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SecularMusic

Are your children playing with lucifer's testicles?

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
Just now, Dreadcrumbs said:

Well yeah, the line between the satire and the reality can get really blurry.

Some of the fundies we discuss are almost indistinguishable from satire. Or do I mean farce? :think:

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Syriana
Posted (edited)

Clearly this has bypassed my parish priest and his assistant priest - they were handing out chocolate eggs to the children on the way out of church today (alter servers, readers and eucharistic ministers also received eggs with was very kind of them).

We were also wished a very happy and blessed EASTER Sunday.

Edited by Syriana

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Petronella
59 minutes ago, Lisafer said:

To be fair, a fundie relative just messaged me: "Happy Resurrection Sunday!" totally un-ironically. And the church down the street has on the marquee: "It's not about the bunny, it's about the lamb." 

It's an awkward day to be a heathen...:my_biggrin:

Oh yes, the “anti-heathen-Easter” thing is totally real. (Just not quite to eggs-are-devil-balls territory 😉

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Waffle Time
Lisafer
1 hour ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

Some of the fundies we discuss are almost indistinguishable from satire. Or do I mean farce? :think:

Let's see...I'd say JillRod is a satire. Doug Phillips is a farce. 🤣

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Petronella

Some stuff I want to add because people seem to think I’m being a buzzkill:

Truth matters. Fundies are big on spreading urban legends, for example, and don’t care if they’re literally true because what really matters to them is that they’re true in a *general* way. Like, the thing they’re decribing may not have actually happened—devil clinging to a microphone coming up from the center of the earth?—but the fact of hell and demons is true (according to them) and so the microphone demon story might as well be true. It *could* be true and represents something that is (to them) obviously and enormously true, separate from whether that specific incident is true.

This is bullshit, of course. If the larger thing is so fundamentally true, then there should be many literally true examples to choose from. If you can’t find any, maybe you should question the fundamental truth you’re assuming, rather than embracing a pretend example.

In this case, there ARE in fact lots of examples of fundies being weirdly dictatorial about Easter. That’s what Landover Baptist was satirizing.

So let’s cite the true stuff as true, and not go down the fundie road of “well this fits my worldview so it doesn’t matter if it’s really true or not.” It does matter. And correctly labelling it satire doesn’t make it any less enjoyable 🙂

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Lisafer
4 minutes ago, Petronella said:

Some stuff I want to add because people seem to think I’m being a buzzkill:

Truth matters. Fundies are big on spreading urban legends, for example, and don’t care if they’re literally true because what really matters to them is that they’re true in a *general* way. Like, the thing they’re decribing may not have actually happened—devil clinging to a microphone coming up from the center of the earth?—but the fact of hell and demons is true (according to them) and so the microphone demon story might as well be true. It *could* be true and represents something that is (to them) obviously and enormously true, separate from whether that specific incident is true.

This is bullshit, of course. If the larger thing is so fundamentally true, then there should be many literally true examples to choose from. If you can’t find any, maybe you should question the fundamental truth you’re assuming, rather than embracing a pretend example.

In this case, there ARE in fact lots of examples of fundies being weirdly dictatorial about Easter. That’s what Landover Baptist was satirizing.

So let’s cite the true stuff as true, and not go down the fundie road of “well this fits my worldview so it doesn’t matter if it’s really true or not.” It does matter. And correctly labelling it satire doesn’t make it any less enjoyable 🙂

Thank you for pointing out that it was satire on the previous page. I remembered it from a member here using it as their avatar. I think at least half of us were well aware that it was satire, but there's nothing wrong with you mentioning it for the uninitiated! 

It reminds me of all the horribly incorrect memes and quotes on Facebook. Most times I let it go right on by, but every so often I think something's important enough to correct. Nothing wrong with doing that once in a while. 

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Don'tlikekoolaid
Posted (edited)

I was going to post this yesterday but it was so idiotic I didn’t.  Fundies s/b embarrassed, I wonder if Jill has seen this.  😄

I wanted to add to previous post but it wouldn’t let me.  So anyway, one summer I was dragged to Bible camp and a girl there had a picture of an angel walking on the water on a lake.  It was so phoney but the fundies were crying and hallelujahing all over the place, so sad.  At the same camp I went out jogging one am wearing shorts!   Bloody hell what a kerfuffle that caused!   OK so post was merged.

Edited by Don'tlikekoolaid
Added thing

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fundiefan

I just ate two of Lucifer's testicles with mayo and onions on a fresh hard roll.

Damn, that was good!

Wonder how many testicles Lucifer has if we're all playing with and eating them? 

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
47 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

Wonder how many testicles Lucifer has if we're all playing with and eating them? 

I just ate a Cadbury Caramel Creme Lucifer's testicle. (Teste?) So, that's either one more, or one less, depending on how you look at it. 

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Waffle Time
Lisafer
3 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I just ate a Cadbury Caramel Creme Lucifer's testicle. (Teste?) So, that's either one more, or one less, depending on how you look at it. 

Actually, isn't it a very Christian thing to eat Lucifer's testicles? That way he can't spawn so many demons. I'm sure Jesus would be okay with this.

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Spent
Dreadcrumbs
1 hour ago, fundiefan said:

I just ate two of Lucifer's testicles with mayo and onions on a fresh hard roll.

Damn, that was good!

Wonder how many testicles Lucifer has if we're all playing with and eating them? 

7 infinite testicles. Maybe more.

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zeebaneighba
16 hours ago, Leftitinmysnood said:

Well then, I intended to be eating chocolate testicles all day. It's a family tradition. My grandmother always had a ceramic rabbit full of foil wrapped Hershey's, um, gonads, on each table. Now the real travesty is what is passed off for Cadbury eggs here now. And where are the chocolate filled ones? They were the only ones not completely ruined for the US market! Where are the sermons about that?

I have some mini cadbury eggs and now I am worried about what exactly that white goo in the center is...

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, zeebaneighba said:

I have some mini cadbury eggs and now I am worried about what exactly that white goo in the center is...

My mom makes dozens of Lucifer's testicles out of Jell-O each year. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep a straight face when I eat some in about an hour. :pb_lol:

Edited by WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
Riffle. I blame Beansie.

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Don'tlikekoolaid

Meanwhile in Texas

Spoiler

CDABDE05-7093-4E82-90D4-D06854F8F637.jpeg.7fe1c1d0dcdc42bc1322dc85298b98a7.jpeg

 

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Enraged
ADoyle90815

I'm looking forward to getting more of Lucifer's testicles at a discount tomorrow.

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Wine time!
Briefly
1 hour ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

Meanwhile in Texas

  Hide contents

CDABDE05-7093-4E82-90D4-D06854F8F637.jpeg.7fe1c1d0dcdc42bc1322dc85298b98a7.jpeg

 

We've seen Santa Claus on horseback in Texas, but I don't believe I've seen the Easter Bunny on a Longhorn!

25 minutes ago, ADoyle90815 said:

I'm looking forward to getting more of Lucifer's testicles at a discount tomorrow.

I'm hoping to find some here, too.  We usually get a lot and then freeze it.

I have heard Easter referred to as Resurrection Sunday, usually it's in Baptist churches.  We went to my United Methodist church today, Mr. Briefly decided to go with me this time.  It was a really nice service, and it was referred to as Easter.

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thoughtful
6 hours ago, Dreadcrumbs said:

the line between the satire and the reality can get really blurry.

Hence, Poe's Law.

https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Poe's_Law

 

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purjolok84
Clearly this has bypassed my parish priest and his assistant priest - they were handing out chocolate eggs to the children on the way out of church today (alter servers, readers and eucharistic ministers also received eggs with was very kind of them).
We were also wished a very happy and blessed EASTER Sunday.
Well! Obviously Satan and his evil chocolatey testicles have wormed their way into the soul of the parish and tarnished it with notes of caramel and milky sweetness - the only 'cure' is an immediate exorcism involving two very plain, stale animal crackers and Steve Maxwell providing a somber speech about his glorious vasectomy reversal.

I won't be there though. As a Seller of Satan's Testicles, I can confirm it's much more fun on our side. Delicious too, since my family ate roast lamb for Easter yesterday ... #lamboverbunny

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Happy
PennySycamore

Landover Baptist is where I first learned about Mrs Betty Bowers, "America's Best Christian".

 

 

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Syriana
8 hours ago, purjolok84 said:

Well! Obviously Satan and his evil chocolatey testicles have wormed their way into the soul of the parish and tarnished it with notes of caramel and milky sweetness - the only 'cure' is an immediate exorcism involving two very plain, stale animal crackers and Steve Maxwell providing a somber speech about his glorious vasectomy reversal.
 

:laughing-rofl:

I nearly choked on my chocolate!

Steve Maxhell would hate the church I attend, it has life and fun...and priests who like to talk about life instead of death!  Steve would never cope with it.

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Meh
smittykins

My Episcopal church didn’t give out any of Lucifer’s testicles, but we did have incense, bells, and an(infant)baptism.

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Alisamer
16 hours ago, Briefly said:

I have heard Easter referred to as Resurrection Sunday, usually it's in Baptist churches.  We went to my United Methodist church today, Mr. Briefly decided to go with me this time.  It was a really nice service, and it was referred to as Easter.

Yeah, my pastor at our Baptist church calls it Resurrection Day as well. Not because Easter=Heathen, but more as a reminder of what we are really celebrating. And we are decidedly non-fundie! I think part of it is that he grew up in a far more fundie-esque church, and they basically had Palm Sunday and Easter, and pretty much skipped all the stuff in between. We have a Tenebrae service and stations of the cross, and that sort of thing. He also mentioned the bombings in Sri Lanka and prayed for the people there, calling them and the congregation from Notre Dame our brothers and sisters in Christ, which I think most fundies wouldn't do. 

Yesterday I went to church, and played handbells there, while wearing Ostara perfume and carrying a deck of tarot cards in my purse, and lighting didn't strike me. Afterward, I had lunch with my family and then found all the Lucifer's Testicles in the fastest time, winning the annual hunt! 

That particular expression is satire, but it's not far off from reality. Fundamentalists are so terrified of everything, it'd be sad if they weren't trying to indoctrinate others.

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meee

This thread is both hilarious and revolting, lol.

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Flossie
Posted (edited)

I've never, well, what games does one play with another persons balls/testicles?  Or am I to assume this is reference to massaging them during foreplay to intercourse, but what do I know?  I guess it doesn't matter, because if your kids are familiar with Satan's balls, you've got other issues to consider.

Now, there was a time after my divorce when the idea of grabbing my ex's balls and playing softball with them held some charm, but I don't think that's what we're talking about here.

Edited by Flossie

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