Bro Gary Hawkins 10: Nouvelle Cuisine

[PumaLover]

Bro, I would love to hang out but unfortunately I have to wash my car after our massive storm last night. I also need to brush my dog who is shedding her undercoat right and left but won't stay still long enough for me to do it! Then I need to finish weed eating for my fire clearance here in the maintains.

I do wish he would come out to the West coast so I could have a chance to see him live. But he probably wouldn't let me in to his service cuz I wear pants and have tattoos and things like that.

[keepercjr]

They went live yesterday evening at some service. The video was sketchy and was in 2 parts.   Here Becky and the gang bless us with some "music" and "singing".  Must not be a big attendance as I think about 2 people (seriously) clapped.

Spoiler

 

Here is the preaching but I haven't had the chance to listen

Spoiler

 

 

[wallysmommy]

Is the cross really drawn on flip chart paper?

[Conundrum]

I’ve been reading the threads about Bro. Gary the past few days and have literally laughed out loud. 

This morning I dropped off my 16 year old twin daughters to volunteer at the World War II  museum; my parting words with them were: “May the weens be with you” and then yelled out of the car window “have a weenie day!” They replied “Shut. Up. Momma.” 

They don’t appreciate my humor but I thought it was funny. 

 

[Granwych]

Those videos are painful.

[Conundrum]

36 minutes ago, Granwych said:

Those videos are painful.

They are. The singing is horrendous. 

I sent a photo of the pink weens to my husband with an offer to make it for him; this was his reaction:

 

 

 

 

Edited May 11, 2019 by Heather-Lu
Spelling

[Granwych]

Smart man, your husband. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK Folks, Becky is getting crafty!

Spoiler

 

Edited May 11, 2019 by Don'tlikekoolaid
Sorry folks the spoiler didn’t work!

[Briefly]

5 hours ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

OK Folks, Becky is getting crafty!

  Hide contents

 

I'm not going to get on her for less than perfect crafting.  At least she is doing something that someone else might enjoy.  And not everyone can make things, or make things that are perfect.

@wallysmommy, it's possible that the cross is actually on fabric, maybe felt.  It's hard to tell.  Some Baptist churches that I have been in don't have a lot of decoration.  But anything is possible!

[PumaLover]

The flowers are really cute. I'm trying to figure out how she made them. They look almost real. I'm glad she at least gets to do something fun in her oppressive, ween-filled life (that she chose).

[PumaLover]

Bad Bro Gary recap**

 

*Puma has been drinking but probably still can type better English than Bro. Y'all have the warning though. Still more coherent than he can type. I can still grammar.

*so much gibberish *bad internet connection

Bro Gary words start now: he don't want to do nothing to hurt nobody

 

give thanks in all things

submitting yourself one to another in the fear of God

something about a Friendship Baptist Church

offering in Jesus' name

 

something about being saved

 

something about not being filled with the wine but be filled with God.*

 

*Puma bad influence. Puma be filled with vodka and cranberry cuz she can. Don't be Puma.  It Bible.

 

Something about spiritual songs, feeling (filling?) about wine and liquor and spirits. You not be singing songs or hymns. He travel all over the US and he been to 25 states and he open to being to other states. There people filled with the spirit.

 

A lot of preachers today, they preach a message but not the spirit of God. We're missing-we need to be filled with the spirit of God. I'm pretty sure it's Becky who says, amen.  He's 46 years old, there's never been a time like that in his lifetime. (talking about the news) he's still against the catholics, he's still against the methodists, its hogwash what going on with the churches, and hogwash with what going on with the baptist churches.

 

We need to be feeled with the spirit of God. Something about some shit and fasting. Bro Gary is built like me and we don't fast. Much food for us.  I'll give up pretty much anything besides food.

 

He's nothing without Jesus. He filled with the spirit of God. Internent sucks.  In the old times you wouldn't have to say nothing cuz they know you filled with the spirit.

 

Holy rufus he's going on about the Goodwills and the grocery stores about how they have to eat.  They not act like other people. There a church about friendship and people who say they're saved are the rudest people. We supposed to show ourself friendly. There some people you don't want to be friends with. He got people on his cell phone he don't want to be friends with. Why? He don't want to listen to their problems. (How Christian is that?)

 

We all got health issues. (Yes Bro, we've seen you.) He's not got that much problems. Someone got migraine headaches. (Migraines are no fucking joke and I've wanted to legit kill myself over them because they are THAT BAD. I've gotten older and things have gotten so much better. But so many people think they're just  a headache.)

 

Somethingabout if you're feeled with the spirit of God you'll be good. He never been crucified. He knocked on doors in Pennsylvania. He not ashamed of the gospel of Christ. Something more about friends and being FEELED with the spirit of God.

 

WHAT A SWEET SMELLING SAVIOUR. He actually said thatl

 

He up in Yankee land. Something about sweet tea. I live in California but grew up in Mississippi so have very fond feelings about that state even though I disagree with their politics. This fucking video goes on for over 30 more minutes. Maybe when I'm sober tomorrow I can continue to recap, but I also don't think anyone cares. 

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, PumaLover said:

WHAT A SWEET SMELLING SAVIOUR. He actually said thatl

Well, Gary being Gary, he garbled the words a bit - it's sweet smelling savor. But it does come from a verse in the bible comparing Jesus to a sacrifice of sweet-smelling burnt offerings:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+5%3A1-2&version=KJV

There are also verses exhorting followers to be like a sweet-smelling example.

I doubt Gary qualifies.

[Dandruff]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

There are also verses exhorting followers to be like a sweet-smelling example.

I doubt Gary qualifies.

Eau du Ween?  I don't think so.

[Briefly]

16 hours ago, PumaLover said:

 

*Puma bad influence. Puma be filled with vodka and cranberry cuz she can. Don't be Puma.  It Bible.

 

 

We all got health issues. (Yes Bro, we've seen you.) He's not got that much problems. Someone got migraine headaches. (Migraines are no fucking joke and I've wanted to legit kill myself over them because they are THAT BAD. I've gotten older and things have gotten so much better. But so many people think they're just  a headache.)

 

 

He up in Yankee land. Something about sweet tea. I live in California but grew up in Mississippi so have very fond feelings about that state even though I disagree with their politics. This fucking video goes on for over 30 more minutes. Maybe when I'm sober tomorrow I can continue to recap, but I also don't think anyone cares. 

@PumaLover Thank you for taking one for the team!  I'd say you are well entitled to be filled with vodka!  (I like vodka with cranberry juice, it's good!)  (Look up the recipe for Cedar Wood, it's made with vodka, cranberry juice, lemon juice and ginger ale - very good!)

I have had migraines since I was a teenager and unfortunately my daughter has them, too.  My mom had them, my sister has them and I think my brother might.  They ain't fun!  They are not anything I would wish on anybody.  But Gary?  He wouldn't know a migraine if it bit him in the butt, as my mom used to say.

And sweet tea is not to be insulted!

[keepercjr]

Gary has said that Becky suffers from migraines.  She has been out of commission for days at a time because of them.  I am sorry for those of you that have to live with such pain.  

[PumaLover]

OK folks, Puma is far too sober for recappin' tonight, but the night is young so we'll see.

I put on this video to listen to while I clean out my fridge and OMG the singing is bad. Now, I love to sing and I sing all the time, but I do not go around touring and putting my singing on display. (I did a halfway decent rendition of Piano Man karaoke in Hawaii a long time ago, though, but pretty sure everyone in the audience was as drunk as I was.)

And now my fridge is still not clean because I got so distracted by the video I had to come over and share it on FJ.

 

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/2480809221963897/

 

Holy Rufus there's more singing. The preacher calls him Brother Gary and I was confused for a sec because I'm so used to calling him Bro Gary ?

[MarblesMom]

35 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

Holy Rufus there's more singing

Wow, I got about 20 seconds in and had to Let.It.Go. because it no longer brought me joy.

[PumaLover]

Here is Puma's much more sober recap and it's less funny. It is So. LONG.

He apologizes for not being there last year due to Becky’s grandmother passing. Brother Neil called apparently, lost Bro’s number and then found it. (So people literally seek them out.)

Thankful for the rain. Something about his dog using the restroom. Reading from the Bible and I thought he said he was reading from Robert’s but then realized he said Proverbs. It’s not even just his accent, it’s really hard for me to understand him! And I grew up in the Deep South.

He said something about seeing new faces and he doesn’t know who they are and they don’t know who he is.

Tells them he and his wife travel all around the US, preachin’ and singin’! Pray for them. They’re starting revivals next week and Becky will be doing a ladies conference. Last time there were about 60 but he’d like about 2,000.

Praying for vee-hickle problems. He has them all the time. (LMAO) He’s thankful for his mother. Apparently he was beaten growing up and he’s thankful for that. (I wonder if he knows Derick Dillard).

There’s food downstairs and he’s going to be the first one there.

Proverbs 31? Woman. He sounds like he’s reading better and less awkwardly than we’ve seen before. I can’t understand a lot of what he’s saying. He makes a joke about one of the verses saying that the women should work while the men sit, and he says he’s joking. They laugh.

I spoke too soon. Now he’s stumbling over his words. He was gonna preach somethin’ else and the Lort changed his mind. He’s thankful for women. Talking about changing a dirty diaper. Gross. Something about how the man took 25 wipes to clean the baby.

He couldn’t do the things he does without his wife. He’s screaming about loving your wife. Haymayun!!!

Becky ain’t perfect, she just thinks she is. She does a lot. Talks about his old truck. He just wants food and a shower every now and then, and women want more. Becky gave up everything to travel around with him. (she giggles on camera)

He’s screaming again about something if his wife wants something, she gets it. Becky giggles again. He’s screaming about how much she does, including raising children. (OK)

Missionaries give up a lot too. He used to be a missionary and was a missionary’s son. Something about a ladies’ retreat and giving up stuff for God. Men take care of your wives. Especially if they take care of you.

When it comes to the kitchen he doesn’t know anything about it. Becky spends hours in the kitchen to make sure the family’s fed. Take care of your home. That’s what God made you for. (To make weens and gravy?)

Holy Rufus Becky is unwrapping candy again.

Now he’s ranting about public school and how thankful he is that Becky teaches their kids at home. He was in public school 20-something years ago. His oldest wants to be a mechanic (well, that will come in handy) or a preacher. I’m hoping he becomes a mechanic, far, far away from Bro and his vee-hickles.

Bro is talking about teaching him to work. He talks about little girls in the church, and how they should teach them to be little girls. He’s going on about the men wanting to be women, etc. and how if a man ever follows his girls into the bathroom (he starts screaming something). Teach these girls to be girls. Makeup might be wicked, he doesn’t know. Let the girls play with Barbies. He talks about not caring about how he looks. He worked on a vee-hickle and was all dirty and then would go to the Walmarts.

It won’t hurt these kids to work. Teach them how to save money. His son was working and making money and made $300. Bro could learn something from him. His son went to Aldi (?) and spent $50 on a bible.

It won’t hurt your boys to warsh the dishes and to have your girls work in the garden. (Holy Rufus I agree with Bro Gary on something.)

Becky can’t go to Walmarts anymore and buy decent clothes. She’s a hard working woman and works around the house and anytime he says get in the truck she gets in. The virtuous women are great preparators. Becky and the oldest son are the ones who pack and load the truck for all the trips. He says preparating again. A virtuous woman dresses like a godly woman. Something about transvestites. His bible tells him he has to dress like a man and women should dress like women. Lots of amens and agreements.
 

Becky dresses nice and looks like a woman. Hallaluyer. His son liked a girl awhile back and Bro Gary became FB friends with her and saw how the mom dressed and was glad Rufus put an end to that relationship. (I'm guessing the mom wears pants and maybe tank tops? Sluttish!!!)

Mohawks come from the pits of He'll. I highly doubt Jesus is concerned about how someone does their hair. He would be more concerned with how that person treated others.

His son is in school and is reading Genesis and asking about Adam and Eve. Eve disobeyed her husband. There's a lot of yelling and haymayuns. Now he's ranting about people taking away guns and keeping kids away from video games.

No one knows about his past and he's thankful for that. The skeletons are under the rug. We're in the end times. He's talking about people that have died and the fact that 6 people die every second. He wonders how many go to heaven and hell. He's 46. Only 6 years older than me. Wow.

Something about church membership and salvation. He starts screaming and he woke up my almost deaf dog.

OK folks, this post is long enough so Puma is signing off. This has been another Bro Gary recap. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

49 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

No one knows about his past and he's thankful for that. The skeletons are under the rug.

That sounds pretty disturbing, even without the mixed metaphors. I guess he might be trying to say that once his sins were forgiven, they were swept away? Like this verse:

Quote

Micah 7:19

(KJV)

19 He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.

But by using a combo of "swept under the rug" and "a skeleton in the closet", it sounds more like a hidden, unconfessed, unforgiven sin. Hopefully it's just a case of Weenese.

[MarblesMom]

5 hours ago, PumaLover said:

The skeletons are under the rug.

Voting this as a thread title, Hayumen!

[Pecansforeveryone]

A million blessings from Rufus be upon you, @PumaLover. I am now curious about Bro Gary's extended family? Are his parents still alive? I can't believe he's an only child in the religious circles he's in. Has he ever discussed his siblings, if he indeed has any? I mean I thought J-Rod and Deadbeat David were isolated. I at least know that they have extended families that they visit and prey upon. Bro Gary is in a galaxy all of his own. 

[thoughtful]

6 hours ago, PumaLover said:

I thought he said he was reading from Robert’s

That would be . . . interesting.

6 hours ago, PumaLover said:

 

No one knows about his past and he's thankful for that. The skeletons are under the rug

No, Gary -- mixed metaphors and all -- no, they're not.

https://webapps.doc.state.nc.us/opi/viewoffender.do?method=view&offenderID=0174434&searchLastName=Hawkins&searchFirstName=William&listurl=pagelistoffendersearchresults&listpage=2

[keepercjr]

7 hours ago, PumaLover said:

It won’t hurt these kids to work. Teach them how to save money. His son was working and making money and made $300. Bro could learn something from him. His son went to Aldi (?) and spent $50 on a bible.

It sounds as though his son is learning about money management from Gary and the Rods.. when you have some you must spend it on unnecessary things!  You know this kid has to have a bible (or 2) but for some reason he had to go drop $50 on another one. 

7 hours ago, PumaLover said:

Becky dresses nice and looks like a woman. Hallaluyer. His son liked a girl awhile back and Bro Gary became FB friends with her and saw how the mom dressed and was glad Rufus put an end to that relationship. (I'm guessing the mom wears pants and maybe tank tops? Sluttish!!!) 

I guess Gary never saw the boy's twitter account LOL

1 hour ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

A million blessings from Rufus be upon you, @PumaLover. I am now curious about Bro Gary's extended family? Are his parents still alive? I can't believe he's an only child in the religious circles he's in. Has he ever discussed his siblings, if he indeed has any? I mean I thought J-Rod and Deadbeat David were isolated. I at least know that they have extended families that they visit and prey upon. Bro Gary is in a galaxy all of his own. 

Oh I can help you there!

Gary's 2 parents are alive and well.  His dad is a pastor (Danny Hawkins) and Gary's sending pastor (though he doesnt tell people the connection).  He has 1 brother and 2 sisters.  ( think Gary was the 2nd born).  All 4 siblings were homeschooled though I don't know if it was for all of their education or part of it.  His brother has a job doing deliveries in a truck and his wife works too, (at least she did) as a school bus driver.  Brother has tried to get Gary to get a job with his company to make decent money but Gary refuses and says he has his calling from God (to live homeless in poverty?).  1 of the sisters seems to be a bit different from Gary et al (wears pants and shorts) and her kids are basically the exact opposite of the rest of the family.  They are older than Gary's kids and at least 1 is married and his wife is someone Gary would severly judge. 

When Gary and Becky are not on the road, they stay with Gary's parents.  I believe his daughter also lives with Gary's parents. 

[keepercjr]

4 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I guess Gary never saw the boy's twitter account LOL

Quoting myself.  Since I referenced the twitter account I am putting the link in a spoiler

Spoiler

https://twitter.com/CalebHa40573513/with_replies

Here is a link to the part in a thread where it was discussed

 

[PumaLover]

Oh Holy Rufus there's another video. Puma will do her best to recap this one tonight but spoiler alert, it's probably just like the last one.

Dress girls like girls, boys like boys. Jesus coming soon. Vee-hickle problems. Give money. Jesus coming soon. The Walmarts not have modest clothing for womenfolk. Give money. Pray for us. Give money.

Quote

 

 

Facebook keeps trying to get me to watch this video with my friends. No! No, I don't want my friends to know that I watch him!

(On my FB I've been posting about my chickens and now only chicken emojis come up on FJ for some reason.)