Dillards 72: Peak Pathetic

[BachelorToTheRapture]

58 minutes ago, CharlieInCharge said:

We have a similar view about kids on social media. We’ve been very careful about not posting pictures of our son or even refer to him by name online. I had a similar situation with my father to that of Viola and it lead me to be very protective of my online identity. When my son started school this year his teacher took a video of him and posted it in her Snapchat. I lost my shit although I was calm with her, but a few weeks later we pulled him from her class when we saw that was the beginning of a negative pattern of behavior with her. Not your kid? Don’t post pictures of them without parental permission, period.

When I worked with kids, we could take pictures of them on our phones to send to the main office, who may post them on their social media (almost all parents signed off on this, if a parent didn't then no pictures with their child in them would be posted). We were then supposed to delete them from our phones. If we wanted to share pictures, we needed to share the post by the official account. ANY other sharing could result in you losing your job. When I worked places with HIPPA protection it's been even more strict (if I tell a story it must include NO identifying info whatsoever). It makes me uncomfortable when people I know post pictures of the kids they work with unless it is clear that the parent approves (ie a parent comments "thanks for sharing"), and even then I feel that it's crossing some professional boundaries. 

[Glasgowghirl]

Derick's comment about not getting any meals made or clothes washed, would be considered a joke if they were not part of Patriarchal group/cult, even if he was joking, it's in keeping with what he believes.

I don't have kids yet, I have posted pictures of my nephew's and nieces on Facebook and Instagram but only with their parents permission and it's usually of when I've taken them out and nothing they would consider embarrassing. The same rule will apply when I have my own kid's, the odd picture and update is fine. I would never post anything about someone else adult or child, if they asked me not to. A friend of mine used to post things on Facebook and tag me in it all the time and it was things I personally didn't want on my feed, especially with nosey family members on my page, she at first thought I was overreacting but apologised and agreed not to put things up about me without or tagging me unless I agreed, I also updated my privacy settings to make it only things I agreed to appeared on my feed.

[FrozenSmile]

7 minutes ago, BachelorToTheRapture said:

When I worked with kids, we could take pictures of them on our phones to send to the main office, who may post them on their social media (almost all parents signed off on this, if a parent didn't then no pictures with their child in them would be posted). We were then supposed to delete them from our phones. If we wanted to share pictures, we needed to share the post by the official account. ANY other sharing could result in you losing your job. When I worked places with HIPPA protection it's been even more strict (if I tell a story it must include NO identifying info whatsoever). It makes me uncomfortable when people I know post pictures of the kids they work with unless it is clear that the parent approves (ie a parent comments "thanks for sharing"), and even then I feel that it's crossing some professional boundaries. 

I still have actual photographs (not digital - way before cell phones had cameras) of some of the kids i used to work with when i worked at a daycare center, but i wouldn’t dream of putting them on social media now. I still work with kids at my church, and i do take pictures of them sometimes. I only put those pictures on social media if i can tag the parents, otherwise i don’t feel it’s my place.

As for my kids, two of them only want me to put stuff out there that they approve of, which i’m totally ok with because i respect them. Why would someone just knowingly do that to their kid? “Oh, sorry, i know all of your friends will probably tease you forever if i post this, but i’m going to do it anyway!” Kids deserve respect, too!

[VineHeart137]

Another one here who always feels uncomfortable when my teacher friends share photos or videos of their students on social media. For me that was always a huge no-no.

I once told the story of Michelle Obama coming to visit an after school care program I worked at (we didn't know she was coming until the day of). Well that same program also had very strict "no photos of the kids" rules for the counselors, and we had waivers for every kid that had to be signed by parents either giving or denying permission for the child's picture to be taken. She and the assistant directors were the only people allowed to take photos, they had a special camera they used for that purpose, not their phones, and any photos taken were usually used for promotional material.

There were maybe 2 or 3 kids whose parents had not given consent, and so when Michelle Obama came they actually were not able to meet her and had to be kept in a separate room because of the photographers. One little girl was crying (in fairness, it may have been more because she felt left out than anything) and I felt so bad, but our director was adamant that we couldn't risk them getting their picture taken after their parents had expressly forbidden it.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

4 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I took that comment as DD trying to make a joke. Like I said, the Dillards are immature and lack both self awareness and media savviness.

Had almost any other male said what he did about not eating or having clean clothes it would have been taken as a joke, but with DD, while it could have been an attempt at humor, it came across as assy, because he is such an ass. 

[VelociRapture]

Social media is an interesting thing for me. I like having easy contact with people, but it makes me pretty uneasy at times too. I’ve found the following balance works best for me:

1. Instagram is my usual go to for sharing photos of my family. The privacy settings there are so simple stupid that I feel ok about having photos of my daughter up there. My account is private, I deny any follower request I don’t know personally, and I culled my follower list to be only people I’m ok seeing photos of my kid on a normal basis.

2. Facebook is another story entirely. The privacy settings are way more confusing over there. I did my best to set the highest privacy settings possible, culled my friends list, blocked anyone I needed to*, and I still got panic attacks if my daughter’s image appeared on Facebook. It took a lot of time, but eventually I found a balance thst wotks for me - I have a family photo showing her face as my profile picture**, but other than that I only ever rarely share photos where her face isn’t visible. 

3. We requested that our loved ones not share anything about her online without asking permission first. We’re very lucky that they’ve respected that request as well as they have. 

4. Last October I debated whether to just delete Facebook completely since I was struggling with it a lot. I ultimately ended up keeping my account, but I deleted all my photos and untagged myself from every photo I was tagged in. I have retagged myself in a few since then. Honestly, it’s been nice having a clean slate to work with. 

*I’ve mentioned before that we have no contact with my MIL’s family, for good reason. I blocked the family members we have an issue with and I also blocked any of the other family members who we felt would have a high chance of passing photos or information on to those people - whether intentionally or not. 

**I have no clue why this works for me, but I’m not going to question it at this point. 

It’s interesting how much this can vary amongst my generation. I’m 30 and have a fairly private approach, as do a few other parents I know who are my age. There are other parents who share way more than I’d be comfortable with though, my older sister (32) included. 

[EmmieJ]

6 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Well Read Baaaaabe is probably the only option. I think Jill alienated her non-buddy siblings too much for any of them to ever come to her defense. 

If so, that's incredibly sad.  I will always have my sisters' backs and they mine.  One of my sisters irritates me so much that I'm not sure I like her, but if some jerk treated her like Derick treated Jill, I'd be fighting mad.

[Cheetah]

I just watched the video.  I'm not really getting the 'Derick is abusive' vibe.  What I'm getting is that these 2 have decided to open their lives up publicly for whatever reason - attention or hoping to monetize it somehow - and they just are not very interesting people.  Jill is very immature emotionally - she comes across as a teenager here.  Derick isn't much better - to me it sounds like he's affectionately putting up with her and acting like it's so interesting that they have a mouse in their house.   Maybe Jill feels like she doesn't have a choice but to be on camera for the public, but I do feel like Derick's tone was more of 'we need to share this oh so interesting part of our family's saga' (which wasn't actually very interesting) than 'here's my chance to embarrass my wife on camera'. 

[SillyDillys]

So I managed to find my old YouTube account. Turns out I purchased a few 19KAC wedding specials. Watching jessa and ben's wedding and seeing how smug jill and derick were thinking they knew everything about marriage. Well anyways Derrick made a comment saying that he and Jill "will be in the honeymoon  phase for life"

I laughed so hard and loud I startled my boyfriend ?

[Ticklish]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

Social media is an interesting thing for me. I like having easy contact with people, but it makes me pretty uneasy at times too. I’ve found the following balance works best for me:

1. Instagram is my usual go to for sharing photos of my family. The privacy settings there are so simple stupid that I feel ok about having photos of my daughter up there. My account is private, I deny any follower request I don’t know personally, and I culled my follower list to be only people I’m ok seeing photos of my kid on a normal basis.

2. Facebook is another story entirely. The privacy settings are way more confusing over there. I did my best to set the highest privacy settings possible, culled my friends list, blocked anyone I needed to*, and I still got panic attacks if my daughter’s image appeared on Facebook. It took a lot of time, but eventually I found a balance thst wotks for me - I have a family photo showing her face as my profile picture**, but other than that I only ever rarely share photos where her face isn’t visible. 

3. We requested that our loved ones not share anything about her online without asking permission first. We’re very lucky that they’ve respected that request as well as they have. 

4. Last October I debated whether to just delete Facebook completely since I was struggling with it a lot. I ultimately ended up keeping my account, but I deleted all my photos and untagged myself from every photo I was tagged in. I have retagged myself in a few since then. Honestly, it’s been nice having a clean slate to work with. 

Since all the Facebook hacking, this has pretty much been my approach too. I no longer post photos of my children on Facebook at all. I've debated deleting older pictures of them too, but then I feel like they've already been out there for a few years so it's likely they're already archived somewhere on the web. Does anyone know if that's the case? I'm fairly tech stupid. 

My kids are still young and don't really understand social media or sharing pictures, but I have never posted pictures of them in distress or embarrassing situations. Maybe only posting smiling pictures is disingenuous, but it's also not going to humiliate my kids as they age so I think it's fair. 

[TheOneAndOnly]

Considering the opinions people are having all over the place about the mouse video, has Jill posted a "LOL I have the best non-abusive most normal hubby evar!" #sohappy #ignorewhatyousaw #truelove -type thing anywhere yet? If not I absolutely expect one any second now. #damagecontrol

[HarryPotterFan]

20 minutes ago, TheOneAndOnly said:

Considering the opinions people are having all over the place about the mouse video, has Jill posted a "LOL I have the best non-abusive most normal hubby evar!" #sohappy #ignorewhatyousaw #truelove -type thing anywhere yet? If not I absolutely expect one any second now. #damagecontrol

“I love this man! Despite what he said, he isn’t actually forcing our children to eat mice! #bestpapaever”

[DarkAnts]

My friends and family who have kids create private groups where they share pictures. The pictures are never of a child in any state of undress (well except for my nephews picture right after he was born but that's different).

 

I think Derick came off as a complete jerk in that video. There is no reason you should film someone in emotional distress and post it on social media. It's is a shame tactic. Jill may make a mouse phobia but many people have phobias. It doesn't make them a lesser person. 

[apandaaries]

I used to love to share pix and stories about my amazing kid.  She was born around the MySpace era, and I'd had her after moving away from various friends. It was an awesome way to share her growth and stories with people who were far away. That being said, I only posted cute pix, nothing of her potty training or other nonsense.  

Then a few years ago (around age 10 or 11), she told me to stop. She didn't like my friends, whom she didn't know as well as I did/do, having so much information about her. It was uncomfortable. So I stopped.  Occasionally she'll say something really funny, and if I get her permission, I post it. But I really try to respect her wishes; it is her life, after all. 

That being said, she recently borrowed my phone to "look at pictures," while actually posting several of them (including some of her and her BFF at Halloween) on my Instagram account with varying levels of hilarious captions. 

And regarding spiders, I love them. We were never allowed to kill them as kids, since they did so much work behind the scenes (don't like mosquitos or flies? Then choose your allies well!).  I have actually relocated a black widow to outside quarters to avoid killing her. 

And that kid I mentioned earlier, with the BFF?  She was also raised to respect spiders, though at one point in her childhood, she used a spider in her hand to chase her BFF around.  It's a story they still laugh/cry over. 

[ViolaSebastian]

Have we discussed these? Apologies if we have. 

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

Spoiler

 

[nst]

nothing to scary or insane for these two idiots 

[Timetostoplurking]

I’m speechless!  

[ViolaSebastian]

I’m speechless. This is perhaps the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen from these two regarding parenting. And there’s no way Izzy got up there on his own. 

[EmmieJ]

What is it with these two, and their seeming fascination with allowing their children get into precarious, potentially injury-inducing places and taking a picture and posting it?  The message I'm getting is:  We are irresponsible idiots.  Such dumbasses.

[luv2laugh]

I feel bad for Jill. She honestly gives me vibes of a wife that’s being abused (perhaps verbally, we don’t know anything) and is desperately trying to convince herself and others her husband’s not the problem because everyone just needs to see how hard he’s been trying to not be a nasty guy and convinces herself things will get better...

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I saw those and I just want to grab Jill  and ask her WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? You have to know this isn't safe, or cute, why would you let your children do that?  

[singsingsing]

These two are truly braindead. 

[AliceInFundyland]

Effort has to go in to those little boys getting into those dangerous positions.

You find a toddler balancing on the arm of a swiveling chair and go “Ack!” 

And what purpose is served by putting a chair on a tray table?

I am a grown person and I don’t stand on spinning chairs.

[TeaELSee]

Where were those pictures posted?  I got anxiety by simply looking at them.

[precious blessing]

I just can't imagine seeing that and the first thing you do is snap a picture to share with your millions of followers, instead of, you know, grabbing your baby. These kids are truly props to them. Fuck you, Jill and Derick.