Lori Alexander 60: Queen of Woo

[Koala]

Wow.  I would never in a million years want to put that burden on my children.  

Lori, you are 100% capable of taking care of yourself!   YOU are the parent- you should be their safety net, not the other way around!  How dare you expect them to cater to your laziness?  Are they supposed to work all day and take away from their own family's resources, so that you can spend your days online and waste THEIR money on bullshit woo "medicine" that clearly IS NOT helping you?

[ViolaSebastian]

Wait, this makes no sense. Ken has frequently talked about helping his adult children out financially quite a bit. How are they supposed to take care of Lori if they can’t take care of themselves without Ken?

[Briefly]

There were a couple of times when my parents helped us, when we were first starting out.  Mr. Briefly's job was negatively affected by rainy weather, there was a period when he was not able to work for several days and then we had an issue paying the electric bill.  Mom helped. We appreciated it, but it was not a repeating thing.  It was just a mom who wanted to help her kids and she refused to let us pay her back.  That sort of thing is probably normal.  When the Briefly daughter moved out on her own, we helped her a little bit.  She did ok until her roommate threw her fit and moved out, and it took a little time for our daughter to regroup and move to a one-bedroom apartment.  During that time, she needed help with something.  I can't remember what it was, but it was possibly a utility bill.  We paid it for her although she was very embarrassed at having to ask for help.  I think most parents will help out when it's needed.  We did buy her some groceries one Chrstimas, but that was because she could not think of anything she wanted for Christmas and we thought that would be a fun surprise - it included extras like ice cream that she didn't buy often because of $.  But I would not have expected my parents to take care of me again, and I know that our daughter would not want that, either.  

Does Lori honestly think that she could have just traipsed back home and her parents would have taken her in, paid all her expenses and all that she expected?  Surely she doesn't.

As far as churches, yes sometimes they help people.  But I would not have asked for help from a church.  I am not surprised that Lori doesn't tithe.  I can easily see her running to whichever church and demanding help, if she were suddenly widowed or if Ken left her.

[hoipolloi]

 

Please be sure that you are posting public data (e.g., screenshots, quotes, photos, etc.)

A few pages back, we redacted a screenshot obtained from a recent NLQ post on Lori. The OP at NLQ said they were citing a mix of public (FB) and private (secret group) convos, but the status of each quote or screenshot (including the one posted here at FJ) was not clear in their post. 

This is a reminder to be sure that any materials cited here — including photos, texts, screenshots, etc. — are public. Ideally, provide a link, if possible, to the cited material. If in doubt, don’t include it. 

There is no problem with telling FJ readers about the NLQ post, and they are certainly free to go check it out. In this particular case, however, a trigger warning would be advisable since the NLQ poster has some pretty nasty Lori shit on child discipline in that post. 

Thank you.

 

[lilwriter85]

 

1 hour ago, Briefly said:

There were a couple of times when my parents helped us, when we were first starting out.  Mr. Briefly's job was negatively affected by rainy weather, there was a period when he was not able to work for several days and then we had an issue paying the electric bill.  Mom helped. We appreciated it, but it was not a repeating thing.  It was just a mom who wanted to help her kids and she refused to let us pay her back.  That sort of thing is probably normal.  When the Briefly daughter moved out on her own, we helped her a little bit.  She did ok until her roommate threw her fit and moved out, and it took a little time for our daughter to regroup and move to a one-bedroom apartment.  During that time, she needed help with something.  I can't remember what it was, but it was possibly a utility bill.  We paid it for her although she was very embarrassed at having to ask for help.  I think most parents will help out when it's needed.  We did buy her some groceries one Chrstimas, but that was because she could not think of anything she wanted for Christmas and we thought that would be a fun surprise - it included extras like ice cream that she didn't buy often because of $.  But I would not have expected my parents to take care of me again, and I know that our daughter would not want that, either.  

Does Lori honestly think that she could have just traipsed back home and her parents would have taken her in, paid all her expenses and all that she expected?  Surely she doesn't.

As far as churches, yes sometimes they help people.  But I would not have asked for help from a church.  I am not surprised that Lori doesn't tithe.  I can easily see her running to whichever church and demanding help, if she were suddenly widowed or if Ken left her.

I think she would have expected complete financial support from her parents had she been widowed or divorced years ago. My cousin and her daughter lived with my aunt for a few years after my cousin went through a bad divorce and a struggle to get child support. But, my cousin helped my aunt with the utilities and groceries and she worked to provide for her daughter. I have a friend who is in similar situation right now. She got divorced three years ago and it caused financial problems. She later lost her job. My friend has two boys. They moved in with her widowed father last year. My friend is working again and she has said they will move out at some point. Her father is also retired and travels quite a bit and he has said that he's glad that they are around to take care of the house when travelling. WHen he's home he likes having family around because he is still in some heavy grief from his wife's death. 

I knew a few adults who are unmarried and without kids who live with their parents due to financial issues. One guy that I know gets teased by friends about living with his parents. He defends himself pointing out that he pays rent and half of the bills and groceries.  Family members can help each other out in generational living situations. We know if Lori and her kids had been in generational living situation with her parents, there would have been no helping on Lori's end. 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

8 hours ago, smittykins said:

Someone on my FB feed posted the “No one who works 40 hours a week should have to live in poverty” quote, and one of the responses was “Nowhere is it written that one job is supposed to provide all your needs.  If you want more, work more.” (When a third person said that she was unable to work due to mental illness, the second person helpfully suggested “Why don’t you become a secretary?  You seem to have a good grasp of the English language and can obviously type.”) 

Does any-one have a secretary these days? 

In the late 1990's when I stopped working , it was only the upper echelons of management that had some-one , be it a PA or secretary to do the typing and such like. When I started work in the early 1980's , there was nearly always one or two typists depending on the size of the company or branch where I was working at the time.

 

Once PCs became common, it seemed to be a  status symbol that a manager could do his own   paperwork rather than delegate it.

[TeddyBonkers]

Forgive me for bringing politics into it, but several of my friends have been impacted by this government shutdown. Two friends are married to Coasties (who fall under DHS, not DoD). Their husbands are not getting paychecks. Another works for NASA and is on furlough and isn't getting paid either.

What would Lori say to these wives? Their husbands can't exactly go out and get another job. "Hi, I can work until the government decides to pay me again" isn't something you can say to a potential employer.

 

[nokidsmom]

4 minutes ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

Does any-one have a secretary these days? 

In the late 1990's when I stopped working , it was only the upper echelons of management that had some-one , be it a PA or secretary to do the typing and such like. When I started work in the early 1980's , there was nearly always one or two typists depending on the size of the company or branch where I was working at the time.

Once PCs became common, it seemed to be a  status symbol that a manager could do his own  paperwork rather than delegate it.

Yep, as a secretary/admin assistant at one time I can attest to this.  As PCs become more common, the number of secretaries/admins doing support for one manager declined.   Where I work, only the very top executives have their own admins.   Otherwise, admins typically support the whole department, not just one manager.  

[feministxtian]

I apologize to everyone about the US Vets website mixup. That's what I get for depending on my memory. 

Anyway, my parents helped me out and then I took care of the mother. BUT...my kids know that the "first national bank of mom" is closed. Well, if something catastrophic happened, then we would help any way we can, but otherwise, they can handle their business. We have made a vow that we will always have a house big enough to put the kids up if they need it. It won't be the Taj Mahal or even Super 8 but it will be clean, comfortable and safe. That same vow extends to the grandchildren. 

#1 son wants to make enough money to be able to take care of the rest of the family if needed. He's had enough of watching some of us struggle. His first goal is to pay off his sister's house. He's said that we won't have to worry about anything when we retire (we won't...we have enough retirement income to live quite nicely) but...hey...ya know? 

Lori is a selfish shrew who would rather cry she's hungry than lift a finger to help herself. What an utter waste of DNA. 

[Lgirlrocks]

My parents never had much money but they were always there to help us out. I have also had to help my mom out when she needed it. It’s how family works. She doesn’t expect her kids to pay her way in life, if she couldn’t work it would be different. 

[Sarah92]

6 hours ago, Briefly said:

There were a couple of times when my parents helped us, when we were first starting out.  Mr. Briefly's job was negatively affected by rainy weather, there was a period when he was not able to work for several days and then we had an issue paying the electric bill.  Mom helped. We appreciated it, but it was not a repeating thing.  It was just a mom who wanted to help her kids and she refused to let us pay her back.  That sort of thing is probably normal.  When the Briefly daughter moved out on her own, we helped her a little bit.  She did ok until her roommate threw her fit and moved out, and it took a little time for our daughter to regroup and move to a one-bedroom apartment.  During that time, she needed help with something.  I can't remember what it was, but it was possibly a utility bill.  We paid it for her although she was very embarrassed at having to ask for help.  I think most parents will help out when it's needed.  We did buy her some groceries one Chrstimas, but that was because she could not think of anything she wanted for Christmas and we thought that would be a fun surprise - it included extras like ice cream that she didn't buy often because of $.  But I would not have expected my parents to take care of me again, and I know that our daughter would not want that, either.  

Does Lori honestly think that she could have just traipsed back home and her parents would have taken her in, paid all her expenses and all that she expected?  Surely she doesn't.

As far as churches, yes sometimes they help people.  But I would not have asked for help from a church.  I am not surprised that Lori doesn't tithe.  I can easily see her running to whichever church and demanding help, if she were suddenly widowed or if Ken left her.

The part about Lori just coming back home and expecting to be taken care of with little personal effort on her part? Fits my brother to a fucking T. My brother moved back in a while back and other then helping out with groceries using his link card he didn't do much else. Occasional chore here and there but I don't think he even washed his own dishes or did his own laundry  (yes a bit of enabling on my parents part). But for a grown 34 year old adult he did fucking little besides make life difficult . 

Heck he couldn't even be bothered to help clean the home when his daughters were supposed to visit for the Holiday and the rest of us were on rotation with my dad while he was in the hospital. He didn't even really clean off a place for them to sleep  (We had an extra futon that he liked to leave his crap on) so they slept on the couch. Of course an entire fiasco struck while my dad was in the hospital so my brother has been kicked out of the home. But that's an entire story I'm still processing. And I'm furious at him. 

But what do him and Lori have in common that influences this mindset? Narcissism. He truly had the gall to say we never do anything for him after my parents have shelled out thousands for his sorry ass and let him back into their own home when he was in trouble. It's always deflection.  Much like her. 

Now my parents would have no problem with me moving back home if I needed it because not only do we have a good relationship but I'd help out. My sister is 21 and lives at home for financial reasons while she does online schooling. She pays rent, cleans, helps with bills and groceries, cleans my grandmother's home all while working as an assistant manager. The total opposite. 

But it irritates me when people get so upset with kids living at home with their parents (provided the child isn't an asshole). If it's practical, it's practical. Personally, I also think is a little (or a lot) American ethnocentric because other countries/cultures have practiced living together as families since the dawn of time. 

[polecat]

10 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

But it irritates me when people get so upset with kids living at home with their parents (provided the child isn't an asshole). If it's practical, it's practical. Personally, I also think is a little (or a lot) American ethnocentric because other countries/cultures have practiced living together as families since the dawn of time. 

Right. There're a lot of practical reasons to live at home, if you can, and there's nothing wrong with it as long as you're contributing. 

[delphinium65]

10 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

But it irritates me when people get so upset with kids living at home with their parents (provided the child isn't an asshole). If it's practical, it's practical. Personally, I also think is a little (or a lot) American ethnocentric because other countries/cultures have practiced living together as families since the dawn of time.

Me too.  As long as it's working for the people directly involved (parents and offspring) then it's none of my business.   

Not immediately related, but on a similar theme...I'm tired of millennial-bashing.  When 'older' people complain about 'kids these days' I always want to say 'your/our generation raised them, so whose fault is that?'  

[feministxtian]

18 minutes ago, delphinium65 said:

Not immediately related, but on a similar theme...I'm tired of millennial-bashing.  When 'older' people complain about 'kids these days' I always want to say 'your/our generation raised them, so whose fault is that?' 

I always saw my job of parenting as turning out reasonably independent human beings in 18 years. Education, ability to take care of themselves (cooking, cleaning, car maintenance, taxes, bank accounts). For the most part I succeeded. But then again, I wasn't much of a helicopter mom. I was an alligator mom..."figure it out for yourself". "Go look it up". "That's why God made Google". I helped them file their taxes, offered coaching on car repairs, explained how bank accounts worked, showed them how to cook (my kids are great cooks), etc. I love my kids but I was really looking forward to that empty nest after awhile. Most of my friends have done the same. 

Is it possible that these "failure to fly" kids are from a certain socio-economic level? When you have just enough, you know that continuing to support your kids is going to be a financial burden...and its time for them to leave the nest and make it on their own. 

My "millennials" (ages 36, 31 & 28) are independent. Well, except for the endless messages about how to do, what to do, asking for advice. 

[Lgirlrocks]

My mom wanted us to be independent while being at home. If we weren’t working or in school she didn’t want us at home. My younger brother was coddled a lot. My mom always did everything for him, or had my older brother and I do it. It has hurt him more than anything. Sad part is she gets mad at him for not being able to do things on his own. He’s going to be 26 and just got a cell phone. 

[ViolaSebastian]

Just to be clear, I think it’s fine for the parents of adult children to help them out financially—it’s up the family and what works best for them. I just find it weird that Lori expects her adult children, who would theoretically be tightening their purse strings if they weren’t receiving that help, to add the financial burden that is the Lori we all know and love. 

My parents raised me in a very “generation X” kind of way. I was born in the early ‘80s, but my brother is eight years older than me. It was a very hands off, “free range” childhood. I can count on one hand the number of times my parents actually “parented” me in the sense it means nowadays. For example, I was never punished—for anything. Sometimes I’d get a “knock it off” if I was swearing at the dinner table or something like that. My brother was the type of kid who did just fine with that set-up, I was more high strung and needed more actual parent-child time, especially after it became evident I was struggling with mental health issues and emotional regulation. My mother, to this day, will sometimes criticize me for not knowing or doing something, by asking “didn’t your mother teach you that?!” And I’m always like, “no, she didn’t.”

[delphinium65]

50 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Is it possible that these "failure to fly" kids are from a certain socio-economic level? When you have just enough, you know that continuing to support your kids is going to be a financial burden...and its time for them to leave the nest and make it on their own.  

I try to avoid generalizations, because there are so many reasons in play here, but yeah, I think that's what happens for some.  

[SassyPantswithASideofClass]

I live at home for now due to financially reasons. Where I live the cost of living is extremely high and finding a place to rent has been difficult. I am however in the process of finding a place and may have found several options that would be beneficial and a financially wise choice too.

I am just hoping it will work out! I do know many of my friends who have had to move back home for financial reasons.

I do pay rent, half the bills, chip in for groceries etc. I pay my own insurance, cellphone bill, gas, repairs on the car, clothes, medicine/medical (after insurance), and so on. Since I have been really getting into cooking, I cook 4 times a week. (all healthy, lots of fruits, veggies etc)

[Hane]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

 

My "millennials" (ages 36, 31 & 28) are independent. Well, except for the endless messages about how to do, what to do, asking for advice. 

My 40-year-old is quite independent, too, but I wish she’d call once in a while.

[feministxtian]

17 minutes ago, Hane said:

My 40-year-old is quite independent, too, but I wish she’d call once in a while.

trade ya. You can have the trio that needs to bug mom over something they could figure out on their own (see #2 son claiming I'm the closest thing to an omnipotent being he knows) and I'll take the uber independent!

[Beermeet]

On 1/5/2019 at 7:24 PM, feministxtian said:

I was being tongue in cheek. I don't apologize for liking the nicer things in life. An almost brand new SUV with ALL the bells and whistles (and heated seats!). I like being able to afford to pop off 100 bucks for my mani/pedi. I also like that I EARN the $$ that pays for it. 

While we were broke-ass, I didn't get my nails done. No $$ in the budget for it. Now? Hellz yeah! When I started working, our income damn near TRIPLED! I don't apologize for any of it...we went thru some shit, we're on the other side and I'm damn sure going to enjoy it. 

Lori has no idea how it feels to be able to pay for your own mani/pedi, tank of gas, smokes, a Ben & Jerry's binge or saying "fuck it" and ordering grubhub. There's a certain amount of pride that goes with it. 

Now...we'll see what happens after my court date. We may end up with that big ass house too. 

 

Fuck yeah girl!  I'm still stoked for you.  We are barely making it. I found a job that pays well but I'm not working enough hours. It's a start up office and I find fulfillment there, my boss is generous and kind.  The hours will come.  I HAD to find a job where I wasn't being treated like shit.  My husband went to work for a company instead of running his own. It's a steady paycheck but opportunities of making more on a job are gone. He's a GC.  You see, (and I do talk about this here a bit) our son was diagnosed with a life shortening neuromuscular disorder.  It's so heartbreaking and stressful and expensive.  Now, it's hard for us to do regular life while dealing with this.  I need therapy sofuckingbad but no insurance, no money for it period.  It's incredibly hard to smile throughout my work day. My mind is a mess. And, what I learned is that no one cares. Just keep going, pay the bills and stfu. It's hard. I wish I could find a job with good benefits, at least.  Im so sensitive now after diagnosis,  it's not like me. I've been through rough times but this is awful. Too much. My baby boy.  Idk how to go on and on through life like this. I'm looking into meanial hospital work.  Benefits and just be a ghost who cleans, maybe brighten someone's day with a quick chat. And that's why I love your earned come up!  You did it!  You deserve it and I'm really happy for you. Maybe I can too, somehow.  

[Hane]

16 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

trade ya. You can have the trio that needs to bug mom over something they could figure out on their own (see #2 son claiming I'm the closest thing to an omnipotent being he knows) and I'll take the uber independent!

Yabbut she’s my only one. She and I both have lots of friends and activities but it would be nice to hear from her more often. I try not to get all up in her grill.

[feministxtian]

18 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

Fuck yeah girl!  I'm still stoked for you.  We are barely making it. I found a job that pays well but I'm not working enough hours. It's a start up office and I find fulfillment there, my boss is generous and kind.  The hours will come.  I HAD to find a job where I wasn't being treated like shit.  My husband went to work for a company instead of running his own. It's a steady paycheck but opportunities of making more on a job are gone. He's a GC.  You see, (and I do talk about this here a bit) our son was diagnosed with a life shortening neuromuscular disorder.  It's so heartbreaking and stressful and expensive.  Now, it's hard for us to do regular life while dealing with this.  I need therapy sofuckingbad but no insurance, no money for it period.  It's incredibly hard to smile throughout my work day. My mind is a mess. And, what I learned is that no one cares. Just keep going, pay the bills and stfu. It's hard. I wish I could find a job with good benefits, at least.  Im so sensitive now after diagnosis,  it's not like me. I've been through rough times but this is awful. Too much. My baby boy.  Idk how to go on and on through life like this. I'm looking into meanial hospital work.  Benefits and just be a ghost who cleans, maybe brighten someone's day with a quick chat. And that's why I love your earned come up!  You did it!  You deserve it and I'm really happy for you. Maybe I can too, somehow.  

Oh God...That utterly and completely SUCKS! 

If I can make a suggestion (feel free to disregard), many places have free or nearly free psych services. Are there support groups available? 

You and your family will be in my heart. And, if you want to vent, bitch/complain, let me know. I have ears and cyber-shoulders. 

[quiversR4hunting]

On 1/6/2019 at 9:30 AM, EyesOpen said:

Same crack pots who support billions in funding walls and say the shutdown isn’t effecting anyone. They are so privileged they can’t even show empathy for those relying on food stamps or fleeing violence. Everyone should just pull themselves up by the boot straps like they never did. No social safety net needed! Everyone just be rich and comfortable like them!

 

18 hours ago, TeddyBonkers said:

Forgive me for bringing politics into it, but several of my friends have been impacted by this government shutdown. Two friends are married to Coasties (who fall under DHS, not DoD). Their husbands are not getting paychecks. Another works for NASA and is on furlough and isn't getting paid either.

What would Lori say to these wives? Their husbands can't exactly go out and get another job. "Hi, I can work until the government decides to pay me again" isn't something you can say to a potential employer.

The people that say the shutdown isn't affecting anyone are assholes. Not only like Teddy says, there are other workers that are analysts, or customer service workers for any number of organizations or IT peeps and housekeeping staff, and parks staff all not getting paid. These people are like of all of us on here- some make great money (6 figures) some are barely over the poverty level but all need to work to survive. I've worked in government for 16 years and not one of us (even the highest paid) are able to be financially independent from their job unless they have reached full retirement. 

If the shutdown continues the school lunch and breakfast programs may not be able to continue into February (NYTimes). (They are funded for now.) Then all the people on furlough aren't guaranteed they will get back pay, they may be SOL. The people mandated to work without pay have hopes they will be given back pay but no guarantee. 

[Beermeet]

10 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Oh God...That utterly and completely SUCKS! 

If I can make a suggestion (feel free to disregard), many places have free or nearly free psych services. Are there support groups available? 

You and your family will be in my heart. And, if you want to vent, bitch/complain, let me know. I have ears and cyber-shoulders. 

I belong to an email style support group for my son's specific issue. It's hard to go there as they announce deaths often.  I also reached to an general ataxia group but I just cannot. Now I get others vibes and some are just way too "woe is me". No thanks.  I'm searching for therapy that is not homeless or addiction based that is free or low cost.  It really sucks to be working people who don't qualify for medi-cal but not enough money to pay for insurance due to son's costs. Thankfully,  California has extra free coverage for people like my son for PT, leg braces and wheelchair.  

Thank you! I do know I can reach out to you, I may or may not ( I'm just funny like that, I'm used to being the giver not receiver of such an offer, it's a learning curve) but boy am I grateful you offer!  Thank you.