Counting On Season 8/9/10 3: Another Wedding, Another Ms. Renee Dress

[cindyluvs24]

On 3/15/2019 at 5:18 PM, Jana814 said:

I’m in New Jersey, & yes we do have those rules. They have changed since I was 17 because I was allowed to drive more then 1 person in my car when I was 17. 

Yes, back in the early 80's, we got a regular license which was not the smartest thing.  I took my "road" test on the little course behind the Eatontown DMV office, got a license, and was set loose on Route 36 at rush hour on a Friday in June (Shore traffic).  I hear now they make the kids drive on Routes 36 and 35.

Edited March 20, 2019 by cindyluvs24

[Galbin]

Speaking as a person with a laundry list of invisible illnesses, I think it's important to note that not everyone has the same stamina. I really enjoyed wedding planning, but I ended up very sick at and after my wedding because I was so burnt out from combining work with wedding planning. Now, I am not saying Abbie or any of the Duggar brides have chronic health issues, but I do think it is important to note that there are indeed people out there who can't work, move state, film a show, and plan a wedding all at the same time.

[CaricatureQualities]

1 hour ago, Lurky said:

Am I missing something here?  I get that for Fundies, working after a marriage is a no-no, but how do they justify the whole thrifty, last-minute vibe with having to give up work to spend months doing.... what?

It's a good question. I don't think you're missing anything but the fundies are. Consider that for a lot of working people the wedding planning etc...is not happening at basically the same time as the relationship is developing. A lot of couples go through dating, meeting families and having sex and even moving in and living together (sometimes having a child) before they get married. And most people take a year to plan that wedding...after the relationship as had more time to develop in the first place. For fundies, even for couples like Joy and Austin who had known each other, all of this stuff is smashed into a 6month to 12 month time span. Remember when Jinger was engaged and they all talked about how when a girl was in courting/engagement mode they got their chore list lessened so they could be in love and have their head in the clouds...because regardless of age it is going to be like a 12-14 year old with their first crush or first experience of fulfilling that crush. 

Didn't JB say at the wedding that it was like 6 months from them meeting to their wedding day or something. Like, forget the wedding itself for a moment but think: you are in your first romantic relationship, you are getting to know this person as well as yourself in this new situation, and then for the relationship to progress in any real way, marriage. Because the only way to have sex is to be married which is why so many of them are on the "fast track". There is no time to take your time. And then you have to prepare for moving out of your parents house for probably the first time, move to a different state, run your own household and possibly get pregnant as soon as you're married. Imagine preparing yourself for possible pregnancy in the near future before you have even kissed anyone let alone had intercourse.  To me it just seems like so many rites of passage crammed into such a minuscule time span. And with the Duggars, on top of that comes the publicity and the scheduling of putting it on the show, of when to release what to the public via social media or print publications...of what to say on the talking heads when they ask hard questions. With Abbie, she had been working for a year I think. That seems like just enough time to get settled into a working life after finishing your education, making work friends, being satisfied with your abilities you've worked for, making income and getting into that groove of life and liking it. Then you have to leave it to move ahead with another part of life that you really want to experience...or you don't get to experience it.  And yeah, you have to leave because you are going to be a mom, and not a working mom, and you're already late 20s so you better get cracking. But it's okay because you can keep up your licence somehow, sometime between pregnancies. No wonder she described it as a whirlwind.

If I were Abbie, I think I would have to quit my job just to mentally and emotionally prepare myself and process what the heck was happening to me with any time I could muster for myself.

 

[TheMustardCardigan]

That's a really good point.

When I think about where I was six months after meeting my fiancé, wow, it feels like we have come so far from that time in life! These girls don't have the luxury of taking their time, getting to know someone, slowly letting their guard down and opening up to someone... It's the fast track and that's a lot of emotional stuff to sort through. Maybe that's the true "wedding planning" for these girls-- they go through the same Duggar wedding planning checklist, and that doesn't really require much work,  but they also have to wrap their head around an entirely different existence. 

[singsingsing]

I often think about what would have happened with my boyfriend back in high school if we had been fundies. We only dated for about three months before breaking up, but there was nothing wrong with him. I liked him, we had plenty in common, I thought he was really good looking, I liked his family, we came from similar socio-economic backgrounds, our families were quite similar... I just wasn't really feeling it and didn't see it going anywhere. But if we had been fundies, and had that cultural/social/family expectation hanging over us, I probably would have gotten swept up in the romance and the belief that God had destined it. We would've gotten engaged instead of breaking up, and probably would have been married and parents before we were 20.

Now that I'm in my early 30s, happily single and childless, the idea that I could have been married for over a decade and have six or eight kids by now boggles my mind. Not because there's anything inherently wrong with getting married young and having a large family, just because it's so starkly different from my own experience.

[CharlieInCharge]

Just wanted to clarify that I felt quitting earlier would have been easier for her workplace to deal with, not just her. That’s what I meant talking about scheduling - I’m sure her work knew she was going on the trip and then that she was getting married and moving. It might have been simpler to replace her before the mission trip. Just an idea, not claiming I know anything, but wanted to explain my thinking. 

[Glasgowghirl]

On 3/18/2019 at 11:59 PM, mpheels said:

*I know a lot of people remember the proselytizing in Scotland part of the Duggars tour of the U.K., but the part that always pissed me off was the scene where they’d tried to figure out all the “funny sounding” foods. Like leek and potato soup.

That was embarrassing, leek and potato soup was one of the first things we learned to make in Home Eccomics in high school. Leeks are one of the national symbols of Wales, not knowing a common vegetable is one thing but when going to the UK they didn't even do basic research about the UK. It would have been hilarious to see them trying Scottish foods. 

[lumpentheologie]

12 hours ago, Galbin said:

Speaking as a person with a laundry list of invisible illnesses, I think it's important to note that not everyone has the same stamina. I really enjoyed wedding planning, but I ended up very sick at and after my wedding because I was so burnt out from combining work with wedding planning. Now, I am not saying Abbie or any of the Duggar brides have chronic health issues, but I do think it is important to note that there are indeed people out there who can't work, move state, film a show, and plan a wedding all at the same time.

Absolutely this.  Some people find it harder to juggle multiple things at once than others. Some people also get more easily overwhelmed by change than others.  I have a really hard time with both of those things, and while I do have some chronic health issues, I think a lot of it just comes down to personality. It tends to take me about a year after moving to a new city to feel really comfortable, and I really need to schedule more time than seems reasonable to get everything done and set myself up somewhere new.  But I don't think there's really anything wrong with taking more time than some other people would need to do something.  

[backyard sylph]

2 hours ago, Glasgowghirl said:

That was embarrassing, leek and potato soup was one of the first things we learned to make in Home Eccomics in high school. Leeks are one of the national symbols of Wales, not knowing a common vegetable is one thing but when going to the UK they didn't even do basic research about the UK. It would have been hilarious to see them trying Scottish foods. 

I had no idea leeks were something a person here would be wholly unfamiliar with; they're kinda fun to grow if you have the space, once you get them started, which can be sort of a pain. But maybe they're less common in the south, for some reason. 

I did wonder if the food she didn't like actually had lemongrass, not leeks. We chop it fine or mush it up into things, but it is definitely less common here unless you eat a lot of Thai or Vietnamese food and would resemble leeks in appearance if it was just sliced thinly.

Edited March 20, 2019 by backyard sylph
details

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, backyard sylph said:

I had no idea leeks were something a person here would be wholly unfamiliar with; they're kinda fun to grow if you have the space, once you get them started, which can be sort of a pain. But maybe they're less common in the south, for some reason. 

I did wonder if the food she didn't like actually had lemongrass, not leeks. We chop it fine or mush it up into things, but it is definitely less common here unless you eat a lot of Thai or Vietnamese food and would resemble leeks in appearance if it was just sliced thinly.

LOVE leaks HATE lemon grass, leaks are a much lighter fresher tasting onion, IMO. I make a kick ass potato leak soup.  Sooo unhealthy but so good, especially on a really cold day. 

[just_ordinary]

10 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

LOVE leaks HATE lemon grass, leaks are a much lighter fresher tasting onion, IMO. I make a kick ass potato leak soup.  Sooo unhealthy but so good, especially on a really cold day. 

I like lemon grass but I thought you take it out before serving. I agree that it doesn’t taste nice when you actually eat it. 

There is obviously nothing wrong with struggling to juggle many things (illness or not). But if you have to quit your job to get married that doesn’t sound like a good spot to be in, in life. It’s not as if people are normally just waiting to employ you. I don’t believe for a second that Abby will return working. At least not after she got pregnant. It will be interesting if she really gets liscened in Arkansas. Maybe if a pregnancy will take some time. “Serving others” is acceptable if God doesn’t bless you with children.

[lumpentheologie]

17 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

LOVE leaks HATE lemon grass, leaks are a much lighter fresher tasting onion, IMO. I make a kick ass potato leak soup.  Sooo unhealthy but so good, especially on a really cold day. 

Wait, why is potato leek soup unhealthy?  I've always thought of it as really healthy. 

[freshlemonade]

Anybody else think Abbie resembles Elizabeth Homes of Theranos infamy?  

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

3 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

Didn't mean to quote this one. 

 

3 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

Wait, why is potato leek soup unhealthy?  I've always thought of it as really healthy. 

Because I make it with about 3/4 c of butter and 1/2 gallon of whole milk. 

 

 

Edited March 20, 2019 by allthegoodnamesrgone

[PumaLover]

9 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

 

Because I make it with about 3/4 c of butter and 1/2 gallon of whole milk. 

 

 

That sounds amazing!! Since reading this thread I have been craving potato and leek soup. I think I'll make some!

[backyard sylph]

Probably because of this thread I stopped and made clam chowder this afternoon, didn't have leeks, did have a can of clams. 

It was rushed, just a couple tablespoons of butter, onions, a little garlic, celery salt because I'm out of celery, a spoonful of flour, some milk, chicken broth and the juice from the clam can, then some cream splashed in at the end. I used a potato I baked the other day, just chopped it up, but I think yellow potatoes are better in soup. And then pepper, of course. 

Soup is my thing instead of casseroles, I guess. But I'm pretty fussy about textures, so I make them all to suit what my mouth is willing to be offered. 

[fluffernutter]

My favorite thing to do with leeks is make leek and tomato quiche. Yummm.

 

[VelociRapture]

22 hours ago, Galbin said:

Speaking as a person with a laundry list of invisible illnesses, I think it's important to note that not everyone has the same stamina. I really enjoyed wedding planning, but I ended up very sick at and after my wedding because I was so burnt out from combining work with wedding planning. Now, I am not saying Abbie or any of the Duggar brides have chronic health issues, but I do think it is important to note that there are indeed people out there who can't work, move state, film a show, and plan a wedding all at the same time.

Yep! Absolutely agree. My TSH was barely high enough to be considered borderline for Hypothyroidism, but I was constantly exhausted for years leading up to my official diagnosis last year. I think exhaustion is a symptom that can pop up with PCOS too, which likely contributed to how tired I felt when my TSH was still “normal.” It made life extremely difficult at times and we purposely planned for our wedding to end at 9:30 to accommodate my exhaustion. I wouldn’t have been able to stay awake and enjoy myself if it had gone much later.

I wound up leaving my job a month after our wedding. The official reason was so I could watch my (at the time) soon to be born nephew for his parents, but that wasn’t actually due to start for another four months. I genuinely needed that break in order to remain functional though and I’m pretty sure that break was a major reason why I was able to get pregnant with my daughter - I had time to plan healthier meals, exercise, and rest that I just wouldn’t have had if I had kept working.

[lumpentheologie]

18 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

 

Because I make it with about 3/4 c of butter and 1/2 gallon of whole milk. 

 

 

You've inspired me! Leeks were on sale today so I got a big one and some heavy cream. Potato leek soup here I come!

[tabitha2]

My Kroger’s has a British section. Used to buy this.  Very tasty!

Edited March 22, 2019 by tabitha2

[Divemaster01]

I have not made Leek soup in over 10 years.  I forgot how good that is, time to make some!

[karen77]

On 3/20/2019 at 4:54 PM, VelociRapture said:

Yep! Absolutely agree. My TSH was barely high enough to be considered borderline for Hypothyroidism, but I was constantly exhausted for years leading up to my official diagnosis last year. I think exhaustion is a symptom that can pop up with PCOS too, which likely contributed to how tired I felt when my TSH was still “normal.” It made life extremely difficult at times and we purposely planned for our wedding to end at 9:30 to accommodate my exhaustion. I wouldn’t have been able to stay awake and enjoy myself if it had gone much later.

I wound up leaving my job a month after our wedding. The official reason was so I could watch my (at the time) soon to be born nephew for his parents, but that wasn’t actually due to start for another four months. I genuinely needed that break in order to remain functional though and I’m pretty sure that break was a major reason why I was able to get pregnant with my daughter - I had time to plan healthier meals, exercise, and rest that I just wouldn’t have had if I had kept working.

ALso, TSH isn't the best indicator of what your thyroid is actually doing (it is actually measuring your pituitary gland's response to your thyroid) and some doctors still use the old levels to determine hypo, the new ones are much lower (for your TSH score) there are a lot of better tests to do to figure things out, I had to go get those done to really figure out what was going on, added t3 to my t4 supplements and I feel so much better! 

check out www.stopthethyroidmadness.com  tons of useful info there.

[VelociRapture]

10 minutes ago, karen77 said:

ALso, TSH isn't the best indicator of what your thyroid is actually doing (it is actually measuring your pituitary gland's response to your thyroid) and some doctors still use the old levels to determine hypo, the new ones are much lower (for your TSH score) there are a lot of better tests to do to figure things out, I had to go get those done to really figure out what was going on, added t3 to my t4 supplements and I feel so much better! 

check out www.stopthethyroidmadness.com  tons of useful info there.

Yes, my endocrinologist explained that during my first appointment. I’ve been on medicine (Unithroid) since last summer and that has helped a great deal with the exhaustion. It’s great being able to remain functional all day long now. I had no clue just how abnormal my fatigue was until I started taking the medicine. 

[karen77]

1 minute ago, VelociRapture said:

Yes, my endocrinologist explained that during my first appointment. I’ve been on medicine (Unithroid) since last summer and that has helped a great deal with the exhaustion. It’s great being able to remain functional all day long now. I had no clue just how abnormal my fatigue was until I started taking the medicine. 

IT really does make a difference!! Glad you are feeling human again!

[Four is Enough]

Wow. I wish someone would have told me I needed to quit my job to get married. First time, I worked till two days before the wedding, AND had my SIL and her two kids AND my brother and his wife staying with us, because they couldn't afford a hotel room! Geez, on the night of my wedding, still in my wedding dress, I bathed those two little heathens and put them to bed so she could go to her   high school reunion!

Second time, wedding was at three, but at noon, I was taking a microbiology midterm practical exam. I'd worked the night before as well...

 

Guess you have to be fundy to take that much time off work.