Maxwell 29: You Can Leave Your Vest On, Second Verse Same as the First

[Jana814]

45 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I know one guy who, after a heart attack was given this instruction by his doctor: "If it tastes good, don't eat it."

Love this!  Hope he listened to his doctor. 

[PennySycamore]

@defraudingjezebel,  you'll probably want to opt for colonoscopies rather that something like ColoGuard (at home stool test) and I'm sure your physician would want that as well since you're at greater risk, but colonoscopies are less awful than they used to be years ago.  You do have to fast the day before (clear fluids only, but that includes jello other than red) and do the rest of the prep -vile drink the night before to clean you out-, but the test itself is pretty easy.  You almost certainly will be sedated and the endoscope is thinner than it was years ago.  You feel like you've had nice nap when you wake up and you're hungry.  You and the person that takes you for your test can go out for a nice lunch afterwards.  That's what my daughter and I did after my test.

[ViolaSebastian]

My grandmother passed away from colon cancer, so it’s a subject that’s near and dear to me. Currently, the ACA recommends that people with a family history of colon cancer start getting colonoscopies at 40. If polyps are caught early enough, they can be removed and won’t turn cancerous. Diet and exercise and not smoking are great as well. Colon cancer risk can be managed very successfully, thank goodness. 

[Lisafer]

29 minutes ago, ViolaSebastian said:

My grandmother passed away from colon cancer, so it’s a subject that’s near and dear to me. Currently, the ACA recommends that people with a family history of colon cancer start getting colonoscopies at 40. If polyps are caught early enough, they can be removed and won’t turn cancerous. Diet and exercise and not smoking are great as well. Colon cancer risk can be managed very successfully, thank goodness. 

I just hope that by the time I reach 40 (family history of colon and stomach cancers) I'll have some kind of insurance that means I can afford screening procedures.

[Granwych]

4 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Some might? Some will just make recommendations.

I know one guy who, after a heart attack was given this instruction by his doctor: "If it tastes good, don't eat it."

I have a hard time imagining anything served on the mother ship tastes good.

I am quite disappointed on how Chelsey has been unable to shake up the clan, at least as far as we can see.  Maybe she just needs more time?

[Black Aliss]

On 3/28/2019 at 8:26 AM, mango_fandango said:

They sounded so damn smug about their diet. “I don’t even remember the last time I ate a Big Mac”. Heart problems can happen to anyone, Stevie.

But I bet he does remember the last time he ate CoolWhip and probably margerine. It's those manufactured foods that'll clog up your arteries, Steve.

22 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

Terri  Anna would have to scrap almost all of her recipes and start over to have a diet compliant with my neighbor's cardiologist's plan. 

FTFY  Seriously, though, their diet sucks. Very low in fiber, high in sodium, lots of starchy foods (bean burritos anyone?)with high glycemic indices, when they do eat a tiny portion of leafy greens it's buried in fat (that layered salad still gives me nightmares)

[doozeratwork]

3 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

@defraudingjezebel,  you'll probably want to opt for colonoscopies rather that something like ColoGuard (at home stool test) and I'm sure your physician would want that as well since you're at greater risk, but colonoscopies are less awful than they used to be years ago.  You do have to fast the day before (clear fluids only, but that includes jello other than red) and do the rest of the prep -vile drink the night before to clean you out-, but the test itself is pretty easy.  You almost certainly will be sedated and the endoscope is thinner than it was years ago.  You feel like you've had nice nap when you wake up and you're hungry.  You and the person that takes you for your test can go out for a nice lunch afterwards.  That's what my daughter and I did after my test.

Agreed!! I just had my first colonoscopy this Monday, and the prep was really not as bad as everyone said. The worst part of the whole thing was getting an IV, so it was really no big deal. 

[SolomonFundy]

Since I'm 88% sure that the Maxwell Family Meal Schedule is set for at least 3 years in advance, this is probably registering an 11 on their emotional Richter scale.

Smug comments about fast food aside, I found his moronic remarks about how his regular diet would be "approved" by the American Heart Association even more insufferable. The Maxwells eat like unimaginative 11 year olds who are only allowed to shop for food ingredients from a vending machine. Every damn thing they eat is covered in salt, processed cheese, ersatz "taco" seasoning (salt), processed meat (more salt), canned vegetables (let's call it sodium for fun), and most of it ends up swimming in a hell broth of Campbell's Cream of Salt Soup, or ham gravy. 

This is a recent recipe from the blog:

Quote

 

Teri’s Favorite Chicken in Chipped Beef

2 pkgs. 2 ounces each chipped beef (we like Carl Buddig brand)
6 medium-size chicken breasts
1 – 10 3/4 oz. can cream of mushroom soup
1 cup sour cream
salt and pepper

 

According to the Carl Buddig website, each 2oz pack of that beef crap contains 25% of your daily value of sodium. That's if you're eating a Standard American Diet, of course (which Steve would NEVER...). But since they use both packs for this dish, that's 1200 mg of salt.

The Campbell's Original Cream of Mushroom Soup has 790mg of sodium PER SERVING... and they say a serving size is 4oz on their website. So Terri's can holds about 2.5 servings. That's 1975mg of sodium in just ONE can of the soup. (And she has two pictured... hopefully for artistic effect.)

There's also undoubtedly salt in the butter used on the pan and chicken, plus she recommends salting the chicken before and after placing it in the dish.  I'll assume that this equated to roughly a teaspoon of salt for all 6 chicken breasts on both sides, including any incidentals in the butter and sour cream, and any other seasoning blends used.

So for a pan of Terri's Salty Meat-Nog, that's 5940mg of sodium. Assuming they split it 6 ways, that's 915mg of sodium per serving. For one ENTREE. This doesn't include the sodium in the buttered roll depicted with the dish in the blog post (an average of about 500mg for a wheat roll, based on a quick google search). This meal has literally ALL of the sodium that an average adult eating "standard American" gets in a day, and far more than anyone in Steve's condition should consume. The American Heart Association recommends a max of 1500mg per day, and urges less for anyone concerned with heart health.

They eat three meals per day, and breakfast is a sugar-fest. Even with a light dinner, I can't imagine how they've deluded themselves into thinking that this is "healthy".

So in case Stevie Blunder is over here perusing his most ardent fan club, I'd just like to go on the record and say that if your family ever needs to scrounge up some extra cash, consider pissing (if you're able to produce liquid of any kind) into bottles, and sell it to people at the farmer's market as All Natural Snail Killer. 

[Foudeb]

They really should stop assuming their diet is all right and see a nutritionist. Making big changes is hard but a good nutritionist will come up with tastes similar to what you like, coming in much healthier options,and will likely introduce you to foods you didn't know you liked. And the maxwells are so regimented they'd thrive under a strict meal plan. 

I suspect this will just turn into another excuse for Steve to control everyone else and suck the joy out of their lives for the fun of controlling the shit out of them (removing all salt without introducing other seasonings - garlic, herbs, spring onions, spices etc - is pure hell). 

[grammyj]

That's why it's called Maxhell! They've just moved down a Level or two.

[socalrules]

I think their diet is more about what’s cheap and how far can each meal be stretched. We know it’s not about being tasty. Other than some of their desserts, they never post anything I would want to eat without modifying it to the point of being unrecognizable. 

I will admit I don’t have a problem eating processed foods or something out of a can. I can eat fresh foods as well. My problem is that the Maxwells don’t seem to make processed or canned foods into something I would want to eat. The maxwells remind me of people who would boil a bag of frozen veggies and put it on a plate. They would never think to add seasoning, butter or onions to make it actually enjoyable. 

 

[browngrl]

I just watched the tribute to Susanna. One thing struck me. I see posts on Reddit where parents have asked people skilled in photoshop to remove tubes/wires from NICU photos. Usually someone manages to create a lovely photo for the parents. the Maxwell's have a business doing computer related things so I am surprised they have not photoshopped the tubes and wires out of at least one picture.

NB : I have a lot of criticism for the Maxwell's fundie beliefs but I'm not criticizing this - people cope how they cope. 

[lilith]

The Maxwell’s think their diet is healthy because they don’t eat fast food (anymore - they used to sometimes when they toured), restrict portion sizes and exercise off any weight gain.

They eat far more sugar, salt and processed food and far fewer fruits and vegetables than me, but they would assume they are healthier because I’m overweight (because I actually have a life and don’t exercise for hours a day).

Their recipes are the standard “open and dump” American recipes that amazed me when I first started looking up recipes online. When you’re writing recipes using “cans” and “packages” instead of cups and teaspoons or weight measures it’s more assembling than cooking, despite Anna staying home from college to devote herself to becoming the gourmet chef of Maxhell. 

And they still haven’t shown us how to cut lettuce with a pizza cutter! Don’t they know hundreds of FJers are abstaining from salad until they know the correct way to prep their greens?

3 minutes ago, browngrl said:

I just watched the tribute to Susanna. One thing struck me. I see posts on Reddit where parents have asked people skilled in photoshop to remove tubes/wires from NICU photos. Usually someone manages to create a lovely photo for the parents. the Maxwell's have a business doing computer related things so I am surprised they have not photoshopped the tubes and wires out of at least one picture.

NB : I have a lot of criticism for the Maxwell's fundie beliefs but I'm not criticizing this - people cope how they cope. 

I hope Nathan and Melanie have some private pictures of Susannah where they are actually posed naturally and showing their grief and simply haven’t allowed the Immediate Family Maxwells to get their hands on them and exploit them. 

[Lisafer]

5 hours ago, socalrules said:

I will admit I don’t have a problem eating processed foods or something out of a can. I can eat fresh foods as well. My problem is that the Maxwells don’t seem to make processed or canned foods into something I would want to eat. The maxwells remind me of people who would boil a bag of frozen veggies and put it on a plate. They would never think to add seasoning, butter or onions to make it actually enjoyable. 

 

I don't have a problem eating processed or canned foods either. But Stevehovah thinking he doesn't eat a "standard American diet" because he doesn't eat Big Macs is hilarious. He has no reason whatsoever to be smug about his salty, processed meals. 

[PennySycamore]

@Foudeb, I would hope that Stevehovah's cardiologist or internist would schedule an appointment for him and Teri/Anna with a registered dietician.  I know I was sent to an RD after I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in my last pregnancy.  It was very helpful because dietary changes ain't easy and, as you pointed out, a dietician can help with making the changes more palatable, not that the Maxwells are too concerned with palatable foods.

[nastyhobbitses]

3 hours ago, Lisafer said:

I don't have a problem eating processed or canned foods either. But Stevehovah thinking he doesn't eat a "standard American diet" because he doesn't eat Big Macs is hilarious. He has no reason whatsoever to be smug about his salty, processed meals. 

Not to mention all the sugary baked goods the kidults constantly make. I love me some baked goods, but cookies are a sometimes food. 

Though now I'm wondering if the endless stream of cookies, breads, and pies is just Anna and Mary's long-con plot against Steve...

[catlady]

8 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

@Foudeb, I would hope that Stevehovah's cardiologist or internist would schedule an appointment for him and Teri/Anna with a registered dietician.  I know I was sent to an RD after I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes in my last pregnancy.  It was very helpful because dietary changes ain't easy and, as you pointed out, a dietician can help with making the changes more palatable, not that the Maxwells are too concerned with palatable foods.

I second all of this. My family had a 4-week session with Visiting Nurse Association which included consultation with a dietician, after my cousin was diagnosed with diabetes. Dietary changes are indeed hard; we had to re-learn how to shop, how to read labels, and how to cook. We had to stop the convenience of things like takeout or spaghetti. The dietician gave us materials on what could be eaten in moderation, what can be unlimited, and what was now off limits.  There were some surprises on those lists, and a lot of the information would have taken much longer to learn on our own. 

[knitwit]

I also rolled my eyes at the smug "I eat healthier than most Americans!" in that post.  We've seen your family's recipes, Steve, no you don't.  Not when so much of it is made from processed food.  

A someone who lost a parent as an adult, I don't wish the experience of having a parental health scare on anyone, but as Steve is okay now, there is part of me that wonders if any of the daughters had even a moment of envisioning life after their father and had a moment of questioning whether their current path is the right one.  I doubt it, as the indoctrination and fear of the outside world probably goes too deep, but part of me will continue to hope that one of them makes a break for it.

As a side note, I've finally reached the New Year's post in my quest to catch up on the Maxwell threads.  I spent New Year's doing a marathon Twitch stream, playing Pillars of Eternity (magic!  A polytheistic fantasy world!  Oh the horrors!) and doing the final dates in Dream Daddy (where you, as a widowed dad, date other...mostly single dads, including the option of creating a transgender character).  The game is so sweet and so pure, but I'm sure Steve would just be horrified.  It'd be great.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think that Steve thinks that because he isn’t obese, he’s healthy. I’m so tired of the assumption that being overweight/obese is the cause of all health issues in America. Because when this myth is perpetuated, the reverse is also thought. That not being obese means you are automatically healthy. Nope. It doesn’t work that way. 

[SPHASH]

Had a Maxwell moment today.  We had a potluck after church and there was seven layer salad!  Believe me it looked and tasted better than Griselda Teri's concoction.  I forgot to ask the person who made it if they cut the lettuce with a knife or pizza cutter.

[SolomonFundy]

I just assume that whatever Steve is doing at any given time is default "healthy"/perfect, since he perceives his choices and preferences to be superior to anyone else's. 

He's capable of personal growth, in the sense that he CAN change his mind (for better or for worse) for personal benefit. He's done it about family pets, Little League, co-ed work environments, and his dick. Yet, despite making a career on the "personal testimony" of reversing a vasectomy and walking away from traditional occupational and educational opportunities for himself and his family, he is utterly incapable of questioning the impact of these choices on the people around him. It's an interesting contrast to other delusional fundies, like Zoo. She's also constantly moving the goal-posts of whatever she considers "acceptable" at any given time, but unlike Steve, she pretty much never acknowledges the changes. Despite the differences, they arrive at the same destination: an utter lack of empathy, and a laughable conceit of superiority.

[Lisafer]

47 minutes ago, SolomonFundy said:

I just assume that whatever Steve is doing at any given time is default "healthy"/perfect, since he perceives his choices and preferences to be superior to anyone else's. 

Exactly! That's how I perceive Stevehovah (sorry if me calling him Stevehovah gets annoying, it just rolls right off the tongue!). He is, literally, the God of the Maxwell Clan. Steve giveth and Steve taketh away...

[Jana814]

19 minutes ago, Lisafer said:

Exactly! That's how I perceive Stevehovah (sorry if me calling him Stevehovah gets annoying, it just rolls right off the tongue!). He is, literally, the God of the Maxwell Clan. Steve giveth and Steve taketh away...

He definitely considers himself a G-d when it comes to his family. 

[freejugar]

On 3/30/2019 at 4:07 AM, SolomonFundy said:

Since I'm 88% sure that the Maxwell Family Meal Schedule is set for at least 3 years in advance, this is probably registering an 11 on their emotional Richter scale.

Smug comments about fast food aside, I found his moronic remarks about how his regular diet would be "approved" by the American Heart Association even more insufferable. The Maxwells eat like unimaginative 11 year olds who are only allowed to shop for food ingredients from a vending machine. Every damn thing they eat is covered in salt, processed cheese, ersatz "taco" seasoning (salt), processed meat (more salt), canned vegetables (let's call it sodium for fun), and most of it ends up swimming in a hell broth of Campbell's Cream of Salt Soup, or ham gravy. 

This is a recent recipe from the blog:

According to the Carl Buddig website, each 2oz pack of that beef crap contains 25% of your daily value of sodium. That's if you're eating a Standard American Diet, of course (which Steve would NEVER...). But since they use both packs for this dish, that's 1200 mg of salt.

The Campbell's Original Cream of Mushroom Soup has 790mg of sodium PER SERVING... and they say a serving size is 4oz on their website. So Terri's can holds about 2.5 servings. That's 1975mg of sodium in just ONE can of the soup. (And she has two pictured... hopefully for artistic effect.)

There's also undoubtedly salt in the butter used on the pan and chicken, plus she recommends salting the chicken before and after placing it in the dish.  I'll assume that this equated to roughly a teaspoon of salt for all 6 chicken breasts on both sides, including any incidentals in the butter and sour cream, and any other seasoning blends used.

So for a pan of Terri's Salty Meat-Nog, that's 5940mg of sodium. Assuming they split it 6 ways, that's 915mg of sodium per serving. For one ENTREE. This doesn't include the sodium in the buttered roll depicted with the dish in the blog post (an average of about 500mg for a wheat roll, based on a quick google search). This meal has literally ALL of the sodium that an average adult eating "standard American" gets in a day, and far more than anyone in Steve's condition should consume. The American Heart Association recommends a max of 1500mg per day, and urges less for anyone concerned with heart health.

They eat three meals per day, and breakfast is a sugar-fest. Even with a light dinner, I can't imagine how they've deluded themselves into thinking that this is "healthy".

So in case Stevie Blunder is over here perusing his most ardent fan club, I'd just like to go on the record and say that if your family ever needs to scrounge up some extra cash, consider pissing (if you're able to produce liquid of any kind) into bottles, and sell it to people at the farmer's market as All Natural Snail Killer. 

Quote

This is a recipe my mom served our family when we didn’t live in the same town and came to visit. Now it is a favorite in our home, too, but we don’t have it very often because of the amount of sour cream in it. We served it at the rehearsal dinner for Joseph and Elissa.

Darla W. says:

September 16, 2018 at 6:23 am

Curious as to why the amount of sour cream is a concern? The ingredients in cream of mushroom soup would perhaps seem more concerning? Either way, it looks yummy!!

Teri Maxwell says:

September 16, 2018 at 3:58 pm

For us the sour cream is calories without much nutrition. The cream of mushroom soup would fall into the same category. So we enjoy them as ingredients on occasion but not as our normal fare.

From the comments on that recipe, you can see that Teri thinks the worst thing in that recipe is the sour cream. When she looks at nutritional info she only checks out the calories. She doesn't know how to read nutritional info and she's in charge of stopping Steve from heading towards another heart attack. This won't end well.

PS: i love your post! i hope others break down Maxwell recipes too

[Lisafer]

7 hours ago, freejugar said:

From the comments on that recipe, you can see that Teri thinks the worst thing in that recipe is the sour cream. When she looks at nutritional info she only checks out the calories. She doesn't know how to read nutritional info and she's in charge of stopping Steve from heading towards another heart attack. This won't end well.

PS: i love your post! i hope others break down Maxwell recipes too

Teri sounds very old-school "fat is bad" to me. Her limited info may be about thirty years behind the times.

In this area as in many others, it's like the Maxwells froze in time at about 1990.