Bro Gary Hawkins 10: Nouvelle Cuisine

[DancingPhalanges]

@PumaLover I found a Jesus RV! It was a 2001 with 13k miles. Plus the Jesus front plate! Haha. I told Mr. Dancing we should stop and take a tour but we were in a hurry. I did get a pic and my husband was like WHY. I can’t explain because it was for Bro G FJ thread. 

Edited March 30, 2019 by DancingPhalanges
Spelling is hard with wine

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, Lillymuffin said:

I don’t know, @thoughtful, that third one was pretty racy

I knew I had to put a greyhound in full dead-cockroach position in there. I'm sure she's proud of her naturally large chest, slender waist, and beautiful eyeliner. If you've got it, flaunt it, baby!

[Ozlsn]

On 3/25/2019 at 11:28 AM, keepercjr said:

America needs some more churches. 

If there's one thing America has a shortage of it isn't churches. 

Also I knew 'home churches' were in someone's house but for some reason I thought they were... less family based. Was there anyone there he wasn't related to? Couldn't they have had a BBQ with 5 minutes of preaching instead?

[MarblesMom]

7 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

Couldn't they have had a BBQ with 5 minutes of preaching instead?

But with no tuna, tyvm.

[Candydandy]

Ok folks in cases any of youse was wonderin I got no nakedness on my facebook. There youre safe from me but I do have some green beans_ frozen cause I dont like canned. 

SisCandy

 

[keepercjr]

With 5000 friends I don’t think Gary has been very.. discriminatory.. with friend requests.  I don’t know what the heck he is seeing but maybe he is worried Becky will see him looking at some busty Facebook “friends”.  Cuz you know he probably sure does like looking at nakedness.  Just doesn’t want to get caught doing so.  Either way it sure wasn’t me!  I post anti trump stuff and pro LGBT stuff and he hasn’t canned me yet.

Edited March 31, 2019 by keepercjr

[Briefly]

On 3/30/2019 at 10:14 AM, thoughtful said:

Here are some beautiful nudes I saw on the Internet (SFW, I promise):

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

  Hide contents

 

  Hide contents

 

Those are exactly the kind of nudes I want to see!  I post that type on my page as well, although our late beagle liked to be dressed in things so she wasn't always a nudie!

[keepercjr]

I am pretty sure we all know what the world thinks of Trump!

[Georgiana]

Oh look, the UNEMPLOYED FELON is for the wall.  Bro Gary, 99.99% of the people who cross the borders of the United States are more benefit to our society than you.  YOU are a criminal.  YOU do not work.  YOU AND YOUR WIFE do not appropriately support the children you chose to create, causing that burden to fall to others.  You are a drain, you are a leech, and you are an asshole.  And sadly for us, you, like many entitled drains, leeches, and assholes in this country, are home grown.  

The only way the wall will be of a benefit for us is if Mexico allows us to toss people like you over it and ban you from re-entering.  But they wont, because they don't want you to be their problem either.  

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

Very well said, @Georgiana! You reminded me of this:

Spoiler

Yours is better, though.

[PumaLover]

This came up as an April Fools Day joke yesterday and I had to share it here. Putting it under a spoiler cuz it's gross and also the hot dog is a little defrauding.

Spoiler

Gross hot dog drink

 

[Lillymuffin]

Ok, folks I’ll give you two tries to guess what I first thought this said. ?

Edited April 9, 2019 by Lillymuffin

[smittykins]

And the first one doesn’t count...

[thoughtful]

 

[PumaLover]

OK folks, I still don't know how to screen shot on my laptop so I'm copying and pasting. I cannot think of a less Christ-like president we've ever had. Still don't get why the fundies are falling over themselves with their love of Trump. ?

" Gary Hawkins

4 hrs · 

Ok folks don't say much about politicians. The democratic and the Republican that against Trump or the biggest threat to our rights to our Constitution. And the reason people have President Donald Trump is because he's making AMERICA great. With jobs standing with Isreal not sure he's saved. Is for us being able to have our right to serve GOD. We need to Pray for our President and Family vice president and his family and all the offices. Thank GOD for allowing us to have some freedoms. 
Bro Gary Hawkins"

Also, Gary and Becky took the boys to a park over the weekend. Not posting the pics of the kids although they are on the post. It's nice to see them doing something physical, and outside, at least. I hope the kids enjoyed it.

Playing ball in a long, heavy denim skirt seems very awkward and uncomfortable to me. I'm clumsy and the type of person who would fall and expose my undies (and knees!). The very opposite of modest!

(I also really need to learn to screen shot on this thing. My husband has showed me at least 5 times.)

Spoiler

play ball!

 

[Dandruff]

Not Becky's best look, IMO...

[PumaLover]

33 minutes ago, Dandruff said:

Not Becky's best look, IMO...

I agree. It's an extremely unflattering pic and for a moment I hesitated to post it. I am overweight too so no snark there. But it was nice to see them outside being active. Maybe they'll do more of that, for the sake of their kids and their health. (I am a hypocrite because I could be outside walking my dog right now, but instead I'm drinking a glass of wine and reading FJ.)

[FullOfGravy]

21 hours ago, Lillymuffin said:

 

This could almost be a Presidential tweet.

35 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

 With jobs 

Why does Gary care about jobs?  It's not like he has any intention of ever getting one.  Unless he figures that more jobs means more people with money to support his ministry, but that there's some advanced reasonin' an' thinkin' that might be beyond Bro's capability.

41 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

not sure he's saved

By any possible standard of Christian salvation - even Gary's - I'm fairly sure Trump is very, very damned.

45 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

We need to Pray for our President and Family vice president and his family and all the offices.

Psalm 109:8 - Let his days be few; and let another take his office.

Psalm 109:17 - As he loved cursing, so let it come unto him: as he delighted not in blessing, so let it be far from him.

Psalm 35:5-6 - Let them be as chaff before the wind: and let the angel of the Lord chase them.  Let their way be dark and slippery: and let the angel of the Lord persecute them.

Psalm 35:8 - Let destruction come upon him at unawares; and let his net that he hath hid catch himself: into that very destruction let him fall.

Psalm 28:4 - Give them according to their deeds, and according to the wickedness of their endeavours: give them after the work of their hands; render to them their desert.

My childhood church was more into Psalms 23 and 121, but some of the others are great for calling down God's wrath on one's enemies.

 

[MayMay1123]

i'm gonna go ahead and assume they're not swilling the plexus any more. or the tooth pasta. or the poppsy roppsy.

[thoughtful]

14 hours ago, PumaLover said:

" Gary Hawkins

4 hrs · 

Ok folks don't say much about politicians. The democratic and the Republican that against Trump or the biggest threat to our rights to our Constitution. And the reason people have President Donald Trump is because he's making AMERICA great. With jobs standing with Isreal not sure he's saved. Is for us being able to have our right to serve GOD. We need to Pray for our President and Family vice president and his family and all the offices. Thank GOD for allowing us to have some freedoms. 
Bro Gary Hawkins"

It gets harder and harder to parody Gary -- he, like Trump, does the job himself.

I wonder if Gary can pronounce "origins" and close an umbrella, and if he fears windmills.

[smittykins]

Was his father from Germany?

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

I have never gone to Church to do a preacher.  Nope, not ever.

Spoiler

 

[MayMay1123]

i swear, every post gets more and more nonsensical....wtf are you trying to say, bro?

[samurai_sarah]

2 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

i swear, every post gets more and more nonsensical....wtf are you trying to say, bro?

At this point, I'll go with this:

It makes as much sense, or doesn't. So why not at least rock it?

Edited April 10, 2019 by samurai_sarah

[thoughtful]

Quote

Gary, you got me -- how can I resist a phrase like "just do the Preachers?" I'm not clear on your intent, here, Gary -- do you want us to "do" the Preachers? Should we be upset if they don't call us afterward?

The repeated "If you go . . . " made tunes pop into my head. There was a brief battle between "San Francisco" and this tune, but the Teddy Bears won out:

If you go down in the church today
Your preacher will be surprised!
If you go down in the church today
His shock will be super-sized!

For ev'ry Christian ever there was
Will gather there for prayin’, because
What church is for is worship, not a dick picnic!

Ev'ry heady prayer Gary whoops
Must end with a loud “HAYMEN!”
If no one else yells it out, he will,
And then yell it out again.

He’s on his knees where everyone sees,
He’ll rant and rave and bellow and wheeze.
’Cause that’s the way his heady prayers get to Jesus!

Gary burps such heady prayers,
He shows a ready flair for babbling ’til all the people pay,
Watch him catch them unawares
Because his thoughts are in such disarray.

See him straightly lurch about,
He loves to pray and shout;
And sometimes to beg for chairs.

At six o’clock he’ll eat some free weens, then
He’ll sleep as someone’s guest,
Because he’s tired from his heady prayers.

If you go into the church to pray,
You'd better not gossip there.
Nor check the preacher’s wife’s dress today,
Or comment upon her hair!

For ev'ry Christian ever there was
Will gather there HAYMENin’, because
You’ve got to pray, no matter how incoherent!

If you go into the church to pray,
You’d best take Bro Gar’s advice,
Support the Donald, and don’t be gay,
To immigrants, don’t be nice!

’Cause Gary knows, in his little head
What Jesus meant, despite what he said,
He’s got the answers, now let him have a picnic!

 

Edited April 12, 2019 by thoughtful
fixing quote and adding a thought