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Gwen Shamblin 5: She is a shit writer!


HerNameIsBuffy

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I would never be able to track calories without an app. The one I have now has a barcode scanner and the ability to build recipes. If the item isn't in the system, it has me take a picture of the nutritional info and programs it all in for me. It also has a thing where you take a picture of your plate, but I haven't tried that yet. I'm all about making it easy. 

I did try weight watchers after my first baby. I don't know why I could never wrap my head around it. Phones weren't smart back then. I'm sure it's easier with apps than having to look up how many points for everything. 

I wouldn't last long in the cult of Gwen though. Even at 99 lbs I still have a pooch from way over stretching during pregnancy*. It's mostly skin, but I think there's a layer of fat trapped in it. They'd probably still tell me to lose more just because of that.

*That's not my weight now, nor is it my goal. I got there by accident a couple years ago after I'd been sick for a few days. It was only for a day, but it was nice to hit my high school weight at least once. 

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The competitive part of me wants to follow Gwen’s program to prove it can be done even by a lapsed Catholic without conversion.

But that part of me doesn’t get to make decisisons anymore, so I’ll probably eat lunch instead.

Eta I did go over 36 hours without eating recently, unintentionally and no growl.  My stomach just doesn’t do that.  

Migraine yes, tummy noises no.

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On the weight management topic though, I know personally I could never make myself count calories it would spiral into an eating disorder fast, the same reason I avoid weighing myself. I already have had disordered eating since I was a young teen that was amplified by being a competitive track athlete (jumper and sprinter not distance) on the junior national team in high school then going on to D1 NCAA college competition.

 

I'm 6' 3" and dealing with my height was hard as an adolescent. Little kids are always like "Mum mum look at that big girl" or "gigantic" etc. And of course the response from guys about being "bigger" than them. This made me compulsive about never being "big" which to me even means a healthy weight for my height. I still have this mentality years after embracing my height positively and just having turned 30.

My lowest weight was 120 lbs when I was 17/turning18 the summer after high school and got into a party scene with rampant cocaine use, I managed a pizza place and our parties were all with co workers so we used all day at work and all night at parties on repeat.

 

My heaviest, other than pregnancy, has been the last few years. I went from the partying with uppers into a decade long struggle with opiates particularly heroin. Though opiates make you crave sugar and I binged like crazy on candy, I was usually between 135-145 lbs  Since I got clean I've been between 155-165 lbs and its killing me. I only know the more recent weight because of a doctors appointment. I'm active, a skier, snowboarder, hiker, skateboarder, snowshoer etc. I've only been more sedimentary when I tore my MCL this summer and over Christmas when I had almost a month of battling pneumonia. I wait tables though so I'm up on my feet moving all day for that.

 

I do know I dont have a healthy relationship with food. I have to drive 300 miles round trip every weekday morning to get one of my medications at the closest clinic to me. I wake up between 3-4 am and am now hungry at all but when I get gas when I get there at 5-6 am I finally get hungry and binge on gas station food, candy, pastries, maybe a breakfast sandwich. Then I'm really not hungry the rest of the day. I pick lightly but by dinner when I'm working I'm usually the only person who doesnt get a shift meal. If I do I have one or two bites and take the rest home.

 

I cant menu plan well because if I'm hungry it's for certain items that I don't know in advance. If it's not something I want or especially if I'm not hungry at all I CANNOT get myself to eat. A single bite is like cardboard and I can barely swallow.

 

I'm not really sure what to do. I'm very thin naturally and considering my medical issues and recent smoking which picked up when I got sober, I'm fairly fit. But I know my eating isnt I ate healthy as a teen but since my opiate addiction and current methadone maintenance treatment, its thrown my eating out of whack 

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12 minutes ago, zee_four said:

I'm not really sure what to do.

Is it possible to talk with a dietician at all? An actual, up to date, preferably working with people like yourself one? (ie someone totally not like Gwen).  If you know you're going to be hungry when you get to the gas station then maybe having something with you to eat just before you get there might help. (Not that I am the best source of advice for anything weight-related either - I fail to plan to eat on a regular basis and so end up eating terribly. Sigh.)

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1 hour ago, DaisyD said:

I did try weight watchers after my first baby. I don't know why I could never wrap my head around it. Phones weren't smart back then. I'm sure it's easier with apps than having to look up how many points for everything. 

I don't understand WWs, either. It's expensive, it's not any easier than counting calories with my fitness pal or another app, and I just don't get the point system. Nor do I want to waste time at a meeting talking about weight loss with people. And it seems like if it were an effective method, people wouldn't keep going back. But that's me. I acknowledge that some people like it, but it just doesn't make sense for me to take the calories and convert them to points instead of just adding up the calories. Hashtag not a math person. 

1 hour ago, DaisyD said:

I wouldn't last long in the cult of Gwen though. Even at 99 lbs I still have a pooch from way over stretching during pregnancy*. It's mostly skin, but I think there's a layer of fat trapped in it. They'd probably still tell me to lose more just because of that.

I just don't have the hair. 

I want to touch her hair and see if it moves. It kind of reminds me of Trump's.  But for real, I don't need God, I need to eat less, sit less, and drink more water. 

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3 minutes ago, Maggie Mae said:

I want to touch her hair and see if it moves.

Wear gloves.  Tbh it really looks like it smells.

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24 minutes ago, zee_four said:

I cant menu plan well because if I'm hungry it's for certain items that I don't know in advance. If it's not something I want or especially if I'm not hungry at all I CANNOT get myself to eat. A single bite is like cardboard and I can barely swallow.

If you aren't hungry, you aren't hungry. I'd recommend "menu planning" by choosing an entree and making it the night before, and bringing lots of fresh foods - yogurt, apples, grapes, trailmix, string cheese, whatever, and keeping it around. If you don't eat stuff, you can bring it home and try again the next day. If you don't want any part of what you bring, then drink some water and go out, but at least get used to bringing food with you, and trying to swap out a fresher (bought in bulk and likely less expensive) item with a gas station item. Don't be hard on yourself!

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17 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

Is it possible to talk with a dietician at all? An actual, up to date, preferably working with people like yourself one? (ie someone totally not like Gwen).  If you know you're going to be hungry when you get to the gas station then maybe having something with you to eat just before you get there might help. (Not that I am the best source of advice for anything weight-related either - I fail to plan to eat on a regular basis and so end up eating terribly. Sigh.)

Thanks, also to @Maggie Mae for the wonderful responses and great ideas, I really appreciate it. I used to graze on healthy things like you mentioned. But the opiates have thrown off my taste and cravings badly  The current treatment I'm on has saved my life and I've been on it almost 3 years and want to stay on it for as long as I need which will be a few years at the very minimum. A dietitian or a doctor might be able to help with why this is  especially because it's not as simple as avoiding cravings and eating other things that I'm not craving instead. If its it's anything but what I crave (I usually sugar based) I cant eat it. I can barely take a bite, chewing it feels like drunk cardboard in my mouth and sometimes I even get anxiety.

 

My mom would force me to eat dinner when I lived with her for two years up until last spring, just like she did in high school and I cant do it. She cooks SUPER healthy which is stuff I lovebut am almost never hungry for anymore. J'll take a tiny spoon of each veggie and nibble slowly and still hide stuff in a napkin, dump it in the sink when shes not looking, etc.

 

Meanwhile I go through weird phases, for a week all I'll eat is dim som buns filled with bean paste. The next week only dried mangos. I buy like 6 baga of whatever it is and thats almost all I'll eat.

 

I know this probably isnt healthy but don't know what to do. This is the first time ever I've talked about this to anyone so I cant rha k you enough for listening and helping and especially your kind words.

 

♡♡♡♡♡

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1 hour ago, Maggie Mae said:

If you aren't hungry, you aren't hungry. I'd recommend "menu planning" by choosing an entree and making it the night before, and bringing lots of fresh foods - yogurt, apples, grapes, trailmix, string cheese, whatever, and keeping it around. If you don't eat stuff, you can bring it home and try again the next day. If you don't want any part of what you bring, then drink some water and go out, but at least get used to bringing food with you, and trying to swap out a fresher (bought in bulk and likely less expensive) item with a gas station item. Don't be hard on yourself!

Exactly, don't be so hard on yourself! I had weightloss surgery(a big RF no-no) a little more than 6 years ago and have maintained until this past year. Now I have 10-15lbs to lose. I'm an emotional/stress eater I know. But I always have food/snacks on me. Sometimes I look ridiculous to always have this little lunchbox with me, but its a control thing. I need to be able to control what I can eat so that I stay on track. I've used myfitnesspal app for years now. 

All of my other sins according to RF.....tattoos, hiking/travel addiction which is where any of my money goes to, dislike for white or light colored clothing(impossible to keep clean) and apparently the inability to follow authority blindly or to be fake. LOL Which is why they hate me so much. 

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1 hour ago, zee_four said:

Thanks, also to @Maggie Mae for the wonderful responses and great ideas, I really appreciate it. I used to graze on healthy things like you mentioned. But the opiates have thrown off my taste and cravings badly  The current treatment I'm on has saved my life and I've been on it almost 3 years and want to stay on it for as long as I need which will be a few years at the very minimum. A dietitian or a doctor might be able to help with why this is  especially because it's not as simple as avoiding cravings and eating other things that I'm not craving instead. If its it's anything but what I crave (I usually sugar based) I cant eat it. I can barely take a bite, chewing it feels like drunk cardboard in my mouth and sometimes I even get anxiety.

 

My mom would force me to eat dinner when I lived with her for two years up until last spring, just like she did in high school and I cant do it. She cooks SUPER healthy which is stuff I lovebut am almost never hungry for anymore. J'll take a tiny spoon of each veggie and nibble slowly and still hide stuff in a napkin, dump it in the sink when shes not looking, etc.

 

Meanwhile I go through weird phases, for a week all I'll eat is dim som buns filled with bean paste. The next week only dried mangos. I buy like 6 baga of whatever it is and thats almost all I'll eat.

 

I know this probably isnt healthy but don't know what to do. This is the first time ever I've talked about this to anyone so I cant rha k you enough for listening and helping and especially your kind words.

 

♡♡♡♡♡

It sounds like you are doing everything you need to do. There aren't easy answers and I think we all are just trying to do the best we can everyday. Addictions (be it food, alcohol or drugs) can't merely be prayed away(in my opinion). 

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3 hours ago, zee_four said:

Thanks, also to @Maggie Mae for the wonderful responses and great ideas, I really appreciate it. I used to graze on healthy things like you mentioned. But the opiates have thrown off my taste and cravings badly  The current treatment I'm on has saved my life and I've been on it almost 3 years and want to stay on it for as long as I need which will be a few years at the very minimum. A dietitian or a doctor might be able to help with why this is  especially because it's not as simple as avoiding cravings and eating other things that I'm not craving instead. If its it's anything but what I crave (I usually sugar based) I cant eat it. I can barely take a bite, chewing it feels like drunk cardboard in my mouth and sometimes I even get anxiety.

 

My mom would force me to eat dinner when I lived with her for two years up until last spring, just like she did in high school and I cant do it. She cooks SUPER healthy which is stuff I lovebut am almost never hungry for anymore. J'll take a tiny spoon of each veggie and nibble slowly and still hide stuff in a napkin, dump it in the sink when shes not looking, etc.

 

Meanwhile I go through weird phases, for a week all I'll eat is dim som buns filled with bean paste. The next week only dried mangos. I buy like 6 baga of whatever it is and thats almost all I'll eat.

 

I know this probably isnt healthy but don't know what to do. This is the first time ever I've talked about this to anyone so I cant rha k you enough for listening and helping and especially your kind words.

 

♡♡♡♡♡

I drive halfway across the state twice a week. I totally get the gas station cravings thing. I bring along freeze dried peaches from the Dollar Tree and munch on them while I drive. I don't know if that would work for you though. Maybe look around where you get gas for other options? Dark chocolate covered fruit might be another thing that's sweet enough to satisfy without being a full on candy bar. I get the craving stuff. It makes it hard. 

Another possibility is, if there's any time in your schedule, yoga. All the apps say it burns minimal calories, but I think it boosts the metabolism. At least, it did for me. It really smoothed things out and helped me be more mindful of what was happening in my body. I know it's not for everyone, but it was a godsend for me.

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4 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Wear gloves.  Tbh it really looks like it smells.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

3 hours ago, SJWaterford said:

Exactly, don't be so hard on yourself! I had weightloss surgery(a big RF no-no) a little more than 6 years ago and have maintained until this past year. Now I have 10-15lbs to lose. I'm an emotional/stress eater I know. But I always have food/snacks on me. Sometimes I look ridiculous to always have this little lunchbox with me, but its a control thing. I need to be able to control what I can eat so that I stay on track. I've used myfitnesspal app for years now. 

All of my other sins according to RF.....tattoos, hiking/travel addiction which is where any of my money goes to, dislike for white or light colored clothing(impossible to keep clean) and apparently the inability to follow authority blindly or to be fake. LOL Which is why they hate me so much. 

Seems to me that you are a very cool person.

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5 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

I don't understand WWs, either. It's expensive, it's not any easier than counting calories with my fitness pal or another app, and I just don't get the point system. Nor do I want to waste time at a meeting talking about weight loss with people. And it seems like if it were an effective method, people wouldn't keep going back. But that's me. I acknowledge that some people like it, but it just doesn't make sense for me to take the calories and convert them to points instead of just adding up the calories. Hashtag not a math person. 

I just don't have the hair. 

I want to touch her hair and see if it moves. It kind of reminds me of Trump's.  But for real, I don't need God, I need to eat less, sit less, and drink more water. 

It helps to look at weight watchers like a support group. Alcoholics Anonymous is likely not going to be a good fit for every single alcoholic. Just like WW won’t be a good fit for every single person. Just like AA, people will keep coming back. People “relapse.” It’s not magic. It’s a life long process. It’s better to look at it that way. Similarly to the way addicts look at addiction. Support is important when it comes to weight loss. If you have no one supporting you, you are much less likely to achieve your goals. 

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23 hours ago, formergothardite said:

If you get a headache, it is probably from the strain of a new focus on resisting the temptation to eat. Just take something for the head- ache, and pray for strength. The tension will end. Ask your Father for a clear signal of hunger

Perhaps the headache IS the clear signal!!! It’s the first sign I get when I have gone too long without eating. There are other signs too that have nothing to do with the Growl. There are many ways your body can tell you that you  need food.

 

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So Gwen tries to toss in some God today, which means today's devotional is fairly short, but it is still really all about her Hunger God. You are supposed to ask God to end that pesky instinct to eat. Instead of getting full with food you are supposed to get full on God. While waiting for the Hunger God to finally make your stomach growl, create lists. Dumping Gwen and her God of Hunger would be at the top of my list. 

Quote

Again, the point is to ask your Savior to help you end all yearnings for food or anything else to be close to Him. We cannot live a complete and abundant life without your Creator, who is the Source of all good things. Turn to the Heavenly Father each time you are anxious or having a hard time waiting for hunger, and watch Him fill you up and answer your prayers. Make a list of good things to do for family and friends to fill up this time. Once hunger comes, praise your God who gives you strength! You made it!

 

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15 hours ago, zee_four said:

I cant menu plan well because if I'm hungry it's for certain items that I don't know in advance. If it's not something I want or especially if I'm not hungry at all I CANNOT get myself to eat. A single bite is like cardboard and I can barely swallow. 

 

14 hours ago, zee_four said:

Meanwhile I go through weird phases, for a week all I'll eat is dim som buns filled with bean paste. The next week only dried mangos. I buy like 6 baga of whatever it is and thats almost all I'll eat.

I have the same issue with eating and want to thank you for sharing this.❤️

My current food craving is green beans but I had months where all I could eat was frozen cheese pizza. I know it’s unhealthy, but I try not to beat myself up about it. At least I’m eating something and that’s better than not eating at all. (I guess Gwen would disagree, but Gwen’s opinion is irrelevant.)

One thing I do is looking through food blogs frequently to see if any of the recipes might appeal to me.

 

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IMO Gwen's hair is probably stiff and if you touched it your hands would come back sticky with hair spray.

Gwen did the 10 year challenge and the years have not been kind to her. This was her 10 years ago. She was a healthier weight back then and it doesn't look like several small animals have died on her head. 

 

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Gwen's program definitely wouldn't work for me (not that it really works for anyone else, either.)

I'm in my early twenties but I stopped having periods when I was about 16. I have to take hormone replacements, which along with being SEVERELY depressed, seriously muck up my appetite. Most of the the time the only shit I manage to eat is food that I enjoy, so my diet is really unhealthy. If there isn't food I like around, I don't eat. Other times I have no appetite or interest in food, so I do have to force myself to eat. Like a previous poster said, it feels like eating cardboard and it's really difficult. And sometimes I feel extremely hungry when I know I have no reason to - I eat a good meal, but a few hours later, I feel like I'm starving. My endocrinologist says the fluctuation is due to the hormones, and the "starving" feeling is the same thing pregnant women feel with their cravings? I wouldn't know, I've never been pregnant.

Right now I'm at my highest weight and I know it's completely due to the depression diet, lol. I have many physical ailments and I know my terrible diet just makes them worse - when I'm able to work, I have no problem losing weight. I feel bad about my weight and life in general, so I eat as a comfort, which leads to feeling worse physically and emotionally. It's helpful reading about other peoples' weight management and it helps for me to lay my own struggles out like this. So suck on that, Gwen.

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On 1/18/2019 at 2:58 PM, zee_four said:

was usually between 135-145 lb Since I got clean I've been between 155-165 lbs and its killing me

Zee_four, you  are amazing and strong and  you have overcome some seriously major struggles. As a tall person I also hate the thought of looking “big”.   I have to watch my self talk especially when I’m in front of a mirror. That mirror can be such a liar!!!  Honestly 155-165  at 6”2’ sounds healthy to me (but I’m no expert) and clean and sober and being healthy isn’t killing you lol but coke and candy and heroin sure would!  Congrats on getting to this point in your life!!  You are doing GREAT!!

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Today's devotional is super short and still all about the God of Hunger Gwen invented. Basically after you wait for The Growl you eat the food you want to eat. 

Quote

How are we going to approach the food once we do get the green light or feel this hunger? The first thing you do is you think and pray and start looking for answers from within. Ask yourself, “What do I really want to eat?” Put an end to dieting by making sure you are eating regular foods so that you can end head hunger (dreaming about and planning out the food)

I did not cut anything out. This is all there was. 

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But....but... but.... if I don't dream about and plan out the food, we will have no groceries in the house....

Maybe that's where she's headed with this....

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12 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

God of Hunger

I heard this in Gene Simmons' voice.

God of Thunder Hunger.  Better hair and his makeup is more subtle.

 

Spoiler

Simmons.jpg

 

 

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13 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

But....but... but.... if I don't dream about and plan out the food, we will have no groceries in the house....

Maybe that's where she's headed with this....

I get the impression that weekly menu planning isn't a Remnant Fellowship approved idea. 

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10 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

But....but... but.... if I don't dream about and plan out the food, we will have no groceries in the house....

I made a grocery list for my daughter who is at the store.  There was a small degree of planning.

Now what happens to me?!  To us?!

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4 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Now what happens to me?!  To us?!

YOU THOUGHT ABOUT FOOD WHEN YOUR STOMACH WASN'T STARVING?!!!!!!!!!! You are so going to hell. But hell will probably have food while Gwen's heaven won't so that isn't a bad thing. 

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