Seewalds 38: Waiting on Seaweed Three

[mollysmom]

12 minutes ago, HarryPotterFan said:

Re: Gender disappointment

Gender disappointment is a big storyline for Cate and Tyler on Teen Mom. At their “gender” reveal party (I like to call those sex reveals but that sounds potentially naughty) they were very obviously disappointed about having another girl. Tyler really wanted a boy, and Cate really wants to give him one. She recently said that they will try for a boy the soon as this one is born. Their baby isn’t even born yet and they are already thinking about the next one. It makes it seem like they aren’t even excited for this one. And since their disappointment is on TV, social media, gossip sites...that kid could easily find this stuff one day and see how disappointed her parents were, and that they didn’t get over that disappointment.

 

I will never forget that episode. Tyler was downright pissed & didn't try to hide it at all. I felt really bad for the baby cuz like you said, someday they are going to see that & feel like shit!

[SportsgalAnnie]

18 minutes ago, mollysmom said:

I will never forget that episode. Tyler was downright pissed & didn't try to hide it at all. I felt really bad for the baby cuz like you said, someday they are going to see that & feel like shit!

 This is why I'm not a fan of people going on and on about Gender reveal parties ect. It's so easy for kids to look back on stuff now. A lot of the people I know overshare baby stuff. I keep wanting to scream get off your phone and interact with them.

[feministxtian]

1 girl, 2 boys here. Daughter is 36 going on 12 in so many ways...she's a kind of roll with the punches sort of kid...

#1 son, a real "command man"...bwahahahahaha! talks a lot of shit but it's to cover the marshmallow insides

#2 son, a "visionary man"...thinks he's tough, but he isn't.

#1 and #2 were surprises, #3 was not. If I could have been promised nothing but boys I'd have kept having babies. 

[mstee]

I found out as a teen that my mom cried for days when she found out I was a girl (stung a little then , haha, but I’m okay now). When I was pregnant there was no talk of gender preference amongst the grandparents, thankfully. I leaned towards wanting a daughter; my husband a son; and we realized it was just a matter of what we felt comfortable with but that that the baby’s health was most important. In the end we had a girl and my husband is a great dad. I asked him if he had a preference if we have a second and he said no- that now that he had a daughter that he wouldn’t be nervous for another daughter. So I guess we will see what happens down the road. I’m team girl only only because I have lots of clothes saved ?

[StraightOuttaArkansas]

@HarryPotterFan Love calling it a sex reveal. We did that for our youngest child. Not the specific word "sex reveal" because yeah that does sound a bit kinky. I posted a photo of cupcake and said something along the lines of "the sex is boy!" and my husband got really creative and posted the same photo with "announcing the sex with obligatory stereotypical color designation". I thought that was great, unfortunately I don't think most people on our social media understood the joke. I really hate the word gender and wish people would get over the word sex. Nice to see someone else calling it what it actually is. Also I am/was a total teen mom (snark)fan!

Re: gender disappointment/sex/babies in general

I was a teen when I had my first baby and I knew it was possible I could end up a single mom (I did for a while). I desperately wanted a girl, so much so that I wore pink the day I was supposed to find out and asked all my friends to as well (they forgot and some how all wore blue that day, signs). I was so terrified of having a boy because my brothers were just horrible children (and have grown into terrible adults, but that is another story). Well I had a boy. I took me years to get over the disappointment. Until I moved far away from family and really only had this little boy. I finally got a chance to connect with him free from all the "gender pressure" my family and social circle was putting on him/us. I was amazed to discover a quiet child who loved to listen stories and cuddle. It only got better as time went on. When I did end up a single mom, it worked out so well. My son was/is the "girliest" behaving guy. I assume that it has a lot to do with growing up around just a mom for the most part (my ex had him occasionally for Saturday and spring break), but also the change in expectation that allowed his quiet personality to be valued. He is a caring, compassionate young man. He loves school and art. He helps out happily with his baby brother. I did not thing 14 years ago that a boy could be this, but I am so happy to be proven wrong. I had such a learning experience with my first, that when I was pregnant this time, though I would have have been genuinely happy with either sex, I leaned toward wanting a boy. Not just because I knew how to handle one now, but I also wanted to name him after my Grandpa (family name) while he is still alive to enjoy it. So I was thrilled to have the next one and honestly I don't care what the next one is. We have names picked out and a naming scheme and while I am not keen to ever be pregnant/give birth again, we are discussing adoption seriously as our next step. I want to put my "money where my mouth is" there. Not to open that discussion again. I would be happy with whatever child needs us, no matter their sex.

That all being said, can we just talk about this "mini-me" culture that seems to be going on with the #girlmoms? My cousin has a baby one month younger than mine and keeps going on about this. Honestly, I hope her daughter is NOTHING like her. My cousin is such a hateful person (e.g. making fun of people on food stamps, but she gets WIC...uhm house, glass? and other hateful things like that) and makes/made tons of terrible decisions that she does not seem to understand where terrible/her fault (taking opiates during pregnancy and wondering why the nurses caring for her addicted baby where rude to her?). My mom and I are trying hard to be a positive influence in her life, but I see her doing to her daughter already like her mom did to her. All that mini-me stuff is expectations that ruined my cousin and I fear for her daughter. Like what if she doesn't like unicorns, but frogs instead? What if she wants short hair instead of elaborate hairstyles and makeup at three? What if she doesn't like barbie, but hot wheels and tools instead? My heart breaks for this little girl and honestly wonder how my cousin will handle her child being a separate person from her. (Also physically, our kids are 9 months old and she still goes on about how it was to be pregnant, but almost nothing about her baby other than she won't sleep). Oh wow sorry about the rant. You all are really my safe space. ❤️

[Carm_88]

5 hours ago, StraightOuttaArkansas said:

That all being said, can we just talk about this "mini-me" culture that seems to be going on with the #girlmoms?

I find that a bit odd. That little girl is a unique person, a whole new person. They may look like the mom, they may look like the dad; but they are them and they may not like anything that their parents like. Let them be and encourage them to be the person that they are. 

[Four is Enough]

We knew the gender of   our first two going into delivery. We just didn't tell anyone else. Why does everyone have to know         right away, anyway?

Of course we knew the genders of            Three and Four as well... they were 5 and 6 years old, LOL!

[feministxtian]

22 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

I find that a bit odd. That little girl is a unique person, a whole new person. They may look like the mom, they may look like the dad; but they are them and they may not like anything that their parents like. Let them be and encourage them to be the person that they are. 

I did that...and I have 3 "mini-mes". Some of them look more like me but goddammit, the ALL act like me. 

[Sullie06]

16 hours ago, HarryPotterFan said:

Re: Gender disappointment

Gender disappointment is a big storyline for Cate and Tyler on Teen Mom. At their “gender” reveal party (I like to call those sex reveals but that sounds potentially naughty) they were very obviously disappointed about having another girl. Tyler really wanted a boy, and Cate really wants to give him one. She recently said that they will try for a boy the soon as this one is born. Their baby isn’t even born yet and they are already thinking about the next one. It makes it seem like they aren’t even excited for this one. And since their disappointment is on TV, social media, gossip sites...that kid could easily find this stuff one day and see how disappointed her parents were, and that they didn’t get over that disappointment.

They are a mess, those two, and the last thing they need is more children. Cate needs to really get a hold of her mental health issues before she takes on anymore. I think this baby was a trap baby of sorts. Cate thinks having all these kids is going to make Tyler stay and I think she really thought they would finally have a boy. I'm pretty sure they are not even living in the same house right now. I know Tyler had moved out before she found out she was pregnant. She thinks this is what he wants but Instead Tyler just ends up being a single Dad because Cate keeps going off to rehab more frequently and for longer periods of time. I feel bad for those kids because while Tyler is a good Dad, their mother is just trying to replace Carly and it's not going to work. 

[Sullie06]

When I was pregnant with my son, I really in all honestly did not care what his sex was and people really found that shocking. I would get a lot of "but it you had to chose, what would you want" questions. Also everyone had to tell me why it was better to have a girl, or a boy, whatever the case was for their family.  A little back story we lost our first pregnancy at 9 weeks. That pregnancy was a surprise as I was on birth control and we didn't know if we wanted kids. That loss was the most profound experience and we knew after that we did want a family. Then we couldn't get pregnant. For 2.5 years we did tests, procedures, medications and nothing was working. We gave up, decided to look into adoption and bam a month later I was pregnant (we still plan to adopt in the future). After all of that, I just wanted a baby in my arms at the end of it. I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl. 

With my daughter, I was leaning towards wanting a girl but I would have been 100% happy with a boy. We had a 12 week loss between kids that had been a girl so I was still grieving her when we unexpectedly got pregnant again right after. We did find out the sex because were planners and I think my husband was a bit nervous about having a girl but he's great with her now. We toyed around with the idea of having a third child for awhile and decided it's not in the best interest of our family. I do think we might have chose differently if we had two boys though. For me, it's not about having a mini or any of that. I just want the experience of raising both sexes.

As for gender roles and identity, we let our kids be who they are. My son is 5. He has some sensory processing issues so he's a little wild but is one of the kindest and most compassionate kids I know. He loves to play "daddy" with dolls and plays with the Peppa Pig Dollhouse just as must as he enjoys running around rawring like a dinosaur. My husbands grandmother always makes comments like "you don't want those dolls, those are girls toys" or "why don't you play with the blue one or the red one" if an object is colored to him. It drives me mad. Especially because she doesn't do that to our daughter if shes playing with trucks or superheros. My daughter is equal parts princess and warrior. She loves dresses, pink and purple, sparkles, unicorns and dance but she wrestles the boys, gets dirty and plays hard. She will play with anything she can get her hands on. I just think it's so important to let them be who they are and not force these ideas or roles on them. 

[Baxter]

1 hour ago, Sullie06 said:

My daughter is equal parts princess and warrior. She loves dresses, pink and purple, sparkles, unicorns and dance but she wrestles the boys, gets dirty and plays hard. She will play with anything she can get her hands on. I just think it's so important to let them be who they are and not force these ideas or roles on them. 

I totally agree with this. When I was little, I loved dresses, all thinks sparkly, and playing with my barbies and play kitchen. I also loved dinosaurs and had a real fascination with monster trucks. All of that was fine with my parents. Just let your kid be who they are going to be and everyone will be better for it.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

3 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I find that a bit odd. That little girl is a unique person, a whole new person. They may look like the mom, they may look like the dad; but they are them and they may not like anything that their parents like. Let them be and encourage them to be the person that they are. 

I have a "mini-me" in that she looks a LOT like I do and she has a lot of my personality traits. It wasn't that I wanted her to look and act like me but she does look and act like me. I never dressed her like I dressed or went out of my way to make her appear like my mini me it was simply people seeing us going "WOW! She looks just like you."  She has her very own sense of style and interests that vary greatly from mine, and that is just fine with me. I want her to be herself, and I guess that is the difference between moms who do everything to make a mini me and a mom who has a daughter who looks like her.  

[SorenaJ]

It bothers me so much when people dress up as “princesses” by wearing a big poofy ball gown and a tiara. That’s... really not how real princesses look. 

[Knight of Ni]

We are trying for one more and we know it’s definitely the last. I told my husband he might as well schedule a vasectomy for the day the baby is born. 

[OutoftheShadows]

I am so glad we never opted to find out our babies’ sex during their ultrasounds. I know that, had I known that Mini Shadow 1 was a girl, I would have spent all those months of pregnancy fantasizing about having a mini me, all Barbies and sparkles and princesses, just like I was as a little girl.  Come to find out, my darling daughter is NONE of those things. She has always loved dirt, bugs, worms, and trucks, would fight me tooth and nail over having to wear a dress or a hair bow. She’s now in grad school for environmental health science, still loves all things dirty and outdoorsy, and is a part time employee of the Department of the Interior (side note: be kind to your hard working federal employees, y’all.  Having the angry orange toddler as their boss has been seriously detrimental to their morale, not to mention their bank accounts.) 

My point? Getting to know my daughter for who she is, rather than my preconceived notions of what having a baby girl would mean, saved me from a lot of disappointment and her from not having to live up to unfair expectations.

I feel so bad for these fundie kids who never get that chance to develop into who they truly are. It’s always “boys do X and girls do Y and thus it shall ever be. Amen”. 

[SassyPants]

22 minutes ago, OutoftheShadows said:

I am so glad we never opted to find out our babies’ sex during their ultrasounds. I know that, had I known that Mini Shadow 1 was a girl, I would have spent all those months of pregnancy fantasizing about having a mini me, all Barbies and sparkles and princesses, just like I was as a little girl.  Come to find out, my darling daughter is NONE of those things. She has always loved dirt, bugs, worms, and trucks, would fight me tooth and nail over having to wear a dress or a hair bow. She’s now in grad school for environmental health science, still loves all things dirty and outdoorsy, and is a part time employee of the Department of the Interior (side note: be kind to your hard working federal employees, y’all.  Having the angry orange toddler as their boss has been seriously detrimental to their morale, not to mention their bank accounts.) 

My point? Getting to know my daughter for who she is, rather than my preconceived notions of what having a baby girl would mean, saved me from a lot of disappointment and her from not having to live up to unfair expectations.

I feel so bad for these fundie kids who never get that chance to develop into who they truly are. It’s always “boys do X and girls do Y and thus it shall ever be. Amen”. 

My daughter is your daughter. She was an environment science and chemistry teacher prior to becoming a high school principal. She has a daughter who is all girl...pink...dresses...bows, despite my daughter initially trying the gender neutral road. Cracks, me, up how that all works.

[Glasgowghirl]

4 hours ago, Sullie06 said:

They are a mess, those two, and the last thing they need is more children. Cate needs to really get a hold of her mental health issues before she takes on anymore. I think this baby was a trap baby of sorts. Cate thinks having all these kids is going to make Tyler stay and I think she really thought they would finally have a boy. I'm pretty sure they are not even living in the same house right now. I know Tyler had moved out before she found out she was pregnant. She thinks this is what he wants but Instead Tyler just ends up being a single Dad because Cate keeps going off to rehab more frequently and for longer periods of time. I feel bad for those kids because while Tyler is a good Dad, their mother is just trying to replace Carly and it's not going to work. 

I used to like Cate but the last two seasons she has pissed me off big time, I have had depression on and off since I was 10 and while I sympathise with her, I also think she was using her depression as an excuse to be lazy. She went to rehab last time without even discussing it with Tyler, she just told him she was leaving and he was left running their business, sorting out the new house and taking care of Nova and while she was at rehab she missed some of the group sessions because she stayed up late watching DVDs. She seemed to be complaining more about it being a girl than Tyler at the gender reveal and Tyler's mother ended up saying something to her. Having a baby is not going to solve their issues. Bringing more children in to a relationship that is in trouble is not a good idea, they need to see if it can work on their issues or call it quits. Tyler was trying to get couples counseling and she was unwilling to do it because she wasn't ready. 

[Carm_88]

Jessa hasn’t posted yet, but Henry is two and TLC has reposted the video from when he was a newborn! 

[ViolaSebastian]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

 She has a daughter who is all girl...pink...dresses...bows, despite my daughter initially trying the gender neutral road. Cracks, me, up how that all works.

I have a friend with two boys. She was determined to do the gender neutral thing when her first son was born, but still ended up driving around looking for heavy duty construction equipment for his personal enjoyment. 

[VineHeart137]

7 hours ago, Sullie06 said:

My daughter is equal parts princess and warrior. She loves dresses, pink and purple, sparkles, unicorns and dance but she wrestles the boys, gets dirty and plays hard. She will play with anything she can get her hands on. I just think it's so important to let them be who they are and not force these ideas or roles on them. 

Same! My daughter is in ballet and loves to dress up in "princess" dresses. She also loves dinosaurs, wearing superhero capes, and has asked for the theme of her birthday party this year to be The Flash. It's pretty awesome!

One time we were at a birthday party for one of my daughter's friends and the birthday girl's brother got his hands on a Barbie. I heard his mom verbally question why he was holding it and his grandmother ended up taking it away and encouraging him to go play trucks with his brother. You could literally see the disappointment on this kid's face as he halfheartedly pushed around a toy dump truck. It was really sad. I really don't know what harm they expected to come from a kid playing with a Barbie.

[MargaretElliott]

I like to describe my twin and I in terms of alignments...  I'm lawful neutral, she's chaotic neutral. We have similar interests and morals, but wildly different ways of expressing ourselves. Two sides of the same coin, so to speak.

I teach theater to high school kids after work and I'm doing a unit on costuming and makeup, and I was kind of surprised to see that my class only had one girl, while the class on directing had more girls than boys. It was an interesting distribution, not one that would fit in to stereotypes. And my guys can do the shit out of some stage makeup, and those girls can give awesome stage direction. Not everyone fits in those pre-defined boxes. And that's okay. I think that the way fundies (and even the older generation, like my aunts) treat kids because of their gender/sex is just the most ridiculous thing.

[Vivi_music]

On 2/5/2019 at 8:33 AM, Melissa1977 said:

This. I have two boys. Love them badly, they have very different personalities and both are amazing!. But people seemed so dissapointed or sad for me when I told them the ultrasound showed a boy.

The saddest thing is that many people, if not most, prefer a girl just for the clothes and girly stuff. As if a baby was a toy. Others think that girls are better behaved, and I really wish them a naughty one! ? Hey people, girls can be warriors, too. And boys can be caring. Thinking that the gender impacts the personality is so wrong, specially in a secular society where gender roles are becoming less important.

I can't understand how women who fight for a career, who hate sexism, who want an equal partner, dream of having a girl "because they are sweeter, or easier, or are going to take care of their old parents".

So well, I live with 3 men, I'm the queen of the house and it rocks! If God opens my womb again ?? he can send me another boy, although a girl would be very much loved, too.

 

I had heard a lot of the opposite around me. A lot of people I would talk with prefered boys over girls. I heard the very common ''girls are so dramatic, bitchy, back-stabbing'' and I heard some pretty messed up thing too. Someone once told me they hoped to have only boys because girls in their teenage years are harder to parent: when they get their first periods and how to deal with that, always making sure they dress not too slutty, be on the lookout how they are perceived by men, making sure they don't get pregnant. I was baffled. And this was coming from a fellow woman (thankfully not a close friend). How about changing our sexist culture and making sure men learn not to see your daughter as a piece of meat?? When she told me that, I kind of wished for her to indeed only have boys, because I felt bad for that poor daughter. But then again, her statement was also very telling of her own perception of men in general. Oh dear.

I would say that if I had participated in that discussion a few years ago, I would probably have wished for a girl very badly. But I have a six nieces and nephews now aged between 9 and 1 year old. I have learned to know each and everyone of them as the lovely individuals they are, and truly SEX is just the genitals you were born with and has nothing to do with their personalities. My nephews are caring, affectionate, one of them is shy, not the other. One of them likes sports but the other one is reader and is already intrigued by video games, wants to know how they work. My nieces are funny and loud, but also artistic and strong. One of them is passionate about Taekwondo (which makes her literally a little fighter). Basically, if you let them be who they want to be, they will blossom into their own personnality.

[ViolaSebastian]

I think I've posted about this before, but my mother swears that boys are easier to raise than girls. However, she had much, much higher standards for conduct for me than for my brother. A lot of poor behavior was just dismissed as "boys will be boys," but I'd be punished for the exact same thing. Of course it was easier to raise my brother--he received fewer punishments and less guidance and correction. He also had more freedoms, and thus fewer opportunities to violate rules. (My mother always told me "I trust you, I just don't trust other people.") I think this can be extrapolated to a generalization--I think, in general, we as a society expect more mature behavior from girls than we do boys. 

[SorenaJ]

1 hour ago, Vivi_music said:

 

I had heard a lot of the opposite around me. A lot of people I would talk with prefered boys over girls. I heard the very common ''girls are so dramatic, bitchy, back-stabbing'' and I heard some pretty messed up thing too. Someone once told me they hoped to have only boys because girls in their teenage years are harder to parent: when they get their first periods and how to deal with that, always making sure they dress not too slutty, be on the lookout how they are perceived by men, making sure they don't get pregnant. I was baffled. And this was coming from a fellow woman (thankfully not a close friend). How about changing our sexist culture and making sure men learn not to see your daughter as a piece of meat?? When she told me that, I kind of wished for her to indeed only have boys, because I felt bad for that poor daughter. But then again, her statement was also very telling of her own perception of men in general. Oh dear.



In our society, if a pregnancy happens, it is easier to deal with for the man than the woman. And more women get raped than men. So that's probably where her worries stem from. 

Not dressing slutty, well, I wouldn't want any of my (hypothetical) kids to dress slutty regardless of their sex, because in most circumstances that's not appropriate. Goes for both boys and girls. 

[HarryPotterFan]

18 hours ago, StraightOuttaArkansas said:

 

@HarryPotterFan Love calling it a sex reveal. We did that for our youngest child. Not the specific word "sex reveal" because yeah that does sound a bit kinky. I posted a photo of cupcake and said something along the lines of "the sex is boy!" and my husband got really creative and posted the same photo with "announcing the sex with obligatory stereotypical color designation". I thought that was great, unfortunately I don't think most people on our social media understood the joke. I really hate the word gender and wish people would get over the word sex. Nice to see someone else calling it what it actually is. Also I am/was a total teen mom (snark)fan!

That is much more appropriate than my idea of getting decorations from an adult store. I’ve thought that future husband and I can open a box and either penis or vagina balloons will fly out.

It drives me nuts when people use sex and gender interchangeably, especially in scientific articles. I have friend and acquaintances who are trans so it’s something I try to pay attention to. 

12 hours ago, Sullie06 said:

They are a mess, those two, and the last thing they need is more children. Cate needs to really get a hold of her mental health issues before she takes on anymore. I think this baby was a trap baby of sorts. Cate thinks having all these kids is going to make Tyler stay and I think she really thought they would finally have a boy. I'm pretty sure they are not even living in the same house right now. I know Tyler had moved out before she found out she was pregnant. She thinks this is what he wants but Instead Tyler just ends up being a single Dad because Cate keeps going off to rehab more frequently and for longer periods of time. I feel bad for those kids because while Tyler is a good Dad, their mother is just trying to replace Carly and it's not going to work. 

I think a big breaking point for Tyler was when Cate wanted to go back to rehab days after getting home rather than doing outpatient and follow-up. He said, “what about Nova?” and Cate responded, “she’ll manage.” That’s really when I lost any sympathy for her over her mental health issues. Her own mom gave her abandonment issues and now she’s doing that to her own kid? 

 

8 hours ago, Glasgowghirl said:

I used to like Cate but the last two seasons she has pissed me off big time, I have had depression on and off since I was 10 and while I sympathise with her, I also think she was using her depression as an excuse to be lazy. She went to rehab last time without even discussing it with Tyler, she just told him she was leaving and he was left running their business, sorting out the new house and taking care of Nova and while she was at rehab she missed some of the group sessions because she stayed up late watching DVDs. She seemed to be complaining more about it being a girl than Tyler at the gender reveal and Tyler's mother ended up saying something to her. Having a baby is not going to solve their issues. Bringing more children in to a relationship that is in trouble is not a good idea, they need to see if it can work on their issues or call it quits. Tyler was trying to get couples counseling and she was unwilling to do it because she wasn't ready. 

I think Cate believes if she gives Tyler his precious boy then he will never leave her. Since this baby is a girl, Cate blames her for their marital issues and Tyler having one foot out the door. I think she really thought a boy would fix everything.