Bro Gary Hawkins 10: Nouvelle Cuisine

[keepercjr]

2 hours ago, Starrynight said:

He was homeschooled? Really? Was homeschooling even a thing when he was a kid? He has to be what? 45?

Yes he and his siblings were homeschooled.  I think they went to school for a while before they were pulled to be at home but I don't know the details of that.  His dad is a pastor so I don't think it was as unusual to homeschool in those circles as it was in the mainstream.  Either way it miserably failed him.  I haven't seen his siblings talk or write (other than a very occasional fb post when they weren't private)  so I don't know if they write/speak as poorly as bro G.  If he had been given a proper education and had people who could intervene with any learning disabilities it would have helped so much. 

As it is, the cycle is continuing.  His older son, when on twitter a while back, started his tweets with "OK fokes".  Trying to be like dad but couldn't even spell folks.  And it was repeated over and over so it wasn't a one time accident.  And this is with Becky doing the teaching. 

[Starrynight]

That’s so sad. Paying for services to help with a learning disability would be so expensive out of pocket- which would be another reason to settle down and enroll in a public school system. Having struggled with learning disabilities himself - you would think Bro. Gary would want better for his children.

I wonder how this whole mess originated. Was Bro. Gary’s father a preacher of the same ilk as Bro. Gary? 

And how long can this lifestyle of begging and grifting last? Surely the money will run out sometime? He’ll run out of churches to scam.

 Instead of trying to build THE WALL. Brother Gary needs to help immigrants come to America. They probably will want to work and earn money- you know - to build a better a life for their families.

And he maybe able to trick them into giving him some.  That’s a huge untapped market right there. And if English is their second language- some of Bro. Gary’s creative spellings may slide by unnoticed. ?

[keepercjr]

Well sad news... looks like Gary unfriended me LOL!  I guess my anti trump and pro LGBT posts were too much for him to take.  Fortunately he is still public.

He was live for a few minutes while his son played the banjo and Becky “sang”.  Honey, you do not have a singing voice....

 

Edited June 2, 2019 by keepercjr

[PumaLover]

OK folks, I've been sick and have neglected FJ. I'm sure I'm 4,000 pages behind on the Jill Rod thread. 

Here are a few of Bro's latest posts. I don't have the energy to recap his church posts but maybe I'll be able to in the next couple days. I have mentioned before that I wonder if he uses the voice to text like Mr. Puma does and that accounts for the awkward spelling and grammar. But I'm not sure, it could just be the result of SOTDRT.

Also if you'd like him to come preach he's available the week of July the 21th.

Spoiler

Bro-isms

 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK Folks Bro Gary is admitting (sort of) preaching to children is foolishness!

On a high note wee doggie got a haircut!

Spoiler

 

[PumaLover]

OK Folks, a bunch of new preachin' videos that maybe I'll try and recap. In other news, my favorite Bro typo made an appearance! He can spell you're correctly but not hell. (Because of Bro I regularly tell people-and my dog- to go to he'll.)

[Ozlsn]

1 minute ago, PumaLover said:

OK Folks, a bunch of new preachin' videos that maybe I'll try and recap. In other news, my favorite Bro typo made an appearance! He can spell you're correctly but not hell. (Because of Bro I regularly tell people-and my dog- to go to he'll.)

Semi-genuine query - he's not trying to say that the Lord is real and using "he all" in the way y'all gets used, right?

[PumaLover]

@Ozlsn I am not totally sure, but I feel like it's his autocorrect that does it. I'll try to write well and sometimes my phone changes it to we'll. Or, for example, "I talked to my neighbors" and it autocorrects to "neighbor's." I've also speculated that he uses the voice to text like my husband does, which accounts for a lot of hysterical typos and sentences that literally make no sense. (My husband's autocorrect once turned "rocks" into "seals," which was hilarious because we were in the middle of the desert and no seals were to be found anywhere. It was so funny that I put a pic of the screen shot into a scrapbook.)

[Briefly]

12 hours ago, PumaLover said:

I've also speculated that he uses the voice to text like my husband does, which accounts for a lot of hysterical typos and sentences that literally make no sense. (My husband's autocorrect once turned "rocks" into "seals," which was hilarious because we were in the middle of the desert and no seals were to be found anywhere. It was so funny that I put a pic of the screen shot into a scrapbook.)

That's very possible.  Mr. Briefly's mom has dyslexia, which is probably where he got it from, and she uses voice to text.  Which means that we get some very strange texts from her sometimes because she doesn't check them before sending!  If Gary has issues with spelling or punctuation for example, then he could well be using voice text.

[OwlEyes]

Ok folks... Long time lurker here! I added the Bro when he went private a few months ago, and this past weekend he deleted me even though I haven't posted on my Facebook in months. I am WAY too curious as to why I randomly drew his attention? 

Oh well, at least it's all public again for now

[keepercjr]

2 hours ago, OwlEyes said:

Ok folks... Long time lurker here! I added the Bro when he went private a few months ago, and this past weekend he deleted me even though I haven't posted on my Facebook in months. I am WAY too curious as to why I randomly drew his attention? 

Oh well, at least it's all public again for now

He deleted me too but I do post semi regularly and none of it he would approve of!  I am honestly surprised he accepted me and then kept me on as long as he did.

I am sort of watching (skipping throug) Gary’s preaching video from yesterday morning.  

First, his suit jacket doesn’t fit him properly at all.  The sleeves are way too short!  The pants are too long too.  The tie is too long.  And his son is in that horribly big suit and his arms don’t go all the way to the end.  He had to push up the sleeves multiple times when he was on the stage playing his instrument.  

Spoiler

When gary is taking he says that Moses parted the Red Sea and they walked on cement because you sink into sand.  Can someone with bible knowledge tell me if he just made that up or does it say cement!?  I know th story of parting of the sea but just thought they walked on the sea floor.

He spends a lot of time talking about the devil telling lies and that adults like to hear lies.  The people up north are more racist than he is.  Becky likes material things and he let her spend $50 to replace some kitchen gadget.  Having things is fine if you don’t put them before god.  That is why rich people don’t go to church cuz their stuff is their god.

??OMG??

***THE LORD JUST GAVE HIM A 5TH WHEEL**** So I guess the Bus he pad $5000 for is no more??  He said regarding the bus “I was going to use it for the lord but God put a stop to it.  I don’t know why.  Not even gonna really question it.  But now God has given us something else.”

There is more preaching after this but meh.  I can’t get over how much this doofus grifts.

[mango_fandango]

Those are some awful photos of Bro Gary. Good looking and charismatic he is not. 

[wallysmommy]

The son just looks sad in that too big suit.  I feel for him because he's stuck with that doofus and doofette.  Go to Goodwill and get that child a suit that fits, Gary.  The dude with the offering plate looks like he's mentally saying "Dear God, I can't believe I'm going to collect money to support this circus."

[Ozlsn]

7 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

The son just looks sad in that too big suit.  I feel for him because he's stuck with that doofus and doofette.  Go to Goodwill and get that child a suit that fits, Gary.  The dude with the offering plate looks like he's mentally saying "Dear God, I can't believe I'm going to collect money to support this circus."

I laughed out loud at the expression on his face. And yes, get the poor kid some clothing that fits - just nice pants and a shirt with a tie would be so much better! 

[acheronbeach]

4 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I laughed out loud at the expression on his face. And yes, get the poor kid some clothing that fits - just nice pants and a shirt with a tie would be so much better! 

Bro Gary and Sis Becky need to take a look at what normal fundie kids wear to nice places/church - look at the Duggar and Bates kids in formal photos.  It's usually just a nice dress shirt and a pair of dress pants.  You can order a decent looking shirt new on Aliexpress for under twenty bucks.  His testimony would come across as much more presentable if he didn't look like he was playing dress-up in Dad's clothing.  

Also, Bro Gary's tie is simply majestic.  It's like something from Team America: World Police.  

[Lillymuffin]

On 6/10/2019 at 2:36 AM, Ozlsn said:

Semi-genuine query - he's not trying to say that the Lord is real and using "he all" in the way y'all gets used, right?

It’s definitely auto-correct. He probably just doesn’t bother to look after he types. Mine does it all the time, and it drives me nuts. It I wrote he’ll (just did it there, and I left it as an example), I meant hell, dammit!!! 

20 hours ago, OwlEyes said:

Ok folks... Long time lurker here! I added the Bro when he went private a few months ago, and this past weekend he deleted me even though I haven't posted on my Facebook in months. I am WAY too curious as to why I randomly drew his attention? 

I think the good Bro must periodically purge his page of female followers. I got unfriended a while back, despite the fact that (Rufus help me) we actually have a couple of mutual friends. I have fundie-lite family who follow both him and J-Rod. Because of this, and a couple of other reasons, my fb is pretty locked down. My Insta is where I say what I think, but that’s set to private, so he couldn’t have seen it. 

This may be only my impression, but if you are a single woman and look worldly in your profile, that’s a double ding for G-Haw. Can’t be temptin’ him to sin now, ya know!! 

[Yogi]

Okay, can someone translate this from Weenese? I read this so slowly, I had to read it out loud and it was very halting. I have no idea what he is trying to say:

 

[thoughtful]

Quote

Yes I have Friends in a little of camps but am a ones ite

Cross stitch fans, here is your next challenge.

[OwlEyes]

@Lillymuffin Thank you for the insight! I think he did just unfriend a lot of people. While I am married, my profile picture is pretty Nike so that was probably it. 

 

And that status is some advanced Weenese, I cannot even begin to understand it! I'm usually pretty good at deciphering his ramblings too. ?

[PumaLover]

I simply cannot believe how many vee-hickles these grifters (Rods included) are just given. Do people really just have used (or in the Rods' case, nearly new) cars and 5th wheels lying around that they are just willing to GIVE away? Is that a thing in the Bible belt? I don't know of anyone around here just giving away vehicles for free. Silly me, I went and took out a loan to buy my car. Maybe I should have just begged for one instead.

[Ozlsn]

42 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

I simply cannot believe how many vee-hickles these grifters (Rods included) are just given. Do people really just have used (or in the Rods' case, nearly new) cars and 5th wheels lying around that they are just willing to GIVE away? Is that a thing in the Bible belt? I don't know of anyone around here just giving away vehicles for free. Silly me, I went and took out a loan to buy my car. Maybe I should have just begged for one instead.

Given how functional Bro Gary's vehicles have turned out to be I think the loan and service contract is the safer option. Do they charge you to take them to scrap dealers or something there?

[wallysmommy]

I've graded some really bad student papers over the last 15 years, but I can't even begin to figure out 90% of what he's saying here.  

[mango_fandango]

A lot of Bro’s problem is the fact that he doesn’t use any kind of punctuation bar a full stop. So you get long sentences that make little sense.

[FundamentallyShocked]

I caved. I just follow Bro. Gary for the laughs.

Found this Bro Gary quote:

Ok folks as I was reading in Amos this Morning. It said there would come a famine. Not of food but of the word of GOD. We are no doubt there. The LORD is soon coming because as it was the days of Noe and as in the days of lot. We better be ready. HEs soon coming. As Timothy said they will not endear sound doctoring.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

I'm wiping tears. It's "days of Noah an Lot" and Timothy talked about enduring sound doctrine, not endearing sound doctoring.

19 hours ago, Yogi said:

Okay, can someone translate this from Weenese? I read this so slowly, I had to read it out loud and it was very halting. I have no idea what he is trying to say:

 

Let me see what I can do with this Word Salad (yummy, yummy).

Okay folks, I may lose some followers, but that's just life. I see preachers struggling to reach the unchurched and the ones who have left the church. Preachers are also fighting against the idea that we must oppose anything in the Bible (not really sure about this point). We have to take a stand for biblical doctrine....of forget it. This one is just a MESS. I'm quite fluent in christian-ese and I give up.

Let's just pause and admire these comments:

"If it goes against the KJB stand for it."

"doctoring from the KJB"  (he means doctrine, not doctoring)

"I Preach for the doors" (hope the doors enjoy your sermons, Bro!)

"Yes I have Friends in a little of camps but am a ones ite." (I actually have no idea where to start with this one!).

 

_______________

I was at a tech conference for churches this weekend and they talked about using tech in small churches. One of his points was that many pastors are filming the sermon by using their cell phone propped up in the pulpit. He want on to say from his observation, many pastors need to trim those nose hairs and how it would be better to prop the phone up higher in the pulpit. I wanted to shout "Bro. Gary" but I knew that no one would understand, but the comment gave me great mirth. How many videos has the guy shot from the "up the nose" perspective!!??

 

[Granwych]

On 6/6/2019 at 11:32 PM, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

OK Folks Bro Gary is admitting (sort of) preaching to children is foolishness!

On a high note wee doggie got a haircut!

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A wwww...Rascal looks so much like Wychdog that I have tears in my eyes.  Poor Wychdog was diagnosed 2 months ago with diabetes;  we seemed to have gotten his blood sugars down to normal.  Last week, though, his blood sugars went higher than before and he began having seizures.  On Friday we made the tough decision to end his suffering.  

I hope that Rascal gets decent veterinary care but I'm not holding my breath.