Jana 8: Now with Instagram

[habert]

I think if Jana wanted nothing more than get married she’d be married. But Jana doesn’t want to *just* get married, she wants to marry someone she think she loves and desires. Maybe she’s too shy or too sheltered or too picky or has a specific set of parameters to have met that person, who knows, but I don’t think JB is just turning away every single suitor like a mad king and Jana is incapable and/or disallowed from talking to them like she’s locked in a tower. I mean “JB approved” so far has included a 19 year old with no job, and “JB approved” is pretty much speculation. I’m sure JB keeps crazy lecherous fame hungry ill-intent men away for the safety of his entire family as much as he can, but I’m sure if a well intending guy is interested he doesn’t stop Jana from getting to know that person. Jana probably says no, too. And I don’t think M&JB need Jana to take care of their home forever. I’m pretty sure M&JB can take on fundie family wards for the rest of their lives, and the more of their children leave the more they’ll probably do just that.

[Carm_88]

Maybe Jana is just picky about what she wants in a guy. There's nothing wrong with that. 

[mstee]

Going into a marriage can be scary. You’re saying vows that are meant forever. And since they aren’t able to live with their boyfriends beforehand or really have much alone time with them, I imagine the leap is more frightening. Maybe Jana finds the situation to be scary and wants to make sure she feels 100% confident about a guy before agreeing on getting to know them better, courtship, etc. She comes across as a (possible) perfectionist in her projects that are shown, so maybe she’s just as picky about getting to know a guy and won’t waste time on one she doesn’t feel totally sure about a future with. 

[Kaylo]

I think Jana is (rightly) picky and most of these fundie guys are asshats, and it’s as simple as that.

[Anna Bolinas]

5 hours ago, candygirl200413 said:

Men could be hitting up Jimbob to want to court Jana and she's just saying no.

I mean, maybe Jana saw how Jill and Derick ended up, knew that Derick had reached out to JB and been approved, and was like, "Well, maybe I should be a bit more discerning so I don't end up with That." But Jana is really a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

Edited February 10, 2019 by Anna Bolinas
"reached", not "watched"; I'm so good at sentences lol

[HurricaneBells]

2 hours ago, Anna Bolinas said:

a mystery wrapped in an enigma

Ok I know we are a long way off a new thread but pleaaaaaase can this be the next thread title? Jana, a mystery wrapped in an enigma. @Anna Bolinas ♡ it.

[Mama Mia]

8 hours ago, habert said:

. I’m sure JB keeps crazy lecherous fame hungry ill-intent men away for the safety of his entire family as much as he can, but I’m sure if a well intending guy is interested he doesn’t stop Jana from getting to know that person. 

I think you raise an important point. Jana may be a very small celebrity, but she is well known, and gorgeous. I recall years ago they discussed the creepers who would lurk about. And creepers stalking celebrities for fame, combined with creepers obsessing over attractive celebrities, combined with being extremely sheltered, with an extremely limited range of interaction —- what a potentially difficult situation. 

[SamuraiKatz]

I am not disagreeing with your general statements (I too think "obey" is a harsher word and wonder why they use it in place of other words), but to the bolded (mine) that is just not true. I am sure there is some rural school out there that might and I know that private fundie-lite schools do (went to one of those for a while), however, our larger public schools do not have any corporal punishment policies either official or not. Arkansas has enough bad things both true and stereotypes, please do not add something like this to the list. It a hard place to leave and the rest of the country's perception of us is not really helpful.

Thank you! I lived in AR for most of my life. While corporal punishment was common in the 1970s up thru Jr. High. That is no longer true. My 4 kids graduated from small town public schools with zero paddles in the classroom.

[Ms. Brightside]

On 2/9/2019 at 12:27 PM, Carm_88 said:

Maybe Jana is just picky about what she wants in a guy. There's nothing wrong with that. 

Thank you for saying this... i cannot count how many times I've been told I need to lower my standards or I will never find a man. But I am good at spending time by/with myself... I have hobbies I enjoy, I can watch whatever I want on Netflix, make whatever I want for dinner, go out of town on trips without checking with anyone else's schedule... and while it would be nice to share things with someone I love, I don't want to give up the lifestyle I have simply so I don't feel like a failure in the romance department. It is extremely hard to see my friends getting married and having kids when I don't even have a single romantic prospect, but it would be harder to be in a relationship with someone I "settled" for. My standards are my standards and I'm tired of people trying to make me feel guilty for that. 

We can't know why Jana is still single, but I hope she can find peace with her current situation. It's tough out there for single women in liberal circles... I can't imagine how much harder it would be in her situation, even if she is single by choice. The constant pressure and judgement must be exhausting. 

[luv2laugh]

It's interesting that society does not question men too much when they remain single. George Clooney caught a bit of flack from the press, on occasion, because he never married until meeting Amal, however, it was nothing compared to how many times a year Jennifer Aniston's face would be on a magazine cover over possibly being pregnant or rumored to not be over Brad.

My grandmother has friends in their 80s that never married. A few of them have been rumored by the family to possibly be lesbian. The truth is, as far as we know, they never found someone the were compatible with and were said to be content.

Additionally if Jana or someone else is gay, so what? I'd hope that instead of remaining single (if they are gay), they wouldn't care what anyone else thinks and either find a partner they're happy with or tell everyone to leave them alone.

Unfortunately, I believe Jana faces more scrutiny about her singleness because Christians are desperately wondering WHEN she will breed and/or IF she is gay, and IF she is gay, how that she will handle that with her fundamentalist family.

I know of friends of family that have stay at home daughters in their late 20s that keep praying for husbands. Unfortunately, they are not being immersed among other Christians their ages that the family approves up and I'm hoping it won't turn into a Maxwell or Malley situation, for their sake, as they've expressed the desire to find men to marry.

Christian fundamentalism does not encourage these sorts of women, who want to get married, to pursue men in regard to "making the first move" and it's a problem. How are women like the Maxwells, Malleys, Janas, etc. ever going to get married if they aren't allowed to make the first move yet are socially isolated and are among socially awkward men? Fundamentalism is going to suffer in the marriage department unless they encourage women to initiate, allow them the option of online dating, and allow them to get involved in activities outside of their house. Unfortunately, fundamentalism is about control so I don't see this happening.

Edited February 11, 2019 by luv2laugh

[luv2laugh]

49 minutes ago, Ms. Brightside said:

 It is extremely hard to see my friends getting married and having kids when I don't even have a single romantic prospect, but it would be harder to be in a relationship with someone I "settled" for. My standards are my standards and I'm tired of people trying to make me feel guilty for that. 

While I'm married, I completely understand where you're coming from. Do not settle. It's extremely depressing to be in a marriage with someone that you are no longer compatible to. There are many women, like myself, that found someone that met our stringent standards (yep, I had strict standards and yes, he met them) only to be completely disappointed 7-10 years later (as I am). I'm still in the marriage but my depression has been affected by it. I can't exactly relate to your pain because you're single but as I watch my own friends get married to people they love, I also feel happiness for them but pain for myself because I'm miserable in mine.

It is very exhausting. I deeply love my husband but I'm hurting because expectations (from the beginning) haven't delivered and it's painful to come to the realization, after much evaluation and contemplation, that we are not compatible and that the relationship is dying a slow death.

It's pathetic to keep hoping for change when you can't change someone else. I can only change myself. Yet, pathetically, I continue to hold onto hope for change while attempting to focus on myself and better myself.
The fear of being alone is great, for me. I don't have any family besides extended family dispersed over different parts of the country and my close friendships are not nearby. I'm inspired by independent women like you and I hope to gain the confidence to be content in my own independence one day.

Edited February 11, 2019 by luv2laugh

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

7 hours ago, Ms. Brightside said:

Thank you for saying this... i cannot count how many times I've been told I need to lower my standards or I will never find a man. But I am good at spending time by/with myself... I have hobbies I enjoy, I can watch whatever I want on Netflix, make whatever I want for dinner, go out of town on trips without checking with anyone else's schedule...

I don't think anyone should have to lower their expectations for a partner; not you, not Jana. I just wish she had the chance (or made her own chances) to do things on her own terms, even by herself, like you do. 

I wish you well enjoying your solo time, and I hope a person with all the right qualities comes along one of these days.

[QuiverDance]

On 2/9/2019 at 12:59 AM, nastyhobbitses said:

 

2. I have enough issues with a non medically qualified mohel doing circumcisions (I'm Jewish and I've decided that if I decide to have kids and have a boy, I will not circumcise); Tim Tebow is even less qualified to be cutting off bits of people's genitals. What the fuck! 

Oh...I hope you don't mind my asking this question, but I've wondered about this since I know so many Christian families in the U.S. are choosing not to circumcise, if there is a trend with Jewish families as well, especially because of the existential religious significance of circumcision in Judaism.  Do you know many Jewish families choosing not to circumcise?  

[metheglyn]

On 2/9/2019 at 11:15 AM, Melissa1977 said:

In the future, the house can be used for conferences. Or as a restaurant for big groups (they could put tables in the yard). But I'm not sure about it, because I read that it looks nice on the videos but is located in an ugly area (industrial area if I recall right).

Yeah, it's almost directly across from a MASSIVE landfill.  I've circled the main house in the upper right corner of this image, and of course Joe and Kendra's house is just to the right of the house back in the trees (but not yet included in the Google Earth image). I think the "Guest House" is also somewhere in the vicinity. The Duggars also own the warehouse complex just to the southeast of their house on the same road, but beyond that it's not super industrial around their house but still might be hard to sell given the location of that landfill. 

 

[mollysmom]

22 hours ago, Ms. Brightside said:

Thank you for saying this... i cannot count how many times I've been told I need to lower my standards or I will never find a man. But I am good at spending time by/with myself... I have hobbies I enjoy, I can watch whatever I want on Netflix, make whatever I want for dinner, go out of town on trips without checking with anyone else's schedule... and while it would be nice to share things with someone I love, I don't want to give up the lifestyle I have simply so I don't feel like a failure in the romance department.

This! I love this! I'm single after being with my husband for over 15 years (technically married for 17 years but we've been seperated for over 2 years) and I've been having a really hard time being single. This year I have really decided to focus on myself and learning to be content with being single. In all honesty, this is the first time in my 41 years that I'm living on my own and I LOVE that part of it but I want very badly to get to the point where I feel like you (you said it perfectly above)  

22 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

While I'm married, I completely understand where you're coming from. Do not settle. It's extremely depressing to be in a marriage with someone that you are no longer compatible to. 

The fear of being alone is great, for me. I don't have any family besides extended family dispersed over different parts of the country and my close friendships are not nearby. I'm inspired by independent women like you and I hope to gain the confidence to be content in my own independence one day.

I agree 100%. I was with my husband for over 15 years. I had everything I could have wanted physically. Money, a house with a gorgeous fenced in back yard, pool, brand new vehicle, didn't have to work if I didn't want to, etc. But there was no love in the marriage. Let me rephrase, we loved each other, still do, but there was no husband/wife relationship. None. We were pretty much roommates who were married. I'll never forget, a few months before I moved out I was floating in the pool with my doggie (lol) and I was laying there thinking how sad and lonely I was even though I had "everything" and in my opinion it just wasn't worth it. I moved out about 2 months later and haven't looked back. I now struggle and live paycheck to paycheck being on my own. There are weeks where I can't buy groceries but I manage. It's just me. I don't have much of a support system because I have no family but I have a handful of friends who love me and would do anything for me if needed. It's hard. It's very hard. But I had to decide if it was worth it and for me....it was DEFINITELY worth it! I'm SO much happier now. I don't feel like I'm a strong woman but everyone says I am so I don't know haha but I will say, if I can do it, anyone can do it!!! 

[KeshetParparNesicha]

4 hours ago, QuiverDance said:

Oh...I hope you don't mind my asking this question, but I've wondered about this since I know so many Christian families in the U.S. are choosing not to circumcise, if there is a trend with Jewish families as well, especially because of the existential religious significance of circumcision in Judaism.  Do you know many Jewish families choosing not to circumcise?  

I haven't heard anything like this. For most people I know, circumcision is so existential they would leave the country if it were banned. But I'm Orthodox, so YMMV.

Edited February 12, 2019 by KeshetParparNesicha

[kachuu]

Going along with the "ask me questions" from Laura- someone asked her if she lived with the Duggars to which she said no she never had.

I'm assuming she only pops up to plan events or go on trips. I was hoping Jana had a close friend her age in that house! ha!

[HereticHick]

On 2/8/2019 at 7:39 PM, 3SecondSideHugger said:

 As someone whose family comes from a country where nobody gets circumcised because it’s 2019..I have major issue with calling this mission work!!!!!!!

"nobody"??

I find it hard to believe that your country has ZERO Muslim or Jewish residents.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prevalence_of_circumcision

For what is worth, 82% of men in United States are circumcised. Yes, rates are dropping.

No back to the Jana speculation train. I have to say I'm pretty impressed with the long message in today's Instagram post. For a Duggar, she's pretty eloquent.

 

[theotherelise]

I did find it odd that Jill and Derek weren't there for the love party. 

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

Sounds like Ms. Jana is a "words of affirmation" type of gal - hear that, future suitors out there? Gotta play into that love language. 

[SweetJuly]

18 hours ago, QuiverDance said:

Oh...I hope you don't mind my asking this question, but I've wondered about this since I know so many Christian families in the U.S. are choosing not to circumcise, if there is a trend with Jewish families as well, especially because of the existential religious significance of circumcision in Judaism.  Do you know many Jewish families choosing not to circumcise?  

There are a few Jewish people who choose not to circumcise and go for an alternative naming ceremony ("brit shalom"). I do know some people who decided not to circumcise their sons. They are all secular Jews, some of whom are in interfaith marriages. I don't know how high the numbers are or if it's enought to call it a trend.

I am Jewish, but non-observant, and I am married to an equally non-observant Catholic man. When we first met, he considered converting (including getting circumcised) for my sake. I told him that it was not necessary for him to convert, and that I'd rather have him stay intact.

Now comes the tricky part. I know the existential importance of circumcision in Judaism. I know that criticism and banning of circumcision has often been an expression of anti-semitism. I know that ancestors of mine have died fighting for their right to practise their religion and circumcise their sons.

However, I personally consider (non-medically necessary) circumcision genital mutilation. If an adult decides to willingly undergo the procedure - fine, you do you. But the idea of doing it to a very young baby makes me sick to my stomach. So while I know how important this act is and while I'd feel horribly guilty, and would not even know how to approach the topic to my family, I could not have a son of mine circumcised.

I was very relieved when I found out we were having a girl because it saved me from having to make a very difficult decision and face a very uncomfortable situation with my family and community.

[TZmom]

Jana's love notes are exactly what I've been pushing for at my kids' school instead of crappy mass produced Valentines and candy.  I wish they would just make one really special valentine for a classmate- sort of like a secret Santa idea.  I really hate the amount of waste that comes home after Valentine's day.  Cards will go in the recycling after a day or two and candy will be quickly forgotten. 

I hope this doesn't make me a leg humper, but I have to give them props for this.  

[Buzzard]

19 hours ago, QuiverDance said:

Oh...I hope you don't mind my asking this question, but I've wondered about this since I know so many Christian families in the U.S. are choosing not to circumcise, if there is a trend with Jewish families as well, especially because of the existential religious significance of circumcision in Judaism.  Do you know many Jewish families choosing not to circumcise?  

I am Jewish but was uncomfortable with the idea of a Bris (in the middle of flu season).  We chose to have our son circumcised by a Jewish Dr in the hospital on day 2.  There were no prayers and we were not present.  They took him to a sterile room and brought him back about 15 minutes later, asleep.  He had topical anesthetic during the circumcision and some "sweeties", which I now know was just sugar water that makes babies drowsy.

[HereticHick]

1 hour ago, Buzzard said:

I am Jewish but was uncomfortable with the idea of a Bris (in the middle of flu season).  We chose to have our son circumcised by a Jewish Dr in the hospital on day 2.  There were no prayers and we were not present.  They took him to a sterile room and brought him back about 15 minutes later, asleep.  He had topical anesthetic during the circumcision and some "sweeties", which I now know was just sugar water that makes babies drowsy.

several of my extended family members who are Jewish have done the same thing--they preferred a medical setting.

[nastyhobbitses]

21 hours ago, QuiverDance said:

Oh...I hope you don't mind my asking this question, but I've wondered about this since I know so many Christian families in the U.S. are choosing not to circumcise, if there is a trend with Jewish families as well, especially because of the existential religious significance of circumcision in Judaism.  Do you know many Jewish families choosing not to circumcise?  

I have no idea, to be honest. I just have my personal convictions about the matter.