Lori Alexander 60: Queen of Woo

[ladyicantxplain]

 

@Beermeet

I care.  I have two kids who were born and diagnosed with birth defect.  It's amazing how people scatter like cockroaches, even in the church, when there is supposed to be "support" and healing.  This is why the online ministry for parents of children diagnosed with life-altering or "life threatening" diagnoses.

My heart goes out to you.

Feel free to PM me anytime.  

[NotQuiteMotY]

On 1/6/2019 at 11:32 AM, smittykins said:

Someone on my FB feed posted the “No one who works 40 hours a week should have to live in poverty” quote, and one of the responses was “Nowhere is it written that one job is supposed to provide all your needs.  If you want more, work more.” (When a third person said that she was unable to work due to mental illness, the second person helpfully suggested “Why don’t you become a secretary?  You seem to have a good grasp of the English language and can obviously type.”) 

Good God.

There's being aware your chosen career is not a money-maker. Then there's not being able to afford food and rent. There's a difference.

And the response to the person citing mental illness... I hope they never suffer from it and have someone give them the same "helpful" advice.

[Beermeet]

2 minutes ago, ladyicantxplain said:

 

@Beermeet

I care.  I have two kids who were born and diagnosed with birth defect.  It's amazing how people scatter like cockroaches, even in the church, when there is supposed to be "support" and healing.  This is why the online ministry for parents of children diagnosed with life-altering or "life threatening" diagnoses.

My heart goes out to you.

Feel free to PM me anytime.  

Thank you, love.  They do scatter don't they?  I find myself not talking about it so I don't scare people.  Apparently,  we scare people?  Idk. I'm not the type to do that to a friend or family member I love. So, I don't understand it. Thanks and I hope you children are well. 

[quiversR4hunting]

22 hours ago, Koala said:

Wow.  I would never in a million years want to put that burden on my children.  

Lori, you are 100% capable of taking care of yourself!   YOU are the parent- you should be their safety net, not the other way around!  How dare you expect them to cater to your laziness?  Are they supposed to work all day and take away from their own family's resources, so that you can spend your days online and waste THEIR money on bullshit woo "medicine" that clearly IS NOT helping you?

Actually, i don' t think she is capable of taking care of herself. I think she has played the "damsel in distress" for so long she has lost the ability to think for herself. She should be able to take care of herself since she is of a certain age that she has has ample opportunities to learn. 

And could you imagine her in an office  place of business (retail, office, school, anything)? I would pity the supervisor that had to manage her. She would be absolutely horrible to manage. I bet she would tattle on all employees, say all sorts of inappropriate things (See Big Bang episode where the guys end up in the HR office) and god forbid she was in any type of customer service (in an office or in retail/food/hotel industry)! 

[delphinium65]

4 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

Actually, i don' t think she is capable of taking care of herself.

But I would love to see her try.  

[quiversR4hunting]

4 minutes ago, delphinium65 said:

But I would love to see her try.  

100% agree!  

[feministxtian]

19 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

I belong to an email style support group for my son's specific issue. It's hard to go there as they announce deaths often.  I also reached to an general ataxia group but I just cannot. Now I get others vibes and some are just way too "woe is me". No thanks. 

That's why I dropped out of all the groups dealing with my husband's disease. I couldn't take it. I try to be positive about things and got tired of the woe is me and endless excuses and woo. Truth is, the extensive surgery my husband had is the only "cure" for the disease. Some of the aftereffects suck ass (see diabetes) but it beats the hell out of intractable pain, feeding tubes and yes, death. I got tired of it all and just left. 

I've learned that everyone reacts to these things differently. Being the engineering nerd I am, I research like crazy. I don't listen to bullshit (and boy, in that group there was a lot of bullshit). 

Find what works for you. Your path will not be the same as someone else's. Live your path and cope as you can. 

[Beermeet]

7 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

That's why I dropped out of all the groups dealing with my husband's disease. I couldn't take it. I try to be positive about things and got tired of the woe is me and endless excuses and woo. Truth is, the extensive surgery my husband had is the only "cure" for the disease. Some of the aftereffects suck ass (see diabetes) but it beats the hell out of intractable pain, feeding tubes and yes, death. I got tired of it all and just left. 

I've learned that everyone reacts to these things differently. Being the engineering nerd I am, I research like crazy. I don't listen to bullshit (and boy, in that group there was a lot of bullshit). 

Find what works for you. Your path will not be the same as someone else's. Live your path and cope as you can. 

Seriously.  The last thing we need is that shit on top of our shit.  It may give some what they need but not me. I'm clinging to the positive train and I do see ad honor the lesson and the beauty in all this.  Now, I just need like, $5 million, I figure. Lol!  Seriously, I can't modify a home I don't own or the kind of care he will need? I want the best! ?

[ladyicantxplain]

13 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

That's why I dropped out of all the groups dealing with my husband's disease. I couldn't take it. I try to be positive about things and got tired of the woe is me and endless excuses and woo.

Same. Dropped outta' all the "groups" that were supposed be supportive. All they did was sit around and hyper-analyze the disease(s) and problem(s). I want to LIVE with my children.  I want my children to LIVE full lives.  Sitting around ruminating on the diagnosis just grossed me out.

My kids are better, too, now that I don't see them as pitiful and sickly with tons of problems.  They NEED so much - this is a fact - but I don't SEE them with the "woe are they" attitude anymore, which has made a world of difference.

It still isn't easy.  But I encourage you to cling to the positive train, as you shared, and find others who do the same.  

I'm a Christian but the worst were those in "churches" - so I don't go there anymore. 

Sending you cyber-hugs and encouragement.

[feministxtian]

8 minutes ago, ladyicantxplain said:

It still isn't easy.  But I encourage you to cling to the positive train, as you shared, and find others who do the same.  

I'm a Christian but the worst were those in "churches" - so I don't go there anymore. 

We talk to a few CP-ers who are also positive and LIVING instead of riding the "woe is me" train.

We found a church where we were welcomed with open arms. I have an audition for the band later this month. They've also asked hubs to give his testimony of the CP and challenges and how faith played a part in it. 

[Beermeet]

1 hour ago, ladyicantxplain said:

Same. Dropped outta' all the "groups" that were supposed be supportive. All they did was sit around and hyper-analyze the disease(s) and problem(s). I want to LIVE with my children.  I want my children to LIVE full lives.  Sitting around ruminating on the diagnosis just grossed me out.

My kids are better, too, now that I don't see them as pitiful and sickly with tons of problems.  They NEED so much - this is a fact - but I don't SEE them with the "woe are they" attitude anymore, which has made a world of difference.

It still isn't easy.  But I encourage you to cling to the positive train, as you shared, and find others who do the same.  

I'm a Christian but the worst were those in "churches" - so I don't go there anymore. 

Sending you cyber-hugs and encouragement.

Right back atcha!  I connected with some moms who share similar thoughts on the subject.  I made a secret FB group for us. Most of them really immediately dove into the "scene * of fundraising gatherings and general gatherings.  We've held off. My son doesn't want to, he's content as is. So are we. We don't feel the need to join in currently.  We do help fundraise though.  If andcwhen my son wants to, we will. Next year, I plan on bringing him to the FA symposium , hes ready. He was very interested last time my husband and I went and he is a sophomore in HS, so education wise ready also. I'm scared for him to see the advanced FA'ers though.  It's pretty fucking evil to know your future like that.

[Momto2Princesses]

This reply was on her Instagram doodle of the Day. Call me crazy but I do believe being able to feed, clothe and provide shelter for your children is pretty darn important. Live does not always go as we plan it. Things happen, illnesses, divorce and death happen.  I am a firm believer that God opens many doors and opportunities when we pray. Money trees don't just appear but job openings do. Some of these women are so stupid, clueless and have zero real world concepts on how life actually works. 

 

[Beermeet]

42 minutes ago, Momto2Princesses said:

This reply was on her Instagram doodle of the Day. Call me crazy but I do believe being able to feed, clothe and provide shelter for your children is pretty darn important. Live does not always go as we plan it. Things happen, illnesses, divorce and death happen.  I am a firm believer that God opens many doors and opportunities when we pray. Money trees don't just appear but job openings do. Some of these women are so stupid, clueless and have zero real world concepts on how life actually works. 

 

Well put. In an ideal world we wouldn't have to choose between sahm or sahd vs. two incomes to not only survive but thrive and have some extras. Extras are good!  Makes it all worth it. From the good shampoo to a sweet tropical vacation.  Or, you know, just simply being able to pay the bills.  They need to get off their high horse or direct their discontent with society to improve it.  Acting all high and mighty on the internet does not mean a thing! 

[wallysmommy]

Someone named Wynter called Lori out on poking holes in her diaphragm and the post is magically gone.  From 41 to 16 in the blink of an eye.  I wish I could lose weight that fast.

[Frog99]

So I’m wondering if all of these career women posts are a passive aggressive hit on Erin. 

I took a gander at her Etsy shop. She presently has 156 items for sale, with a retail value of approximately $19,000. Her pieces are generally delicate and o imagine take quite a bit of time to make. She has been on Etsy for 5 years and has sold 1,163 items, which is an average of 232 pieces per year. Some of her pieces are pricey and it’s not an impossibility that she pulls in $20-25,000 year (maybe more, maybe less depending on taxes, fees, business costs, supply costs, etc). 

Her page also notes that she is available for wholesale orders. 

It is clearly more than a hobby. 

I wonder if she and Ryan are exploring school/childcare for the older kiddos. 

[Briefly]

On 1/6/2019 at 6:47 PM, Seahorse Wrangler said:

Does any-one have a secretary these days? 

In the late 1990's when I stopped working , it was only the upper echelons of management that had some-one , be it a PA or secretary to do the typing and such like. When I started work in the early 1980's , there was nearly always one or two typists depending on the size of the company or branch where I was working at the time.

 

Once PCs became common, it seemed to be a  status symbol that a manager could do his own   paperwork rather than delegate it.

Yes, secretaries still exist. We run the world, after all!!

I'm really the office manager, head babysitter, the one who actually knows where everything is and how to do everything.

[Lgirlrocks]

Spoiler

Spoiler

Lori, why does the cost of college matter? No where in the Bible does it say women can only do things if they are cheap. College is an investment. Getting a college deploma doesn’t hurt anyone. If you plan on home schooling it helps out a lot. 

[Briefly]

Regarding children moving back home, we always told our daughter that she would never be without a meal or a roof over her head if something happened like a job loss, or something along those lines.  She would not want to move back home if she had any other option, and I was the same way when I was her age. But even if she did have to, it would not have been forever.  She would have gotten back on her feet as soon as she could and back out on her own, as a functioning adult. I don't really see Lori ever wanting to get back to functional adult - assuming, that is, that she has ever actually been one in the first place.

Now, if our daughter had decided to just goof her money off instead of paying her bills, she would have still had a roof over her head but she might have been living on peanut butter and crackers!  We would not let her starve, but we would not have let her become a sponge either.  We knew that would not have happened, though. 

[feministxtian]

Ok, my degree was a freebie, tuition and books paid for, work-study co-op and a guaranteed job at graduation. At the time, if I'd had to pay for even the cheapie community college, I couldn't have afforded it (see broke-ass single parent making 6.75/hr). 

However, that same freebie 2 year degree has gone a LONG way towards paying for the finer things in life. Right now, there's a shortage of people with my skill set and the recruiters are going nuts contacting me and the money just gets crazier and crazier. Trying to decide if I should pursue a couple of the companies that are kissing my butt right now. I'll do an interview and see what happens....

Take THAT Lori...and fuck you very much!

[HumbleJillyMuffin]

On the topic of women getting an education, I once read a book about a number of devout LDS (Mormon) CEOs and how their faith and beliefs help in their professional duties. One chapter was about family and one of the wives chimed in on a topic dear to Lori Alexander's heart. She said that she has always taught each of her daughters "the one constant that will always be there in your future is YOU." She explained that unfortunately spouses might become gravely ill or die, might leave, etc., and that a woman must always be prepared to go into the workforce if necessity requires her to do it. She even used the term "seasons of life", in that there might be a season for having babies and bringing up a family and such, but once that season is over, it might be time to be personally fulfilled by a career outside the home. I don't recall who she was but it was some of the best advice I had ever heard on the subject. And this was from a woman who could probably afford to prop up their daughters financially to infinity and beyond if necessary. 

[Sarah92]

I wouldn't be surprised is its about Erin. Jewelry making can be tedious business and if she's using tools it might not be super safe to have kiddos under foot. Coming from a family of crafters ranging from prize winning wood work to simple crocheting has given be a perspective on just how time consuming that stuff is. I think her pieces are quite beautiful but out of my price range. 

I have debt from college but what I do is worth it. Mental health saves lives and if I can help a few kids or adults get better then that makes up for the debt. It's my ministry and I make it my job to treat my clients with respect and compassion. 

Up thread people were discussing therapy and it makes me sad just how many barriers there are for getting mental health help. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists - this allows a person to search in their area.

Never be afraid to ask about sliding scales if you don't have insurance. For my internship, I provided counseling for $1-15 dollars depending on what people could give. The place I was interning at did it as part of a ministry for those without insurance. Some places go lower than 40 a session drone sing on the area. Telecounseling is also becoming a thing even if it's still met with some skepticism because we're all about face to face communication.

[PinkPrincess0213]

Brian sounds like a real winner.....

 

[Escadora]

12 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Is it possible that these "failure to fly" kids are from a certain socio-economic level? When you have just enough, you know that continuing to support your kids is going to be a financial burden...and its time for them to leave the nest and make it on their own. 

As a 24 year old who's not left the household she grew up in yet I know mine is a slightly different situation than the one you describe, and can be added to the multiplicity of reasons that an individual is not a reasonably functional adult when they hit 18.  

We were a breadline family growing up (idk if America uses the term breadline, but basically what it means is that we were living paycheck to paycheck and struggling even with that), and never really did have quite enough. My mother was by far the dominant parent, as I've mentioned way back in my posting history, and deliberately stunted the development of my siblings and I. To this day, she insists that she never meant to do that and was only trying to protect us and care for us, but she consistently undermined our attempts at furthering our independence for our entire childhood and well into our early adulthood (it's why I have more sympathy than most for the SAHDs we see here in fundyland; when you're constantly told you can't do something or shouldn't do something and you are under constant pressure to bow to authority, a lack of independence and ability is more of a self-fulfilling prophecy than it is a measure of an individual's own desires and abilities, I've always believed). Every ounce of independence I have, which is still relatively small for my age and ability, I've had to first find the bravery to even dream I could pursue in the first place. There were times when I truly and honestly believed I'd live my whole life and then die still sleeping in my childhood bedroom. 

Luckily for me I'll be pretty much forced to move out for at least a year come 2020. To complete my degree and earn my teaching qualification I need to attend lessons at another campus, and a lack of driving ability  makes it impossible for me to stay at home and still progress. I'm determined to make 2020 the academic year that changes me and allows me to blossom into full independence. As much as I want and pursue a solo adult lifestyle, it is fear and a lack of convictions in my own ability that keeps me at home, and simply knowing what the issues are isn't enough for me to somehow be able to overcome them by myself. 

I love my mum. I truly do, despite it all I know she never meant harm and I accept that she just wanted to try and force us into being the perfect, loving, close family she never had as a child. She's damaged too, and so I can't bring myself to despise her actions too harshly. I just can't wait to fly the nest and have us move forward into having that friendship kind of relationship that I hear my friends talk about having with their own mothers.

All this to say is that whilst some of these 'failure to fly' kids may absolutely come from more well off households, and I think you've hit the nail on the head @feministxtian with that being one of the reasons, money might not be the only reason that a person can't or won't leave home. Some parents do a fantastic job of raising adults, and others do a subpar job of raising people who have an extended childhood. 

[delphinium65]

Lori is yammering on again that 'There is no mention in the Bible of these women leaving their homes all day long, their children in the care of others, and working for a boss.' So, Miss The-Bible-Doesn't-Mention-It, where in the Bible does it mention men working in cushy air conditioned offices, having college educations, or working for bosses?  Doesn't Genesis 3 tell men to work, as in physical labor? I would challenge Lori to find one verse in the Bible she claims to believe that references orthodontists.  And that's before we even get to the Biblical instructions for women that she can't be bothered to follow. 

But of course I forgot, the Bible doesn't have to have a specific verse for anything, unless the Great and Mighty Godly Mentor says so.     

[Loveday]

9 hours ago, PinkPrincess0213 said:

Brian sounds like a real winner.....

 

Athletic. They're all athletic, manly men. Because that's a very important point to emphasize.

Well, my eyeballs do need some exercise today...