Where in the World is Doug Phillips (Who is a Tool)? Part 10

[The Mother Dust]

On 9/20/2019 at 1:51 AM, AnnaSofia said:

Ding ding ding!

@thoughtful I've still got like 4 pages to catch up on in this thread, but I just wanted to say that I'm LOVING your recaps!

I find it SO telling that the married couple who espoused (pun not intended) Conservative Christian Family Values aren't situated anywhere near each other in a posed family photo.  If her MIL is unsteady on her feet and needed someone's arm, Beall could have stood on Doug's right, or on the other side of her MIL.  

Edited September 22, 2019 by The Mother Dust

[MamaJunebug]

3 hours ago, bea said:

Wow, there is a LOT of scrubbing going on!

Hey, remember when the oldest McDonald girl was courting and how it wasn’t DATING it was COURTSHIP and that meant it was SERIOUS.
But then they broke up, the way people sometimes do when they’ve been dating, and allllll the courtship posts got nuked.
Man. Stacy McDonald is a true Queen of Retcon, I swear.

Didn’t that same FAILED courier later MARRY a younger McDonald SISTER?

Not creepy at all ... but a little ew-inducing. 

[DomWackTroll]

3 hours ago, bea said:

Hey, remember when the oldest McDonald girl was courting and how it wasn’t DATING it was COURTSHIP and that meant it was SERIOUS.
But then they broke up, the way people sometimes do when they’ve been dating, and allllll the courtship posts got nuked.

Dude's got to be thanking the stars above, though, and I can't say I blame him, because either Tiffany or her parents or all of them forced him to propose-- and pose for pics-- in a Georgian costume similar to the ones below (tri-cornered hat and all). Seriously, he looked like such a chump. 

 

[hoipolloi]

3 hours ago, bea said:

Hey, remember when the oldest McDonald girl was courting and how it wasn’t DATING it was COURTSHIP and that meant it was SERIOUS.
But then they broke up, the way people sometimes do when they’ve been dating, and allllll the courtship posts got nuked.

Yep. Totally remember this.

Stacy said their daughters were betrothed which was almost exactly like being married until, well, one of the couple didn't want to be betrothed any more. 

[Granwych]

On 9/20/2019 at 8:36 PM, Hane said:

@thoughtful, guess what I am eating at this very minute. Well, not exactly the real thing, but some smoked salmon from IKEA on rye with chive cream cheese. (Not buying it again—next time it’s the real deal Nova from Rein’s New York Deli in Vernon, CT, where a venerable gentleman painstakingly slices the lox by hand from whole salmon fillets.)

I love Rein’s deli!  Also love the quilt store, the yarn store, and the Just Like New store in that little shopping center .

Rein’s T-shirt’s are proudly worn by the Wyches, too.  

[smittykins]

9 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

Yep. Totally remember this.

Stacy said their daughters were betrothed which was almost exactly like being married until, well, one of the couple didn't want to be betrothed any more. 

At least their daughter wasn’t betrothed through a civil wedding(ala Maranatha Chapman).

[Hane]

@Granwych, *dies* My best friend lives near Rein’s and I also pass it every week on my way home from the course I’m taking. Maybe we could meet up there some day!

[thoughtful]

23 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I discovered this one recently:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

He isn't as cute as Kermit, though. 

Let's not forget Virginia Weidler, helping Katharine Hepburn try to freak out Jimmy Stewart and Ruth Hussey with the lifestyles of the rich and prefer-not-to-be-famous:

 

[Granwych]

6 hours ago, Hane said:

@Granwych, *dies* My best friend lives near Rein’s and I also pass it every week on my way home from the course I’m taking. Maybe we could meet up there some day!

That would be wonderful!

[MamaJunebug]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Let's not forget Virginia Weidler, helping Katharine Hepburn try to freak out Jimmy Stewart and Ruth Hussey with the lifestyles of the rich and prefer-not-to-be-famous:

 

My favorite. Scene. Ever. Thank you for posting it!

[Flyinthesoup]

On 9/19/2019 at 11:51 PM, AnnaSofia said:

Ding ding ding!

My silly question is, why is the Tool covering his wedding ring finger?  I do not believe for one moment it was a coincidence. 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Justice was in a motorcycle accident. I can’t believe there is a fundie who actually follows through with transportation safety. The are so many fundies who won’t even wear a fucking seat belt! I hope his fundie friends listen to him and follow the correct safety guidelines as well. 

[MamaJunebug]

Good boy, that boy. 750, hm? 

[hoipolloi]

Hitting a deer at highway speed is no joke. More than one driver/occupant of a car has died as the result of such an impact -- in fact, recent stats say about 200 people a year die in the US in these collisions.

Glad Justice is OK *and* that he had the intelligence to be prepared for this eventuality. I'd hope that his fundie associates would get the point here but won't hold my breath...

[VVV]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Justice was in a motorcycle accident. I can’t believe there is a fundie who actually follows through with transportation safety. The are so many fundies who won’t even wear a fucking seat belt! I hope his fundie friends listen to him and follow the correct safety guidelines as well. 

I'm glad it wasn't worse but I fear that the main point--God doesn't/won't/can't save people who refuse to wear helmets/appropriate safety gear/seatbelts (in cars)--is going to zoom right over people's unprotected heads. And you can't even write a check to pay for an ambulance if you're dead. It will be your next of kin, and they'll be writing checks for the ambulance ride, the morgue, the funeral home, the burial plot, the marker, and your kids' GFM.

[Howl]

Ooooh, good man.  Helmet, protective clothes, and enough athleticism and quick reflexes to not go over the bars.  

[Baconandapples]

I saw this picture in a training course at work today and was horrified because it reminded me so much of Doug. Could it be him? The facial expression seems about right.

 

[Howl]

We're on page 19 of a Where is Doug? thread.  One sighting at a family reunion.  What the heck is he really up to? Where does he live.  What is his means of support? Is he working on a "project?"  Wife and kids don't post anything about him.  Is he on the down low due to debt?  How far the mighty have fallen. 

 I reeeealy want to know, even though it's none of my business. 

[VVV]

 The only thing I can say for sure is that there has been no action in the AmEx lawsuit.  I did check similar lawsuits in Bexar County  and it seems that this sort of delay in this sort of lawsuit is the norm, not the exception. 

[Marian the Librarian]

Well, I have nothing new on Dougie, but here's Beall's latest post on her IG account (spoiler: she'd like enough money to pay for a professional haircut):

Quote

 

countingupfrom50 Pondering what I’d like for this year’s birthday present (10 days away). So far the contenders are:

1. A large mustard leather or faux leather backpack. I didn’t know I needed this until I saw one at Ross. 

2. A real haircut. I’ve trimmed and shaped my own hair for the last several years, and I’m ready to relinquish the scissors. .

3. An Insta pot. I thought I didn’t need it, but one of my clients has changed my mind. He cooks the way I do, so I’m a convert.

4. This last one is a for sure thing. I’m going to get better arms. ?? For real. One of my kids said, “It’s OK, mom, you just have middle-age woman arms.” ? I’m starting today. Check back in a month for a progress report.

 

 

[MamaJunebug]

Better arms. I am about 1,000% pro-choice, so if that’s important to her, more power. 

But honestly:  My “auntie arms,” batwing flaps and all, are strong beyond what’s expected of a woman of my years.  I wouldn’t change ‘em. 

OTOH Beall probably is trim in the torso, which I’m not. So if she feels like trying to match her arms to her bod, go for it. And I imagine more women’ than not with nod at her goal, rather than shake their heads. I’m still SMH.  

[thoughtful]

OK, I am determined to finish this recap before we go to a new thread.

The proposal:

Galasko proposes. Oh, wait -- you want details? OK.

After he says that the white man's god makes good weapons, he goes on to say:

"White man's god make Susquehanna* more graceful than the deer. You have the courage of a panther. For this, he is a good god. But Galasko is Indian, and Susquehanna is now Indian. You must believe in Indian god. Galsasko, son of the great chief, child of the great spirit, wishes to make Susquehanna his own. We would be very happy, and raise many great warriors."

* In case you've forgotten, that's Barbara's name now.

As he says it, he presses a string of beads into her hand. At the end, he puts them around her neck. Isn't that romantic? Sure beats sitting six inches apart at Arbys, huh?

During this speech, Kelly looks like she is in an acting class for 10-year-olds. She smiles slightly and nods when G says "he is a good god,"  looks sadly down when he says she is now Indian, furrows her brow (well, as much as she can -- I suspect Botox) when he insists she must believe in Indian god:
 

Spoiler

Then she goes right back into"ooooh, the cute guy proposed to me!" mode:

 

Spoiler

They continue on their way, stepping over the water on more rocks. She smiles lovingly at him when he turns back to look at her, looks worried when he is not looking.

 

 

[thoughtful]

 More recap:

Night in the village -- the men are having a meeting again. Their meetings always look like this:

Like a painting, eh? Art historians, help me out -  whose style does this look like? Remington? Catlin? John Ford movies?

Chief Selinquaw says that Fort Duquesne has been taken by the Yankees, and they must go aid the French in taking it back. Grunts of agreement ensue. He says he will leave only one warrior to protect the old and the children, and guard the captives -- Hannawoa.

Hannawoa, of course, is pissed: "Old women, children, and dogs -- you disgrace me in front of everyone!" Dad explains that he is doing it because H is his best warrior, and the old, who hold their history, and the young, who are their future, are an important responsibility. Hannawoa agrees to stay. More grunting, and the meeting breaks up. Unlike in the Philadelphia cream cheese ads, nobody ever brings bagels to their meetings, so they have to go find some food, I guess.

Barbara and Marie meet in their ledge sandwich (at's a ledge! Sorry, wrong thread). B tells M that Galasko has asked to marry Susquehanna, and M reminds her that she is not Susquehanna, she is Barbara, she would have to worship Indian gods, that Galasko murdered her family, that her father's scalp hangs at the entrance of Galasko's long house. B asks "what choice to I have?" and slinks off.

Back at the village, the scene starts with this shot:

 

Spoiler

Well, at least she didn't have to wear an itchy ugly wig. There's no explanation of who this is, yet. Selinquaw tells Barbara that, when they return from the fort in three days, they will have a marriage ceremony.

There is whooping and blessing of rifles as the warriors are prepared for battle. We see:

Spoiler

So I guess we are supposed to realize Lourdes is playing Hylea, grown up. although it's still not made clear. She and Barbara do some "oooh, aren't the guys cute in their uniforms" faces.

Galasko comes to Barbara and presses something into her hand. She looks at him lovingly, he walks away. Then she opens the gift. It is (dun dun dun!)

Spoiler

Mama's brooch! I'm surprised she recognized it after all this time, having only seen it once.

Dramatic violin music plays. Barbara has a flashback to Mama saying "he paid a year's vages." She walks away, looking perturbed. Hannawoa watches her, looking pissed (well, Hannawoa always looks pissed).

She stares at the brooch in her hand, then, as she nears the long house, Papa's scalp. Another flashback, to Papa, with his hair still on his head, saying "God vill never leave you or forsake you. Never." Violin music gets even more dramatic - lots of rolled minor chords and dissonances across all four strings.

Hylea (we guess) and the older woman (her mom?) walk by. Barbara smiles at the sight of them, then takes hold of the beads Galasko gave her and looks at them, perturbed.

Focus goes back and forth from Barbara in the background and Papa's scalp in the foreground:
 

Spoiler

 

 

Finally, the deeply conflicted drama student, having exhausted worried expressions #1-20 in her acting course, speaks, rolling her eyes up to heaven while being careful not to make an ugly face, of course:

Spoiler

"Father, can you tell that violinist to shut the fuck up? I can barely hear myself think!"

Oh, sorry -- that's what I was thinking. She says:

"Father, eye n't t'do. (long pause) Pleesupme."

I assume that's "I don't know what to do. Please help me." After all of this dramatic buildup of looks and music, she sounds like a very modern pre-teen trying to decide which boy band to ask Alexa to play.

As she walks away, focus returns to the scalp, and the violin plays a minor arpeggio.

It's all I can do not to cry . . . at the waste of time, money and film.

 

Edited September 26, 2019 by thoughtful
riffle

[Howl]

Hell, I'd *almost* start a GoFundMe for Beall's Instant Pot.  Not sure how many she's cooking for these days, but it's damned handy.  The minute she gets one, she'll be sad that she didn't have one when she was cooking for eight or nine, except then she had a housekeeper...and a nanny...and helpers. Never mind.  But, if she can't even afford a $15 clip at Super Cuts, she's living pretty damned close to the bone.   

[thoughtful]

More recap:

Marie is in the ledge sandwich, looking worried and holding a string bag. Barbara comes, carrying a small bucket (I guess someone decided they should have props this time, to make it look like they were gathering food as their excuse for leaving the village) and says "I'm going with you."

Before I go on, I must comment on how, according to the story, she made her decision. I know that humans are odd, that it's hard to say what will be the straw that breaks any camel's back, and sometimes a new image or thought can trigger us into a decision. But, let's face it, this is not a subtle or complex film.

It is so bizarre, to me, that Barbara looked at that scalp daily for years, but was charmed by Galasko and flirty with him until she saw the brooch. You're OK with the flesh and hair of your father hanging there throughout your teen years, and continue mooning over this guy, but seeing the brooch he stole from your mom brings it all home?   Maybe there was a better way to portray it, and it's just the shitty filmmaking that makes it seem so sickening and unlikely.

Anyway, back to the story. Marie asks "What happened?" As explanation for her change of heart, Barbara takes out the brooch and silently shows it to her. Marie says "Your mother's brooch? Where did you get it?"

I must interrupt the narrative again to give, um, credit where credit is due. The script supervisor for this film was Christopher M. Searcey. Script supervisors are responsible for continuity. So I ask, Chris, how did Marie know this was Mama's brooch? Mama never seemed to wear it, and her own daughter had only seen it once, when Marie wasn't around, shortly before the kidnapping.

There was a perfect way to make sure the audience knew about the brooch by having Marie comment on it, pre-kidnap, and Barbara and Mama together tell her the sweet story of Papa's spending a year's wages (excuse me - vages) on it. We also would have known who Marie was, instead of her being a briefly-shown, unidentified brunette in the corn harvest scene. Oh, well.

Back to the story. Barbara answers, "From Galasko. You're right -- I could never marry him." (need I even say, "teen rejecting a prom date" voice and expression).

Marie tells her they are meeting at the canoes, when the full moon is at its highest (seems impractical -- wouldn't they want as little moonlight as possible?). Barbara says she'll be there.

Next shot: the full moon, at its highest.

We see Barbara in bed. She holds the end of the necklace Galasko gave her, as it hangs on the wall over her bed, looking at it wistfully (man, the power of cute-guy-ness is strong -- she's still into him!). There is a long sequence of Barbara sneaking out, and we get another movie cliche -- she bumps into a basket, which rustles, as she gets out of bed, then stops to make sure Hylea and Kind Native Woman(?) don't wake up. 

She puts stuff in her bed to look like she's in it (is your movie cliche Bingo card filled yet?), and slips out of the cave. Then we get the "make a noise and freeze until the coast is clear" trope again, as she bumps into some hanging gourds. A dog barks and Hannawoa comes over to the gourds while Barbara hides nearby. Ooooooh, scary.

But, of course he doesn't think to look into the perfectly obvious hiding place right next to the gourds, and goes away. Looking pissed, of course. This actor must have needed facial massages after each day, to relax his scowl.

Barbara makes it to the canoe, and they set off.

Day -- they get to some rapids, send the canoe through them empty, and continue on foot. Hannawoa, following, sees the wrecked canoe. 

 

Edited September 26, 2019 by thoughtful
adding something