John Shrader 17: Boring Poems and I know it was you, Fredo

[CTRLZero]

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When dad stopped "taking" an offering at our sending church, Tri-County Baptist Church over 25 years ago, he began to prove God to us in an incredible way. It built my faith to see God provide without man's intervention in any way! That had a direct bearing on my conscious decision to not request or solicit funds for support or special needs as a missionary to Africa. God has also horrendously honored that.

Stop - my ribs hurt!  ?

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then a knock at the door! I kid you not, even while he did pray, a woman to my mother gave her money that day!

Did I miss the mother's day tribute? 

 

[Curious]

On 5/26/2019 at 8:34 PM, Palimpsest said:

So memorizing is the true path to God? 

So John just picks some proof texts and repeats them over and over until the menfolk have memorized them?   I can't think of a worse way to spend a day unless it's listening to PP scream verses at you until you have them memorized or possibly listening to Lori Alexander for any length of time. 

I hope these men are at least getting a meal out of this torture.

[Curious]

Hi Folks,

@TenYearOldJezzie has verified with me.  I'm comfortable saying she is who she says she is, but at always it's the internet.

Carry on

[Palimpsest]

3 hours ago, CTRLZero said:

Did I miss the mother's day tribute? 

I think we all did.  Including his mother Jodi and poor Esther.  It was ignored by John, at least publicly.

Instead on May 13 John was busy perseverating about the memory of an unspecified attack by Satan 4 years ago.  And then he was working other people really hard preparing for his men's conference with Bro. Ted. 

[apandaaries]

Is John truly bragging about his father telling church kids to “shut their face”? And then crowing about “put[ting] them in their place”? Wtf, John? Was Jesus known for lashing out verbally at children? I must have missed that part.

[anjulibai]

I guess he took "suffer the little children" a bit too literally. 

[CTRLZero]

This part of the poem is confusing to me.  Who was the converted bartender?  Did she become John's mom, or is the daughter the person who became his mom (the price of wooing was going to church?), or is she a literary device to advance the plot?   Since John presumably didn't witness the "shut your face" event, I suppose this is a proud moment from his family lore. 

And now a Loretta Lynn earworm:  "I'm proud to be a converted bartender's daughter..."  ?

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And then a glorious change did occur, when my dad met a converted bartender! She had a daughter, but to church he must go, to sit with her in the old church row. And he heard the Word preached, told the church kids "shut your face," "That man is talking!" he put them in their place!

 

[gustava]

22 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

God has also horrendously honored that.

Apologies to Palimpsest, since, of course, King John said the above.  I find it very weird.

[Palimpsest]

Yes, Johnny's stream of consciousness poetry never makes sense, but this one is particularly bad.  What the flyin' fuck are you talkin' about, John

He can't possibly proof read these effusions or even ask Esther's opinion of them before he posts them.  It really sounds as though the converted bartender is Jodi's mother.  Way to diss your Granny, John.  Bartending is a job, but of course you know nothing about needing to work for a living.  And surely it would be better to call her a good Christian lady who insisted on Rick attending church if he liked her daughter.

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God has also horrendously honored that.

Yes, it makes no sense.  It can't be autocorrect or a typo.  It sounds as though God has done a terrible job at honoring his commitment.  Now let's see if John changes it.

I don't understand this either:

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And dad if Jesus tarries, and to heaven takes you home,

Sounds as though John thinks Jesus is taking too long to relieve Rick of this mortal coil.

 

[subsaharanafrica]

On 6/16/2019 at 9:48 PM, formergothardite said:

I was a crappy Christian. I never managed to fast and pray past lunch. I would always sneak food. 

This is why Catholic fasting allows for a meal and two snacks. But last I checked we weren’t Christians, so hey. 

[Ozlsn]

On 6/17/2019 at 5:06 AM, Palimpsest said:

I'm tempted to fast and pray for more Satanic attacks.  Will any one join me?

Oh I'm in. And more termites eating the dresser and keeping John awake.

"I kid you not, even while he did pray, a woman to my mother gave her money that day!"

That is possibly one of the most awkwardly constructed and incomprehensible sentences I think I have ever seen. Now I kind of wish John was translating the KJV books by himself - given how bad his expression in his native language is I could see him inadvertently encouraging people to worship Satan in a language he doesn't actually speak.

Also I am nominating this poem for the Worst Poetry section in the Book of Heroic Failures update (hoping they do one). This is way worse than their current entries - adnittedly those entries were published. Hm...

[CTRLZero]

4 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Also I am nominating this poem for the Worst Poetry section in the Book of Heroic Failures update

John should feel horrendously honored!  ??

[FeministShrew]

On 6/18/2019 at 11:43 AM, Palimpsest said:

Sounds as though John thinks Jesus is taking too long to relieve Rick of this mortal coil.

 

Translation: "if the Second Coming/Rapture (does John believe in the Rapture?) doesn't happen before you die"

That was a pretty standard phrase when I was growing up & even when I was still a church-goer 10 years ago. Used for long-term & short term situations.
"If Jesus tarries, we'll have our Family Life Center paid off next year."
"If Jesus tarries, VBS will be held next week."
"If Jesus tarries, I'll be playing golf with the deacons this afternoon."

[Palimpsest]

11 minutes ago, FeministShrew said:

Translation: "if the Second Coming/Rapture (does John believe in the Rapture?) doesn't happen before you die"

Thank you!  And John absolutely believes in the Rapture.

The equivalent in my childhood was piously adding D.V. to any sentence about future plans.   "We'll go to church on Sunday, D.V."  D.V. = Deo volente = God willing. 

[FeministShrew]

@Palimpsest my great-grandma's favorite phrase was "the Lord willin' & the creek don't rise."

[NoKidsAndCounting]

Oh, John!  Bless your heart.  You write poems in the style of Yoda.  (Sorry, don't want to insult Yoda too much.  I love him.)

[EmainMacha]

@Palimpsest- my mum writes DV multiple times in any family correspondence. Being post Vatican II I say God Willing all the time. 

God willing he'll forgive me the never going to Mass thing and not really properly explaining Christianity to my older son. Which resulted in him thinking the baby Jesus was crucified on Good Friday and turned into a zombie on Easter Sunday.

I'm going to Hell aren't I?

[helenprev]

10 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

"I kid you not, even while he did pray, a woman to my mother gave her money that day!"

That is possibly one of the most awkwardly constructed and incomprehensible sentences I think I have ever seen.

And "A woman gave her money to my mother that day" would scan just as well and make FAR more sense!

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, helenprev said:

And "A woman gave her money to my mother that day" would scan just as well and make FAR more sense!

The original sentence is so bad I didn't even realise he was trying to say the woman gave her money. John, a handy hint? If someone's giving something the assumption is it was theirs to give. I doubt this poor woman went out and robbed a bank to donate money to your mother!!

[Pancakes@Tiffany's]

On 6/16/2019 at 3:06 PM, Palimpsest said:

John has been mixing with royalty.  Or at least a "chief" in the Western Province.  Tell us his name, John. 

Hello, long time FJ lurker here. In an edited June 15 post Shrader named him as "Chief Lukama the IV, a dear Brother in Christ." 

 

On 6/16/2019 at 3:06 PM, Palimpsest said:

It is all very feudal, more so than the rest of Zambia.  Right up John's alley.

The videos of the Chief's visit is so kind of cringey. Not to be disrespectful of another country's local custom, but yikes feudal is the best word for it. 

[Aine]

10 hours ago, FeministShrew said:

@Palimpsest my great-grandma's favorite phrase was "the Lord willin' & the creek don't rise."

I hear this a fair bit from various people I work with in the more rural parts of Mississippi and it always makes me chuckle. Mississippi technically has only two urban areas by definition but "from less big towns" or "out in the county" people.

[Palimpsest]

13 hours ago, Pancakes@Tiffany's said:

Hello, long time FJ lurker here. In an edited June 15 post Shrader named him as "Chief Lukama the IV, a dear Brother in Christ." 

 

The videos of the Chief's visit is so kind of cringey. Not to be disrespectful of another country's local custom, but yikes feudal is the best word for it. 

Many thanks!  I don't know about "the IV" but I have found a few legitimate news references to Chief Lukama of Barotseland.   

The Western Province (Barotseland) appears to be Barotse traditional leadership, yet still subject to the Zambian constitution.  The traditional chiefs squabble a lot and are vulnerable to being removed from their positions for wrongdoing by the Zambian government.  The various chiefs are all under the "Litunga" or monarch.  It looks very complicated and I hope I have that right.

One article: https://www.lusakatimes.com/2018/07/19/republican-constitution-silent-on-succession-wrangles-sichalwe/

Chief Lukama's position is recent; he succeeded last year, as John said.  He has a beautiful daughter and a son from whom he is distanced for political reasons. 

Run, Chief Lukama, run!  Do not get involved with Shrader!

IMO, one of the reasons fake missionaries like Shrader are attracted to Africa is because women's rights in many African countries are way behind.  In some, however, they are ahead of parts of Europe, and the US and Canada. 

Many of these feudal and traditional beliefs subjugate women.  I don't think it is being culturally insensitive to point that out.  People like Shrader preaching womanly submission and quiverfull beliefs are incredibly destructive to any advancements for women made in Africa, or anywhere else.

Useful article:  https://nawmagazine.com/the-true-state-of-the-state-of-womens-rights-in-africa/

[Palimpsest]

Hmm.  All is quiet on Shrader's facebook.  I have a feeling he may have made all his posts private again.  I expect he'll be back soon though.

Certainly he just changed his friends' list to private.   Is he afraid that someone might contact Chief Lukama with my summary showing evidence of his suspect residency and church claims, his fake "degree" claim, his record of fucking over church members who disagree with him, and his general inefficiency, bad missionarying, and grifting?

One wonders. 

John, don't be such a part-pooper.  And if what you are doing is above board then why do you need to make your posts private?  It always looks suspicious when you make your facebook private and must SEVERELY limit your grifting.

Let it all hang out my pestiferous prating pompous prattling petty little "pastor," and let your Christian cookies crumble where they should.

[thoughtful]

On 6/19/2019 at 12:46 PM, FeministShrew said:

my great-grandma's favorite phrase was "the Lord willin' & the creek don't rise."

I say "God willin' and the creek don't rise" often, but facetiously (don't believe in God, and there's no creek around here -- the front walkway floods briefly after intense downpours, but that's about it).

Sounds like John might be entering a downward spiral again. He's like 17-year cicadas (I only wish he'd go underground for 17 years).

[FloraKitty35]

On 6/19/2019 at 2:18 PM, helenprev said:

 

"I kid you not, even while he did pray, a woman to my mother gave her money that day!"

Congrats John, you just made Sarah Maxwell's writing seem less, stiff, awkward, & stilted. ?