Maxwell 30: Buying a Vest Debt Free

[NeckPunch]

"Grandma's third annual Spring Picnic"

Sounds so much better than the mouthful of a title they gave this post.

The photo of the kids (and kid-ults) sitting against the brick wall eating their picnic out of their laps is perhaps the saddest photo I have ever seen. I can't put my finger on why... so many Maxwell photos are disturbing and sad. But this one struck a nerve for some reason.

PS. It looks like Bethany is wearing an eye patch.

[theologygeek]

7 minutes ago, NeckPunch said:

The photo of the kids (and kid-ults) sitting against the brick wall eating their picnic out of their laps is perhaps the saddest photo I have ever seen. I can't put my finger on why... so many Maxwell photos are disturbing and sad. But this one struck a nerve for some reason.

I looked at that picture for a while.  I think they're praying.  

1 hour ago, fundiefan said:

In Maxhell: going to the park with a bunch of friends family = annual (as in once a year) grandma's picnic, with 3 aunts along to take care of everyone because you know grandma can't do it. 

In the real world: going to the park with a bunch of family and / or friends = any (and many) of 52 Sundays or Mondays or Tuesdays or Wednesdays or Thursdays or Fridays or Saturdays. 

I drive by our neighborhood park every day and every day, it's full of many kids and often, the same ones I saw the day before and the day before that. 

At first I thought that maybe she can't do it because she suffers from pain.  But she climbs mountains.  Isn't that a bit more taxing than taking kids to the park?  

[Lisafer]

49 minutes ago, NeckPunch said:

PS. It looks like Bethany is wearing an eye patch.

It does look like an eye patch. Bless her little heart (and not in a snarky way), I hope whatever's going on gets sorted out easily. 

[lilith]

55 minutes ago, NeckPunch said:

"Grandma's third annual Spring Picnic"

Sounds so much better than the mouthful of a title they gave this post.

The photo of the kids (and kid-ults) sitting against the brick wall eating their picnic out of their laps is perhaps the saddest photo I have ever seen. I can't put my finger on why... so many Maxwell photos are disturbing and sad. But this one struck a nerve for some reason.

PS. It looks like Bethany is wearing an eye patch.

It’s so regimented - they’ve been lined up in a way that makes conversation and eye contact difficult and given their allotted portion where normal people would set lunch out on a picnic table or a rug and let everyone sit where they like, help themselves and talk and laugh while they eat. Teri looks like she’s sitting there opposite them supervising and making sure everyone behaves instead of joining in the meal. 

[LilMissMetaphor]

They look like Orange is the New Black inmates, or maybe Handmaid's Tale.

[HoneyBunny]

2 hours ago, ViolaSebastian said:

In Teri’s defense, she has serious back problems and could be working with a limited amount of time she can stand or sit on a bench. 

Well...maybe. But don’t she and Steve walk something like 4 or 6 miles every morning?  Doesn’t she climb mountains I’m Colorado?  I’m highly suspicious about how serious those back pains are. It sounds a bit like Mr. Bunny. Ride a Harley for three hours? Oh yeah! Ride a boat for 30 minutes to a dive site?  No, his back won’t let him. 

[ViolaSebastian]

5 hours ago, HoneyBunny said:

Well...maybe. But don’t she and Steve walk something like 4 or 6 miles every morning?  Doesn’t she climb mountains I’m Colorado?  I’m highly suspicious about how serious those back pains are. It sounds a bit like Mr. Bunny. Ride a Harley for three hours? Oh yeah! Ride a boat for 30 minutes to a dive site?  No, his back won’t let him. 

There are some conditions, and I know this from personal experience, where walking is easier than standing. I find, in general, it's distasteful to doubt someone else is in pain. It's something that's done to women all too often and can have devastating consequences.

Also, so what if Teri can only take an hour with her grandchildren? By her own admission, she struggled with having her first three children and was downright forced to procreate more. We love to shit all over her for not spending more time with her grandchildren, but she's talked about how overwhelmed she felt in those early days with lots of young kids. She's probably doing the best she can to be as involved a grandmother as she possibly can without the benefit of actual professional medical help with her mental illness. 

Edited April 26, 2019 by ViolaSebastian

[Coconutwater]

Teri makes me think of those grandparents that you travel to go visit once or twice a year because they just aren’t that into children. It’s not that she doesn’t love them, but she’s admitted she doesn’t like kids that much (or something to that extent can’t remember the exact wording) she would be a better grandmother if she and Steve had let their kids grow up normal and move away and visit occasionally with the kids. The kids don’t have friends their age, but I wonder if at least Nathan’s kids talk to Melanie’s side of their cousins around their age and wonder why the other grandparents are more involved or spend more than and hour or 30 minutes with them especially when you live less than a mile away. 

[Eternalbluepearl]

27 minutes ago, Coconutwater said:

Teri makes me think of those grandparents that you travel to go visit once or twice a year because they just aren’t that into children. 

Baby Pearl has two of those grandparents. They were a couple who divorced decades ago and although they have nothing to do with each other, their involvement with their only child and grandchild is the same. They had their only child as teens during a short marriage. Neither one was interested in their child after he turned 18 as they had their own lives to get together and as grandparents their involvement really is once a year. As in, they will show up at the grandchild's birthday party, make chit chat, say Baby Pearl is so cute and has gotten so big, give a present, give hugs, and go home. Until next year. There are no picnics, no special reading times, no family meals, no sharing life, no asking for pictures, etc. Baby Pearl will likely "re-meet" this pair every year. I like to make fun of how robotic and odd the Maxwells are, but I think Teri is slightly better at being involved than the once a year "wow! He/she got big! Here's a random present because I don't know you but I call myself "grandma/grandpa" " Grandparent. That said, I wouldn't want the Maxwells awful beliefs around my child. 

 

 

Edited April 26, 2019 by Eternalbluepearl

[ViolaSebastian]

It's something of a mystery to me why we criticize Teri for seeing her grandchildren in "spurts." She is certainly more involved than both of my sets of grandparents were. However, beyond that, we generally acknowledge that a few things are true in the Maxwell situation: 1). Steve is an abusive, controlling asshole 2). Teri needed/needs REAL help in the form of actual, medical professionals, including mental health help. 3). Teri struggled with having three children, was manipulated into bearing five more, and, from the sounds of it, was not what one would traditionally consider "motherly," whether that was a symptom of her inability to cope due to depression or due to personality traits or both. 

So why in the world would be criticize Teri for not being "grandmotherly" enough when we acknowledge that she's had (and is most likely having) these struggles? Why in the world are we criticizing her for not taking on a traditionally feminine role, when we here are FJ supposedly harbor and encourage the feminist belief that women are people beyond being mothers and grandmothers, and that not all women are cut out for those jobs and some that do choose that route do it differently than others? Dare I say it, it's hypocritical. If she wants to spend an hour with her grandchildren, that's up to her. It SHOULD ultimately be up to her, in any case, as it seems that very few parts of her life are and ever were. 

[lilith]

I think people are snarking on Teri for having almost exclusively scheduled, regimented time doing planned activities with her grandkids when she lives RIGHT NEXT DOOR to one set and across the road from another. Even those distant extended family members, Joseph and John, live minutes away. But we never hear of Teri (or Steve) just dropping over to say hi and play with the kids or calling their parents up and asking if they’re up for a trip to the park. It’s all annual traditions planned a year in advance and scheduled book reading where they only read books from the Grandma Book Bag.

I live a fair way away from my family and my parents were both working full time when my kids were born (mother still is and father did until he died last year). They rarely saw the kids more than once a year and until I took my children up to see my father before he died he hadn’t seen them in years. Life happens, people get busy and have commitments (real commitments, not scheduled bi-weekly ceiling fan dusting). I’m in no way criticising Steve and Teri for the amount of time and energy they invest in their grandchildren - it’s more than my parents managed. I am snarking that they’re meant to be all about family, they have 6 adults in Maxhell HQ, none of whom work what some would call a job, yet they can only enjoy time with their grandchildren if it’s a scheduled occasion and even then Teri seems to need a fixed agenda, which must be a very stressful and unfulfilling way to hang out with toddlers.

Edited April 26, 2019 by lilith

[Foudeb]

I'm not snarking on Teri taking most of the grandkids for an hour or so. It must be nice for the mums (especially heavily pregnant Melanie) to have some time alone or with just the baby. The children probably did have fun - new playground, time with cousins their age, break in the routine.  All well and good. 

What I do find snark-worthy is that Teri presents it like it's all her doing when really I suspect Anna and Mary did most if not all the work. Still a lovely thing to do, but why not give them some credit? 

I also find it crazy how they depict it in their blog. Leaving aside the stilted writing (eligibility criteria for going to the playground, wtf? An arbitrary maximum of three hopscotchers at any one time, why?) they present it like its new and unique and special. And while it's a nice thing to do... it really is not newsworthy. I know grandparents who babysit their grandkids every single afternoon so that the parents can work. That probably includes taking them to a park and feeding them a meal every single day and more than likely homework help as well, and they do it without feeling the need to tell the world how wonderful they are for doing it, even though that kind of commitment really does go above and beyond. 

Also snark-worthy - where is newly-retired Steve? How come all three alledgedly very busy aunts somehow found the time to babysit in the middle of a weekday, but the idle patriarch sits it out at home? I know thoughts of death don't think themselves and egos don't overinflate on their own, but could he not take two hours off those very important occupations to spend time with his grandchildren? 

[MamaJunebug]

2 hours ago, Foudeb said:

...... Also snark-worthy - where is newly-retired Steve? How come all three alledgedly very busy aunts somehow found the time to babysit in the middle of a weekday, but the idle patriarch sits it out at home? I know thoughts of death don't think themselves and egos don't overinflate on their own, but could he not take two hours off those very important occupations to spend time with his grandchildren? 

But, but!! After a lifetime of enviable good health, he recently had A PROCEDURE!!!  Doncha know?!? And as alluded to earlier, men’s conditions are far more grave than women’s, just generally. Yes, commence eye-rolling any time you like. 

One of my grandmas spoke no English. The other was 60 when the first grandchild was born, and that’s back when 60 was considered a fair lifespan for women.

Both my gmas birthed six children and both had 13 grandkids. I have few memories of each of them and most of those are built around snapshots (Big Mama JB was a superstar  photo album keeper!) — so for all her weirdassery, I can’t snark on Teri’s annual picnic.

Oh, wait! Credit where due: both my grandmas were lucky/blessed enough to marry men who actually respected them and loved them!!!! 

Edited April 26, 2019 by MamaJunebug

[LilMissMetaphor]

1 hour ago, Foudeb said:

I know thoughts of death don't think themselves and egos don't overinflate on their own, but could he not take two hours off those very important occupations to spend time with his grandchildren? 

This is so classic.  Love it.

[Granwych]

11 hours ago, HoneyBunny said:

Well...maybe. But don’t she and Steve walk something like 4 or 6 miles every morning?  Doesn’t she climb mountains I’m Colorado?  I’m highly suspicious about how serious those back pains are. It sounds a bit like Mr. Bunny. Ride a Harley for three hours? Oh yeah! Ride a boat for 30 minutes to a dive site?  No, his back won’t let him. 

Back pain can appear to be a bit "choosy" at times (for want of a better word.)   Some days I can do activities that would be uncomfortable on other times.  

back pain sucks bigtime.  

[Eternalbluepearl]

Do you think Teri and Steve are intentionally keeping their daughters from courting? Or do you think they've just convinced themselves that God hasn't sent husbands yet? 

4 hours ago, lilith said:

they have 6 adults in Maxhell HQ, none of whom work what some would call a job, yet they can only enjoy time with their grandchildren if it’s a scheduled occasion 

Gosh this really struck me. A full house of non-workers. What do they do all day? How do they pay bills? Mysteries abound.

[Alisamer]

Yeah, I think it's not so much that Teri can only take an hour with the grandchildren - if that's all she can take, that's all she can take - it's more that it's presented as some huge special thing that only happens once a year and is a great privilege for the children. If they lived far away from the grandkids, it WOULD be a big special thing. But they're practically next door to them. They eat burritos with them every Sunday. They all get together for birthdays many times a year. I'd bet many of them go to the church of the nursing home on Sunday morning. I'm sure the miles she and Steve walk every day go past each and every one of their houses at least once. There's no way that this "picnic" is a long-awaited special annual event that the kids look forward to. I'm sure they enjoyed it and had fun, but I doubt any one of them was having trouble sleeping the night before because maybe this year they'd be one of the three lucky enough to learn hopscotch from grandma.

If Teri isn't into kids, that's fine. It's the presentation on the blog that gets to me.

Both my sets of grandparents lived nearby while I was growing up. One set next door, the other about a mile down the road. However, the ones down the road still worked full time, until I was 6 they had a teenage daughter of their own still at home (and she was home summers during college until I was 10). We mostly saw them at birthdays and holidays - every holiday, like Mother's day and Independence day and all that, so it was frequent, but it was still mostly holidays. We'd sometimes see them otherwise, and that was awesome, but we looked forward to holidays visiting the grandparents. The ones next door? They were older and retired, and grandma was a bit of a busybody. We saw them all the time. We enjoyed seeing them, we have lots of special memories of spending time with them, but we didn't look forward to going to their house on special occasions that much just because we'd run over to give them hugs the day before, and they day before that grandma had fussed at us to get out from under the weeping willow in her yard, and the day before that she'd picked one of us up from school when we were sick, and she was sitting outside or on the porch practically every day and waved at us when she saw us, and we'd all had lunch together the Saturday before that when we were baling hay at our great-uncle's place, etc. I remember looking forward to her chicken dressing more than to the actual event, because THAT was saved for special occasions.

Good for Teri (and her daughters) for having a fun time with the grandkids. Good for Teri for knowing her limitations. Boo on them for insisting on such a rigid schedule and calling their sad picnic a special annual event.

[Bajovane]

2 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Do you think Teri and Steve are intentionally keeping their daughters from courting? Or do you think they've just convinced themselves that God hasn't sent husbands yet? 

 

Oh, I  most certainly do believe Steve has definitely prevented the daughters from ever getting an opportunity to meet a potential spouse.   Give up total control?  No siree.  

I think back to John and Chelsie's (whatever her name) wedding where Anna and Mary were sitting with the littles during the "reception" while everyone else mingled.   This could have been a good opportunity for them to meet someone,  but no, they were babysitting.   Pathetic!

[Eternalbluepearl]

1 hour ago, Alisamer said:

Yeah, I think it's not so much that Teri can only take an hour with the grandchildren - if that's all she can take, that's all she can take - it's more that it's presented as some huge special thing that only happens once a year and is a great privilege for the children.

You make a good point and it has me thinking...maybe Sarah is just so desperate for blog content that she has to invent ideas like an annual picnic? Could this also be the Maxwell way of trying to show that scheduling works even after your homeschooling children are grown and you are now a grandparent? Hmm.

[Black Aliss]

Yes, the annual one-hour picnic at a playground within walking distance does not convey the image of a doting fun-loving granny. But this comment from a follower nearly made me cry:

Quote

Love this, Teri. The hopscotch encourages me to make effort for fun with the children when on outings. We’re thinking of taking the children to camp at our new place again tomorrow night (still haven’t moved yet due to plenty of things yet to be done!) and your post inspires me to think of some fun activity to enjoy there with them.

IOW, it had not previously occurred to this reader that she could play games and otherwise have fun with her grandkids.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

5 hours ago, Foudeb said:

I'm not snarking on Teri taking most of the grandkids for an hour or so. It must be nice for the mums (especially heavily pregnant Melanie) to have some time alone or with just the baby. The children probably did have fun - new playground, time with cousins their age, break in the routine.  All well and good. 

What I do find snark-worthy is that Teri presents it like it's all her doing when really I suspect Anna and Mary did most if not all the work. Still a lovely thing to do, but why not give them some credit?  

 

1

You are never to do anything your children can do. She mastered that.

[Baxter]

The part that really rubs me the wrong way is that this picnic is billed as a special annual event. But that it really resembles something that many grandparents do on a regular basis with no fuss around it. It's fine I guess if she doesn't want to be that involved with her grandchildren but then she should stop trying to flog this as some wonderful thing that she is doing. The whole thing just seems so regimented and weird (but this is the Maxwells so that pretty much goes for their entire lives).

I spent lots of time with my grandparents, some unstructured time with them and other annualish type events. No one ever made it seem like this was some sort of revolutionary idea. One of my grandmas was legally blind so she was typically most comfortable doing things at her own home as she was familiar with where everything was. But I have many fond memories of playing at her house, also cookie baking at Christmas and Easter, helping her plant her garden, etc. My mom does stuff with my son all the time. They went to the playground last week. My son has lots of fun but no one thought it was some incredible event.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I got really lucky in the grandparent department. I had grandparents, step grand parents, and great grandparents that all wanted to be in my life. 

[Fun-Dee]

2 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Do you think Teri and Steve are intentionally keeping their daughters from courting? Or do you think they've just convinced themselves that God hasn't sent husbands yet? 

Gosh this really struck me. A full house of non-workers. What do they do all day? How do they pay bills? Mysteries abound.

I imagine their days are filled with "busy work."  As far as how they pay their bills, someone must still be buying their books.  Also, they don't pay rent/mortgage, they don't pay for tv or movies, and they don't eat out much.  Their bills are probably a lot less than most people.  

[wallysmommy]

I was so blessed to have a grandmother who loved children.  I was the oldest grandchild, and she was 40 when I was born.  We stayed with her while our parents worked, and she took in my cousin when her parents were unable to care for her (no substance abuse issues, just flighty and didn't want to settle down).  She took us everywhere, even though she didn't drive.  We went on jaunts with her friends, or on public transportation.  Teri isn't that old.  It's too bad when she was younger, she didn't kick Steve to the curb and get help and find a man who would care for her and help her with her issues.