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Jellybean

M is for Mama 3: B is for Baby Boy Born

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TuringMachine
7 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think my guess for a name was Valiant. 

I think my final guess is Zion. The Lifebeingsatconception middle was a joke, but I still would not be surprised if he gets a middle name that's tangentially pro lifey.

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Briefly
18 hours ago, bea said:

My mom was 38 when I was born and was straight-up called an “elderly” first time mom by the hospital.
I’m the kid of people who had a baby late (because they had to wait for dispensations from the Pope), and my husband is the offspring of very much younger parents. My father was older than my husband’s grandfather, in fact.
At 46, I have an 11yo and a 9yo. I have high school classmates that are grandparents and one immensely brave college friend had a baby on her own at 45. We all bring different strengths to parenting. emoji3590.png

My parents and Mr. Briefly's grandparents were the same age.  Technically, I am the same generation as Mr. Briefly's dad!

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Rowan

I will be 40 in a few months and my husband will be 55 by then. We will be married three years this June. We are expecting our first (after 1.5 years of infertility and two early losses) in September. Not out of the woods yet with things, but it's better than the other two ever were. Honestly? I'm terrified. Not as much as when I first got the positive, and some of that is the ultrasounds with very good stats. But to be 70 with a teenager? My poor husband. And to face a really empty nest, possibly by myself? All of that is scary. But we both have wanted kids our entire lives, it just took us a long time to find each other. So we're giving it a try. If anything happens with this one though, we're done. I can't take the infertility treatments stress, and the emotional roller coaster you are on when it doesn't work, and when it does. 

Because of my husband's age and his parents' issues having kids (all four are adopted, he is the oldest), my MIL will be turning 89 next month. I almost feel like I relate more to his nieces and nephews sometimes (most of them in college at this point). It's a very strange position.

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Spent
ViolaSebastian
8 minutes ago, Rowan said:

 Because of my husband's age and his parents' issues having kids (all four are adopted, he is the oldest), my MIL will be turning 89 next month. I almost feel like I relate more to his nieces and nephews sometimes (most of them in college at this point). It's a very strange position.

I have this same situation with the guy I'm dating. He was a late in life surprise second baby, so his older sister was 16 when he was born. She married and had children, so his niece and nephew are my age and two years younger, respectively, even though my guy is 41. 

I'm sending you all my good vibes for a healthy pregnancy and baby. You're going to do great. 💗

Edited by ViolaSebastian

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Tigerchild74
3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I know many an older, educated couple who regret waiting until their early 40s women and mid 40’s men to have kids. Retirement plans and simultaneous college and grad school tuition is often times very difficult. Most of these folks expect that their kids will be as educated, if not more so, than themselves. 

If college costs keep on their current trajectory, they won't have to worry about choosing between college and retirement, because paying for college will be out of the question.  The cost of my entire bachelor's degree plus room and board at Virginia Tech in the 90s will only pay for like 2 years of tuition only at university now. 

I will have three who have graduated from high school, in 2 years.  While community college was looked down upon amongst middle-to-upper class people when I was a kid, it is now the norm, or other alternative pathways, amongst my kids' friends' families.

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JermajestyDuggar
36 minutes ago, Rowan said:

I will be 40 in a few months and my husband will be 55 by then. We will be married three years this June. We are expecting our first (after 1.5 years of infertility and two early losses) in September. Not out of the woods yet with things, but it's better than the other two ever were. Honestly? I'm terrified. Not as much as when I first got the positive, and some of that is the ultrasounds with very good stats. But to be 70 with a teenager? My poor husband. And to face a really empty nest, possibly by myself? All of that is scary. But we both have wanted kids our entire lives, it just took us a long time to find each other. So we're giving it a try. If anything happens with this one though, we're done. I can't take the infertility treatments stress, and the emotional roller coaster you are on when it doesn't work, and when it does. 

Because of my husband's age and his parents' issues having kids (all four are adopted, he is the oldest), my MIL will be turning 89 next month. I almost feel like I relate more to his nieces and nephews sometimes (most of them in college at this point). It's a very strange position.

My dad was unhealthy when I was growing up. He had undiagnosed sleep apnea, was a smoker, and was obese. So although he was way younger than your husband, they would likely have the same energy levels! Youth doesn’t always guarantee health and energy. It will just be more of an incentive for your husband to eat well and be active.

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zcccrv

@Rowan, I hope everything goes well for you and your husband.

Edited by Jellybean
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Red Hair, Black Dress

A friend of mine graduated from VA Tech in the mid 1970s.  He lived at home and put himself through school.  He told me it cost $209 per quarter then, that included the health and activity fees. 

 

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luv2laugh

After having 7 kids, is giving birth to another one actually THAT “special”? Of course the baby will be loved but at that point, isn’t it business as usual?

Obviously, I’d assume that today that the baby was passed off to one of the older sons while Abbie surfed the Internet in between nursing. For Abbie, this is a typical event and likely, not all that exhausting. Braggie has built in maids, chefs, and nannies.

In fact, didn’t Michelle Duggar say that after having the 6th child, it was “easy”?  

Consider cat rescue, as a wild example, (if you’re a cat lover). 

At first, receiving your first rescue is special, new, and exciting. Saving a cat feels really good and it’s exciting to have a bond with the little buddy. Rescuing a second cat is also exciting. Watching the two cats bond together and become a family is awesome. Take in a third (or fourth), however, and it’s nothing special. You will love them dearly but it’s nothing new. In fact, you may feel guilty for spending more time with one than the others (I do). At this point, fostering cats for a short period of time becomes “cake”. At first, you’d think it’d be emotionally difficult to care for a cat short term and give t away to an owner however, if you already have multiple (permanent) cats, it’s likely to feel as if it’s just business as usual. Additionally, you’ll know you’ve done a good deed as well. 

Edited by luv2laugh

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singsingsing
14 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

After having 7 kids, is giving birth to another one actually THAT “special”? Of course the baby will be loved but at that point, isn’t it business as usual?

Obviously, I’d assume that today that the baby was passed off to one of the older sons while Abbie surfed the Internet in between nursing. For Abbie, this is a typical event and likely, not all that exhausting. Braggie has built in maids, chefs, and nannies.

In fact, didn’t Michelle Duggar say that after having the 6th child, it was “easy”?  

Consider cat rescue, as a wild example, (if you’re a cat lover). 

At first, receiving your first rescue is special, new, and exciting. Saving a cat feels really good and it’s exciting to have a bond with the little buddy. Rescuing a second cat is also exciting. Watching the two cats bond together and become a family is awesome. Take in a third (or fourth), however, and it’s nothing special. You will love them dearly but it’s nothing new. In fact, you may feel guilty for spending more time with one than the others (I do). At this point, fostering cats for a short period of time becomes “cake”. At first, you’d think it’d be emotionally difficult to care for a cat short term and give t away to an owner however, if you already have multiple (permanent) cats, it’s likely to feel as if it’s just business as usual. Additionally, you’ll know you’ve done a good deed as well. 

Heh, yeah. Sure. That's what they say. Their religious ideology is based in large part upon making quiverfull seem happy and fun and effortless. The reality is quite different, regardless of how many built-in sister moms or brother dads there are to help.

I don't recall Michelle Duggar saying that. Maybe she did. But that would have been around the time of her laundry room breakdown. I'm sure she found it easier once her older kids could start helping, and she was getting more help from her church/community, but I doubt she would say that every kid after that was 'business as usual' and no big deal.

Cat rescue is a wonderful thing, but I really don't think it's comparable to having human children. Of course you don't view cats the way you would view your own babies. Do you really think women who have a fourth, fifth, sixth, etc. child look at their child like, "Meh, sure, I love them, but it's no big deal. Nothing new." Every pregnancy and labour is different, every baby is a unique individual, and every child you add to your family changes the dynamic in some way.

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nastyhobbitses

My boyfriend is 41 and I'm 27. Frankly I don't know how he feels about kids (we're nowhere near a point of having that conversation), and I'm extremely on the fence, leaning towards childfree, though I feel some sense of obligation because my sister has PCOS and is gay, so that's two strikes towards her not having any. But I lean towards childfree because the world is just getting worse all the time and I think it's honestly cruel of me to bring a child into a decaying and unjust world that is almost certainly not going to get any better in their lifetime, my boyfriend's age, and on a far more selfish level, I know that I would not do well psychologically with the physical changes of pregnancy, in particular the weight gain. Maybe things will change in a few years, and I do genuinely love kids, but right now definitely not and definitely not for the foreseeable future. 

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luv2laugh
1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

Cat rescue is a wonderful thing, but I really don't think it's comparable to having human children. Of course you don't view cats the way you would view your own babies. Do you really think women who have a fourth, fifth, sixth, etc. child look at their child like, "Meh, sure, I love them, but it's no big deal. Nothing new." Every pregnancy and labour is different, every baby is a unique individual, and every child you add to your family changes the dynamic in some way.

In my opinion, based upon what I've personally observed from Quiverfull families and have heard them (or read what they posted online), the dynamic changes after a certain amount of children.  I've been part of a group where Quiverfull mothers (of 6+) have admitted that they spend more quality time with certain children than others and have admitted to feeling guilty for placing large responsibilities on the oldest children. The only way they are able to continue having babies is because the oldest children are taking on parenting (and housekeeping) roles within the family.

I don't believe they necessarily look at each continuous child as "no big deal" but it's not the same as it was with the first few babies.  I don't believe they love certain children less however, after a certain point, they are well adjusted to the process of pregnant, birth, nurse newborn, and repeat that they become "numb" to certain experiences that they were fascinated by with the first couple of pregnancies/newborns. The process of getting pregnant, birthing the child, and nursing them before passing them off to an older sibling is the Quiverfull normal.

The quality of time and energy that a parent is able to provide and invest in a child is going to look different when they have 1-4 children compared to 8+. Additionally, many of the children are going to form a "parent-child bond" with an older sibling instead of the parent. Quiverfull parents aim to believe that homeschooling their children "makes up" for this fact however, it's simply not the case. There are countless of children of Quiverfull parents that will tell stories of parenting their younger siblings and having to run the entire household.

Edited by luv2laugh

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luv2laugh
2 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Cat rescue is a wonderful thing, but I really don't think it's comparable to having human children. Of course you don't view cats the way you would view your own babies. 

I wouldn’t exactly say that. Although I might agree with you, this is a hotly debated topic among pet owners. Who is to say that one doesn’t view their pet as if it were their own child?

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Melissa1977

@luv2laugh the sensation you are describing can be felt with the second kid, too. The really heavy deep enormous brand new emotion is sometimes (usually?) felt just with the eldest (and not all mothers feel it the same way, some don't find their first child a big deal, nor in a good neither a in bad way). Others feel exactly the same every time they give birth. It depends on your personality, too.

But by no means you can conclude that next kids will be less interesting, just because you have already knew how giving birth is. Or that you're not feeling great, emotional or awful after having some amount of kids.

Of course, having #3 is very different than having #18. But look at Kelly Bates, she is very much bonded with #18 and #19 than to kids #12 to #17, who are ignored to the bones.

Don't get me wrong. Braggie feels special when having birth because it's all about her. She's the main character in the movie and can use it to be more spoiled than usual. 

But what I mean is that every woman is different and live their motherhood in different ways. And you don't know how easy is to bond or how much patience do you have until you have a children or two. I'm absolutely convinced that some mothers can have a big amount of kids and feel all of them are special, while others are fed up with one or two.

In addition, I think you are mixing 2 different things. One is giving birth and the other is to develop a strong bond with your child. I can understand how fundies feel great having a newborn, adding another arrow to the quiver, accomplishing their most important goal. And they for sure love this newborn, because hormones and nursing usually help to make you love that tiny person. But what happens after a few weeks is another story. 

 

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Rowan
5 hours ago, squiddysquid said:

Name: Anthron 😁

Is she trying to top Spurgeon? It's a very strange combination of Anthony, Anton, and Anthrax she has going there. Like the poor child already didn't have enough to deal with.

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danvillebelle
6 hours ago, squiddysquid said:

Name: Anthron 😁

This is a joke, right?

Right?

Please? 

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JermajestyDuggar

She hasn’t announced a name yet on Instagram so I think it’s a joke. 

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Tired
SassyPantswithASideofClass
14 hours ago, Rowan said:

I will be 40 in a few months and my husband will be 55 by then. We will be married three years this June. We are expecting our first (after 1.5 years of infertility and two early losses) in September. Not out of the woods yet with things, but it's better than the other two ever were. Honestly? I'm terrified. Not as much as when I first got the positive, and some of that is the ultrasounds with very good stats. But to be 70 with a teenager? My poor husband. And to face a really empty nest, possibly by myself? All of that is scary. But we both have wanted kids our entire lives, it just took us a long time to find each other. So we're giving it a try. If anything happens with this one though, we're done. I can't take the infertility treatments stress, and the emotional roller coaster you are on when it doesn't work, and when it does. 

Because of my husband's age and his parents' issues having kids (all four are adopted, he is the oldest), my MIL will be turning 89 next month. I almost feel like I relate more to his nieces and nephews sometimes (most of them in college at this point). It's a very strange position.

Awww I don't even know you and I am so excited for you both!! You will do great!! Here's to a healthy smooth pregnancy, and a beautiful happy baby. Hugs!

Name: Gonnakeephavingkids

 

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EowynW

All the stories from older mothers have been so positive to read. We are 32/31 and still so dreadfully on the fence about kids for 50 million different reasons. Everyone is freaking out and telling us we are running out of time and need to decide NOW. But we can't. Life isn't simple like that. And right now a kid would push us to barely above the poverty level so the idea has been shelved for the near future anyway. 

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JermajestyDuggar

Hardisnotthe Samethingasbad 

Thats my new name guess. She will call him Sam for short ;)

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Meh
WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
22 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Hardisnotthe Samethingasbad 

I always read the end of that as "gas bad". :pb_lol: I suppose gas can be bad, depending on the circumstances. :pb_biggrin:

Edited by WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
clarity

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SuperNova
20 hours ago, zcccrv said:

For me it would have been a prison sentence to have a child at 16. Even in my 20's I was still an idiot, but at 16 I haven't even kissed anyone yet. I honestly started sorting my life out in my 30's. Ended a long term relationship (it's been great for both of us to be able to go our separate ways after spending 14 years together without much ties to the past), stopped worrying about nonsense, found a wonderful partner... Just plain became happier and much more calm by the time I hit my mid 30's. If a child happens at this point- it would only be a bonus in my life.

I wouldn't recommend teenage parenthood to anybody. Now that I'm almost 40, I see how I could have done things differently. Although my daughter has reassured me that she had a wonderful childhood, I have a nagging feeling that I could have done better. I had a constant fear that I would fuck it up in some irreparable way that I couldn't see because I was too young. Because of that, I didn't enjoy it in the moment as much as I could have and I'll always have a little regret.

To all of you thirtysomething+ moms, I envy you. You all have the emotional maturity, patience, and the life experience to raise wonderful human beings and I think that's beautiful.

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nastyhobbitses

After someone posted the Key & Peele football players sketch in the Chelsy and John Maxwell thread I've decided to start calling any unnamed Fundie babies by names from that sketch. Welcome to the world, Donkey Teeth. 

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Waffle Time
Lisafer
17 hours ago, Tigerchild74 said:

If college costs keep on their current trajectory, they won't have to worry about choosing between college and retirement, because paying for college will be out of the question.  The cost of my entire bachelor's degree plus room and board at Virginia Tech in the 90s will only pay for like 2 years of tuition only at university now. 

I feel a little bad because I'm pretty sure we will not be able to afford to pay for college for our children, should they choose that path. On the other hand, I paid for my own college with Pell Grants and money from working, and it didn't do me any harm! 

Right now my husband and I are that low level of income where, even though we can afford everyday needs, things like a healthy retirement account and savings are out of reach. But that's reality for a lot of Americans, and there are many people worse off than us. I just really feel the differences in income levels when people talk about paying for their kids' college and saving for retirement like it's no big deal or just something you do as a matter of course. (Not directed at anybody here).

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