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Bro Gary Hawkins 10: Nouvelle Cuisine


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2 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

"maybe, i don't say dat word, but somewhere in your newspaper, in the back of dat page, i call it da dead man's section, cuz my wife says when i say dat word it sounds like i'm cussin, so i'm not gonna say it"

I was only half ass watching so I didn't understand what he was trying to say there till you connected obituary LOL

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5 hours ago, MarblesMom said:

Just no... 

ghaw.png

Here's one of the pages in the FJ diet manual.  The book contains pix of every weenie delight posted by Bro Gary.  To follow this program, the user merely gazes at each picture and is repulsed enough to refrain from eating anything.  No special foods or prayers needed!

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2 hours ago, Granwych said:

Here's one of the pages in the FJ diet manual.  The book contains pix of every weenie delight posted by Bro Gary.  To follow this program, the user merely gazes at each picture and is repulsed enough to refrain from eating anything.  No special foods or prayers needed!

I just ate and didn't see that mess coming.  Wonder if it looked much better going down.

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She's trying to kill him.

God's probably trying to tell him:  "Bro Gary, don't eat the ween!" in a thousand different ways.  People right in front of him look at that shit and run off vomiting, the kids look at him and the ones who have somewhere else to go have moved out.  Startled passersby ask him if he feels alright and look alarmed when he wheezes out "Hey man!", and fellow Christians offer him a salad and a place to put up his swollen feet.

Meanwhile, Becky is offering up another forkful of death and dreaming about his life insurance policy finally paying off.

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10 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

That slop is dangerously close to the edge of the plate. 

It looks nasty.

Nasty? Oh, hell, no. It looks alive. Like some kind of slime mold!

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12 hours ago, MarblesMom said:

Just no... 

ghaw.png

Vomit on a plate. That is all. Good thing my stomach is empty or else I'd be reprising (right word? is that a word?) that picture right now. *barfs*

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I was eating my morning oatmeal when I came across the photo of Bro Gary’s latest culinary delight. Now, I like oatmeal, but I don’t consider it especially esthetically pleasing. Compared to that slop, though, my bowl of instant maple brown sugar Quaker Oats is positively gorgeous. (I’d bet folding money it tastes better, too.) 

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11 hours ago, Flossie said:

Meanwhile, Becky is offering up another forkful of death and dreaming about his life insurance policy finally paying off.

His what now?  I don't think most insurance companies accept "I'm a preacher doin' the LORD's work!" as a substitute for regular payments.

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8 hours ago, Lillymuffin said:

I was eating my morning oatmeal when I came across the photo of Bro Gary’s latest culinary delight. Now, I like oatmeal, but I don’t consider it especially esthetically pleasing. Compared to that slop, though, my bowl of instant maple brown sugar Quaker Oats is positively gorgeous. (I’d bet folding money it tastes better, too.) 

I hate oatmeal.  With a passion.  I abhor it.  There are not enough words to describe how much I dislike it. I still make myself eat it for health benefits, although sometimes I put peanut butter and honey in it so it might not be quite as healthy but at least I can tolerate the taste of it.  But I would eat it willingly, tons of it, if the only choice was that "stuff" in the picture!

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19 hours ago, pamplemousse said:

Vomit on a plate. That is all. Good thing my stomach is empty or else I'd be reprising (right word? is that a word?) that picture right now. *barfs*

I wonder if it would actually look better coming up than it does now. ?

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On 4/26/2019 at 12:43 PM, mango_fandango said:

That slop is dangerously close to the edge of the plate.

Seriously!  Instead of piling it on, just have seconds (though Bro GHaw is probably the only one who would want seconds—or firsts—of that mess).

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9 hours ago, Lillymuffin said:

It couldn’t look much worse. 

Don't say that!  He could take it as a challenge!

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OK folks, they in need of pray.

(Ironically I'm listening to "Salvation" by the Strumbellas, a really amazing band that I love AND have seen live.)

Bro Gary put up a post about how they need another gig cuz the church they were booked for just had their pastor pass away, sadly. I'm trying to decide how I would feel in his situation, because I'm not a money hungry person. Is it weird that I feel like this post is kind of disrespectful to the pastor and congregation? I mean, in a way I'm glad they'll be spared the Bro but I don't know, it's striking me as kind of JRod-ish for some reason that I can't quite place. 

Spoiler

Bro being BroBroGary1.png.a049d30a761bd4b07abb487c933a7725.png

 

BroGary2.png

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OK Folks, the Bro is feeling like Job, or maybe feels like getting a job (no that can’t be right)!  But the Devil is hungry and wants to devour the Hawkins family!  They needs prayers!!  May throw the devil a can of beans!

Spoiler

DDF1E5DF-088F-4139-898A-AC46FCF39E21.thumb.png.e87ba37181a73165236896ef7365da44.png

 

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Because nothing screams 'persecution from the devil' like having someone else's death inconvenience you and your plans.

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I thought for a split second that Bro was talking about employment instead of a book in the bible.

then reality set in.

 

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It's pathetic when you live on the edge financially that one revival service that probably wouldn't have more than $50 in the offering gets cancelled.  I'll pray for his family -- that they get some common sense and kick him in the ass and tell him to get a job.  That would be a miracle of all miracles.

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I guess it was too much to hope for that "i am ready in Job" was Weenese for "I am ready to get a job." The correct translation is, of course, "I am reading in the book of Job"

Okay, folks, did anyone else's mind go somewhere Gary hadn't intended when he wrote 

Quote

I was reading about the maniac of Gadara. Verse 35 said he was clothed and in his right mind. Then it says and they were afraid. My thought was in the world were living in it is frightening thing to dress right. 

Because don't the majority of men (according to a tailor I once knew) "dress right"? Not that it matters much with Gary's trousers where things hang. . .

ETA: The tailor was wrong. Most men dress left, according to this:

Quote

Dressing to the Right

So you dress to the right. It seems that you’re genetically predisposed to defy convention from the off. Your appendage and brain are connected by nerves and according to anecdotal research, men who hang to the right are left-brain dominant. That means that being analytical, logical and objective are your predominant traits. You’re also likely to excel at linear thinking and possess systematic decision making skills. Career choices for you right-hanging folk range from engineering, finance, banking, industrial design to commerce, economics and management.

On the flip side, some interpretations say that right dressers are rigid and close-minded because they’re dressed the ‘wrong’ way. Fervent left-hangers will remind their counterparts that a former US President was a right dresser. You should forget the naysayers. Embrace your inner rebel and dress for comfort.

Dressing to the Left

Left dressers must be feeling pretty good about themselves thus far. Just like right-handers, you’re in the majority. With your right-brain orientated personality, you are intuitive, creative, imaginative and open-minded. Emotions often get in the way of your decision making which makes you rather indecisive. While others might find this endearing, you get frustrated and anxious at your ponderous nature. Career choices for left dressers? Psychologists, artists, designers, writers and teachers are typical right-brain dominant folks

Dressing Smack in the Middle

Are you a well-rounded individual? If you dress smack in the middle, we’ve got some good news for you. It’s highly likely that you’re athletic, rational, creative and multi-talented. With that blessed center of gravity, you simply love your skinny jeans and nylon tights. Cycling or horse-riding might just be the perfect professions for you.

https://www.rajasfashions.com/sir-which-side-do-you-hang/

Edited by Black Aliss
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OK Folks, I asked Mr Kool if he hung left or right.  He said we are a very sick group of people and he has no idea how it’s hangin’.  ?

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OK folks, I hope it's OK that I post something off topic here. I feel like the Bro snarkers "know" each other and I'm comfortable with y'all.

I made a new friend who is a Christian. I'm an atheist. We met in person for the first time tonight and she's so sweet and kind. We do the community kindness rocks, where you paint and hide, and that's how we met. I have a heart for elderly people and when she asked for volunteers to paint rocks to give to our local elderly community, I jumped at the chance. I don't believe in any deity, but I do believe in having a Christ-like spirit (love your neighbor, care for others, help where you can, don't judge, etc.). 

The way she was talking tonight, I feel like she also feels that I'm a believer. (she mentioned liberals and I didn't have the heart to tell her I lean that way on most things.) Do y'all have any ideas on how to gently break it to her that I'm not a Christian, that I believe other things, without being mean? I feel like if I have her over, I have to put away a few things in my house (Beansie included). I'm not normally that kind of person. I'm usually open and out front with things. 

I believe in karma but also don't know how to bring that up to her. I'm a volunteer in our community which is very conservative, despite being in California. A lot of people probably think that I'm a Christian, just because I'm kind and I believe in helping others. I believe in speaking what I believe but at the same time I don't want to offend anyone. 

OMG FJ, Rufus, please help me.

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15 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

Do y'all have any ideas on how to gently break it to her that I'm not a Christian, that I believe other things, without being mean?

Maybe just tell her, if it comes up, that while you share some of your beliefs with Christians you're not actually a Christian?

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1 hour ago, PumaLover said:

I made a new friend who is a Christian. I'm an atheist. We met in person for the first time tonight and she's so sweet and kind... I don't believe in any deity, but I do believe in having a Christ-like spirit (love your neighbor, care for others, help where you can, don't judge, etc.). 

The way she was talking tonight, I feel like she also feels that I'm a believer. (she mentioned liberals and I didn't have the heart to tell her I lean that way on most things.) Do y'all have any ideas on how to gently break it to her that I'm not a Christian, that I believe other things, without being mean? I feel like if I have her over, I have to put away a few things in my house (Beansie included). I'm not normally that kind of person. I'm usually open and out front with things. 

Unless you think she's putting some stock into thinking you're also a Christian, why do you have to say anything?  

On the other hand, you said that you don't want to judge people.  When she mentioned liberals, was she being judgmental?  You said you didn't have the heart to tell her that you lean liberal on most things, so I guess you felt she was being judgmental.  But you still like her, so maybe you should be honest with her.  Casually mention one thing that you know or suspect that she leans one way on and you feel differently.  Then move on to something more generic.  Later on you might bring up something else that you think she'll feel differently about and again go back to the generic stuff.  That should get her to thinking.  

Hopefully she'll realize you have differences but also think alike on a lot of things, and she'll either want to talk more in depth or steer away from the hot button issues.  I hope she doesn't cut you off entirely, but if only being around people that think just like herself is that important to her, then it's better for her to figure it out now.

As for if you invite her over, it's only polite to not have things around that you know will offend her, unless you tell her in advance you have a demon in your living room but he's only there so you can make fun of rigid fundies.  She might surprise you.  I went to my pastor back in the early 80's when the "Dungeons and Dragons are satanic" craze was going strong, and asked him if it was OK for me to play.  He said it sounded fun and he wished he could sit in on a game.  Sadly, my group voted against it.  But the point is, he was willing to try.

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