Maxwell 28: You Can Leave Your Vest On!

[HerNameIsBuffy]

3 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

The big difference between these women and the Maxwell sisters are that the nuns all freely chose their lives as cloistered nuns.

This.  they have options and weren't born and raised in the order with no exposure to other lifestyles.

[OhNoNike]

11 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

I guess that some people would like organising a closet, and may well choose to do so on their birthday, but Sarah doesn’t have any other options in her life. 

I think a lot of it for me is that she doesn’t do anything to require it to be organized?  How do I say this...  I work full time and have kids and I personally find organizing really therapeutic.  This is because I rarely get time to do it, and I’m never alone.  The rest of my life feels so busy and chaotic that organizing a closet is something that would feel good. 

But it always seems they have such a boring life, she doesn’t work outside the home (so presumably can have a more flexible schedule since she works for family).  This is why, to me, it’s so weird that this is her joyous birthday. 

[Jingerale]

12 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Omfg. Sarah spent a few hours ORGANISING HER DAMN CLOSET. Seriously?? This just shows how utterly empty her life is, that the thing she wants to do on her birthday is clean her bloody closet. She can’t go out to a bar and have a few drinks with friends, she can’t go to the cinema and catch the latest blockbuster, she can’t enjoy a concert with a boyfriend... even if I had a closet that needed cleaning and I quite enjoyed organising, I sure as hell wouldn’t clean it on my birthday. 

Plus the obligatory family party, like what happens with every other birthday in this family. It must be a real kick in the teeth for Sarah to see her sisters-in-law raising their kids and enjoying married life, particularly after that shitty birthday post.

I guess that some people would like organising a closet, and may well choose to do so on their birthday, but Sarah doesn’t have any other options in her life. 

What I find incredibly interesting is that the same events could have happened to Sarah on her birthday, thirty years ago. It reads like it could be from a Moody book - aren't they geared toward children of grammar-school age?

[Granwych]

20 hours ago, usedbicycle said:

Am I the only one to feel kind of relieved they are finally addressing Sarah's situation? It's awful in the sense that her parents are the cause of her disappointment, but it's also a step forward from pretending everything is fine and dandy in Maxhell.

 

According to them, though, everything is fine and dandy.  Life goes on just as STeve God decrees and if Sarah doesn't like it, well, too damn  bad.  

Thank Rufus that Ellie remains pupless.  I wouldn't be surprised if breeding her was one of the conditions Steve made for Sarah getting the dog in the first place.

[MamaJunebug]

5 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

The big difference between these women and the Maxwell sisters are that the nuns all freely chose their lives as cloistered nuns.  The same can't be said of the young women in Maxhell.  

Oh my Rufus, that is the tragic truth. 

[Palimpsest]

14 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Oh I totally see that Sarah might really enjoy organising with her sisters. It’s just so representative of the Maxwell lifestyle, how little they have going on in their lives. 

I'd love some help clearing out my own closet, so I don't fault Sarah for that.

But the thing about the Maxwells is that (although they talk a lot about cleaning and organising) when I look at backgrounds of many of their photos I cringe at the clutter and mess.  And I am not very tidy or organised myself.  Just ask my late mother.

Examples of Maxwell being messy:  the office space clutter, Sarah finding her Xmas present in a messy closet (fold that stuff before you put it on the shelf), a couple of shots of the kitchen and chaotic pantry, and that mess in the garage.  Looks like Anna is hoarding children's bikes, FFS.

10 hours ago, Sops2 said:

The day the reality hits that you will never become a mother and that this life has passed you by- you have a blubbering, snotty nosed heart wrenching breakdown.

It changes who you are- you will never be who you hoped you would be, and you have to let that hope go. Hugs and kisses from other peoples children will never compensate no matter whatever you try to believe

But the point is that Sarah's 37th birthday should not be the day reality hit.  Except in her mother's imagination.  Sarah could still have children and get married.  She is probably not menopausal yet.

If she wants to marry Teri and Steve should get off their rear ends and actively help her find a partner having overly "sheltered" her - pretty much actively prevented her -  from finding one before.

7 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Nuns have careers, education is encouraged, and they are supposed to serve more than their parents.

they also leave home to follow their vocation.

You have not met my SIL.  She gives nuns a bad name.

 

[HoneyBunny]

11 hours ago, Sops2 said:

The day the reality hits that you will never become a mother and that this life has passed you by- you have a blubbering, snotty nosed heart wrenching breakdown.

It changes who you are- you will never be who you hoped you would be, and you have to let that hope go. Hugs and kisses from other peoples children will never compensate no matter whatever you try to believe

I’m sorry if this has been your reality, and I understand how that can be. However, I must speak up as someone who truly desired children and never could have them. My husband was in the military and between his career and mine, we spent years living apart and it didn’t seem the ideal situation for adopting, so we didn’t. It was hardest on me when I was in my 30s, but it was never gut wrenchingly, cry all day on Mother’s Day hard. 

I was very lucky when, in my early 40s, a friend was pregnant with her third and fourth in less than five years. I offered to help however I could, and, from the first moment I saw these tiny baby boys, I fell in love with them. Trust me, hugs and kisses from them really did fill in what I needed, and, because my friend was so open (and needed the help), I wasn’t mom #1 but I was definitely mom #2. I’ve been actively involved in their lives since they were born  

They're 15 now, and taller than me, and, despite their age, we still share a bond so special that, if I weep at all, it’s about that.

i just want to give others who are unwillingly childless hope. It’s not always angst and abject sadness. Kids need loving, involved adults with their best interests at heart in their lives, and opportunities abound. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

29 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

You have not met my SIL.  She gives nuns a bad name.

I am not under the delusion they are all good people.  just that most have more agency than maxwells.

[browngrl]

On 1/19/2019 at 4:40 PM, usedbicycle said:

Am I the only one to feel kind of relieved they are finally addressing Sarah's situation? It's awful in the sense that her parents are the cause of her disappointment, but it's also a step forward from pretending everything is fine and dandy in Maxhell.

I suspect that her situation weighs heavily on Sarah and acknowledging  her pain and giving her a safe space share her feelings important. However I think that a public birthday greeting is not the right place for this discussion. Additionally it is not for anyone but Sarah to decide if she wishes to share her feelings with the public. 

A better way to address the pain that Sarah's singleness/childlessness might be causing her would be to talk to her in private (and be sure to choose a time and place where she feels safe to talk) and then ask her how she feels and then LISTEN. If Sarah wants to talk about it publicly - then let that be her choice.

[SPHASH]

Tomorrow there will be an anti choice post because Tues is one of the greatest anniversaries ever, Roe v Wade.  Bank on it.

 

 

[nausicaa]

On 1/19/2019 at 4:29 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

What’s crazy is that my SIL is almost the exact same age as Sarah (just 2 months younger) and is unmarried and childless. No one is assuming she will never get married and have a kid or two. In the mainstream world, a 37 year old still has time to have a family. 

And I bet your SIL got to focus on a whole bunch of career/hobby/travel/friend related things in the meantime. And has the freedom to actually go out and meet people to work towards the goal of getting married if that's something she wants. 

It bothers me how the Maxwells word it as "God hasn't brought a man into your life yet." I know that's common parlance even for mainstream Christians (even Christians who go out and actually try to meet someone). But in the case of Steve, it seems like it's a way for him to absolve himself of any responsibility--and more devastatingly, to avoid changing his approach to his daughters.

Yes, 37 year olds can still meet someone, get married, and have children. So why on earth can't Sarah open a Christian Mingle account? Or join her local Meetup group for Christian singles? Or, God forbid, attend a church with people her age? Or volunteer with Habitat for Humanity? Waiting for a man to drop out of the sky hasn't worked yet Steve, so why don't we try to mix some things up? You're the one who raised your daughter to be solely defined by the roles of wife and mother. She kept her end of the bargain. So why don't you step your fucking game up here? 

It's hard for me to read the Sarah threads sometimes for so many reasons. So much anger and sympathy at the same time. 

[Tigerchild74]

46 minutes ago, browngrl said:

 

A better way to address the pain that Sarah's singleness/childlessness might be causing her would be to talk to her in private (and be sure to choose a time and place where she feels safe to talk) and then ask her how she feels and then LISTEN. If Sarah wants to talk about it publicly - then let that be her choice.

This!!  I think it would be amazing IF Sarah WANTED to write about her feelings/desires/path up until now, and how it may or may not have differed from family/her own expectations.  That would read, IMO, no matter what it said, 1000% better than a backhanded birthday greeting.

Also, I wonder why they didn't even bother to consider their audience, who may also be facing similar issues and the cultural pressure to have been married and/or have kids by now?!  For people who (falsely) claim they care about witnessing to people and building up the body of Christ, Teri/Steve blew this one big time by taking over the narrative rather than allowing Sarah to speak on it WHEN and IF she chose to.  She's the one with the testimony, not them.

That is why to me it feels like such a disgusting, narcisstic control-freak thing.  Sarah's desires and path and story are HERS to tell NOT theirs.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

6 minutes ago, Tigerchild74 said:

I wonder why they didn't even bother to consider their audience

They can't.  Neither one of them is capable of considering the thoughts or feelings of others.

[terranova]

What ever happened to Ellie's puppies? Did she have them and the Maxwells have kept it quiet?

[SPHASH]

2 minutes ago, terranova said:

What ever happened to Ellie's puppies? Did she have them and the Maxwells have kept it quiet?

Methinks the dumbass had her fixed then tried to breed her.

[mango_fandango]

I don’t know what happened with Ellie and the breeding. Perhaps they tried to breed Ellie, it didn’t take, and then they gave up on the idea. Who knows.

[dripcurl]

On 1/19/2019 at 1:29 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

What’s crazy is that my SIL is almost the exact same age as Sarah (just 2 months younger) and is unmarried and childless. No one is assuming she will never get married and have a kid or two. In the mainstream world, a 37 year old still has time to have a family. 

I agree. My mom’s healthiest pregnancy was at 45, and it is never too late to find true love. I think Teri decided to be quite the little obituarian bitch so she could publically proclaim the death of any chance they will allow Sarah to mingle with prospective mates. I do not believe Teri realized the full extent of how atrociously evil she wrote this post, but it is quite apparent that there is evil there. I presume Teri was trying to sugarcoat the fact that Sarah will forever be off the market, but did a stupendously terrible job at actually making it seem like it was about her birthday. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

17 minutes ago, dripcurl said:

I do not believe Teri realized the full extent of how atrociously evil she wrote this post

I hope I'm wrong, but I have a feeling Teri is deliberately cruel.

[Black Aliss]

20 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

Quote

mocha and !

Do you suppose she meant "...about to have a mocha and smile!"? Probably not, but it's the nicest interpretation I can think of.

In technobabble, ! is spoken as "bang". I would like to think Sarah is going to have a mocha and then !

[catlady]

56 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

In technobabble, ! is spoken as "bang". I would like to think Sarah is going to have a mocha and then !

And if she followed up with a smile, then I guess it was a happy birthday!  

I’ll be in the prayer closet.

[MamaJunebug]

3 hours ago, SPHASH said:

Tomorrow there will be an anti choice post because Tues is one of the greatest anniversaries ever, Roe v Wade.  Bank on it.

 

 

I am so glad I didn’t attend church today because I did listen to 2 services while I got ready for the day, and both included in their corporate prayers a petition for “forgiveness for the unborn children we have not protected.”

Then I heard about an upcoming presentation by a 30-something pro-life activist who was born alive despite a **legal** abortion procedure and went on to get her MSW, agitate against choice, etc.  I observed that had the procedure been back-alley, neither she *nor* her birth mother would  likely have survived.  My observation was met with silence and stares.  So be it. 

[CyborgKin]

On 1/17/2019 at 8:36 AM, Coconut Flan said:

who/Who as a reference to regular humans vs The Almighty.  

I didn't realise people could be so pedantic about pronoun capitalisation!

Quote

We know you envisioned your life to be a stay-at-home mom homeschooling children, but God hasn’t directed  that way by bringing the right man into your life. So you have focused your energies on what He has given you to do and had an amazingly  productive life in that.

I'm not sure whether it shows up on FJ but if you look at the original blog post and at the html source you'll see that there's an extra space between 'directed' and 'that', and between 'amazingly' and 'productive'.

Editing aside, I'm reminded of the old joke about the man praying multiple that he would win the lottery so he can save his business and turn his life around.  And after the third time that his prayer goes unanswered he demands that God explain why he's not helping, to which God replies "Can't you at least meet me half-way and buy a ticket?"

 

Or in other words, why should God have to be the one to 'send the right man'?

Not that I'm any better

[Ozlsn]

3 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

am so glad I didn’t attend church today because I did listen to 2 services while I got ready for the day, and both included in their corporate prayers a petition for “forgiveness for the unborn children we have not protected.”

Did they ask for forgiveness for the born children they failed to protect? 

Yeah, who am I kidding.

[anachronistic]

There is a university museum near me that has all of these stuffed specimens of almost every animal collected by explorers ever. They even have a dodo. I call it the dead zoo. All the animals, poised and lifeless behind glass, carefully curated and labeled. It reminds me of the Maxwells. If evangelical Christianity is a living zoo, the Maxwells are a dead zoo. And Steve and Terri are the explorers who saw the awesomeness that the world had to offer...and promptly killed and stuffed it.

My sister always wanted a husband and children. She kept on dating and met a very nice man 10 years her senior via match dot com. They were married last year when my sister was 38 and will have their first child when my sister is 39. Everyone is delighted. But you can’t meet someone unless you actively try to. Nobody will walk up to the Maxwells and ring their doorbell like the prince rescuing Rapunzel. 

Poor Sarah. I wish she could know that there is more to life, and that she deserves happiness and freedom, too.

[MamaJunebug]

Someone (bless her!!) pointed me to the blog “When Cows & Kids Collide” where “Mel” reviews extremists’ books fabulously. She quotes Terifying Maxwell as writing and publishing that she really didn’t want to be her children’s homeschool teacher, but to be their loving mommy.  

Its really an almost-hearttending quote until you remember it’s by Terifying.

Anyway, it gave me new perspective on Teri beginning her birthday eulogy to her eldest daughter by saying, “you thought you’d be a homeschooling mom and that hasn’t happened.”  Now, instead of it sounding entirely like a “sucks to be you!” taunt, it also has an element of, “So you’ve never had sex or been Queen Of Reproduction For A Day — do you realize how lucky you’ve been to be able to wash your hair every day and NOT resent the very existence of the children you love?”

The Steven Maxwell Family And Its Offshoots:  What a fustercluck. 

ETA: When I used to visit Leavenworth , there were 2 Christian grade schools at the Lutheran and Roman Catholic churches in town. Both very good. Then there was a Catholic high school.

By the ‘80s, when the Non-reversal Maxwell kids were school-age, there might have been more. I don’t know.  But I remember the story that Teri told Steve she’d enrolled the 3 at a Christian grade school and he exploded. Said no, cancel the enrollment, babysit the kids during the day and he’d conduct school in the evenings after he’d come home from work. 

Because Steve is a lazy ass  

He could have worked diligently to counter any bad influences found in a Christian school - there are plenty; the schools aren’t perfect paradises - but it was easier FOR HIM to have his kids hermetically sealed away from ANY outside influences such that, at day’s end, all he had to do was come home, bathe in the status of Lord High Patriarch, and expound on his opinions while his captive audience stared adoringly. 

Steve’s a fazy luck