on a sea turtle nest, according to police.

Yaqun Lu, 41, was seen by witnesses and Miami Beach police officers on Saturday “jabbing at the sea turtle nest” with a wooden stake and “stomping all over the nest with her bare feet,” an arrest affidavit says.

The area had been closed off to the public with yellow tape and a sign that said, “Do not disturb sea turtle nest,” the affidavit says.

Lu, a Chinese citizen who gave police a home address in Michigan, faces a charge of marine turtle or egg molestation or harassment, per online court records.

Court records indicate Lu is represented by a public defender. CNN was unable to reach the public defender’s office for comment.

A number of sea turtle species are protected under both the 1973 US Endangered Species Act and Florida law, according to Miami Beach’s website, and it’s illegal to touch or harm them or their eggs.

Miami Beach serves as a nesting habitat for three species of sea turtles — Loggerhead, Green and Leatherback — between April and early November, its website says.

“Thankfully,” Miami Beach police said, “it appears the eggs were not damaged.”

 

Edited June 25, 2019 by nokidsmom

[QuiverFullofBooks]

On 6/24/2019 at 3:05 PM, Snowless said:

@47of74, in reference to the man caught with cocaine on his nose, I have to wonder: why does it seem that the weirdest of the weird Florida Man stories tend to happen in and around Hillsborough County?  Did all of the strip clubs in Tampa contribute to an extra level of kooky there?

I grew up there. Most of us are normal, I swear! There’s a strong belief in government transparency and the reporters know that Florida Man stories get clicks, so every dumbass who comes into contact with the police ends up on the internet. There might be a “hold my beer, Miami!” element to it, too. 

[Briefly]

27 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

Woman stomps on sea turtle nest.  WTF. 

 

 

I read about this the other day.  The eggs were unharmed, thankfully.  But I don't think they have ever said anything about her motive.

[nokidsmom]

19 hours ago, Briefly said:

I read about this the other day.  The eggs were unharmed, thankfully.  But I don't think they have ever said anything about her motive.

Mr. No and I just came back from Florida, we have relatives on the Atlantic side.  We stayed at a hotel with a oceanfront view so every morning we would wake up to seeing more turtle nests that were built during the night.  There is a strong local focus on protecting the nests from dimming the lights at night to a group that goes along the beach monitoring and marking the nests.   

One evening I was reasonably sure I saw a turtle coming up on the beach and sure enough there were tracks in the same place the next morning.  I was tempted to go out and investigate but didn't want to inadvertently spook mama turtle and keep her from getting the job done. 

[nokidsmom]

On 5/28/2019 at 11:35 AM, 47of74 said:

Florida Woman didn't like how late her 26 year old stepson was in getting home

 

Oh dear, I don't know what is sadder...that stepmom could deliver the "licks" or the 26yo stepson who thought he should take them.  

[47of74]

Hell is nowhere near as creative as a woman from that state who had been scorned (even if it's just a temporary resident).

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Police said Serina Wolfe, 24, of Buffalo, New York, and her boyfriend got into an argument because she wanted to buy a plane ticket using a credit card in his name.

Wolfe’s boyfriend refused to do this and placed a hold on the card, but once it was removed on June 27, she made a $55.37 purchase at Clear Sky Cafe, 490 Mandalay Avenue, with a $5,000 tip, police said.

His credit card company notified Clear Sky of the purchase, but the restaurant had already paid the waitress her $5,000 tip.

Detectives say Wolfe later admitted to using the credit card to pay for the expensive meal and handed them the card that she used.

 

[47of74]

Maybe he liked being in jail

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Minutes after being released from custody, a Florida Man sought to steal numerous vehicles in a jail parking lot because he needed wheels “to use for transportation,” according to a criminal complaint.

Dennis Libonati, 68, was freed Monday evening from the jail in Land O’ Lakes after his sentencing earlier in the day for battery. Libonati pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor charge and was sentenced to 265 days of probation and ordered to attend an anger management class.

According to police, upon Libonati’s release around 10:30 PM, he entered a restricted area of the jail parking lot and attempted to enter 26 vehicles, all of which were locked.

Surveillance cameras recorded Libonati “accessing” the bed of a pickup truck used by the sheriff’s office, and he was also spotted “spending several minutes” at a Kawasaki Mule ATV used by deputies.

 

[47of74]

A plea deal has been reached in a Florida Cougar Attack™/® / etc

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The 64-year-old woman arrested for groping and grinding on a younger man outside a restaurant in a Florida retirement community has cut a plea deal in connection with her unwanted sexual advances, according to court records.

Marrian Ann Zambrano pleaded no contest this week to a reduced charge of disorderly conduct and was ordered to pay $303 in court costs.

As detailed in an arrest report, the victim told police that Zambrano, who appeared intoxicated, approached him outside of the R.J. Gator’s restaurant and “grabbed him by his ‘crotch’ and began touching him in that area.” The man told cops that it felt like Zambrano “was trying to lower his pants” during the 7:45 PM encounter.

Zambrano, the man said, was also “trying to dance on him, during which time she rubbed her breasts and body against his person.” Mid-grind, Zambrano asked the man “to come home with her,” police reported. The victim, who declined Zambrano’s invitation, said she also hugged him, kissed his neck, and whispered in his ear.

 

[47of74]

A jailed Florida Man™ learned the hard way that it's not a good idea to send a postcard soliciting murder to anyone.  Especially not someone locked up in the same correctional facility.

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A Florida inmate mailed a postcard to a second inmate soliciting the murder of a third inmate, according to police who noted that all three prisoners are housed in the same county lockup.

Investigators say that Charles White, 40, and Shaun Yeomans, 41, are “documented members of criminal white supremacist gangs.” Both men are convicted felons with lengthy rap sheets who are currently locked up in the Pasco County jail on separate narcotics charges.

In a complaint affidavit, investigators allege that White last month mailed a postcard to his associate Yeomans that solicited the killing of Lionel Florez, a 21-year-old inmate who has been held in the Pasco lockup since his May arrest for possession of methamphetamine and marijuana.

After jailers intercepted the hit request, White reportedly confessed to sending the postcard and wanting Florez dead. White added that “if he was housed” with Florez, he “would kill him himself.”

I'd tell Pasco county deputies  pictures of the offending card or it didn't happen.  (I  want to see what the postcard was a picture of).