Maxwell predictions 2019

[SPHASH]

My predictions: Forgotten Jesse gets married.                               Amish Anna get pregnant.                             Invisible Elissa gets pregnant.       

[Coconutwater]

Anna, Mary, and Sarah are still home. 

John and Chelsy start looking into moving to Iowa and flipping their house sometime late 2019 early 2020. 

More 14ers with immediate family. 

[albanuadh_1]

We will learn how to cut lettuce with a pizza cutter!

[freejugar]

I predict another mystery missionary trip for the girls!

[Markie]

2019 Predictions: Jesse will marry, NR Anna will have another baby by year end, Drew will be baptized in the neighbour’s pool, Teri, Sarah, Anna and Mary will plan and eventually go to a neighbourhood park with the mini Maxwells.

[FloraKitty35]

My predictions for Maxhell in 2019:  Jesse gets married (and this is handled more privately than John's engagement & wedding were) and more of the same of for Sarah, Anna, & Mary. 

[FloraKitty35]

On 12/29/2018 at 4:21 PM, Coconutwater said:

John and Chelsy start looking into moving to Iowa and flipping their house sometime late 2019 early 2020. 

I hope so just to read the snippy answers from Sarah when people on ask her about it on the blog.

[OhNoNike]

Who are their friends in Canada - one daughter who recently got engaged?  The bee keepers?

[PsyD2013]

 

1.  Steve does a fast and talks about death.

2.  Jesse gets married after a short, very secret engagement

3.  Another pregnancy for NR Anna 

4.  Sarah writes another poorly written children's book

5.  Mary and Anna clean ceiling fans.

6.  Teri-fied schedules special time with the grand-kids.

7.  John and Chels spend more time in Iowa.

8.  Joe and Elissa continue to keep a low profile.

 

 

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

On ‎12‎/‎29‎/‎2018 at 7:13 PM, albanuadh_1 said:

We will learn how to cut lettuce with a pizza cutter!

Oh, you eternal optimist, you!

Teri is caught behind the shed chugging Pepsi straight from a 2 liter, wearing mom jeans, halfway through a pack of Virginia Slims.

When asked to explain herself she gives Steve a smile that reaches her eyes and tells him she's fucking tired, and goes in to take an unscheduled nap.

or ...

we find out Steve’s control was just projected guilt as his personal scandals come to the fore.  A long term affair, vodka in his water bottle, hundreds of empty boxes of animal crackers hidden in the attic from binging during his fasts.

i know I’m going to hell, but I am not sure which scenario would amuse me more.

[Ozlsn]

Ok not so much "predictions" as things I would like to see first:

1. Mary secretly applies to a college, gets accepted, is awarded a scholarship and leaves home in the dead of night to go there. Steve is surprised to find that he legally has no say in it.

2. Jesse gets married, joins the military, and is stationed in Alaska. 

3. Anna gets frustrated with the Maxwell method of cleaning ceiling fans, designs an entirely new device and patents it. By the end of the year it is going into production with orders from several large chains, and she's eyeing off a small condo 5km away from the compound.

4. John and Chelsy head over to the Bontrager compound to show off the new baby, and then move to the area permanently mid-year.

5. Sarah comes to visit the new house that John and Chelsy have bought and makes eye contact with a friend of a relative who is also at the housewarming. Within two months they are married and living in California, and Sarah has enrolled in photography classes. 

6. Elissa gets pregnant, and has another baby. They 'inadvertently' name it after a high profile sports star, secure in the knowledge that Steve will never notice.

7. NR-Anna gets pregnant with twins. Christopher has a small nervous breakdown which he documents via a photoblog. This goes unexpectedly viral, and leads to a new career as an impressionistic photographer and talk show guest.

8. Melanie has a difficult pregnancy, but a beautiful and healthy baby. After a heartfelt discussion she and Nathan decide that they need to ensure that she cannot get pregnant again as it would present too much risk to her, so he secretly gets a vasectomy. 

9. Teri uses Christopher's new connections to get a stash of Prozac and Pepsi. She also secretly starts playing in a fantasy football league and comes third.

10. Steve ruminates on death, oblivious to change.

Actual predictions:

11. Three babies, two boys and a girl.

12. one super-secret wedding for Jesse, which we find out about four months after it happened when a friend of the bride posts an "OMG I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE NEW BABY!!" message and tags Jesse.

13. Teri, Sarah, Anna and Mary slide further into depression.

14. Steve ruminates on death, oblivious to change.

[nastyhobbitses]

Jesse marries a girl from an obscure fundie farming family. The no-touch engagement is kept on the down-low, but one of the bride's friends spills the beans about the wedding on social media, and they begrudgingly release a blog post about the relationship. The wedding will be organized and photographed by the Maxwells, and the level of sad-cringe will cause viewers of the wedding album to spontaneously put on a Victorian mourning ensemble and quietly stare into middle distance. 

A scheduling snafu leads Teri to schedule time to plan to schedule taking the grandkids to the park on the day they had planned to schedule cleaning the garage. This mixup will, through a series of events, lead to Teri getting arrested for illegal cockfighting. 

The family will go to proselytize via face paint and balloon animals at the state fair again, bringing back Lolly the Clown, but Lolly the Clown will terrify a small child so severely that they decide to tweak their theology and tell people that if they are wicked, they will spend eternity with Lolly after they die. 

Sarah will write another children's book, but this one will be a thinly veiled tell-all. 

John and Chelsy will move to Iowa. Steve will basically reenact that part of Fiddler on the Roof where Tevye disowns his daughter for leaving the faith, and the family will act like they died -- half because they reacted that way when one brother moved slightly further down the street, and half to try to guilt-trip them back to Kansas. John and Chelsy will not give in. This will be the most rebellious thing a Maxwell has ever done, and it will spark a rebellion arms race among the siblings; eventually one of them will become a SoundCloud rapper with the accompanying face tattoos. 

 

 

[Melissa1977]

Chelsy's baby. Then Melanie's baby. Then NR Anna's baby. Then Elissa's baby. Jesse's wedding. Nothing changes.

Now, what I would like to see (although I'll be more or less realistic), considering that Steve is getting old and probably losing power.

-Melanie and Nathan decide to get a C-section and secretly had her tubes tied. Healthy baby is born. ABC girls are enrolled in a Christian youth group and they meet friends. They are still fundie sistermoms, but have some social life.

-Calia goes to a Christian co-op. Or school. Major Teri breakdown. Joseph himself decides to use birth control. Elissa is ok with that.

-Mary and Anna meet someone. Courtship. 

-Sarah is still single, but because it is her own decision.

-absolutely no hope for NR-Anna and Chris.

[DooDahDame]

Jesse will marry an unwed mother because he cares so much for the preborn.

Sarah will run off with the UPS guy and take Ellie with her.

John and Chelsy will name their son Bontrager.

Gigi will take an around the world cruise and meet an eligible older man and come home a Mrs.

NRAnna has triplets and keeps one and gives one each to Anna and Mary so they can be mothers.

Teri admits that she has been squirreling away part of her food money and buying Pepsi stock. 

Nathan lands a job with a Fortune 500 company and moves to Australia.

Joe and Elissa join the Catholic Church and all four are baptized at the same time.

and Steve’s head finally explodes before he knows where he will go when he dies .

[mango_fandango]

Ooh, Maxwell twins would be something different.

I LOLed at Teri getting arrested for illegal cockfighting!! Genius! 

I also think Jesse will get married soon. It’ll be depressing when he does, though, because it’ll just seal the girls’ fate. The Maxwells have to see how odd it is that none of the daughters have had even a whiff of courtship. Sarah is a complete no-hoper in my eyes. Anna is already somewhat old (in the fundie world only) for marriage. Mary is only 22, I have more hope for her, although it’s not much. 

I also reckon NR Anna will have a baby, if she’s not pregnant already. We haven’t had the annual Christmas recap, there could be an announcement in that. It’ll be some photo op, similar to the ones they had for Daniel and Elizabeth. It won’t be as “subtle” as Elissa’s pregnancy with Kyle. 

[anjulibai]

A baby boy for Melanie and a baby girl for Chelsy. NR Anna will have a pregnancy, probably give birth before the end of the year. Chelsy will be pregnant again by the end of the year. 

Another mysterious trip for Reversal Anna and Mary. 

Sarah will seem to be sad in pictures, and maybe make a post about contentment. She'll look especially vacant in the eyes at her 37th birthday, around Christopher's 40th birthday and Joseph's 30th birthday. She will start working on a new book by the end of the year. 

Jesse will enter a courtship, but we may or may not hear about it. 

[Triplet3]

Chelsy - baby boy. I won’t guess the exact name but the Bontragers seem fond of giving boys surnames as first names, so I’ll guess it’ll be either a surname or something biblical.

Melanie - baby boy called Caleb.

NR-Anna - baby girl called Julia, Rachel or Rebecca.

Elissa - will get pregnant. 

Jesse - will marry but we won’t find out until afterwards.

Sisters - I actually think one of them will court, though it’s unlikely to be Sarah.

 

[singsingsing]

Nathan & Melanie: Baby girl (because I'm mean and don't want them to have their perfect three girls, three boys pattern) born early in March or April. I'll say they'll go the Andrew/Drew route by naming her Claudia and calling her Dee or DeeDee.

Chris & NR-Anna: I had a dream last night that NR-Anna had surprise twins, two boys, so I'm going with that. One of them had brown hair and freckles. So if she has boy twins and one of them has brown hair and freckles, you'll know I'm psychic. (For real, I'm sure she's going to have a baby, probably not long after Melanie, and what the hey, let's just say it's twins. Samuel and David.)

Sarah: No courtship. She keeps writing and blogging about her nieces and nephews. That's about it.

Joseph & Elissa: There was a pretty good gap between Calia and Kyle, but I think they might have another pregnancy announcement later in the year.

John & Chelsy: Baby boy, I guess, born in January. They will name him... uhhhh... Asher. No more announcements from them in 2019.

Anna: Courtship.

Jesse: Broken courtship or engagement. But will we ever hear about it?

Mary: Courtship AND marriage. Yes, this is going to be the year that the Maxwells crash FJ.

Steve & Teri: Same old, same old, although Steve is uniquely awful at Mary's wedding and there is more talk of death, sin, and hell than ever. Hopefully we don't have to hear about his genitals this time, though.

Ellie: Still waiting on the Lord.

The cat whose name I can't remember: bites Steve.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

5 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Mary: Courtship AND marriage. Yes, this is going to be the year that the Maxwells crash FJ.

The tech team will need ferrets carrying wine and pitchers of French martinis.

and prayers to Rufus.

[nausicaa]

1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

The tech team will need ferrets carrying wine and pitchers of French martinis.

and prayers to Rufus.

I'll begin the wine carrying training with Cognac and Grappa. 

I don't have a prediction for this year, so much as a long term prediction. *If* neither Anna nor Mary has a courtship this coming year, none of the girls will ever get married (at least in Steve's lifetime). Steve's grip is too tight, his standards too ridiculous, and he won't be able to let go of one of them even to help appearances for the business. 

[JoyfulSel]

Mary will begin a courtship around Thanksgiving. Jesse will be married in the summer. More mysterious missions for the girls, while Sarah will be writing away and collecting for OCC by February.

Teri will go on a Pepsi binge and then repent by scheduling time to only drink water. John and Chelsy will admit that they're big fans of a sports team, Steve's head explodes.

[catlady]

10 hours ago, DooDahDame said:

and Steve’s head finally explodes before because he knows finds out where he will go when he dies .

in addition to Stevie learning his true afterlife destination, Jesse will get married with all the same secrecy as Joe and Elissa.  

 

and i reallyreally want both of these things to happen:

13 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Teri is caught behind the shed chugging Pepsi straight from a 2 liter, wearing mom jeans, halfway through a pack of Virginia Slims.

 

11 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

A scheduling snafu leads Teri to schedule time to plan to schedule taking the grandkids to the park on the day they had planned to schedule cleaning the garage. This mixup will, through a series of events, lead to Teri getting arrested for illegal cockfighting. 

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

46 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

I'll begin the wine carrying training with Cognac and Grappa. 

I don't have a prediction for this year, so much as a long term prediction. *If* neither Anna nor Mary has a courtship this coming year, none of the girls will ever get married (at least in Steve's lifetime). Steve's grip is too tight, his standards too ridiculous, and he won't be able to let go of one of them even to help appearances for the business.  

Do you guys think Teri is as on board with keeping their daughters single?

(I have two conflicting theories, but am really interested in everyone's thoughts.)

 

[singsingsing]

Give it another five or six years and I'll be ready to call it for the Maxwell daughters, but not yet. Anna and Mary are still too young.

[nausicaa]

19 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Do you guys think Teri is as on board with keeping their daughters single?

(I have two conflicting theories, but am really interested in everyone's thoughts.)

I've actually never thought about it before.

If I had to guess, I'd say she is as ambivalent about it as she seems to be about everything else. I do think she likes having Sarah there to do the heavy lifting around the house since she's not much into domestic pursuits, but I don't think she'd mind having Anna or Mary leave. I don't think she consciously stops Sarah from meeting anyone (nor does Steve--it's just a numbers game working against them and their very narrow definition of acceptability).