Joy and Austin 26: Please Wear the Appropriate Footgear Around Horses

[Melissa1977]

22 hours ago, viii said:

I want children SO bad but I don't feel at all like I am grown up enough to have them - and I'm almost 34. My time of being a mother is rapidly coming to a close, so it's a decision I need to make, although I kind of feel like life is making it for me. There might be a greater plan here than what I want, and I don't know if I'd make a very good mother so maybe life is trying to help me out by avoiding it. I'm so settled in my ways - I feel wrecked if I only get 6 hours of sleep. Well, most mothers would kill for that.

I thought eventually I would feel like an adult but I still feel like I'm faking it and I feel like this a pretty common feeling amongst adults - I just never knew it before. 

I think people who is nowadays 30-50 years old has lived a very different youth compared to past generations. A way longer youth. 

People saying they are 35 and too young to parent is normal now, but it would have been weird in our grandparents generation and is still weird for most cultures. But feelings are not right or wrong, are just feelings and nobody should feel uncomfortable for feeling too young or for not feeling ready to parent.

The point is that maybe you should accept yourself. Maybe you will never feel *like an adult*. I mean, if you are 34, you ARE an adult. But it doesn't mean you should feel more serious or mothering. Everybody has different personalities, and being a grown up does not equal to change your personality. My mother behaves like if she was 20 forever haha.

[Flossie]

@StraightOuttaArkansas

I should have said it before, but please don't feel bad that you are looking forward to you baby's first birthday.  You said that things got better after your first child's first birthday when you were living in another country and presumably away from the people that made things so difficult for you before.  Or you simply might not enjoy the total dependence an infant has on his parents.  Some people love every stage of their child's development, and others find that there are stages that they just have to muddle through.  

You grit your teeth, remind yourself that you love that little brat and this is all part of the process of them growing, learning, and working toward the ultimate goal of becoming a well-rounded, functioning adult that you're proud of and amazed by every time you look at them.  They started out as a little mewling ball of flesh that needed help in every way and end up...  

Well, you don't know how they'll end up.  But you gave them their start.  You want to help them succeed in whatever they do, or you wouldn't be on parenting sites and worrying about if you're doing it right.  While you know there's no guarantees about this stuff, you know that there are things you can do to help that little person along the way.  The fact that you are aware of your shortcomings and working through them is a good thing.

FJ has a Pregnancy and Parenting forum here:  https://www.freejinger.org/forum/522-forum/    Drop in, we don't bite.  It's mostly young mothers like yourself, but some of us grannies pop in and try to give hugs and advice.

[VelociRapture]

@StraightOuttaArkansas I pretty much second everything @Flossiehas said. Don’t feel guilty or bad aboit looking forward to your baby’s first birthday. It’s a big milestone in both your lives and it can be a very exciting one for multiple reasons. I remember feeling really excited when my daughter turned one because it meant we all survived her first year. And because I got to plan a little party just for her. And because she got to eat cake for the first time and that was really exciting considering my family loves cake. (She absolutely destroyed her slice and I’ve never been more proud of anyone for anything. ?)

But yeah. Looking forward to your baby turning one with excitement or relief definitely does not make you a bad person or parent. It just means the baby stage wasn’t really your thing and you’re excited to get to a new stage you might like better. That’s normal and it’s ok to feel that way. Your sons both sound like they love you very much and it sounds like you and your husband love them very much in return. That’s all that really matters. 

24 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I think people who is nowadays 30-50 years old has lived a very different youth compared to past generations. A way longer youth. 

People saying they are 35 and too young to parent is normal now, but it would have been weird in our grandparents generation and is still weird for most cultures. But feelings are not right or wrong, are just feelings and nobody should feel uncomfortable for feeling too young or for not feeling ready to parent.

The point is that maybe you should accept yourself. Maybe you will never feel *like an adult*. I mean, if you are 34, you ARE an adult. But it doesn't mean you should feel more serious or mothering. Everybody has different personalities, and being a grown up does not equal to change your personality. My mother behaves like if she was 20 forever haha.

Yep. All of this. Every person is unique and everyone has different personalities. There’s absolutely nothing wrong if you feel like an adult at 18 (or younger) or whether you hit 105 and still don’t feel grown up. All that matters is that you’re reasonably happy, healthy, and doing what you can to make the world a bit of a nicer place. 

@viii Parenting can be really tough, it isn’t something everyone is going to want for themselves, and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids of your own if that’s how you feel/end up feeling. I think it’s awesome when we have posters on here talk so frankly and honestly about not wanting kids or who are open about talking about being unsure about having them. Being completely responsible for another life is a very scary idea to consider for a lot of people because it’s a huge responsibility and it’s life changing in many ways. Husband and I were ready for that responsibility in our late 20s, but a lot of other people aren’t and there’s nothing wrong with that - in fact, I think it’s admirable when people realize having kids is not for them and they take steps to prevent it from happening because it shows a lot of maturity in my opinion. There are so many ways to make a positive impact on the world or to have a meaningful life and parenting is only one option - not the only option. Whatever you feel is best for you and your life, I hope you manage to make it happen.  

[xenobia]

This didn't make me fall of my chair. 

http://www.duggarfamily.com/2019/5/joy-and-austin-s-big-news

Edited May 1, 2019 by xenobia
crappy spelling

[JermajestyDuggar]

Just like Anna’s least surprising announcement ever. I’m so bored with the pregnancy announcements. 

[Cheetah]

So I wonder if this was the #15 that everyone was wondering about last week (due earlier than whoever it was that announced last week).  Also - interesting that they didn't get a magazine article this time.  Duggar influence waning.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

4 minutes ago, xenobia said:

This didn't make me fall of my chair. 

http://www.duggarfamily.com/2019/5/joy-and-austin-s-big-news

Called it. So who is next? Abbie or Lauren? 

[feministxtian]

good grief...they need to find a hobby!

[JermajestyDuggar]

Just now, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Called it. So who is next? Abbie or Lauren? 

I’m thinking Abbie. Then Lauren. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Just now, feministxtian said:

good grief...they need to find a hobby!

You mean, another hobby. 

[socalgurl83]

Not shocked by the Joy announcement but I do feel bad for Lauren being around all of these pregnancies (just like Michaela). She would've been due soon.

[VBOY9977]

Yeah not shocked at all, at least they’ll have a pretty decent age gap

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

So She's also due in November. 

 

[VineHeart137]

7 minutes ago, Cheetah said:

So I wonder if this was the #15 that everyone was wondering about last week (due earlier than whoever it was that announced last week). 

That's my guess too. She and Anna are both due in November, it's probably just a toss-up as to who delivers first.

[VBOY9977]

1 minute ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

So She's also due in November. 

 

Yeah she confirmed it on her instagram

[OyToTheVey]

How many is that now? Jess’s, Anna, Kendra and Joy, and cousin Amy. 

[viii]

Not surprising in the least. Joy's been talking about wanting a second child for a while now. 

[VBOY9977]

I wonder if they’re not on the show anymore. They didn’t have an exclusive article and they weren’t featured in any episode last season, only on talking heads

Edited May 1, 2019 by VBOY9977

[VineHeart137]

2 minutes ago, OyToTheVey said:

How many is that now? Jess’s, Anna, Kendra and Joy, and cousin Amy. 

Yup, and we've still got about a month until Jessa's due date... Abbie, Lauren, and even Jill still have time to make announcements of their own and join in on a mass "baby bump" pic.

Edited May 1, 2019 by VineHeart137

[tdscm]

Curses! I knew Joy would be up soon, and I figured we’d know before summer.

I just really thought Lauren would be the one due in November. I’m shocked she isn’t pregnant yet. Many women are very fertile and get pregnant again immediately after a miscarriage, and she’s young, and I have a feeling...

I’m still carrying out hope that Lauren is currently pregnant and will announce before summer is here.

Anyhoo, I’m calling another boy for these two, with another strong Biblical name. 

I wonder specifically when they’re due. I’m due early November myself.

[SassyPants]

Easy money from the Tv show, that they claim not to watch, allows them to keep pumping them out. Best decision Dillard made was getting his family removed from the easy money. I do applaud the fact that Derick has found something to do other than procreate.

How do these people plan on surviving once the show is gone? Working for a living is going to be a rude awakening for many of these families. The level of brain washing saddens me.

[theotherelise]

Color me shocked. Joy got pregnant her first month of marriage and then it looks like she got pregnant the first cycle after waiting a year after c-section for Gideon. If she vbacs with this one, she might come for Kendra's current position (in my mind) as front runner for most babies.

also, booooooo! 

[just_ordinary]

46 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I think people who is nowadays 30-50 years old has lived a very different youth compared to past generations. A way longer youth. 

People saying they are 35 and too young to parent is normal now, but it would have been weird in our grandparents generation and is still weird for most cultures. But feelings are not right or wrong, are just feelings and nobody should feel uncomfortable for feeling too young or for not feeling ready to parent.

The point is that maybe you should accept yourself. Maybe you will never feel *like an adult*. I mean, if you are 34, you ARE an adult. But it doesn't mean you should feel more serious or mothering. Everybody has different personalities, and being a grown up does not equal to change your personality. My mother behaves like if she was 20 forever haha.

I agree. I feel like this sentiment has gotten worse since we are constantly striving for self improvement. To a degree when it just isn’t healthy anymore. Eat healthy (cooking from scrap and organic), activity at least five times a week, have a cleaning routine and a tidy house/flat (brownie points for Marie Kondoing), do charity, be social, have a great love story (lots of romance, fun, sex, deep talks), the list is endless. If you think adults have it all together you set yourself up for failure. Not everyone is super tidy or very organised or has deep thoughts. We all need to have a hard look at what is worth to change and what might be part of who we are.

[NakedKnees]

Surprise, surprise, haha. I have to admit, I am actually interested in the birthing decisions Joy makes. Whether she has a planned repeat c section (doubt it) or a planned vbac in a hospital (also doubt it), I hope she's safe and empowered in her decision making.

[FundieCentral]

@just_ordinaryI agree. Honestly, we need to use the words “good enough” a whole lot more. 

Cleaned only plates I am going to eat from this dinner? Good enough. 

Kid wearing one sock instead of two? Good enough. 

The head of the department likes me, but my supervisor thinks I kinda suck? Good enough. 

Wanted to exercise but did just one squat while brushing my teeth? Good enough. 

Life optimization is just exhausting. Most of the time “good enough” is good enough