Gwen Shamblin 6: Billy Madison Is Smarter than Gwen Shamblin

[quiversR4hunting]

2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Do you think she knows he's likely only there for the cash?  Or can she delude herself that there is more to it?

This song is what goes through my head when I think of Gwen and Tarzan.  (However, Trace is hands down more sexy than Tarzan)

 

[formergothardite]

12 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Do you think she knows he's likely only there for the cash?  Or can she delude herself that there is more to it?

IMO she has surrounded herself with adoration for so long she probably can't fathom the idea that Joe doesn't also worship her. 

Joe seems like a con man. I wouldn't be surprised if he is planning on taking over RF.

[MayMay1123]

13 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

  I bet money there are separate bedrooms and they're not having sex.

there's an image i never wanted

[danvillebelle]

On 5/7/2019 at 7:05 AM, formergothardite said:

Nothing can get into your bloodstream until it passes through the intestinal wall.

Oh good, then the few cigarettes I smoke a day aren't harming me AT ALL.  

[Granwych]

16 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Does this mean I can't eat a carton of Oreos and call it a salad? 

It helps if said cookies have the prerequisite green filling.

[AmazonGrace]

Today's devotional requires advanced geography skills. I know where Egypt is on a map but off the top of my head I'm not completely sure I worked out correctly which direction it is exactly, looked from where I am now.
 

Spoiler

 

Anyone who has ever spoken on behalf of God turns people from idols. That is the purpose of The Tablet. True religion necessitates that we turn heart, soul, mind, and strength away from Egypt, idols, and the love of the world, and surrender them over to developing a personal, obedient relationship with God. You are transferring a bond with the food over to a connection with God. He loves it when you find self-denial for His sake. God rewards you when you exchange your own selfish desires for His will. The Bible warns us that our own desires are evil and self-destructive, and yet God’s perfect and guiding will gives us nourishment, life, long life and eternal life.

Did you wake up the senses inside you? Did you find the internal controls that are led by God? If your stronghold was smoking, did you feel more self-control when you got your mind off the tobacco and turned it toward God? Did you find your rewards, your ways of escape?

Did you wait and find hunger? Did you notice how the food tastes so much better when you are hungry? It is fun to wait and feel victorious over the food! When you are full, God designed the taste buds to “turn off.” You will be unable to taste the full flavor. It is one of God’s ways to encourage you to stop eating at that point.

 

Good news: if the third donut still tasted good it wasn't too much.

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, Granwych said:

It helps if said cookies have the prerequisite green filling.

Gwen has helped us to understand that mint Oreos are salad. 

42 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

It is fun to wait and feel victorious over the food! 

Gwen and I have very different ideas about what constitutes fun. Roller coasters are fun. Parties are fun. Waiting for the growl, not fun. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

30 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

Gwen has helped us to understand that mint Oreos are salad. 

Oh, I already had a broader definition of "salad".

Spoiler

I know I've posted this on FJ before, but it's too good not to reuse.

 

[formergothardite]

Gwen is doing more science for us today and wants us to know that your body can't tell if you are eating junk food or healthy food. So just eat junk food. 

Quote

For the most part, all the food groups contain the six basic nutrients. For example, when you eat a piece of bread, you think you are eating just a carbohydrate. No, it is largely a carbohydrate, but it also contains proteins, fats, water [H2O], vitamins, and minerals.

What about a potato? It is made of carbohydrates, a trace of proteins and fat, vitamins, minerals, and water. What about meat? It is proteins, fat, and a trace of carbohydrates, vitamins, minerals, and water. What about milk? Well, it is proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vitamins, minerals, and water, too. What about chocolate, cookies, cake, or candy? They, too, are fats, carbohydrates, some proteins, and a trace of vitamins, minerals, and water.

Simple carbohydrates are made of short chains of glucose (basically C6H12O6). Breads are made of long chains of glucose. Fructose (another arrangement of C6H12O6) is a simple carbohydrate that God made to fit exactly in the taste bud, which in turn stimulates a nerve ending to send a signal that the brain interprets as “delightfully sweet.” If you were to examine the bloodstream, you would not be able to tell if you had eaten long chains or short chains. Glucose is the sugar form that each of your cells uses for energy. We do not have to eat it—the foods we eat are turned into glucose by the liver. Likewise, your body does not know if it ate honey, unrefined sugar from the sugar cane plant, refined table sugar, or bread, because all the units are converted to glucose in the liver and then transported into the bloodstream in the form of single unit glucose molecules to be used by the body cells. Being overanxious about the source of sugar is part of the bondage of food.

 

[RFsurvivor]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

Gwen is doing more science for us today and wants us to know that your body can't tell if you are eating junk food or healthy food. So just eat junk food. 

 

Ummm what the heck. 

[AmazonGrace]

Well but if there's no difference between healthy food and unhealthy food, why should we eat unhealthy food? Your body would take the carbohydrates, proteins and water from healthy food just as well.

 

It's funny that she's so worried about the bondage of food when nobody's more bonded to food than a Gwentholic.  

Quote

Simple carbohydrates are made of short chains of glucose (basically C6H12O6).

You think she reads here? Just the other day there was a post about chemical knowledge and now she wants to prove that she does know chemistry?

[formergothardite]

She is very, very defensive about her potato chip and soda addiction. She is hell bent on proving junk food is just as healthy as a balanced diet of fruits, veggies and protein. 

[AmazonGrace]

If God didn't want you to consume Cheetos and Mountain Dew, why did He create Cheetos plants and mountains? 

[CTRLZero]

52 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

She is very, very defensive about her potato chip and soda addiction. She is hell bent on proving junk food is just as healthy as a balanced diet of fruits, veggies and protein. 

I wonder if this was part of her Masters thesis or if she's [d]evolved over time.  Can you imagine defending this theory in front of a panel of experts?*  Now I'm just so curious what her focus was for her Masters.  I'd also be tempted to run her scientific devotionals through a plagiarism program, but that's just me being mean.  I'm sure she properly attributes anything she includes from her textbooks in her devotionals.

*I'm really in a snarky mood today.  I'm envisioning the panel comprised of representatives from Frito Lay and Coca Cola.  ?

 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

I wonder if Gwen remembers this little thing called fiber?  Last time I checked, it was beneficial for my body.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I wonder if Gwen remembers this little thing called fiber?  Last time I checked, it was beneficial for my body.

I wonder if Gwen has even pooped in the last week. My guess is a big fat no.

[AmazonGrace]

1 hour ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I wonder if Gwen remembers this little thing called fiber?  Last time I checked, it was beneficial for my body.

She thinks it's dangerous 

Spoiler

Too much as too much fiber or high fiber foods that can cause harm to the intestines.

Posted by @formergothardite on April 22.

[fransalley]

The one time I heard Gwen speak in person, I can remember her saying that the body took whatever nutrients it needed from any food you ate.  She also said that we had to get rid of this notion of "righteous" and "unrighteous" food.  

This was back in October of 1996 (I only remember because it was right around my birthday).  I remember thinking that Gwen's comment about the body taking the nutrients it needed from any sort of food was odd, but I brushed it off.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

She thinks it's dangerous 

  Hide contents

Too much as too much fiber or high fiber foods that can cause harm to the intestines.

Posted by @formergothardite on April 22.

Too much fiber causes farts Gwen. 

Does Gwen hate to fart or something? Is farting the work of the devil? My husband’s do smell a bit like brimstone at times. ?

[formergothardite]

Gwen's body would probably go into shock if she started eating healthy. It has lived on diet coke and small amounts of junk food for so long. She has to feel terrible. 

[wishnhopn]

Has anyone seen her since she got back from vacay? Did she get plastic surgery? Her lips looked...fuller.

Her Live with Gwen and Joe (who was missing - in court I wonder??) was soo weird. I don't think she uttered a complete sentence the entire time. 

 

[formergothardite]

"Ask anything as personally as you want." I'm pretty sure she meant personal and I'm also pretty sure she wouldn't like my personal questions. 

"We are going to lose our weight!" Gwen you have no weight to lose.

She rambles so much. It is like she can't keep a thought in her head for very long. 

Someone asked what to do about cooking at night when you aren't hungry but the smell of the food you are cooking makes you want to eat. Gwen says to cook early and make your family reheat the food. She says it won't taste as good but that is okay. 

The lying demon, who I'm assumes doesn't live in a green bean can, will tell you you are fine and don't need to lose weight but it is just a demon telling you that. 

What do you do if it is 2 in the afternoon and you are really hungry but you have a dinner at 6. If you eat something now you might not have a full growl by 6 and you really want to eat at the dinner. 

(my advice. eat a light snack because you don't to spend the rest of the afternoon feeling hungry and miserable.)

Gwen's advice: Bypass hungry and wait. Or you can eat then and just have a diet coke when you go out to eat. That is what Gwen does. She gets so buy talking she doesn't eat. So she gets a coke or a decaf coffee. And at home she forgets to eat because she is doing things like cleaning out drawers. Except she doesn't actually clean out drawers. She writes emails or makes a cookbook and she has so many things going on. She loves hot tea. She really likes that orange spice tea with lemon and sweet and low. When you are losing weight hunger doesn't actually last that long. When you are within three pounds of your ideal weight your stomach will growl and growl and growl. It is really, really difficult to turn anorexic. You have to be able to withstand a lot of stomach growl and acid pain. If your are anorexic you just need to eat. Bypassing hunger when you are thin is really hard. If you have five to ten pounds to lose it is easier to bypass hunger. You aren't going to feel pain. You will feel head hunger. Head hunger can be painful(which contradicts what she just said). 

What about the speed of weight loss?

Gwen says that it isn't about the speed of weight loss it is about getting rid of greed(she says while sitting in in mansion surrounded by wealth). Come to Desert Oasis. Someone lost 95 pounds coming to it last year.  Nope it wasn't last year it was 2012 and she has been losing weight since then. 

Gwen looks puzzled here and has to ask someone what she is supposed to be talking about. She looks down and says um over and over. She is reminded it is about the speed of weight loss and she says the point is to get so you can wake up and say you want to skip lunch and you can do so or you can fast all day. You stop caring if your stomach growls or you feel pain. 

And I'm done. I can't watch anymore. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

35 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

"Ask anything as personally as you want." I'm pretty sure she meant personal and I'm also pretty sure she wouldn't like my personal questions. 

"We are going to lose our weight!" Gwen you have no weight to lose.

She rambles so much. It is like she can't keep a thought in her head for very long. 

Someone asked what to do about cooking at night when you aren't hungry but the smell of the food you are cooking makes you want to eat. Gwen says to cook early and make your family reheat the food. She says it won't taste as good but that is okay. 

The lying demon, who I'm assumes doesn't live in a green bean can, will tell you you are fine and don't need to lose weight but it is just a demon telling you that. 

What do you do if it is 2 in the afternoon and you are really hungry but you have a dinner at 6. If you eat something now you might not have a full growl by 6 and you really want to eat at the dinner. 

(my advice. eat a light snack because you don't to spend the rest of the afternoon feeling hungry and miserable.)

Gwen's advice: Bypass hungry and wait. Or you can eat then and just have a diet coke when you go out to eat. That is what Gwen does. She gets so buy talking she doesn't eat. So she gets a coke or a decaf coffee. And at home she forgets to eat because she is doing things like cleaning out drawers. Except she doesn't actually clean out drawers. She writes emails or makes a cookbook and she has so many things going on. She loves hot tea. She really likes that orange spice tea with lemon and sweet and low. When you are losing weight hunger doesn't actually last that long. When you are within three pounds of your ideal weight your stomach will growl and growl and growl. It is really, really difficult to turn anorexic. You have to be able to withstand a lot of stomach growl and acid pain. If your are anorexic you just need to eat. Bypassing hunger when you are thin is really hard. If you have five to ten pounds to lose it is easier to bypass hunger. You aren't going to feel pain. You will feel head hunger. Head hunger can be painful(which contradicts what she just said). 

What about the speed of weight loss?

Gwen says that it isn't about the speed of weight loss it is about getting rid of greed(she says while sitting in in mansion surrounded by wealth). Come to Desert Oasis. Someone lost 95 pounds coming to it last year.  Nope it wasn't last year it was 2012 and she has been losing weight since then. 

Gwen looks puzzled here and has to ask someone what she is supposed to be talking about. She looks down and says um over and over. She is reminded it is about the speed of weight loss and she says the point is to get so you can wake up and say you want to skip lunch and you can do so or you can fast all day. You stop caring if your stomach growls or you feel pain. 

And I'm done. I can't watch anymore. 

Not being snarky here ...her rambling speeches remind me very much of everyone I've ever known who had a pill habit.

I am not saying she's on anything as I have no way of knowing ...but her actions are indistinguishable to me from people I've known who abused meds.

[formergothardite]

9 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I am not saying she's on anything as I have no way of knowing ...but her actions are indistinguishable to me from people I've known who abused meds.

I wouldn't be surprised. Either that or existing on diet coke has killed her brain cells. Watching this where it is just her really shows how much Joe keeps the videos going in a coherent way. She really had to have the people making the video remind her what she was supposed to be talking about. 

How do these videos not drive people away? Gwen doesn't make me want to learn from her because she doesn't make sense. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I wouldn't be surprised. Either that or existing on diet coke has killed her brain cells. Watching this where it is just her really shows how much Joe keeps the videos going in a coherent way. She really had to have the people making the video remind her what she was supposed to be talking about. 

How do these videos not drive people away? Gwen doesn't make me want to learn from her because she doesn't make sense. 

It makes me think that she chose Joe to marry as a business arrangement. She needs someone to constantly remind her of what she’s supposed to talk about and for someone else to express things Gwen can’t. Elizabeth would be filling this role if she weren’t so thin and unwell looking.