Gwen Shamblin 6: Billy Madison Is Smarter than Gwen Shamblin

[Granwych]

1 hour ago, SJWaterford said:

Gwen seems like the type to be carrying a dog around under her arm all the time. I think we should name this one Pearl. 

Must be where Gwen gets her hairstyle ideas.

[JermajestyDuggar]

51 minutes ago, SecularMusic said:

How can I get this stylist God to come to my house to coordinate my outfits? I somehow missed the fashion sense blessing.

Going by Gwen’s look, you don’t want god to be your stylist. 

[SuperNova]

4 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Yet the truth is…your Heavenly Father is the topmost clothing authority. I pray daily, and He brings combinations of clothes to mind, and it saves so much time.

Yes! I love this. God reimagined as a snappily dressed image consultant a la Clinton Kelly. I would watch a show about Gwen and God shopping. 

Gwen: What do you think about these stilettos? Do they say streetwalker or spiritual leader of a cult?

God: Oh my Self. Those heels are fierce. Girl, you could totally pull those off! Now let's get you a belt. 

[throwaway9988]

11 hours ago, CTRLZero said:

This has to be a parody, right?  People don't devote their lives to this drivel, do they?  Probably even God tithes to Gwen.  God as a "topmost clothing authority."  Sigh. 

They eat that shit up. It makes them feel how they want to feel.  It's all about feeling righteous and superior and telling themselves they have a super-duper special personal connection to God that will get them into heaven and no one else has it. "Dear jeebus, should I wear ugly dress #1 or ugly dress #2? Oh, a common bird is outside; that's my sign! Ugly dress #2 it is! Wow, what a great personal relationship with a supernatural force!"

Edited February 25, 2019 by throwaway9988

[formergothardite]

Gwen is apparently still writing today's hunger advice because it isn't up yet. Usually she has them up pretty early. Maybe she read us mocking the "God picks out my ugly clothes but ignores starving children"  devotional from yesterday and is trying to come up with something that makes her look less of an asshole. 

[AmazonGrace]

Maybe God can write it for her.

[OperationSunshine]

We've know about RF for a loonnnggg time, and I remember distinctly seeing a video at one point where her follower calls her a prophet... but (of course) now I can't find it. Can any former members direct me (or private message me) toward that if they know where I might find it? Please don't post the link here - we all know she has people watching this and if you post the link, it'll be gone before we can capture it ? 

[formergothardite]

She finally got around to writing it. Or maybe God wrote it late because he was spending so much time on her clothing. Who knows. Today's devotional is still defending her buying lots of clothes. Gwen seems a wee bit defensive over her excessive lifestyle. God shops for sales and gives her the best prices and sometimes God just gives her stuff. Also, God was going to take you to that new Mexican place but you ate stale chips earlier in the afternoon so no Mexican for you! Gwen has the most shallow God. Not only does he ignore suffering in the world while focusing on Gwen's clothing, he also is petty enough that if you ate some stale chips he will refuse to let you have really good food later in the day. Gwen's god sounds a hell of a lot like Gwen. 

Quote

We are often scared that God will not provide enough for us…Yet, we pamper ourselves so much that we do not even give God a chance. He would like us to wait for emptiness so He can delight us with the new Mexican restaurant for supper—but He cannot because we decided to eat through the whole bag of stale chips this afternoon. We decided on our indulgence and grabbed it and swallowed it in such a hurry that we could not enjoy it—all because we felt guilt and had fear that someone would see us. You have come to believe the lie that if no one sees you eat the food that it does not count, or even that God cannot see it. In fact, secret eating allows you to eat more. God got squeezed out of our lives as we were afraid to wait on Him or look to Him because we were afraid that He was opposed to our natural likes and dislikes, so we became the private eater and we became the controller of the times we eat. We try to provide for ourselves; we are on our own and bad decision makers.

Think about it this way…do you not delight in your children? And what is more fun than introducing a delicious food and watching their faces light up? How much more does the Heavenly Father wish to match your taste buds to His fabulous recipes? He knows where all the best bites are on the plate. When you are shopping, God knows where the best prices are, and when you learn to look to Him, pray and wait on Him for something—sometimes within days of obeying and waiting for God, the object appears as a gift. These experiences bring you to a comprehension of a personal God, and all of your concerns start to diminish. Faith and peace will rush back into your life.

 

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

sometimes within days of obeying and waiting for God, the object appears as a gift.

"Sometimes when I sigh loudly enough and drop enough hints gullible people will allow themselves to be grifted. "

[llucie]

8 hours ago, formergothardite said:

She finally got around to writing it. Or maybe God wrote it late because he was spending so much time on her clothing. Who knows. Today's devotional is still defending her buying lots of clothes. Gwen seems a wee bit defensive over her excessive lifestyle. God shops for sales and gives her the best prices and sometimes God just gives her stuff. Also, God was going to take you to that new Mexican place but you ate stale chips earlier in the afternoon so no Mexican for you! Gwen has the most shallow God. Not only does he ignore suffering in the world while focusing on Gwen's clothing, he also is petty enough that if you ate some stale chips he will refuse to let you have really good food later in the day. Gwen's god sounds a hell of a lot like Gwen. 

 

Surely this must be some kind of metaphor, right? Because i cant believe that someone would read this and take it seriously if not.

[SJWaterford]

9 hours ago, formergothardite said:

We are often scared that God will not provide enough for us…Yet, we pamper ourselves so much that we do not even give God a chance. He would like us to wait for emptiness so He can delight us with the new Mexican restaurant for supper—but He cannot because we decided to eat through the whole bag of stale chips this afternoon.

I couldn't stop laughing all day about this. The pampering part would be stuffing yourself at the new Mexican restaurant. God has supposedly already provided you a perfectly good bag of chips(I'm assuming tortilla and it's your own fault that they are stale). She's got some wires twisted in that brain of hers. And why when you open the bag of stale chips, does Gods voice not bellow from it and tell us that Gwen would not approve and that he will provide us with a margarita if we wait until dinner?

[SJWaterford]

Interested how Gwen makes her money if her book is being sold by Weighdown, pushed on the churches instagram. If it's being sold via Weighdown, wouldn't that money go to the church since she gifted Weighdown to the church? 

 

Edited February 26, 2019 by SJWaterford
idk

[formergothardite]

Today's devotional is still Gwen being defensive about having a shit ton of stuff. She only has it because she isn't greedy and God gives it to her! It isn't her fault that those starving kids are controlling their own lives and being a god to themselves so God doesn't provide for them! Gwen is NOT  greedy, she is godly. Now stop pointing out how she is gluttonous in every aspect of her life except for food! God is her banker and provider so if you are a starving person, just get God to do your banking and it will all be good. I would seriously love to see how RF folks would address people dying of starvation while Gwen lives in excess and gets God to style her hair. 

Quote

God created many things to delight mankind, however, when man grabs for more—thinking that if a little bit is good, then more is better—he totally misses the point of it all. Grasping for more is appalling because it says, “there is no God” or “I do not want a God.” It is so much better to have a small amount than grab for more and feel guilt. The guilty conscience, buyer’s remorse, is an empty, dreadful feeling.

I believe this lack of faith, which has led to greed and control, has blossomed in this country. I have sympathy, and I do believe it is because we have not been taught correctly. This fearful need to take care of yourself, that God has forgotten you, is not new; the Israelites did the same thing when they grew impatient for Moses to bring God’s laws to them.

When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said: “Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.” Aaron answered them, “Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me.” So all the people took off their ear- rings and brought them to Aaron. He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, “These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.” Exodus 32:1-4

The Israelites, despite seeing all the ways God had provided for them, made for themselves a false god to turn to—the golden calf. Controlling your life is being a god. Being our own god and providing for ourselves cuts off a relationship with God. There is nothing to praise Him for, because we took care of everything ourselves! When you want to indulge yourself when you want it and how you want it, without praying and waiting on God, it is called greed, and Ephesians 5 says that greed is idolatry.

“For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” Ephesians 5:5

God is looking for people who need Him, who trust and depend on Him. When we live as if we do not need God, we wind up glorifying ourselves, praising ourselves, depending on our own understanding. You might get the praise of man, but you will not get the favor of God. I would die right now if my children told me that they did not need me anymore. I appreciate being needed, and so you know God, the Creator of all, loves it even more. It robs God of His purpose of mankind—a connection with Him forever. The irony is that we are much more needy than we think. Our skin is thin, our blood vessels are thin—we are mortals. God gave us life and breath, and we need Him for life and breath— indeed, this connection with God is essential for our existence, for life and eternal life. How foolish to cut off a relationship with the God of all things—the ultimate Provider, Banker, Physician, Professor, Defender, and Comforter!

 

[Botkinetti]

So many idiotic words saying absolutely nothing. Gwen just babbles on hoping hungry people have lost their ability to think critically and instead will just blindly adore her and give her money.

[formergothardite]

I didn't watch all of Gwen's Monday video. Watching a woman sitting in her massive home surrounded by expensive items, including a life sized statue of someone, lecturing people about greed is just too much. But does anyone know if Gwen's story about being raised in total poverty with food insecurity is true? 

I also find it telling that she responds to people who say she was never overweight by saying yes she was, she just won't show pictures. Really? Your entire life is weight loss and you won't show a before and after photo to demonstrate how your own teachings helped you lose weight? I suspect Gwen was not really ever that much over weight. Or her version of overweight is everyone else's version of a healthy weight. 

[AmazonGrace]

Shorter Gwen:

 “Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me.”

[CTRLZero]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

Gwen is NOT  greedy, she is godly.

I call her Gwod.  Thanks for doing all these recaps, @formergothardite. 

22 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

including a life sized statue of someone

Are you sure that wasn't Joe?  ?  I'd be interested learning the facts (of the non-alternative kind) of her history.  I didn't know about the poverty angle. 

[formergothardite]

2 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

Are you sure that wasn't Joe?

Not Joe, but could have been!  Joe was sitting next to her being completely repulsed that Gwen admitted that as a child she ate tongue because her family couldn't afford anything else. It seemed like her story of food insecurity was new to him so either she just made that shit up right then or these two didn't get to know each other super well before marriage. 

[SilverBeach]

6 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

I call her Gwod. 

LOVE IT! Next thread title should be "GWOD Has Spoken".

Seriously, she must be trolling her followers. Who could possibly think her self-absorbed bullshit is spiritual, let alone "godly"?

[fransalley]

On 2/24/2019 at 12:35 AM, MarblesMom said:

So I saw this from one of the fundy cousin relatives and thought it belonged here for comments: 

"After praying through things and forgiving people that had hurt me in my life one way or another, all of my health problems including the hypoglycemia immediately deceased"

?

Ah, they deceased.  I wish forgiveness was the only key to making all of my health problems decease.    

 

[SJWaterford]

5 hours ago, formergothardite said:

God is looking for people who need Him, who trust and depend on Him. When we live as if we do not need God, we wind up glorifying ourselves, praising ourselves, depending on our own understanding. You might get the praise of man, but you will not get the favor of God. I would die right now if my children told me that they did not need me anymore. I appreciate being needed, and so you know God, the Creator of all, loves it even more. It robs God of His purpose of mankind—a connection with Him forever.

Sounds like she is co-dependent on her children. And she would die if her children didn't need her anymore? But she was able to tell her husband that she didn't need him anymore with no problem. Now she gets attention and glory and praise from everyone about her new hubby. But now her kids know what it'll take to put her in her grave, in case they ever get tired of her games and drama. LOL

http://www.gwenshamblinlara.com

It says in her bio on her website that she grew up with a medical background. Kind of misleading. And was her father not a doctor? So they lived in poverty? Guess what? My family didn't have money and I remember us drinking powdered milk. It builds character Gwen. But eating tongue in the depths of your poverty didn't keep you from withholding food from Elizabeth because you didn't believe that she was really hungry. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

4 hours ago, formergothardite said:

...Gwen admitted that as a child she ate tongue because her family couldn't afford anything else.

Well, now I'm kind of confused. When I was a kid, we sometimes had beef tongue sandwiches that were a special treat, because my mom liked tongue once in awhile. I'm pretty sure tongue wasn't cheaper than, say, hamburger. (Especially back then in the 70s. Hamburger prices have really increased since they removed the "pink slime", as the news stories called it. Pork and chicken are cheaper now.) I guess I've never priced tongue.  

And, yeah, I grew up drinking powdered milk because it was cheaper. We weren't desperately poor, or anything. It just saved money for a family that drank 2 gallons of milk most days. It's also why I find 1% milk deliciously creamy. 

[formergothardite]

37 minutes ago, SJWaterford said:

And was her father not a doctor? So they lived in poverty?

She said her father was constantly going back to school so all his money went to pay for his education. I wonder how true it is that her family was so poor that she never ate anything but stale bread and fixed herself mayonnaise sandwiches for lunch since they didn't have anything else. 

[Blessings of the Corn]

51 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

Well, now I'm kind of confused. When I was a kid, we sometimes had beef tongue sandwiches that were a special treat, because my mom liked tongue once in awhile. I'm pretty sure tongue wasn't cheaper than, say, hamburger. (Especially back then in the 70s. Hamburger prices have really increased since they removed the "pink slime", as the news stories called it. Pork and chicken are cheaper now.) I guess I've never priced tongue.  

And, yeah, I grew up drinking powdered milk because it was cheaper. We weren't desperately poor, or anything. It just saved money for a family that drank 2 gallons of milk most days. It's also why I find 1% milk deliciously creamy. 

Tongue tacos are amazing!

[Coconut Flan]

4 hours ago, formergothardite said:

her family was so poor that she never ate anything but stale bread and fixed herself mayonnaise sandwiches for lunch since they didn't have anything else. 

I see some crazy irony here.  My granddaughter (daughter of two practicing attorneys) who is far, far from living in poverty asked for a mayonnaise sandwich every time I offered to make her something to eat last visit.  Apparently some kids just like them.