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Gwen Shamblin 5: She is a shit writer!


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The mixture of Gwen laughing maniacally while he looks like he is terrified is just too funny. 

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12 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Do not worship the plate of food!

I just lost it laughing. There is some food that I could possibly described as 'worshipping' in the sense that I will rave about it and try and get people to try it.

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7 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

I would randomly search that hair at airports, convinced that she's hiding something in there.

If she was to visit a prison, her hair would indeed be examined. People with wigs are taken in the back and have to remove them.

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46 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

If she was to visit a prison, her hair would indeed be examined. People with wigs are taken in the back and have to remove them.

My sister had her French braid searched in an airport. In case there was a bomb in it, I guess.

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I'll leave this here, in case anyone wants to use it as an avatar. I tried it out, so I know that it works. :my_biggrin:

Spoiler

20190212_224317.jpg.955f538c0b296b4e0ae9cb15af5a2e03.jpg

 

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14 hours ago, sajetime said:

Ain’t life a beach! Gwen apparently needs some more money. She’s now renting out her sleeps-16 Destin estate to the common sinner.  

https://m.facebook.com/Providence-Destiny-663507077385547/

(Goes back into the prayer closet.)

CABD1253-311C-4037-904C-9394FCBF4D08.jpeg

I bet she will only rent it to RF members. They will all scramble to sign up first. Whether they actually have the money or not. 

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7 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I'll leave this here, in case anyone wants to use it as an avatar. I tried it out, so I know that it works. :my_biggrin:

Whenever we stop being plagued by the Orange Monster I'm totally going to use Gwen! 

Today's devotional is just diet tips you can read in any women's magazine, minus the part about leaving the table to pray that God will keep you from eating more. 

Quote

We talked about a few helpful tips for slowing down yesterday. Here are a few more that you can put into practice as well:

Use a fork or utensil, and cut up the food between each bite. It is a lot neater, and you will be able to make the bites smaller. That will slow you down.

Sip between bites. This will give you time between each bite and keep you from packing the next bite in on top of the one you have not finished savoring.

Take smaller bites. This will slow you down, and the pie will not be gone in four bites. Again, as we mentioned before with the forks, it will allow you to savor the food longer. One of the easiest ways to take smaller bites is to break up the food. For ex- ample, you can break chips or cookies into smaller bites rather than popping a whole one in your mouth. Again, try cutting up sandwiches and pizza.

Get the food out of your sight when you even suspect you are comfortably gratified. Cover up the plate with your napkin, push the plate an arm’s length away, or better yet, leave the table and go into another room and pray for God to remove the desire to eat another bite. Give Him a few minutes, and He will answer the prayer. Sometimes He will answer before you finish your prayer. He is able to rescue you.

 

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1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

Whenever we stop being plagued by the Orange Monster I'm totally going to use Gwen! 

I agree, though I also miss my Galifreyan.

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I guess I was never inner-circle enough to get invited to Gwen's beach house.  I did go on a Remnant ski trip once to some shitty hillmountain in west virginia with fake snow.  Once in the cabin, we all wanted to enjoy some trash TV and make fun of Maury telling people they were or were not the baby's father, but one of the adults came in and made us turn it off.  If you aren't constantly being brainwashed by either Gwen's lectures, Michael's songs (literally on a loop constantly, analogous to the CIA torturing suspected terrorists with the Barney theme song for weeks on end) , or the Bible on tape boring into your skull at a painful volume, then you're not "filling the airwaves" with the Holy Spirit and therefore you're "letting Satan gain a foothold in your mind." Little did we know then that Gwen's own life would turn out to be trashier and more entertaining than most episodes Maury has to offer!

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If Joe Lara really looks like that as a result of Botox or some other treatment, he should sue the doctor who administered it or the company who created the product! He honestly appears under duress!! Photoshop a masked captor instead of Gwen and you've got a believable hostage video screenshot.

 

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

Today's devotional is just diet tips you can read in any women's magazine...

To me, they read like any tips you'd find on a pro-ana website. In fact, some of these tips were considered eating disordered behavior in treatment and resulted in staff redirection.

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Spoiler

Use a fork or utensil, and cut up the food between each bite. It is a lot neater, and you will be able to make the bites smaller. That will slow you down.

Sip between bites. This will give you time between each bite and keep you from packing the next bite in on top of the one you have not finished savoring.

Take smaller bites. This will slow you down, and the pie will not be gone in four bites. Again, as we mentioned before with the forks, it will allow you to savor the food longer. One of the easiest ways to take smaller bites is to break up the food. For ex- ample, you can break chips or cookies into smaller bites rather than popping a whole one in your mouth. Again, try cutting up sandwiches and pizza. 

That's an awful lot of words just to say, "eat slower".

Spoiler

Get the food out of your sight when you even suspect you are comfortably gratified. Cover up the plate with your napkin, push the plate an arm’s length away, or better yet, leave the table and go into another room and pray for God to remove the desire to eat another bite. Give Him a few minutes, and He will answer the prayer. Sometimes He will answer before you finish your prayer. He is able to rescue you.

This might work but if they just decided to stop  there'd be no need  to beg for "rescue". I mean, some people might be praying to be rescued from a shipwreck right now, and you're there bothering God so he rescues you from a desire to eat the rest of the lasagna. Just put it in the damn freezer and leave God alone.

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5 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Give Him a few minutes, and He will answer the prayer. 

He might be on the toilet or taking another call. 

Seriously, what is this garbage? I'm an atheist but that's not how it works is it? God doesn't work like a call in prayer line.

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2 hours ago, SuperNova said:

He might be on the toilet or taking another call. 

Seriously, what is this garbage? I'm an atheist but that's not how it works is it? God doesn't work like a call in prayer line.

You sure about that?

 

 

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Greetings from the beginning of thread 3. Somehow I got onto Gwen through a strange chain of topic hopping that could only have been strung together here and no place else, and I've been reading about her since last night (between things that need actual doing,) and now I am being advertised at in an appropriate manner.

Screen Shot 2019-02-13 at 5.26.04 PM.png

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Her devotionals just keep making me think.

Gwen, food is NOT evil. It is inanimate. Not only are you making an idol out of "the growl", but you are also making an idol (or anti-idol?) out of food. God doesn't need to protect you from it. In fact, God likes food.

Genesis 1:29-31 NIV translation:

"29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.

31God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day."

Your teachings are antithetical to the Bible... but I think you know that.

Once I had a Dietician say food is a neutral thing. It shouldn't cause fear, anxiety, or anger.

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Today's message is about love. . I personally like the saying "Treat others how they want to be treated." Instead of "treat others how I would want to be treated" since I'm sure Gwen would say she would want people to tell her to starve herself while worshiping the Growl so she is justified in preaching starvation. 

Anyway, Love isn't the word that comes to mind when I think of Gwen. 

Quote

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Who would have thought that this Omnipresent, Omni-powerful God is Love and all He ever wanted…is Love?! Who would have thought that our interactions with mankind could be condensed to Love? The Bible is summarized into…what would I want someone to do to or for me…or…do to others as you would have them do to you. These were simply sayings or words that you heard in Sunday School but they were not principles you purposed above all or that consumed your life. Who would have thought that giving LOVE is the beginning and end of all salvation here on Earth and in Heaven?

 

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21 hours ago, throwaway9988 said:

Michael's songs (literally on a loop constantly, analogous to the CIA torturing suspected terrorists with the Barney theme song for weeks on end

Gah!  Those songs....like fingernails running down a chalkboard... so much wrong with them... I’d rather hear barney

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Who could have thought indeed. I mean it's not like people, preachers, books and poetry have gone endlessly on about love and kindness. Thank Rufus Gwen came up with this idea.

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On 2/13/2019 at 9:13 AM, J.O.Y.nomore said:

To me, they read like any tips you'd find on a pro-ana website. In fact, some of these tips were considered eating disordered behavior in treatment and resulted in staff redirection.

My thoughts exactly. 

Like... slow down and enjoy your food (because food is for nourishment and enjoyment), but obsessing over every bite and cutting everything into tiny pieces is unnecessary and unhealthy. You can be aware of what you're eating without hyper-focusing it.

She's giving food the power, not God, like she's claiming. 

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On 2/12/2019 at 4:45 PM, sajetime said:

Ain’t life a beach! Gwen apparently needs some more money. She’s now renting out her sleeps-16 Destin estate to the common sinner.  

https://m.facebook.com/Providence-Destiny-663507077385547/

(Goes back into the prayer closet.)

CABD1253-311C-4037-904C-9394FCBF4D08.jpeg

And her main peeps are leaving the expected 5 star cult reviews to make it look like they may have rented the place themselves. Of course they worked for their stay......kissing her rear-end while in the same house for an entire weekend is a lot of work. 

22 hours ago, backyard sylph said:

Greetings from the beginning of thread 3. Somehow I got onto Gwen through a strange chain of topic hopping that could only have been strung together here and no place else, and I've been reading about her since last night (between things that need actual doing,) and now I am being advertised at in an appropriate manner.

Screen Shot 2019-02-13 at 5.26.04 PM.png

This ad was on mine. Food and hair! What's next?IMG_1434.thumb.jpg.d01bb7b6505841129b3ba2e886fb8a4a.jpg

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12 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Who would have thought that giving LOVE is the beginning and end of all salvation here on Earth and in Heaven?

Gwen doesn't know what real love is. The only things she loves is money and power. If she had to give up one or the other, which would it be? 

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Today's message is just weird. How exactly has this woman made a fortune writing diet books? This also seems to contradict her past advice that eating when you aren't hungry is a sin that should be avoided at all cost. This time if you aren't hungry but you want to eat you can keep eating but you have to dissect your food. 

Quote

In the event that you are still fighting the battle of “but my mouth still wants some more,” you should try to be creative. For example, you are eating lunch—say, a submarine sandwich on a hoagie bun with sesame seeds on top. You feel the sensation that you are close to full, but your desire is to keep eating. Always pray first but then remember it is a perfect time to rate your foods even more. Start dissecting the sandwich. Pull out small pinches of the meat you like the best, or the cheese you like the best, or the tasty pepper or olive. Eating slowly and small amounts, along with sipping between bites, you can sense the stopping point. Plus this dissection—picking your food apart to get the good parts—makes it very easy for you to throw away what is left over!

 

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17 hours ago, SJWaterford said:

This ad was on mine. Food and hair! What's next?

I just noticed the actual product is a "laser band."  What a great ad.  They should use the photo of Joe and Gwen from a few posts up, because Joe sure looked like he'd been recently zapped.

Quote

Start dissecting the sandwich. Pull out small pinches of the meat you like the best, or the cheese you like the best, or the tasty pepper or olive.

This wouldn't stop me, because I pull apart large sandwiches all the time if they are too unwieldy.  Maybe add a stray hair and that would shut down my appetite.  Gwen, think about using this idea in a future devotional, or maybe use a HairMax laser band to zap your followers into food compliance.  You can claim it's God.

 

 

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