Dillards 72: Peak Pathetic

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

18 minutes ago, SamiKatz said:

I don't think I'm down with the "it's okay for Derrick to be abusive to Jill, because she's abusive to the kids" idea.

SMH at that one.

ITA, I don't see putting the camera in the kids face to get them to preform as abusive.  Most parents video their kids being cute or try to get them to do something cute for a camera. I also am one of the people who don't think it is a big deal that parents put their kids on tv, they are their parents they are their responsibility if they want them out in public that is their right, just as much as it the parents right NOT to put them out in public if they so choose, just because you do it one way doesn't make in wrong in the other way.  

In the Duggar kids case, if it wasn't for those TV cameras, they would be living in squalor and going hungry.  You don't have to like it but it is ultimately JB & M prerogative in how to raise THEIR children.  

Lastly we don't know for sure that Jill is blanket training her kids, so saying she abuses them is a bit slanderous, being socially awkward and a shitty cook isn't abusive. 

[SamiKatz]

I guess it depends on context, but I don't like seeing photos/videos of kids on social media, especially younger ones as they have no choice in it being seen online*  Perhaps when they are older, they will wish their parents had not done so, or it could give them a warped idea of needing to be validated via social media.

Having said that though, I don't think it's okay for Derrick (for instance) to upload something that Jill does not want online, just because they do it to their kids.  As others have said on here, neither one of them should be doing it.

*Different I guess too, if you are limiting the audience who is seeing them.

[Alice in Fundieland]

10 hours ago, HarryPotterFan said:

@singsingsing She seemed mortified when Derdick revealed he was putting her on Instagram live. He’s such an asshole.

I liked this commentary 

Also as some redditors pointed out, his whole shtick that he learned in law school   you can kill in self-defense was just sooooo annoying and wanting to draw attention to being in **LAW SCHOOL** Because mouse was threatening their lives!!!

Okay, dumbass. If you had never heard of self-defense before this one class maybe you’re too stupid to be a lawyer. He’s constantly trying to prove how smart he is, but in doing so he makes himself look like the world’s biggest idiot. He leaves the impression he is stupider than he (probably) actually is.

 

As soon as I read this, I thought of this scene  (you have to go to 2:45 to get to the part I’m thinking of). I can totally see Derick doing this, but in a smug, I’m so smart way not because of nerves.

[BachelorToTheRapture]

9 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

"If I don't kill it then I won't get food or clean clothes?"

DO YOUR OWN FUCKING HOUSEWORK. YOU ARE 29 YEARS 

I know it's their belief in gender roles that's drilled into them forever, but I just can't understand this way of thinking. When I cook a homemade meal (even something simple) my husband thanks me for making it. I do the same for him. It's just so far off from my perception of normal, it's sad to think of a grown man believing someone else needs to cook and so laundry for him.

[SassyPants]

Give them credit. With the date of the new season and Jessa’s pregnancy recently announced,  the Dillards have found a way to turn the attention back to themselves. Above all else, this is an extremely immature couple. 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

30 minutes ago, Fjrocks said:

Do I find Derick's behavior abhorrent?  Absolutely.   Do I think Jill should be surprised it happened?  Nope.  I think it's all the more reason for her to reconsider what she is doing to the kids.

Unfortunately, I think the whole experience is going to be completely lost on Jill.  She’ll continue treat Izzy like her trained monkey.

[SassyPants]

1 minute ago, BachelorToTheRapture said:

I know it's their belief in gender roles that's drilled into them forever, but I just can't understand this way of thinking. When I cook a homemade meal (even something simple) my husband thanks me for making it. I do the same for him. It's just so far off from my perception of normal, it's sad to think of a grown man believing someone else needs to cook and so laundry for him.

I know that I’ll probably get slammed for this, but I think if one person is a homemaker, housework would generally be the responsibility of that person. I’m not saying childcare, but housework only because that is the role/ job that the “at home” Person has assumed. Now no one works in the Dillard home and from their videos it seems that DD is on winter break, so he certainly should be helping around the house.

TL;DR, if I worked FT and my husband was a homemaker, I’d expect that he would throw in a load of laundry as part of his role as a homemaker. Not because he’s a man, but because he’s home and has the ability to use a washer during the day.

 

 

[nickelodeon]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND DO SOME HOUSEWORK YOURSELF YOU GIANT WANKER! 

(Side note: Did I use “wanker” right? I’m hoping I did. It’s kind of a fun word to say.) 

Given that masturbation is pretty much a cardinal sin in IBLP world, calling someone a wanker would probably cut them to the quick!

8 minutes ago, BachelorToTheRapture said:

I know it's their belief in gender roles that's drilled into them forever, but I just can't understand this way of thinking. When I cook a homemade meal (even something simple) my husband thanks me for making it. I do the same for him. It's just so far off from my perception of normal, it's sad to think of a grown man believing someone else needs to cook and so laundry for him.

When the Duggar guys make jokes like that ("har har, better stay on the girls' good side or I'll never have clean laundry again!") it depresses the snot out of me! We've heard this from John David at the very least. These men really don't see anything wrong with letting their sisters or wives take on all of the labor of their everyday lives.

[acheronbeach]

9 hours ago, TeaGrannie said:

I felt so bad for Jill. He is such a jerk. I’d like to see him try to deal with me for a day....he’d be kissing the ground she walks on in less than an hour. 

I really dislike comments like this. The implication is that Jill's behaviour is  the reason for Derick's disrespectful behaviour toward her.  A different woman would MAKE him act better.  

Derick's a condescending bully.  And Jill didn't cause that and nobody can fix it except Derick himself.

[Alice in Fundieland]

What bothered me about that comment regarding food and clothing was that Derick seemed unwilling to do those things for himself so that his wife could avoid something that obviously upset her. Yes, Jill is a homemaker and there’s nothing wrong with her being expected to do the bulk of the housework while her husband is at work () or school. But when he jokes that he’ll starve and won’t have clean clothes it just comes across as callous and insensitive. 

I’m sure he knows how to prepare food and wash clothes because he lived on his own before they were married. He might not be a gourmet chef, but he could feed his family for a day or two until the mouse is caught. Maybe he will and it was all another poor attempt at a joke from the Dillards. Either way it annoyed me.

[SassyPants]

5 minutes ago, Alice in Fundieland said:

What bothered me about that comment regarding food and clothing was that Derick seemed unwilling to do those things for himself so that his wife could avoid something that obviously upset her. Yes, Jill is a homemaker and there’s nothing wrong with her being expected to do the bulk of the housework while her husband is at work () or school. But when he jokes that he’ll starve and won’t have clean clothes it just comes across as callous and insensitive. 

I’m sure he knows how to prepare food and wash clothes because he lived on his own before they were married. He might not be a gourmet chef, but he could feed his family for a day or two until the mouse is caught. Maybe he will and it was all another poor attempt at a joke from the Dillards. Either way it annoyed me.

I took that comment as DD trying to make a joke. Like I said, the Dillards are immature and lack both self awareness and media savviness.

[SorenaJ]

Derick, you pedantic halfwit, I hope you trip arse first on a lego. If anyone looked up pathetic in the dictionary, there'd be a picture of you. 

(alternatively put duct tape around your mouth and hands and sit down)

[ViolaSebastian]

1 hour ago, SamiKatz said:

I guess it depends on context, but I don't like seeing photos/videos of kids on social media, especially younger ones as they have no choice in it being seen online*  Perhaps when they are older, they will wish their parents had not done so, or it could give them a warped idea of needing to be validated via social media.

Having said that though, I don't think it's okay for Derrick (for instance) to upload something that Jill does not want online, just because they do it to their kids.  As others have said on here, neither one of them should be doing it.

*Different I guess to, if you are limiting the audience who is seeing them.

There was an interesting article in the Washington Post about this very subject yesterday. Basically, a writer was saying that she's going to keep writing about her 4th grader, even though the child specifically asked her not to not do so. She was absolutely eviscerated in the comments. https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/01/03/my-daughter-asked-me-stop-writing-about-motherhood-heres-why-i-cant-do-that/?utm_term=.e63fd458e215

I'm a very private person by nature. (In fact, I say more about my life and my feelings on FJ than probably any other place, because it has some degree of anonymity. Yes, I know I could be doxxed and it'd be all out in public, but it's not necessarily anything I would be terribly embarrassed about people knowing about me. I just have a hard time expressing myself that way). In any case, my father, from whom I am estranged, retired and decided he'd write books. Great, right? No. He wrote about *me*. About my childhood, about events that happened in my life when I still saw him, about my mother. He also made "characters" based on me that would play parts--sometimes horrible parts or parts meant to humiliate--in his books. He also did this to my mother, from whom he is divorced. Thanks to the power of Amazon, he paid to have them published via vanity press. Honestly, it's one of the worst betrayals of my life. I kept so many secrets for him when he was abusive to my mother, brother, and me--and he couldn't even have the decency to keep me out of his crappy books. 

So I guess I'd say I'm pretty passionate about keeping children off-line and letting them control their presence if and when they decide to get on-line. Let kids have privacy. Let EVERYBODY have some freakin' privacy. No, Jill shouldn't have done to Izzy what Derick did to her. I also think Jill's not terribly bright and hasn't yet made the connection between *her* not wanting to be Livestreamed in a vulnerable place and Izzy not wanting to be Livestreamed in a vulnerable place. Jill's parents put her on television, for crying out loud, she thinks it's completely normal that every part of her life can be up for public consumption--why would she think that Izzy's should be any different without someone pointing out the issues with it? And it's not going to be OfJill, that's for sure. 

ETA: I just went on Facebook and a friend had posted a photo of her child outside with snot visibly running down his face and posted "Snotsickle, lol." We have to stop doing this as a society, people!!

[libgirl2]

2 hours ago, Icea said:

 

If we were to list all the horrible things JimBob has done throughout the years we wouldn't be finished until late next year, but the one thing I'll give him credit for is that he very clearly loves Michelle and really thinks he scored the jackpot marrying her, and would never treat her the way Derick treats Jill in this video.

 

Yes, as much as I don't like JB, I do think he loves Michelle and would never in a million years do that. 

Speaking of mice, years and years ago when I lived at home, my parents had gone on vacation. I had a bottle of champagne in our basement (where the bar was) and a couple of friends had come over (I think it was New Years) and we were going to have it. Turns out there was a mouse in the basement. I refused to go down, I was even afraid it would climb the stairs. My friend thought I was silly and went and got it. I wouldn't go down there until my parents came home and my dad trapped it.

As for spiders, I was over at our neighbors for whom I babysat on occasion. The older girl and I were in the family room when we saw a huge spider. Both of us freaked out! She took a huge jump over it and ran across the street where her little sister was playing to have her come kill it. I still remember Ann, who had to be 8 or 9) coming in and saying "I can't believe you guys!"

And then there were crickets......

[NotQuiteMotY]

I can understand the impulse to put pictures of a child or a loved one on social media. I don't understand the impulse to put up pictures of a child or loved one being upset. I don't understand why either Jill or Derick can't comprehend that broadcasting someone's vulnerable moments isn't kosher.

Personally, before I put up a picture of someone else (usually my child) or put up a status update involving someone else, I always stop and ask myself if having this online would have embarrassed or upset me at 12. If it would, I don't. As it is, I don't put up a huge number of pictures, and those I do are an occasional cute picture or two, and I'm aware that my child may at a later date ask me to pull them down, and as he gets older I'll ask first.

That woman in the Washington Post... That's horrid. Not only are you taking advantage of a minor, but you're doing it right as they're entering a fairly sensitive period in their life. Not illegal, but immoral and at a minimum unkind.

[Coconut Flan]

In 20 or 30 years she'll be the one wondering why the child has cut her out of their life or limits contact with grandchildren.

[Sullie06]

Derek is such an ass. Maybe instead of making a huge spectacle out of your wife, you should just go find the mouse and take care of it. We have mice issues, we live near a river and everyone around here has problems with mice getting into their homes. When we discover one (see it or it's droppings) we set traps and go about our day. We don't make dramatic and embarrassing insta stories. I have to remind myself sometimes how little life experience these idiots really have. 

[MargaretElliott]

Derick is so freaking entitled, but without any of the appreciation a husband should offer to his wife. Even if she stays at home, even if she's expected to do the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning and all that jazz, he doesn't seem to appreciate it or respect her. My SO and I have a deal - when one of us cooks, the other cleans up. And the script every night after dinner usually goes, "Thanks for cleaning up!" followed by, "Thanks for cooking!" Sure, there's an expectation there, but just thanking your partner and letting them know you appreciate what they're doing, even if it's what they "should" do, is really nice. Even if it was just a joke, and he does do his own cooking/laundry when Jill is unable to, that joke fell flat.

He's always struck me as entitled. Entitled to money, entitled to a house, entitled to a spot on the show, entitled to say whatever he wants on twitter (but no one else is entitled to tell him he's wrong), entitled to post whatever he wants on social media (even if his wife doesn't want to be filmed), just an entitled ass who sees no reason why he shouldn't be able to do whatever he wants all the time and still get his life handed to him on a platter. It's like he doesn't realize that other people are people, just as sentient and complicated as him, with their own perspectives and experiences. He treats others as the actors in a play where he's the protagonist, then gets salty when it turns out he's just a supporting actor. The IG story draws attention to this, but he's acted this way for years.

Requisite Jill-is-also-awful-but-for-different-reasons-and-I-pity-her-but-don't-excuse-her-actions disclaimer.

[Hashtag Blessed]

@ViolaSebastian I read about that blogger and I think her attitude was absolutely abhorrent. I cannot even imagine disregarding that request. Your child is not your plaything to show off to the world! That's what pets are for. My dog is everywhere on my social media because she'll never be embarrassed or hurt by any of it. If she was capable of asking me to stop posting about her I'd absolutely stop because I actually care about her emotional wellbeing. She's my DOG and I have more respect for her feelings than this woman has for her own child. 

Also, snotsicle is so disgusting I am actually gagging. Why do people do this to their kids? I don't need to know about their bodily fluids. I definitely don't need to see them! I know you deal with your kids' snot and poop all day as a parent but please try to remember that they're not a normal topic of conversation for ANYONE else.

[ViolaSebastian]

41 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

In 20 or 30 years she'll be the one wondering why the child has cut her out of their life or limits contact with grandchildren.

Or even in the sort term--she's effectively set up a situation where her daughter doesn't trust her mother to keep private things between the two of them. That's a recipe for disaster with adolescence on the horizon. 

[Nikedagain?]

21 hours ago, ShopKeeper said:

I adopted a barn cat a couple of years ago, and I swear he is the most useless hunter in all the world. If our house was ever invaded by mice or any other rodent, he would sit on his chair napping while the infestation consumed his people family!

Did you name him Deplorable? Donald? 

[CharlieInCharge]

We have a similar view about kids on social media. We’ve been very careful about not posting pictures of our son or even refer to him by name online. I had a similar situation with my father to that of Viola and it lead me to be very protective of my online identity. When my son started school this year his teacher took a video of him and posted it in her Snapchat. I lost my shit although I was calm with her, but a few weeks later we pulled him from her class when we saw that was the beginning of a negative pattern of behavior with her. Not your kid? Don’t post pictures of them without parental permission, period.

[HarleyQuinn]

^The teacher posting on snapchat is creepy. I work with tweens/teens and we absolutely cannot post any photos of them on our social media. We can't even write their names out fully on our dry erase boards at work, we have to use their initials.

These two have given me enough suggestive evidence that they are somewhat abusive to their children.I know it's speculation but all those photos of tightly bound crying Israel or Sam in his car seat of shame make me feel like they consistently restrict the movement of their children. 

Basically this entire family is a mess. 

[Hashtag Blessed]

24 minutes ago, CharlieInCharge said:

We have a similar view about kids on social media. We’ve been very careful about not posting pictures of our son or even refer to him by name online. I had a similar situation with my father to that of Viola and it lead me to be very protective of my online identity. When my son started school this year his teacher took a video of him and posted it in her Snapchat. I lost my shit although I was calm with her, but a few weeks later we pulled him from her class when we saw that was the beginning of a negative pattern of behavior with her. Not your kid? Don’t post pictures of them without parental permission, period.

Oh wow, I would lose my fucking mind if that happened to me and my kid. Good for you for pulling yours from that class. Teachers do not need to be posting photos of their students to their social media. I'm very passionate about parents being totally in control of the audience that gets to see photos of their kids online. I don't know who's on your friends list! Mine is carefully curated but so many people accept friend requests from randos all over the place. You could have 100 pedophiles watching your feed, for all I know! That is so inappropriate. 

[bal maiden]

That was a fascinating/horrifying example of Jill keeping sweet for the camera. She was clearly unhappy with being videoed, and wanted that nasty man she has the misfortune to call husband to stop, but since he didn’t, she managed to perform.

 

i am now in little doubt that Derick is emotionally abusive towards her. Nasty man that he is.