Counting On Season 8/9/10 3: Another Wedding, Another Ms. Renee Dress

[singsingsing]

Sorry, but I will never fault anyone for not working if they don't need to, ever, for any reason. That's 100% up to the individual and is a personal and valid choice (again, if they don't need to - obviously I will judge people for not working if they can work and their kids are going hungry). The so-called 'protestant work ethic' feeds into extremely unhealthy behaviour, keeps the disgustingly wealthy disgustingly wealthy, and the poor working 12 hour days so they can barely (or not even) scrape by. It leads people into burnout, nervous  breakdowns, and physical health problems. And it leads to stigma and judgement against those who can't work (or who can't work 'enough') for one reason or another. Basically, it sucks, and I have no patience for it.

I suspect that 'planning her wedding' was not the only reason Abbie stopped working, but if it was, and she was able to do that, more power to her.

[SassyPantswithASideofClass]

On ‎3‎/‎20‎/‎2019 at 1:21 PM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

 

Because I make it with about 3/4 c of butter and 1/2 gallon of whole milk. 

 

 

soo, can we all come over and have some soup? I'll bring snacks lol

[Dreadcrumbs]

2 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Yes, my endocrinologist explained that during my first appointment. I’ve been on medicine (Unithroid) since last summer and that has helped a great deal with the exhaustion. It’s great being able to remain functional all day long now. I had no clue just how abnormal my fatigue was until I started taking the medicine. 

What is the difference between Unithroid and Synthroid?

[karen77]

2 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

Wow. I wish someone would have told me I needed to quit my job to get married. First time, I worked till two days before the wedding, AND had my SIL and her two kids AND my brother and his wife staying with us, because they couldn't afford a hotel room! Geez, on the night of my wedding, still in my wedding dress, I bathed those two little heathens and put them to bed so she could go to her   high school reunion!

Second time, wedding was at three, but at noon, I was taking a microbiology midterm practical exam. I'd worked the night before as well...

 

Guess you have to be fundy to take that much time off work.

This was us too! and I trained for a marathon during that time (and bought a house, lol)

1 hour ago, Dreadcrumbs said:

What is the difference between Unithroid and Synthroid?

I'd never heard on Unithroid. 

I take Synthroid and liothironine.

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, Dreadcrumbs said:

What is the difference between Unithroid and Synthroid?

 

7 minutes ago, karen77 said:

This was us too! and I trained for a marathon during that time (and bought a house, lol)

I'd never heard on Unithroid. 

I take Synthroid and liothironine.

I’m not sure. I know they’re both generics of Levothyroxine, but I’m also pretty sure that genetics aren’t interchangeable so there’s likely some sort of difference. My PCP tried having me take Synthroid in January 2018, but had me stop after a few days since I had bad side effects on it. I had the symptoms I usually get prior to an anxiety attack. I’m pretty sure that was because he started me on the full lowest dose possible rather than having me work up to a full dose, but it’s also possible that my body just didn’t like the Synthroid. The Endocrinologist he referred me to gradually started me on Unithroid last summer and I’ve done very well on it so far. 

[Coconut Flan]

Synthroid is a brand name drug.  Levothyroxine is the generic name.  Unithroid is another brand name of levothyroxine sodium.

[Dreadcrumbs]

1 minute ago, VelociRapture said:

 

I’m not sure. I know they’re both generics of Levothyroxine, but I’m also pretty sure that genetics aren’t interchangeable so there’s likely some sort of difference. My PCP tried having me take Synthroid in January 2018, but had me stop after a few days since I had bad side effects on it. I had the symptoms I usually get prior to an anxiety attack. I’m pretty sure that was because he started me on the full lowest dose possible rather than having me work up to a full dose, but it’s also possible that my body just didn’t like the Synthroid. The Endocrinologist he referred me to gradually started me on Unithroid last summer and I’ve done very well on it so far. 

I'm guessing it's something in the Synthroid you got that your body didn't take kindly to. Generic levo thyroxine is really all over the place in terms of quality. I take brand name because of this.

I'm gonna see about a referral to Endo when I see my new doctor in May. Hopefully I can get a good one. I'm starting to wonder if my hypothyroidism could be better managed.

[AtlanticTug]

8 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Sorry, but I will never fault anyone for not working if they don't need to, ever, for any reason. That's 100% up to the individual and is a personal and valid choice (again, if they don't need to - obviously I will judge people for not working if they can work and their kids are going hungry). The so-called 'protestant work ethic' feeds into extremely unhealthy behaviour, keeps the disgustingly wealthy disgustingly wealthy, and the poor working 12 hour days so they can barely (or not even) scrape by. It leads people into burnout, nervous  breakdowns, and physical health problems. And it leads to stigma and judgement against those who can't work (or who can't work 'enough') for one reason or another. Basically, it sucks, and I have no patience for it.

I don't have an issue with people choosing not to work if they can afford to, but a lot of these fundies then go about shamelessly grifting precisely because they CAN'T afford not to work. We have JRod who can't even feed her kids beyond malnutrition (and actually openly said that adding a baby would be "one chicken drumstick less" to go around, wtf), the Andersons who repeatedly use food banks but refer to them as "co-ops" while vacationing in Hawaii (fully paid for by their congregants), the Duggars media whoring + trying to make a quick buck by partnering up with anyone who will have them, the Dillards repeatedly asking the public to fund their ill-advised missioncations and so on.

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

On 3/20/2019 at 11:26 AM, just_ordinary said:

I like lemon grass but I thought you take it out before serving. I agree that it doesn’t taste nice when you actually eat it. 

There is obviously nothing wrong with struggling to juggle many things (illness or not). But if you have to quit your job to get married that doesn’t sound like a good spot to be in, in life. It’s not as if people are normally just waiting to employ you. I don’t believe for a second that Abby will return working. At least not after she got pregnant. It will be interesting if she really gets liscened in Arkansas. Maybe if a pregnancy will take some time. “Serving others” is acceptable if God doesn’t bless you with children.

Abbie does have her Arkansas license, several on FJ have posted the AR state registry where her name is listed.

She planned a full-on fundie-sized wedding in 3 months (i forget their exact engagement length) which is alot, even if you do it fundie-factory-style. That's traveling from OK to AR probably every once a week to check venues, her dress, meet with the officiant, see things like flowers/decor/cake in person, plus at least the TLC-staged "cake" and "ceremony decor" we've been shown so far, plus check out her new home/plan what to move/etc, plus actually spend some time with her fiancé and in-laws. Even things she could do from home (probably like flowers, wedding party attire, etc and pack up her belongings from her parents' place) take time. Plus the mission trip. And don't forget that all fundies lose Sunday to church. Even if she were working part-time (my guess is that would entail 2-3 8hr shifts at a nursing home) that would be plenty for one woman to do.  

Alyssa Webster quit school and her job to get married and Erin Paine delayed graduating by a semester. It's common in fundieland. 

[tabitha2]

Work/school may be fun or fulfilling but it can set aside pretty easily to these women. Getting married and starting a family is what really matters. 

[apandaaries]

On 3/20/2019 at 9:26 AM, just_ordinary said:

I like lemon grass but I thought you take it out before serving. I agree that it doesn’t taste nice when you actually eat it. 

Depends on the lemongrass and its age and preparation. For some dishes, like larb, lemongrass is smashed and chopped with the meat/tofu and other spices. There are also some salads made with younger lemongrass.  

Most of what people tend to see, like in Tom Kha Gai, is the woody part that is definitely not worth eating but does contribute a strong citrus flavor. In case it's not obvious, I'm a big fan of lemongrass. 

Edited March 23, 2019 by apandaaries

[Divemaster01]

I actually worked more than 40 hours a week during my 8-month engagement to save money for my wedding. I had no wedding debt because of that.  I hope Abbie will go back to work later though after things settle down, she is probably smarter and certainly more educated than many in her new family and would probably get bored being home all of the time.

[SassyPants]

18 hours ago, ihaveanexamintwodays said:

Abbie does have her Arkansas license, several on FJ have posted the AR state registry where her name is listed.

She planned a full-on fundie-sized wedding in 3 months (i forget their exact engagement length) which is alot, even if you do it fundie-factory-style. That's traveling from OK to AR probably every once a week to check venues, her dress, meet with the officiant, see things like flowers/decor/cake in person, plus at least the TLC-staged "cake" and "ceremony decor" we've been shown so far, plus check out her new home/plan what to move/etc, plus actually spend some time with her fiancé and in-laws. Even things she could do from home (probably like flowers, wedding party attire, etc and pack up her belongings from her parents' place) take time. Plus the mission trip. And don't forget that all fundies lose Sunday to church. Even if she were working part-time (my guess is that would entail 2-3 8hr shifts at a nursing home) that would be plenty for one woman to do.  

Alyssa Webster quit school and her job to get married and Erin Paine delayed graduating by a semester. It's common in fundieland. 

Didn’t they get married in OK? Why would she need to go to AR every week for wedding purposes?

[Galbin]

On ‎3‎/‎22‎/‎2019 at 3:48 PM, singsingsing said:

Sorry, but I will never fault anyone for not working if they don't need to, ever, for any reason. That's 100% up to the individual and is a personal and valid choice (again, if they don't need to - obviously I will judge people for not working if they can work and their kids are going hungry). The so-called 'protestant work ethic' feeds into extremely unhealthy behaviour, keeps the disgustingly wealthy disgustingly wealthy, and the poor working 12 hour days so they can barely (or not even) scrape by. It leads people into burnout, nervous  breakdowns, and physical health problems. And it leads to stigma and judgement against those who can't work (or who can't work 'enough') for one reason or another. Basically, it sucks, and I have no patience for it.

Thank you @singsingsing.

As mentioned, I have a variety of chronic illnesses. However, I was unemployed for a long time and when I finally found a job that would work for one of my conditions I had to take it. However, I knew it would not be a forever job. So, while doing that job five days a week I trained for a specific skill needed for my future career, edited and submitted research for peer review, volunteered on a board, underwent fertility treatment, started the process of selling a relative's house, continually squeezed in a specific beauty treatment (WTH was I thinking on this?!) twice a month, went through a chemical miscarriage, did an exercise routine, and then kept up with household chores/errands/life.

Surprise, surprise I am now terribly ill. Again, what was I thinking? Well, we are constantly told by society that we are lazy if we stop, so I guess I didn't want to stop. Some things could not be helped, but if I could go back in time I would cut out the beauty treatment and the volunteer work. I also plan to switch to part time work as soon as I am able.

I just pray that I will get better again. And I am cutting out as much as I can now.

 

 

Edited March 24, 2019 by Galbin
Exercise routine

[backyard sylph]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Didn’t they get married in OK? Why would she need to go to AR every week for wedding purposes?

My guess would be to prepare the home she would be sharing with her new husband. I'd have wanted to spend lots of time on that.

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, backyard sylph said:

My guess would be to prepare the home she would be sharing with her new husband. I'd have wanted to spend lots of time on that.

If I wasn’t going to be working after marriage, I’d probably wait until then to prepare the home, and save the time and money that all those trips would necessitate. Different strokes, and this lifestyle does offer many luxuries that most people will never enjoy.

Edited March 24, 2019 by SassyPants

[Lurky]

It's completely fine to choose not to work for a living, if someone can, and isn't grifting (and I hope it goes without saying, be too sick to work!!! I've been there myself) but that's a totally different thing to claim to not be able to work because you need 3 months to prepare for a wedding.  Like so much the Duggars do, this kind of narrative completely ignores that the vast majority of women plan their weddings while working, whether that's in a job, or running a household/raising children. 

The Duggar mentality that women become completely useless when they fall in love, and that it's simultaneously more godly to throw a wedding together in a short amount of time, but it's also an all-consuming process, treats women like we're basically children.  And it's baffling that we are supposed to go from this state of helplessness to being able to run a household and raise and homeschool a quiver of children literally overnight.  I can't tell if it's because wedding night sex transforms a woman, or that God flips a switch, or what, but it's one of the many contradictions of quiverfull.

If Abbie wanted a holiday between working for a living, and working as a SAHW and mother, I get that - just own it as a luxury, and don't pretend it's a natural, normal thing that's necessary.

Edited March 24, 2019 by Lurky

[Belugaloo]

13 hours ago, Galbin said:

Thank you @singsingsing.

As mentioned, I have a variety of chronic illnesses. However, I was unemployed for a long time and when I finally found a job that would work for one of my conditions I had to take it. However, I knew it would not be a forever job. So, while doing that job five days a week I trained for a specific skill needed for my future career, edited and submitted research for peer review, volunteered on a board, underwent fertility treatment, started the process of selling a relative's house, continually squeezed in a specific beauty treatment (WTH was I thinking on this?!) twice a month, went through a chemical miscarriage, did an exercise routine, and then kept up with household chores/errands/life.

Surprise, surprise I am now terribly ill. Again, what was I thinking? Well, we are constantly told by society that we are lazy if we stop, so I guess I didn't want to stop. Some things could not be helped, but if I could go back in time I would cut out the beauty treatment and the volunteer work. I also plan to switch to part time work as soon as I am able.

I just pray that I will get better again. And I am cutting out as much as I can now.

 

 

This is really important, thank you for sharing.

 

I also have a variety of health issues. Mine are interesting because I hide them well, people don't usually suspect anything but I do get a few weird looks when I discretely pull out a pill right before I eat anything (and I assume would get even more looks if they saw the variety of pill bottles scattered across my kitchen!)

 

While my health issues are both physical and mental (I have anxiety stemming from the physical health issues- I seemed to develop panic disorder in middle school because I was terrified of constantly feeling sick in school), my mom has some mental health related issues. She was medicated for ADHD at way too high of a dose and ended up having psychosis - like side effects, and even once taken off the meds she never felt better. She didn't work for two years (during my first two years of college) because she didn't feel well and refused to go back to work until doctors finally told her what was wrong and helped her get proper treatment. I remember feeling kind of ... judgmental towards that decision (ashamed to say). All I could think was "you've always been a hypochondriac, but you never actually end up with a diagnosis. Anxiety runs in our family, coping skills and medication are the best way to deal with it but you can't just stop functioning!" (interesting to note that I get a diagnosis even when I dont want them, my symptoms are always caused by something and I think that is frustrating for me bc I would love to just be "normal"- I would LOVE for a doc to say, your labs are perfect and so was this test we ran, thats just a weird quirk your body seems to have!- but I can see how the opposite problem- never getting a diagnosis- would be even harder) 

 

As it turned out my mom needed to be on a mood stabilizer. Months after going on one, my mom took a full Time job back in her field and quickly got a promotion. She is now back on the ADHD medications since her mood is stable with the first med. She was right... something WAS wrong. The problem had been she (and her doctors) was taking a physical approach (probably bc of the mental health stigma), so neurologists, etc. weren't finding a problem. Once she saw a psychiatrist and explained all her symptoms, he quickly recognized her need for a mood stabilizer. 

 

 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

While I was finishing my degree on line about 10 years ago, we had lots of group projects (which to this day I LOATHE) there were 3 of us in this group and one was a gal who didn't have time to do anything because she was taking 2 classes and planning her wedding, that was 10 months away, and was very stressed and so busy, and I couldn't understand how stressed she was.  I told her I was working full time taking 4 classes AND I had 2 kids a husband 3 cats and a dog, if she wanted to talk about busy and stressed I win, so either do your part or drop the class, because I wasn't paying all this money to baby sit an entitled little princess.  She was so mad, but she did drop the class, the professor, who read everything we were saying, never said anything other than to remind students when working on group projects that EVERYONE needs to do their own work.  

I've planned a wedding, and worked full-time while doing it, it was stressful and I can't imagine doing it while my fiance lived hours away and I was moving hours away.  I  only took 1/2 the day before because I was using all my vacation time for our honeymoon. Everything was done after work and on weekends. I wished I could have taken the week before off for the wedding, it would have been much less stressful but, I didn't have the vacation time or the money to go a week without pay.  I wanted the damn honeymoon more than the stupid wedding. 

[BachelorToTheRapture]

Sending love (and hope for great doctors) to everyone out there with chronic health problems.

I managed to plan my wedding with only a couple days off before, but if I'd have been able to take a few days off here and there to meet with people and plan things that would have helped a lot. I dont think that "for the wedding" is the full truth of Abbie quitting her job. I think it was to plan the wedding, take the mission trip, spend time with JD (remember when fundies are in love they're expected to be somewhat useless, only able to think about their new guy), plan her move, set up her own house for the first time, and possibly relax before she's likely to get pregnant as well as changing in a day from a child to an adult in her cult's viewpoint

I've suffered from fatigue and stomach pain for years with no diagnosis. Finally a doctor had me try the low FODMAP diet a few months ago and without the pain, the fatigue is gone too! I have to take a lot of time to prepare all my meals at home, and it definitely takes a bit more effort and planning, but I suddenly have energy to cook all my meals at home (split with mr), do dishes, do my share of the housework, walk the dog at least once a day, and get to the gym most days! Before this I was barely getting to and from work and leaving my poor husband to do 100% of the cooking, housework, and dog care, plus take care of me. I can't put into words how amazing it is to have energy and not be in pain, I'd been living with constant pain for so long. Of course I'm now afraid to start reintroducing foods like I'm supposed to because I dont want this to go away, but a limited diet and not eating out is so much better than pain and low energy...

[neurogirl]

I was in grad school and planning a long distance wedding and it was pretty stressful. 

It's looking like I will be able to get my PhD and graduate in June 2020. The next step programs I am looking at will likely start in August, and hubby and I will need to move across the country for wherever that program is. I am definitely planning on taking July off to move yes, but also to go on vacation. Hubby might quit his job a few weeks before moving so we can go to Japan together (his lifelong dream destination) as flying from CA will be easier than flying from the East Coast, where we will likely be next. 

So yes, I might actually have an entire 4-6 weeks of not working but getting the PhD has been a mental/emotional/physical roller coaster and I'm so looking forward to having a real break before starting another multi-year program.

Of course, this is all over a year away, but I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so excited !!!eleventy!!!

Edited March 24, 2019 by neurogirl

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

@neurogirl that sounds amazing.  If I may ask what are you getting your PhD in?  I have several friends with PhD's, and they have all worked so incredibly hard. 

[mpheels]

@neurogirl yes, definitely take the time off any enjoy it! I only had one month between my dissertation defense and my postdoc starting. I had to make the final edits and turn everything in, then pack up my apartment and move several states away during that time. I ended up with a week of free time in my new city (Boston) before my postdoc job started, but had to wait another year before I had time/money for a real vacation.

[neurogirl]

@allthegoodnamesrgone I think the PhD will say "biology" but I started in a neuroscience program and am in a lab studying epilepsy. I want to teach college (liberal arts or regional university) so it was necessary training and some parts have been fun, but I will be so relieved when I'm done. My next step will hopefully be a combined research/teaching postdoc so I can be a bit more focused on the teaching part that I love. 

[BachelorToTheRapture]

@neurogirl definitely take the time off to relax and travel!! If you can afford to do so i think it's great to take time between jobs (studies in your case), especially if you have something lined up. I pushed my husband to start his current job a bit later than needed so we could take a short vacation and he'd have a few days at home to unpack from a move/trip, especially since I couldn't take time off for both moving and vacation. American jobs in general dont give enough vacation time.