Seewalds 38: Waiting on Seaweed Three

[anjulibai]

I had gender disappointment with my boys. There are a lot of reasons I wanted a girl more than a boy, and it took me a while to process when I found out my first was going to be a boy. The disappointment with the first was worse than the second, though, because I had more of an idea of how awesome having a boy is.

I can't imagine not having my boys now. But it did take a while to work through my feelings. 

DH and I would like to have a third eventually, and I'd certainly like to have a girl if we do. But I'm kind of at the point that I don't know what I'd do with a girl, and I feel like if we'd have a third, it will definitely be a boy. 

[twoandthrough]

1 hour ago, anjulibai said:

I had gender disappointment with my boys. There are a lot of reasons I wanted a girl more than a boy, and it took me a while to process when I found out my first was going to be a boy. The disappointment with the first was worse than the second, though, because I had more of an idea of how awesome having a boy is.

I can't imagine not having my boys now. But it did take a while to work through my feelings. 

DH and I would like to have a third eventually, and I'd certainly like to have a girl if we do. But I'm kind of at the point that I don't know what I'd do with a girl, and I feel like if we'd have a third, it will definitely be a boy. 

My best friend went through this too. She was dead set on having a girl and found out at 20 weeks he was in fact a boy. She was devastated, and it took her a while to come around. It also affected her mentally - she had some crazy bad prenatal depression (which then, of course, turned into postpartum depression as well). She is obsessed with her 2 year old son now... and if they decide to have another, she actually WANTS another boy! Go figure. 

[Satan'sFortress]

I was not even a little bit of a girly-girl, but I did love Barbie.  I liked putting her in different outfits & I remember that the clothes weren't that expensive, so I could usually buy them myself with allowance money.

I loved going to my friend's house---she had way more Barbie stuff.  When we got a little bit older, I can remember using those teeny tiny band-aids as menstrual pads for our Barbies!

[justodd]

15 hours ago, Vivi_music said:

The real thing I loved about Barbie though and I don't think a lot of people realized that: she is a total feminist icon. Barbie did all sorts of professions, had jobs, did some artistic activities, sports, etc. She owned cars, houses, name it. All in her name. That is pretty darn cool.

 

Yes! I never understood why people thought she was such a bad role model when the message I always got from her was that girls could literally be anything they wanted to be. So what if her body was unrealistic? I was never going to look just like the Care Bears or Rainbow Brite, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still learn some quality lessons from them. I never felt a need to live up to Barbie’s appearance, but she did make me believe I could aspire to her various achievements. 

[SilverBeach]

21 hours ago, justodd said:

So what if her body was unrealistic?

Not so much of a so-what issue because Barbie's unrealistic body also represented sexiness. Dolls matter, which is why non-white dolls are now a thing.

[Beermeet]

15 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

Not so much of a so-what issue because Barbie's unrealistic body also represented sexiness. Dolls matter, which is why non-white dolls are now a thing.

One of the many reasons I love Moana!  No need for a 18" sexy waist on a child who is a Pacific Islander. My Samoan friend was very happy to see a character that looked like her.  

Plain ol' white Barbie annoys me. We hand our girls these dolls and they most certainly pick up on these things and start comparing themselves to an inanimate object.  I'm also loving the trend of not being rescued by a man thing.  Princess and the Frog and Frozen are my favs along with Moana!  I watch them often.  Especially Princess-frog. Because I'm obsessed with New Orleans ?

[Granwych]

On 2/16/2019 at 9:14 AM, Someone Out There said:

I'm not sure why Barbie is doing this, but Lego started making more of the sets instead of the random free play after they were going bust (I watched some doco about the lego factory, potentially one of the megafactory ones where they discussed this).  I'm not sure if it has something to do with the adult market as well (i.e. a number of adults probably want to buy sets of stuff).

Wychling just loves Lego sets, the more complicated the better.  Kid has several figures from video games that were pretty pricey too.

[Smoochie]

When I was younger (mid-70's), we lived on base in OH (USAF) and our groceries were packed in square cardboard boxes.  My mother, younger sister and I made our own barbie house using them.  She got an old carpet sample book and we bought different kinds of mac tac, paint, etc.  We had the biggest house which many of our friends then replicated, though I have to say due to my mothers creativity, ours was the best!  We had a cross between purchased and homemade furniture.  We even made a pool out of one of them!

One thing I do remember buying was a baby room that we fit into one of them and expanded. LOL Ken was an after-thought, we really didn't play with him, he mainly stayed in bed

[kmachete14]

My sister and I always spent hours "Setting up Barbie's house."  When my mom would say it was dinner and we had to clean up, we'd complain about how we never got to "actually play." When we did play, it was mostly making Barbie and Ken have sex lol (aka kissing naked). I don't think I ever thought I needed to look like Barbie.

When I was in 3rd grade, when many girls would have thought Barbie was too babyish, I got a 3-foot Costco doll house as a present. I LOVED it because I could set up three floors of furniture. My obsession with setting up Barbie's house was definitely the catalyst for a Sims obsession lol. 

[Someone Out There]

3 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

When I was in 3rd grade, when many girls would have thought Barbie was too babyish, I got a 3-foot Costco doll house as a present. I LOVED it because I could set up three floors of furniture. My obsession with setting up Barbie's house was definitely the catalyst for a Sims obsession lol. 

I consider the Sims as a more socially acceptable method of 'playing dolls' for when your older! (Yes I enjoy playing the Sims)

[Spanger]

The Sims is awesome as a doll-playing alternative, because you can build a dollhouse with a bazillion pieces of furniture, without having to pay real life $$ to buy a bazillion pieces of doll furniture, or find anywhere to store them, or clean them up when you are done.  I also like that the Sims will do their own thing if you are ignoring them, and sometimes throw little wrenches in the life plans you have for them...  (ie Barbie never skips work to stay home eating birthday cake even when you keep trying to tell her to stop and go to work so she can finally be promoted to astronaut!).

its all just story-telling to me though, which is something anyone can enjoy, whether you build your story with barbies, gi Joe, lego, hot wheels, or scraps of fabric and lace.  And not everyone wants to build a story, and that’s fine too.

Ive just started getting back into building a physical dollhouse, which wasn’t something I was super interested in as a kid, but I’m enjoying it now.  Was kind of imagining it to be this girly hobby, but I’m learning all kinds of “manly” skills right now- sawing wood, clamping and gluing, sanding and painting.  *not that these skills inherently need to be manly either, just something I hadn’t had an excuse to learn yet and am finally doing now.  ?

[JesSky03]

8 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

My sister and I always spent hours "Setting up Barbie's house."  When my mom would say it was dinner and we had to clean up, we'd complain about how we never got to "actually play." When we did play, it was mostly making Barbie and Ken have sex lol (aka kissing naked). I don't think I ever thought I needed to look like Barbie.

When I was in 3rd grade, when many girls would have thought Barbie was too babyish, I got a 3-foot Costco doll house as a present. I LOVED it because I could set up three floors of furniture. My obsession with setting up Barbie's house was definitely the catalyst for a Sims obsession lol. 

Haha yessss- setting up Barbie's house was the fun part. I never had a doll house so we would find creative places to setup everything. It was always like 90% setting up and 10% actually playing. Barbie and Ken were very rarely married in our play so I find the divorce thing mentioned above interesting. He was either the boyfriend or a bad guy Barbie had to run and hide from lol. 

I'm a little too excited to be able to buy a dollhouse "for" my kids someday. 

[WiseGirl]

29 minutes ago, JesSky03 said:

It was always like 90% setting up and 10% actually playing. 

Truth. It was always about the set up and organizing the clothes. The dolls were an afterthought. 

[nst]

Barbies were my life. I had barbie sleepovers....I had a barbie room. There is an audio cassette around my mom's house somewhere with my friends and i playing barbies...

 I had the car, the big camper which i promptly put the wrong stickers on every where, my parents made me barbie houses, I had three, my mom who would often go to Switzerland at that time would buy me me exclusive stuff from there like kitchens and other fun stuff, I had a grocery store...i had 27 barbies and endless clothes. In fact in my locker downstairs, in a plastic tub I still have several barbies and clothes.  It's silly but one of the pictures on my pc of my webshots is the barbie fridge. 

but barbies were my life. I love them. 

 

[EyesOpen]

It annoyed me so terribly when people would ask or assume I was disappointed with the gender of my children. I have two boys and a girl. I didn’t have the third hoping for a girl. I wasn’t disappointed with my boy’s gender... people assume and said these things to me and I got really angry at having to defend myself against feelings I didn’t even have.

[Carm_88]

My favourite thing about barbie was changing her clothes. I didn't care what her body looked like, I just wanted to put all the cool 80s and 90s clothes on her! 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

1 hour ago, EyesOpen said:

It annoyed me so terribly when people would ask or assume I was disappointed with the gender of my children. I have two boys and a girl. I didn’t have the third hoping for a girl. I wasn’t disappointed with my boy’s gender... people assume and said these things to me and I got really angry at having to defend myself against feelings I didn’t even have.

I got a similar thing after my second daughter.  "Aren't you going to try for a boy now? (wink wink)".  Like I *must* have at least one of each.  I admit, I was a little disappointed when I found out Baby was also a girl, but I'm incredibly grateful for my happy and healthy daughters.  Mr. Rex and I were in violent agreement that we only wanted two kids, and pregnancy doesn't agree with me (Baby's delivery almost went very badly), so a third just wasn't going to happen.  

Some disappointment is normal, but I just don't understand the unhealthy obsession some people have for a certain gender child.  

[SorenaJ]

13 minutes ago, Snarkasarus Rex said:

 "Aren't you going to try for a boy now? (wink wink)".  

How do you even try for a boy? 

Is it something like conception must happen at new moon, the mother must only eat aubergine/eggplant for 3.4 days before conception, and immediately after sweet fellowship you must shine a UV light at her private parts, and at the same time place a peacock feather on her stomach with the tip facing eastwards? 

[Eponine]

On 2/16/2019 at 4:37 PM, justodd said:

So what if her body was unrealistic? I was never going to look just like the Care Bears or Rainbow Brite, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still learn some quality lessons from them.

Children can differentiate between something that is "supposed" to look like them vs something that's completely fantastical. And some of those are inevitably going to see a somewhat realistic-looking doll who has all kinds of awesome and cool clothes as an aspirational model. I don't think it's that hard to see how that would happen. I think the impact of her body shape might be kind of overstated, but it's also pretty clear that some kids, especially girls, will want to model themselves after her - whether it's her looks, clothes, jobs, whatever.

A bigger issue than her looks in themselves is that it's only representing one specific body. It's really important that kids see all types of people modeled in their toys, stories, TV, etc, so that if they can't relate as well to a thin white woman they have other personas they can relate to more. There's strong evidence that representation not only plays a role in how kids perceive social roles, occupations, etc, but it also plays a strong role in how they see themselves and their own self-esteem.

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

I love that Barbie now has different body types.

I never had Barbies growing up, but I had Cyndi. She was a wholesome brunette who rode horses and pushed a pram. I always craved the glamour of Barbie and loved styling and dressing my friends' dolls. Now I'm all grown up and making stripper costumes. I guess that's kind of like dressing human Barbies.

Also, the Sims are great, but dangerous for me. I'm talking days worth of hermiting while I max out their skills, design their homes, and see what their kids will look like. Meanwhile real life me gets behind on work and softer around the middle. I know I've been on a bad Sims bender when I go out to social events and can picture interaction prompts over the heads of everybody I make contact with.

[nastyhobbitses]

3 hours ago, EyesOpen said:

It annoyed me so terribly when people would ask or assume I was disappointed with the gender of my children. I have two boys and a girl. I didn’t have the third hoping for a girl. I wasn’t disappointed with my boy’s gender... people assume and said these things to me and I got really angry at having to defend myself against feelings I didn’t even have.

That's when you say "we only want a girl. If it's a boy we're going to leave him in the snowy woods as a sacrifice to the Night King." 

[JordynDarby5]

2 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

My favourite thing about barbie was changing her clothes. I didn't care what her body looked like, I just wanted to put all the cool 80s and 90s clothes on her! 

That was my favorite part too.

[SassyPants]

War of the gender specific toys...

Barbie shoe or Lego

Which one is more painful to the instep of a parent’s foot?

How about instigator of 4 letter words?

[nst]

3 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

My favourite thing about barbie was changing her clothes. I didn't care what her body looked like, I just wanted to put all the cool 80s and 90s clothes on her! 

i was talking about the 70's early early 80's 

 

 

[LillyP]

Gender disappointment is very real, and I totally was one of those people! 

I was convinced I was having a girl, and really really wanted a girl. Allll my closest friends had girls, even my husband wanted a girl. I already had the watercolor floral nursery planned out, the mommy and me matching Lilly dresses I wanted to get, etc. At our 20 week anatomy scan when the ultrasound tech said "boy" you could have heard a pin drop in that room.  My sister was there with DH and I, and it was total crickets. No one said a word and I was holding back tears. Finally my sister started talking about how excited she was and how great a boy was going to be...trying to lift my spirits.

I cried on the way home, including when we stopped for lunch. It took a couple of weeks for me to really wrap my head around it and change my mindset. I eventually came around, but I won't lie and say I didn't still feel disappointed throughout my pregnancy. Pregnancy hormones definitely aren't rational sometimes. I knew in my head I should be grateful for a healthy pregnancy after two previous losses but in the moment you just have to feel how you feel. Of course now I love my boy and couldn't imagine life without him!