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Georgiana

Kendra & Joe Part 12: Another day, Another Duggar on the Way

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Wine time!
allthegoodnamesrgone

My goal has been to make it to 50 before becoming a grandmother, I should make that, I have about 17 months to go. I had my children, in my late 20's my siblings, who are 3 and 4 years younger than I am had their children in their late 30's. My parents have grand children who are 21, 19, 8, 7 & 7.  

I worked with a lady who was a great grandmother at 55 she had her son when she was 15, he had a daughter when he was 16, and she had her 1st child at 20. 

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eveandadam

When I was born, 7 of my 8 great-grand parents were still alive because in East Germany it was quite common to have (all) your babies late teens-early twenties. My mum hat me at 21 and was the oldest first time mom in the hospital at the time. Typically first time moms were 17-19 in the area, often married, with a high school degree and all.

My aunt became a grandmother at 37 and nobody thought it was odd. It blows my mind to think that if I was her, I would be a grandmother in 2 years! I'm not even a mother, yet. But I think it all comes down to telling women when the best time is to have babies. Most healthy women can have babies between 14 and 45, that's roughly 30 years of fertility. In most societies and most times, women have their fertility window reduced to about 10 years by pressure and force through society/(men?)! Think about it. 60 years ago you were considered an old mom if you were pregnant at 27 (at least for your first baby, yes I'm not kidding: in Germany, the term "geriatric mother" was used until a few decades ago for women who were pregnant in their late twenties!), because it was considered normal to have your children in your early twenties. As I mentioned above, in East Germany (and probably a lot of Eastern European countries, too) before 1990, it was normal to be a parent in your late teens, a grandparent in your 30's.

Today we tell women to wait to have babies until late twennties-early thirties because education, career, blablabla. But we also tell them that after 35 it will suddenly be super hard to get pregnant and the quality of eggs is suddenly really really bad. So that leaves modern western women with a time window of around 8 years to become mothers and it being considered not too early and not too late.

I have the feeling that the trend now is somehow reversing. That first time mothers become younger younger again. It will probably shift to around 25 in a couple of years, what do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

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SassyPants

My Son in law was born in 1978. He is 41. My daughter is 32. Their daughter is 4. Mrs Caldwell was born in 1980. She’s a granny who is still birthing. It really is these folks’ mission, isn’t it-

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Wine time!
allthegoodnamesrgone

It is so weird for me to think that someone 10 year YOUNGER than I am is a grandmother. It's crazy, I remember 1980 I turned 10 that fall, It just blows my mind that someone that much younger than I am could be a grandmother. 

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
1 hour ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

It is so weird for me to think that someone 10 year YOUNGER than I am is a grandmother. It's crazy, I remember 1980 I turned 10 that fall, It just blows my mind that someone that much younger than I am could be a grandmother. 

I'm in about the same position as you, except that I became a first time mom at age 38, not a first time grandma. There were a few of my former classmates who had become grandparents at my high school 30 year reunion last summer, but not very many. The first one I think of is a step-grandmother, though. She became a step-mom of a 10 year old when she was in her 20s. (She calls him her son, and calls his daughter her granddaughter, but that's about love, not biology.)

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Melissa1977
2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

My Son in law was born in 1978. He is 41. My daughter is 32. Their daughter is 4. Mrs Caldwell was born in 1980. She’s a granny who is still birthing. It really is these folks’ mission, isn’t it-

Well, it's pretty normal for a woman born in 1980 to be pregnant or with a newborn. What is not normal (AKA mainstream) is to have 8 more children or to be a grandma.

I'm 42 and I feel a bit old to be a mother again (I have a toddler and a teenager and I'm exhausted!!!!) but I can't imagine being a grandma. It is a cultural thing and there's not an only way, all options are right.

Having babies at early twenties and being a grandmother at 40 something can be really helpful, because you are energetic and strong enough to help raising them if needed or at least, to comfortably babysit. I suppose it works when extended families live together or very close. But in western society, it's not easy (financially, emotionally) to have children at young age.

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lexiloumarie

The only student that I've had get pregnant at my current position was 17, almost 18 and the oldest first time parent in her family. If I remember correctly her mom and dad were 16 when she was born, grandma was 14-15 when dad was born, and great grandma (who became a two great in her 60s) was 15-17 as well. I remember thinking that we needed to really pay attention when the little boy comes through in the next 14-15 years. Need to help break that cycle.

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oldfashionedgal
13 hours ago, front hugs > duggs said:

And on the other extreme, my (narcissistic) father believes that at 59 years old, he’s too young to have his youngest kid married and feels he’s way too young to potentially be a grandfather. 

My 57 year old dad thinks he’s too young to be a grandfather, nevermind I’m now how old he was when he became a father. Or the fact his twin sister has 5 grandchildren 😂

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SassyPants
3 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Well, it's pretty normal for a woman born in 1980 to be pregnant or with a newborn. What is not normal (AKA mainstream) is to have 8 more children or to be a grandma.

I'm 42 and I feel a bit old to be a mother again (I have a toddler and a teenager and I'm exhausted!!!!) but I can't imagine being a grandma. It is a cultural thing and there's not an only way, all options are right.

Having babies at early twenties and being a grandmother at 40 something can be really helpful, because you are energetic and strong enough to help raising them if needed or at least, to comfortably babysit. I suppose it works when extended families live together or very close. But in western society, it's not easy (financially, emotionally) to have children at young age.

Just pick a lane. Young, older or oldest mom, but there’s more to life and  womanhood  than 30 straight years of pregnancy and childbirth. Their poor bodies!

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justmy2cents
1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

Just pick a lane. Young, older or oldest mom, but there’s more to life and  womanhood  than 30 straight years of pregnancy and childbirth. Their poor bodies!

Yes. I'm tired of the younger vs older first time parent debate. My mom was 18 when she had my sister. I was 43 when I had my daughter. It's all good. I traveled and had fun before she came along. My parents had both kids out of the house by the time my mom was 38 and they're doing a lot of traveling now. It's not the when but the how many that's the problem with the quiverful.

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Satan'sFortress
9 hours ago, MaryOrMartha said:

I'm relatively new to these mega families, are there any gaps similar to my parents?

I'm not from a mega family, but here's mine:

Child #1 to # 2 = 11 months

Child #2 to child #3 = 13 months

Child #3 to child #4 = 20 months

Child #4 to child #5 = 11 months

When I was born, my siblings were almost 1, 2, 3, and 4.

I've shared before, but my very Catholic mom was overwhelmed & tried to get birth control from her Catholic doctor in the 1960s--he refused. By the time she found a new doctor, she was already pregnant with #5 (me).  I cannot even conceive (pardon the pun) of not being able to get birth control. 

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AtlanticTug
5 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I'm not from a mega family, but here's mine:

Child #1 to # 2 = 11 months

Child #2 to child #3 = 13 months

Child #3 to child #4 = 20 months

Child #4 to child #5 = 11 months

When I was born, my siblings were almost 1, 2, 3, and 4.

I've shared before, but my very Catholic mom was overwhelmed & tried to get birth control from her Catholic doctor in the 1960s--he refused. By the time she found a new doctor, she was already pregnant with #5 (me).  I cannot even conceive (pardon the pun) of not being able to get birth control. 

I can't even fathom that. My MIL, also from a super Catholic background, was one of 7 kids, her Mom had them in 10 years.

And you have people saying, well life was different back in the day, most women didn't work outside of their homes, etc. But ok, then let's recognize that most men did basically nothing when it came to childrearing or housekeeping. I am just glad to be living now and not then.

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front hugs > duggs

My aunt and my mom and one year apart. My aunt had her oldest when she was 17. My mom had me, her youngest, at 40. Despite them being so close in age, I have a first cousin (one of only five first cousins I have) who is in his 50s. 

Also, the age different between me and my (half) sister is the same age difference between my (half) sister and my dad (not her bio dad). 

I’m 29. We’d like to start trying next summer for a baby and are aiming for two kids total. I’m hoping this gives us enough time to do that, keeping in kind any struggles we may have to conceive. 

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tabitha2

Gross trivia:the youngest grandmother in history was 17. She gave birth when she was eight and her daughter did likewise. 

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just_ordinary
13 hours ago, eveandadam said:

When I was born, 7 of my 8 great-grand parents were still alive because in East Germany it was quite common to have (all) your babies late teens-early twenties. My mum hat me at 21 and was the oldest first time mom in the hospital at the time. Typically first time moms were 17-19 in the area, often married, with a high school degree and all.

My aunt became a grandmother at 37 and nobody thought it was odd. It blows my mind to think that if I was her, I would be a grandmother in 2 years! I'm not even a mother, yet. But I think it all comes down to telling women when the best time is to have babies. Most healthy women can have babies between 14 and 45, that's roughly 30 years of fertility. In most societies and most times, women have their fertility window reduced to about 10 years by pressure and force through society/(men?)! Think about it. 60 years ago you were considered an old mom if you were pregnant at 27 (at least for your first baby, yes I'm not kidding: in Germany, the term "geriatric mother" was used until a few decades ago for women who were pregnant in their late twenties!), because it was considered normal to have your children in your early twenties. As I mentioned above, in East Germany (and probably a lot of Eastern European countries, too) before 1990, it was normal to be a parent in your late teens, a grandparent in your 30's.

Today we tell women to wait to have babies until late twennties-early thirties because education, career, blablabla. But we also tell them that after 35 it will suddenly be super hard to get pregnant and the quality of eggs is suddenly really really bad. So that leaves modern western women with a time window of around 8 years to become mothers and it being considered not too early and not too late.

I have the feeling that the trend now is somehow reversing. That first time mothers become younger younger again. It will probably shift to around 25 in a couple of years, what do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

I do think it shifts back to being younger. But I see several reasons.

1. People have more children again. If you want more than two with some spacing and you consider it might take some time, starting at 35 would be a risk.

2. My generation realised that we cannot be whatever we want. Nor will the majority will be better off than their parents. So why sacrifice more than we need to for work?

3. People question the idea of putting too much into their work life and putting their private life on a hold. Many try to reduce their work hours to gain more private time (if they can afford it).

4. The state of the world seems to frighten people and they tend back to more comfortable topics. Family, interior, gardening, cooking/baking, homemade and crafting are not popular by accident. Fading away from the public „hard“ topics into the private life is a known phenomenon in history. 

Please note- I am not condemning this. I definitely am very tired and frustrated and cannot take anymore of certain topics. I might read about it but there is just no more strength to fight about it in arguments. Tending to my crafts on the opposite relaxes me and it’s nice to do something with my hands.

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nausicaa
14 minutes ago, just_ordinary said:

I do think it shifts back to being younger. But I see several reasons.

1. People have more children again. If you want more than two with some spacing and you consider it might take some time, starting at 35 would be a risk.

2. My generation realised that we cannot be whatever we want. Nor will the majority will be better off than their parents. So why sacrifice more than we need to for work?

3. People question the idea of putting too much into their work life and putting their private life on a hold. Many try to reduce their work hours to gain more private time (if they can afford it).

Are we talking about the U.S. and western Europe? Because every statistic shows this trend is not reversing but is instead increasing. 

Point two: I didn't realize an entire generation reached the exact same conclusion. A conclusion that you don't actually back up with any evidence. There are also people who enjoy work and careers not just for money.

Point three: I don't know why you are treating the term "private life" as synonymous with having children. 

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crancraz

I’m really grateful for reliable birth control that lets women control their fertility to a reasonable extent. Sixty years ago, that was a lot harder. Birth control still is not perfect and is still controlled by the patriarchy but I am thankful that I don’t have to worry about babies back to back for thirty years. 

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VelociRapture
23 minutes ago, crancraz said:

I’m really grateful for reliable birth control that lets women control their fertility to a reasonable extent. Sixty years ago, that was a lot harder. Birth control still is not perfect and is still controlled by the patriarchy but I am thankful that I don’t have to worry about babies back to back for thirty years. 

I’m very grateful for it as well. I have PCOS and there’s a theory bouncing around that being on birth control for extended periods of time could help protect the fertility of people with PCOS. Even if that isn’t true, I’m grateful I had access to birth control anyways because my husband and I were able to pursue parenthood when we felt truly ready for it and I’m grateful that other people who don’t want kids have access to it too because it should hopefully help those people live the lives they want. Birth control was such a major game changer for women’s rights and I’ll never not be grateful to live in a time where I could choose when to have kids and how many I want to have.

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Carm_88

My grandmother had her first child at nearly 19. She was a couple of days from her 19th birthday. She had her last child at 42 and she was a grandmother at 40. So my uncle who was born in 1948 is 70 and is a great grandfather. His 19 year old granddaughter had a child nearly 2 years back. She had come from a family where her Mom had 5 kids and left four of them with my cousin. So I hope that cycle doesn't repeat! 

I'm 30 and every time I think of what my life could have been in a different universe, I think of Anna Duggar because she's only 5 months older than me. 5 kids and the 6th due for birthing this year. Eek! No I'll keep my cats! 

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Purrl
4 hours ago, tabitha2 said:

Gross trivia:the youngest grandmother in history was 17. She gave birth when she was eight and her daughter did likewise. 

What?? Where? When?

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tabitha2
Posted (edited)

Mum Zi  belonged to a Nigerian Chieftains harem in the 19th century . Her daughter got pregnant at 8, the father was a courtier I think. 

735F78B7-5FD6-48E0-9729-F1BAD1BB5A60.jpeg

Edited by tabitha2

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TheMustardCardigan
5 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I'm 30 and every time I think of what my life could have been in a different universe, I think of Anna Duggar because she's only 5 months older than me. 

I'm about the same age as Jessa, so I think of her like this too. It's hard for me to imagine my life being like hers.

 

 

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albireo
21 hours ago, Bethella said:

Yes, a couple. The closest is Alyssa (Campana) and Samuel Morton. They had 12 months 3 days between their 1st and 2nd, and 11 months 8 days between their 2nd and 3rd. The 3rd is 4 months old and there's already speculation she's pregnant again.

Other contenders are:

  • Courtney and Christopher Rogers have 16 months between 1st and 2nd, 14 months between 2nd and 3rd, 10 months between 3rd and 4th, 15 months between 4th and 5th, 11 months between the 5th and twins, 20 months (including a miscarriage) between 6th/7th and 8th, 13 months between 8th and 9th, and the 10th is due in June with a 12 month gap. She's known for having a new baby for her "my first Thanksgiving" bib every year from 2010-2019 except 2016 when she had a miscarriage.
  • Jill (Noyes) and David Rodrigues had a miscarriage 16 months before their 1st, 11 months between the 1st and 2nd, 16 months between the 2nd and 3rd, 11 months between the 3rd and 4th, 13 months between the 4th and 5th, 16 months between the 5th and 6th, 18 months between the 6th and 7th, 14 months between the 7th and 8th, 14 months between the 8th and 9th, 40 months (including 3 miscarriages) between the 9th and 10th, 23 months (including 1 miscarriage) between the 10th and 11th, 19 months between the 11th and 12th, and 32 months between the 12th and 13th, the 13th is 12 months old
  • I don't have exact dates but Betsy (Foster) and Joel Catlin had children in 2015, 2016, December 2017 and December 2018.
  • Kristina and Josh Carter- 13 months between the 1st and twins, 20 months between 2nd/3rd and 4th, 21 months between 4th and 5th (they haven't had a new child in 4 years)
  • Katie Morton had 12 months between her 1st and 2nd, 16 months between 2nd and 3rd, 15 months between 3rd and 4th, 14 months between 4th and 5th, 15 months between 5th and 6th, 22 months between 6th and 7th, and 20 months between 7th and 8th. She's now divorced.
  • Kressant (Smith) and Michael Morton had 13 months between 1st and 2nd, 16 months between 2nd and 3rd, 17 months between 3rd and 4th, 17 months between 4th and 5th, 20 months between 5th and 6th, 29 month between 6th and 7th, 21 months between 7th and 8th, the 8th is currently 8 months old. 
  • Rachel (Smith) and Wesley Morton had 16 months between 1st and 2nd, 12 months between 2nd and a late term miscarriage, 18 months between the miscarriage and 3rd, 16 months between 3rd and 4th, 20 months between 4th and 5th, 24 months between 5th and 6th, the 7th is due in May with a 26 month gap.

I know I've mentioned this in the past but according to the Guinness World Records, the most generations alive in a single family has been seven. The youngest great-great-great-great-grandparent being Augusta Bunge (USA) aged 109 years 97 days, followed by her daughter aged 89 (20 year gap), her grand-daughter aged 70 (19 year gap), her great-grand-daughter aged 52 (18 year gap), her great-great grand-daughter aged 33 (19 year gap) and her great-great-great grand-daughter aged 15 (18 year gap) on the birth of her great-great-great-great grandson on 21 January 1989.

Erika Shupe had some close spacings too, right?

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Bethella
18 minutes ago, albireo said:

Erika Shupe had some close spacings too, right?

She has some close spacings but I don't have complete information on the family. She has 13 months between her 1st and 2nd, 10 1/2 months between 6th and 7th, 11 months between 7th and twins (8th and 9th). I don't know about her other spacings.

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VeryNikeSeamstress

Have there been congratulatory videos from the rest of the family yet, or have they given up on that seeing as with the inevitable baby boom soon nobody will have time to keep up.

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