Bro Gary Hawkins 10: Nouvelle Cuisine

[PumaLover]

5 hours ago, catlady said:

I still want to give it a border, but here’s the important part:  

This is amazing!!!! And you even have the Old English font. I'm impressed!

My chick is sitting on my shoulder. She's young and impressionable and I didn't want her listening to too much Bro Gary. She gets annoyed when I move around too much or even talk. She's like a teenager in a chick body. 

My takeaway from the little part of the church video that I watched was that whoever was filming was unwrapping plastic wrapped candy and it was super distracting. Not as distracting as if I had actually been listening, but distracting enough that you don't do that while filming cuz it's super LOUD. 

RUFUS I do not miss the Sunday mornings when I was nearly forced to go to church, and then guilt tripped on the days I didn't want to go* (cuz I worked Saturdays.).

*and lots of other reasons

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

4 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

8 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

Marjoe Gortner? Whoever could that be?!?!?! 

Now, how is it possible I never noticed your avatar?

I had been assuming it was an angry Hobbit all this time. I stand corrcted! (Or maybe fall down laughing. )

[catlady]

7 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

To be fair, it is adult Marjoe. In the greatest role of his time in the greatest film ever made, STARCRASH. 

 

4 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I had been assuming it was an angry Hobbit all this time. I stand corrcted! (Or maybe fall down laughing. )

I was mostly wrong, too.  I was thinking 1970s era British character, like maybe Dr. Who or something Monty Python.  I googled Starcrash, and apparently I had only the decade right.  

Edited May 6, 2019 by catlady
Garyism: missed some words

[Shoobydoo]

1 hour ago, catlady said:

 

I was mostly wrong, too.  I was thinking 1970s era British character, like maybe Dr. Who or something Monty Python.  I googled Starcrash, and apparently I had only the decade right.  

Starcrash is a very early Star Wars knockoff that, uh, went off in a radically different direction. Highlights include: Marjoe Gortner playing an alien with Christ-like powers who occasionally does kung fu, a robot with a heavy fake southern accent, a man who is poorly painted either blue or green dependin on what scene it is, some kind of space stripper, the world's easiest prison riot, David Hasselhoff, Amazons On Horseback, the giant metal man from Jason and the Argonauts' wife, torpedos full of men, a spaceship shaped like a giant hand, very poor wilderness survival skills, cavemen, and, inexpliccably, Christopher Plummer. It's in the first season of the MST3K reboot, so if you have access to Netflix and need a good laugh I HIGHLY reccomend. 

[waltraute]

RUFUS I do not miss the Sunday mornings when I was nearly forced to go to church, and then guilt tripped on the days I didn't want to go* (cuz I worked Saturdays.).
*and lots of other reasons

Amen. Sunday morning AND Sunday evening, Wednesday & Friday services. Oftentimes we would have special events on Saturdays. This was my childhood.

I want those hours back. I want ALL of those hours back.

[wallysmommy]

The hours, hours, and hours:

Sunday school, Sunday AM Service, Sunday PM Service (sometimes until 11 pm), Wednesday night service, Friday night Youth meeting.

Tuesday choir practice, special practice on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday afternoon for holiday programs.

Monday District Youth meeting (quarterly).

Revival -- 1972 (?) -- 7 weeks/7 days a week with an evangelist named A. C. McKaig.  Legs were growing!  Nuns and priests were being slain in the spirit!  Don't miss a night!  (Sounds like PT Barnum.)

Yep, that was my life from 1966 - 1980.

 

[zeebaneighba]

22 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

Marjoe Gortner? Whoever could that be?!?!?! 

I still think that is Tom Baker every time I see it, even though I know where you got the picture!

7 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

Starcrash is a very early Star Wars knockoff that, uh, went off in a radically different direction. Highlights include: Marjoe Gortner playing an alien with Christ-like powers who occasionally does kung fu, a robot with a heavy fake southern accent, a man who is poorly painted either blue or green dependin on what scene it is, some kind of space stripper, the world's easiest prison riot, David Hasselhoff, Amazons On Horseback, the giant metal man from Jason and the Argonauts' wife, torpedos full of men, a spaceship shaped like a giant hand, very poor wilderness survival skills, cavemen, and, inexpliccably, Christopher Plummer. It's in the first season of the MST3K reboot, so if you have access to Netflix and need a good laugh I HIGHLY reccomend. 

Don't forget Stella Star!

[smittykins]

I never knew there were churches that had Wednesday evening services until I was in high school.(And I’ve read that in some small towns, the public schools wouldn’t schedule events or assign homework on Wednesdays because it was assumed that everyone would be at church.)

[Black Aliss]

20 hours ago, Shoobydoo said:

To be fair, it is adult Marjoe. In the greatest role of his time in the greatest film ever made, STARCRASH. 

Still, those curls. That chin. . .One of my best friends, also an ex-fundie, had a world-class crush on Marjoe after seeing the documentary.

[FullOfGravy]

Ok folks,

I ended up having the time to sit down and do some stitching after all, modified a bit from my original plan so as to fit the hoop better and make the weens more obviously ween-y:

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

@FullOfGravy I love the cowboy hat.  

 

[Shoobydoo]

1 hour ago, FullOfGravy said:

Ok folks,

I ended up having the time to sit down and do some stitching after all, modified a bit from my original plan so as to fit the hoop better and make the weens more obviously ween-y:

I will pay you for this pattern. Please?

1 hour ago, Black Aliss said:

Still, those curls. That chin. . .One of my best friends, also an ex-fundie, had a world-class crush on Marjoe after seeing the documentary.

Those flaring nostrils....

[FullOfGravy]

16 minutes ago, Shoobydoo said:

I will pay you for this pattern. Please?

Sure!  Have a Google doc.

[Black Aliss]

10 hours ago, waltraute said:

Amen. Sunday morning AND Sunday evening, Wednesday & Friday services. Oftentimes we would have special events on Saturdays. This was my childhood.

I want those hours back. I want ALL of those hours back.

 

Dare I say that you got off easy? My schedule:

Sunday morning service, Sunday evening service, Tuesday morning (release time from school), Wednesday prayer meeting, Thursday Christ's Ambassadors (that might not have been every week, possibly once a month), Women's Missionary Council one Monday evening a month. And then Youth for Christ (interdenominational but only evangelical denominations welcome) on Saturday evenings.

Edited May 7, 2019 by Black Aliss

[feministxtian]

Screw that noise...all that church going. Grew up RC...Mass on Sunday morning or Saturday night. Confirmation class in high school (went to a Catholic high school but confirmation classes were handled by the parish) and that was IT. 

Now, non-denominational liberal Christian...church most Sundays (taken time off due to big boo-boos), Tuesday night ladies group. Husband has Wednesday night men's group (there's a variety of groups at different dates/times and subjects). Also attempting to work through the bible in a year but I'm horribly behind. Beyond that, there's no real commitment for us, although I want to do more volunteer stuff and will as soon as the boo-boos heal up. 

[Evangeline]

 Can someone who is a more consistent Bro-follower remind me of the context of "It Bible"? Mind you, I'm not asking you to make it make sense or anything....

[catlady]

12 hours ago, FullOfGravy said:

Ok folks,

I ended up having the time to sit down and do some stitching after all, modified a bit from my original plan so as to fit the hoop better and make the weens more obviously ween-y:

This. Is. Amazing!!!! 

1 hour ago, Evangeline said:

 Can someone who is a more consistent Bro-follower remind me of the context of "It Bible"? Mind you, I'm not asking you to make it make sense or anything....

I’m pretty sure it appeared in one of Bro Gary’s Facebook posts. His spelling,  grammar, and proofreading  skills are such absolute crap, hence Weenese translations required, so it was probably more bad communication on his part, and we ran with it. 

Edited May 7, 2019 by catlady
Spellcheck doesn’t like Weenese.

[Yogi]

Okay I have the recent preaching video on my phone and the forum up on my laptop so I can take some notes.

First, I was very confused that the words on the screen did not correspond with the hymn lyrics. I thought usually they put the lyrics up there. Well it doesn't matter because as soon as Bro Gary reaches the pulpit he puts his Bible down directly in front of the projector.

The family singing is not good on any level. The guitar playing is bad. The singing is bad. The harmony is bad. The stage presence is bad. I have a lot of second-hand embarrassment watching that.

They all switch instruments for the second song and it is just as bad. Just a jumble of notes and voices. Words completely inaudible, no one is in sync with anyone else.

For some reason Bro Gary is standing way behind his family pretty much like he doesn't want to be up there.

It is crickets between and after their singing.

He says there aren't as many people as last time lol

Whoever is filming (Becky) is also opening a candy wrapper or something

Bro Gary says that he has so many problems that no one else should ever need to worry because he is worried enough for everyone (get a job and a steady income then!)

You can't change the past because the past is yesterday and today is a different day than yesterday

He is already shouting only three minutes in. Can he keep this up for 45 minutes?

He knocks on a lot of doors and even saved people don't want to accept Jesus (?) and don't know if they are going to heaven or hell.

He flew one time and he doesn't like airplanes. He flew once from NC to Houston and it took an hour and a half and they got there early but when he goes to heaven it will only take a second.

Becky is opening candy again.

When you go to Wal-Mart and you see people who are not saved you know they are dead in the body and the soul

This is hard to summarize because he is all over the place

Gary is going on about how great he is but he's not bragging on himself, he's bragging on God.

He says he can lose a lot of stuff, his hair, his car key, wait he says he can't lose his car keys because he does't have a car (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) but he can't lose his salvation

He's glad there is only one way to heaven otherwise he would probably go the wrong way

He says only 10% of people in Baptist churches are saved

Yes he did just mix up the Prophet Muhammad and Mohammed Ali but he catches himself pretty quickly

He says Jesus is the way to heaven and you cannot get into heaven by riding his (Bro Gary's) coattails or by his name (no shit, but thanks)

He's wiping his sweat now

Twelve more minutes to go and I just can't. I'm done. I hope you all appreciate my effort

 

PS it looks like he took his FB down completely, for a while at least.

 

 

 

 

[EyesOpen]

ohhhhkayyy folks, I still see it. Gary has just informed us two roosters don’t make a chicken. Sigh

[griffin]

Seriously, how does a person NOT know that they can't sing? Can't hit a note. Can't carry a tune. You always encounter people who don't join in or want to perform or whatever and they  just say " Oh, I can't sing at all ".  Nobody minds. Everyone gets it. How can you just have no self awareness whatsoever? That son can pick that banjo but he cannot sing. Becky sings maybe two notes and they aren't ever the right ones. I can see sitting around with fun friends and family and caterwauling or singing away in the shower or the car all you want and God bless you, but why perform or post it? I can't believe they can't hear how godawful it is.

[thoughtful]

6 hours ago, Yogi said:

even saved people don't want to accept Jesus (?)

Wait, what?

Gary, think it through, dude.

[PumaLover]

On 5/6/2019 at 6:11 PM, FullOfGravy said:

Ok folks,

I ended up having the time to sit down and do some stitching after all, modified a bit from my original plan so as to fit the hoop better and make the weens more obviously ween-y:

Holy Rufus this is so amazing!!! It's the middle of the night and I'm cracking up. LMAO

[catlady]

19 hours ago, Yogi said:

 

He says he can lose a lot of stuff, his hair, his car key, wait he says he can't lose his car keys because he does't have a car (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) 

So what the hell happened to the truck they grifted last year?  Did they run it into the ground?  Sell it for weenie gravy money?  

And thank you, @Yogi.  May your brain cells recover quickly.  

Edited May 8, 2019 by catlady
Spelling

[Lillymuffin]

Building on what Sis @Yogi said, you know how most people sound much better when they sing in the shower? I can tell you now, for absolute certain, that Ween and the Gang do not. 

I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone and listen to them live while while I had a shower last Sunday. Big mistake. Huge. I had to turn them off partway through their first song, and I can usually suffer through a whole service. It was that bad. 

[Granwych]

14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Wait, what?

Gary, think it through, dude.

You ask the impossible, grasshopper...

19 hours ago, EyesOpen said:

ohhhhkayyy folks, I still see it. Gary has just informed us two roosters don’t make a chicken. Sigh

Two roosters can make a chicken dinner.  They can even make chicken weens.