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Chelsy and John Maxwell 7: Not as Beige as Maxhell - Yet


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41 minutes ago, Lady Grass Lake said:

Had a friend who had short labors, her first son was born in the hospital parking lot.  With #2, she decided if she felt the least bit funny she was heading for the hospital.  She and hubby raced to the hospital and made it in the door, but when they were in the elevator she felt the baby coming out and tried to hold it in, screaming I'm not having this baby in the elevator.  The porter pushing the wheelchair she was in said "oh Honey, it's not so bad, someone had a baby in the parking lot a couple years ago. "  She screamed at him, "that was me and I'm not having this baby in this elevator."   He was born in the Maternity hallway.   She said if she had any more pregnancies, she was checking in at the hospital about 36 weeks and staying there.  

Almost the exact same thing happened to one of my colleagues. She had her first baby in the hospital elevator. With the second, she was trying to rush through admissions, and the condescending clerk was taking her sweet time. My friend said, “Do you remember the lady who gave birth in the elevator here a few years ago? THAT WAS ME.”

I know two women who gave birth to their second children in their living rooms because the EMTs didn’t get there in time.

 

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I had a high school friend who was annoyed that her birth certificate said she was delivered in "such-and-such hospital" by "Dr. So-and-so" when in reality she was delivered by her grandma at the intersection of 2 streets on the way to the hospital. 

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On 6/22/2019 at 3:19 AM, Bazinga said:

Sorry, I haven't read through the entire thread so someone may have already said the same thing, but my guess is the baby was responding well (i.e. heart rate was normal, etc.), so they probably had time to try another avenue. I'm super surprised as well, but in the end I guess it saved her from surgery.

I know this is over a month ago sorry, but had to comment. A c section is much more difficult when the baby has fully descended and the risks of complications are higher.  No OB wants to section a woman who's fully dilated with the baby about to come out, so as you say if mum and baby are tolerating labour well then generally they'll try other options if vacuum fails.  If it comes to it then of course the section will go ahead, but it's associated with increased risk of injury to the bladder, vagina, lower segment of the uterus (which increases risk of premature birth in future pregnancies) and the baby. 

(Ex obstetrics dr)

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On 8/1/2019 at 4:24 PM, feministxtian said:

If I'd had another baby after #2 son, I would have had 2 options...a surprise homebirth or an induction at about 37 weeks. My labors were short and getting shorter and with #2 son, although I'd been admitted, I didn't feel a damn thing until about 30 minutes before he was born (no drugs). My OB strongly suggested that if I did have another one, an induction at 37 weeks was better than a surprise, oh shit, unattended homebirth. 

But...I was one of those who had easy pregnancies, and quick, easy deliveries. Y'all can all hate me now. 

Planned home births here because of my short labors. I practically had to stand on my head for the last one, just to give the midwife time to get there and get her emergency equipment set up.

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I was so glad it was 3am when my husband drove me to the hospital in labor. No traffic and he could speed the whole way. So we made it to the hospital quick! And I didn’t have a car baby. 

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My former ob-gyn had a patient who was going into labor so fast that he told her husband to drive her to his office, which was much closer to their home than the hospital. She never made it to the office door, and wound up giving birth in the back seat of the doc’s big Mercedes. The story made the local news.

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My labor with my second baby was pretty quick. I had about 3 hours of mild contractions that were all over the place, anywhere between 2 and 20 mins apart and then 30 mins of consistent contractions that were 3-4 mins apart. We did make it to the hospital, which was only about 5 mins away. We left our house as soon as I had 3 contractions in a row that were less than 5 mins apart. I could feel a ton of pressure and I just knew things were going to be quick at that point.  At our hospital you couldn't go straight to labor and delivery after 8pm, you had to go through the ER and then they would bring you up since everything was locked up pretty tight. So my son was born in the ER while we waited for a wheelchair. The nurse had asked me if I could walk or if I needed a wheelchair and I told her I think the baby is almost crowning so they moved me to an empty bed. She delivered and my OB (who was there for another birth) joined us about 3 mins after he was born. 

My first labor was pretty traditional. I was slow to get started and then things went quick once I was dilated to 5 or 6. My last baby was a really long, really slow process. I was dilated to 9 for almost 6 hours. I was pretty convinced it was never going to end. 

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My last labor and delivery (24+ years ago)  was fast.  I was a little past due (5-ish days), so my doc (one of the last family practitioners in town that would provide OB care) wanted to start seeing me 2x a week.  So, the Tuesday after Christmas, I went in, and he wanted to admit me because I was about 2cm dilated.  I said NO (given past history, once you are in, the clock starts ticking towards intervention), but did agree to visit the OB department for an external monitor.  Just to be on the safe side, I went to the drivethru at Wendy's, and got the BIG chicken sandwich meal (in a previous delivery I was kept from food, even though I was HUNGRY, 'just in case').  The tech found that there were very few contractions, and that they were irregular, so I got to go home.  That was about 3:30 pm.  I went home and took a nap in my own bed.  I woke up about five to regular, strong contractions.  We left for the hospital about 5:15, and arrived back at the hospital about 5:45.  They checked, and I was about 6.5 cm along, with contractions about 6 minutes apart.  I had an overwhelming need to push at 6:05; the nurse didn't believe me, but came in to check.  She was nice and calm about it, and said that she was going to go call and seen where my doc was, because they had called him.  She left the room, and we heard her RUNNING down the hall, and laughed.  By this time, the rest of the delivery nurses came in, and told me to NOT push, because my water hadn't broken yet and they couldn't catch an intact baby without a doc.  I said some things, which contradicted their request in impolite terms.  By 6:08, the ER doctor arrived, I pushed once, he broke my already appeared amniotic sac, at 6:09 my doc ran into the room, and caught my daughter at 6:10.  

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OMG you guys.

From the time I realized I was having real contractions--and they HURT--to the time each baby made its appearance was over 24 hours. For all three babies.

By the third one, I was over it. My doctor was on the phone, saying "I really think you need to go to the hospital" as I had a contraction in the middle of our conversation, but I took the time to feed the kids, drive them over to my friend who would be watching them, wait while my friend's husband and my husband had a leisurely chat, and still had several hours in the hospital before my sweet little 9 lb 5 oz daughter entered the world in the nick of time (school cut-off for kindergarten was her birthdate and she was born at 10 PM).

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3 minutes ago, VVV said:

OMG you guys.

From the time I realized I was having real contractions--and they HURT--to the time each baby made its appearance was over 24 hours. For all three babies.

By the third one, I was over it. My doctor was on the phone, saying "I really think you need to go to the hospital" as I had a contraction in the middle of our conversation, but I took the time to feed the kids, drive them over to my friend who would be watching them, wait while my friend's husband and my husband had a leisurely chat, and still had several hours in the hospital before my sweet little 9 lb 5 oz daughter entered the world in the nick of time (school cut-off for kindergarten was her birthdate and she was born at 10 PM).

That’s how it was with my first labor and delivery. My first contraction hurt like hell. I was surprised to learn that not all early contractions hurt a lot. But they were crazy irregular in the beginning. So I just labored at home for close to 18 hours. From the first contraction until I had the baby it was over 26 hours. But with my second baby, it was less than 2 hours. And that first contraction hurt really bad too. It would have been nice if the first few contractions didn’t hurt as much. 

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@VVV, if your daughter had not arrived by the cutoff date, but the next day, you might have been able to get away with what my mom did.  My oldest brother and my sister were born 11 months apart.  My brother's birthday was one day after the cutoff date and so my brother and sister would have been in the same class in the small school.  Yep, my mom lied about my brother's birthdate.  (OK, so that probably would not work now, but it worked in 1956.)

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2 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

@VVV, if your daughter had not arrived by the cutoff date, but the next day, you might have been able to get away with what my mom did.  My oldest brother and my sister were born 11 months apart.  My brother's birthday was one day after the cutoff date and so my brother and sister would have been in the same class in the small school.  Yep, my mom lied about my brother's birthdate.  (OK, so that probably would not work now, but it worked in 1956.)

Alas, Texas is very strict about the cutoff date and actually has a requirement for 1st grade also (6 on or before Sept 1) so had she come out two hours and one minute later, we probably would’ve had to pay for two years of private school.  I was acutely aware of this while in labor and was watching the clock, thinking to myself that this baby was coming out before midnight no matter what.  I refused the epidural in part because they can slow down labor. 

Drove me crazy when people asked if we were going to hold her back. Why would we do that? She was ready, and I had worked way too hard to make sure she could start school the year she turned five. 

She’s now a freshman in college at one of the best schools for her major in the country, if not the world.  I don’t think starting kindergarten as the youngest in the class hurt her any. 

 

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On 8/9/2019 at 2:53 AM, VVV said:

Alas, Texas is very strict about the cutoff date and actually has a requirement for 1st grade also (6 on or before Sept 1) so had she come out two hours and one minute later, we probably would’ve had to pay for two years of private school.  I was acutely aware of this while in labor and was watching the clock, thinking to myself that this baby was coming out before midnight no matter what.  I refused the epidural in part because they can slow down labor. 

Drove me crazy when people asked if we were going to hold her back. Why would we do that? She was ready, and I had worked way too hard to make sure she could start school the year she turned five. 

She’s now a freshman in college at one of the best schools for her major in the country, if not the world.  I don’t think starting kindergarten as the youngest in the class hurt her any. 

 

There are tons of reasons to hold kids born close to the cut-off back.  Obviously it needs to be looked at on a child by child basis but research says that the vast majority of kids do better when formal schooling is delayed.  As an educator I've seen the results of kids being sent to school before they were ready and often the kids struggle because of it. 

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On 8/8/2019 at 11:26 PM, PennySycamore said:

@VVV, if your daughter had not arrived by the cutoff date, but the next day, you might have been able to get away with what my mom did.  My oldest brother and my sister were born 11 months apart.  My brother's birthday was one day after the cutoff date and so my brother and sister would have been in the same class in the small school.  Yep, my mom lied about my brother's birthdate.  (OK, so that probably would not work now, but it worked in 1956.)

My great grandpa was held back “red shirted” back in the 19-teens so he and his younger brother could be in the same grade. They thought it would be easier that way. It was a one room school house. 

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My daughter's birthday is in early September.  Sept 1 is the cutoff date, so she barely missed the deadline and has always been one of the oldest in her class.  She went to a private kindergarten, and there was a boy in the class with the same birthday as her, but exactly one year younger.  His parents had sent him there so he could start early, so he was the youngest in the class.  It was a small class with only 10 kids, but I remember the teacher saying that there was a big difference in preparatory development in that classroom, especially since girls tend to develop more quickly than boys at that age, and my daughter was already a year older than him.  

That kindergarten teacher also told me that how parents handled kids with birthdays near the cutoff dates was frequently influenced by their economic status.  She had worked in a lower-income public school for a while, and said that many of the parents there would try to fudge the birthdates and start the kids earlier - they wanted the child in school so they could save money on childcare costs.  When she worked at higher-income schools, the parents were more likely to hold the child back to give them a developmental advantage when starting school.  

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One of my high school classmates was a twin, but her sister was a year behind us. I thought it was because she’d been ill, but learned that it had been the policy of their Catholic parochial school (which had only one classroom per grade) to hold one twin back a year because they thought it would be “problematic” to have two siblings in the same class.

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1 hour ago, crawfishgirl said:

When she worked at higher-income schools, the parents were more likely to hold the child back to give them a developmental advantage when starting school.  

I am from a high-income area. Holding a kid back for a developmental advantage is very common. 

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1 hour ago, crawfishgirl said:

My daughter's birthday is in early September.  Sept 1 is the cutoff date, so she barely missed the deadline and has always been one of the oldest in her class.  She went to a private kindergarten, and there was a boy in the class with the same birthday as her, but exactly one year younger.  His parents had sent him there so he could start early, so he was the youngest in the class.  It was a small class with only 10 kids, but I remember the teacher saying that there was a big difference in preparatory development in that classroom, especially since girls tend to develop more quickly than boys at that age, and my daughter was already a year older than him.  

That kindergarten teacher also told me that how parents handled kids with birthdays near the cutoff dates was frequently influenced by their economic status.  She had worked in a lower-income public school for a while, and said that many of the parents there would try to fudge the birthdates and start the kids earlier - they wanted the child in school so they could save money on childcare costs.  When she worked at higher-income schools, the parents were more likely to hold the child back to give them a developmental advantage when starting school.  

Yep. That’s how it works usually. And there’s a major bias against boys. I’ve seen so many teachers want to automatically red shirt a kid just because he’s a boy. 

I wish people would just follow the birthday guidelines. Instead they red shirt boys more than girls and those with more money red shirt more. People will not only red shirt kids with summer birthdays but also with late spring birthdays. 

You have to jump through major hoops to get a kid to start kindergarten whose birthday is ONE DAY after the cut off. But you can hold a kid back no problem even if his birthday is six months before a cut off! It’s crazy.

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I went to a Junior high & high school that had 4 towns going to the one school. One of the towns was nortious for red shirting kids mostly boys. Their were six in my year (1 girl & 5 boys) who were 19 when we graduated from high school. 

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1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Yep. That’s how it works usually. And there’s a major bias against boys. I’ve seen so many teachers want to automatically red shirt a kid just because he’s a boy. 

I wish people would just follow the birthday guidelines. Instead they red shirt boys more than girls and those with more money red shirt more. People will not only red shirt kids with summer birthdays but also with late spring birthdays. 

You have to jump through major hoops to get a kid to start kindergarten whose birthday is ONE DAY after the cut off. But you can hold a kid back no problem even if his birthday is six months before a cut off! It’s crazy.

Its definitely systemic, though.  We should be pushing to offer affordable childcare for all so that children start formal schooling when developmentally appropriate.  We also should be tailoring curricula so that its also developmentally appropriate.   There is zero reason any student under high school age needs to be writing standardized tests.  The North American education model (I'm in Canada) needs a major overhaul.

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My daughter’s preschool urged me to redshirt her because she was born in October, but I knew she was ready for kindergarten. My friend’s son was born in November and she redshirted him, but it was a disaster: not only did he tower above his classmates but also all the other kids his chronological age. 

I’m born in November, and when I started kindergarten (preschool was rare in the ‘50s), the other moms told my mother, “Don’t be surprised if she cries—she’s the youngest one in her class.” I didn’t cry, but my older friends did!

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5 minutes ago, Hane said:

My daughter’s preschool urged me to redshirt her because she was born in October, but I knew she was ready for kindergarten. My friend’s son was born in November and she redshirted him, but it was a disaster: not only did he tower above his classmates but also all the other kids his chronological age. 

I’m born in November, and when I started kindergarten (preschool was rare in the ‘50s), the other moms told my mother, “Don’t be surprised if she cries—she’s the youngest one in her class.” I didn’t cry, but my older friends did!

I was the youngest in my class and I was the only girl that didn’t cry the first day. I was baffled as to why there was so much crying. I was excited to be at school. I also towered over most kids while being the youngest. I was  hyperactive and it made my parents occasionally wonder if they should have red-shorted me. But I would have still been hyper the next year. I didn’t really calm down until closer to 4th grade. I just had a lot of energy. But I was great socially and I was always in the more advanced reading and math. 

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On 8/8/2019 at 11:53 PM, VVV said:

Alas, Texas is very strict about the cutoff date and actually has a requirement for 1st grade also (6 on or before Sept 1) so had she come out two hours and one minute later, we probably would’ve had to pay for two years of private school.  I was acutely aware of this while in labor and was watching the clock, thinking to myself that this baby was coming out before midnight no matter what.  I refused the epidural in part because they can slow down labor. 

Drove me crazy when people asked if we were going to hold her back. Why would we do that? She was ready, and I had worked way too hard to make sure she could start school the year she turned five. 

She’s now a freshman in college at one of the best schools for her major in the country, if not the world.  I don’t think starting kindergarten as the youngest in the class hurt her any. 

 

So that explains it. my soon to be six year old lives with my (ex) in laws in Texas right now. His birthday is Sept 7 so he repeated preschool last year. Where I'm from in CO and probably still would be if I had custody has an Oct 1st cut off. I'm fine with him being "held back" and starting kindergarten this year but was wondering why it was so cut and dry.

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Cut of dates are different from state to state & even town to town (at least in my area of New Jersey). When I was growing up in my town it was mid November, now it’s October 1st. I was one of the youngest in my class I hated it. I also didn’t care for the kids a year under me so I’m glad I wasn’t held back. 

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11 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Yep. That’s how it works usually. And there’s a major bias against boys. I’ve seen so many teachers want to automatically red shirt a kid just because he’s a boy. 

I wish people would just follow the birthday guidelines. Instead they red shirt boys more than girls and those with more money red shirt more. People will not only red shirt kids with summer birthdays but also with late spring birthdays. 

You have to jump through major hoops to get a kid to start kindergarten whose birthday is ONE DAY after the cut off. But you can hold a kid back no problem even if his birthday is six months before a cut off! It’s crazy.

My only concern about my daughter starting kindergarten "by the book" on time was that there were several boys in her class with late summer or early fall birthdays who had been held back, so they were basically a year older than her and much bigger. I was worried about her safety on the playground. At the first parent-teacher conference, the teacher agreed with me that although there certainly were some children who benefited from being held back, the nearly wholesale redshirting was unnecessary in many cases.

I agree with Jermajesty in wishing that people would follow the birthday guidelines in the absence of a compelling reason to hold a child back. My younger son with an April birthday (!) was one of the youngest boys in his class all the way through! That's crazy. 

I never regretted starting my daughter on time. She was an honor student all the way through school, in the G/T program, loads of AP classes, socially very mature with many friends, and was admitted to an exceptionally competitive program at a public Ivy. She did occasionally complain to me about being younger than her friends, usually in the context of who could drive or who could sign their own notes, and I always reminded her that the alternative would have been for her to be a grade behind, and was that what she really wanted? LOL that always elicited a disgusted expression.

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