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Duggars by the Dozen 36: The Drought Has Ended with Jessa's Announcement


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kmachete14

I think its important that anyone having sex for the first time, teenager or older, remember that it's not a one-sided thing. It's not always gonna happen, and sometimes you might not really care and just want to "gift" the other person with a treat, but most often your partner should at least be *trying* to please you/ open to communication. I'm 25 and I still know women who have been sexually active since 16 who think they should just do all the work and if it sorta feels good, then a bonus for them. It makes me so sad. 

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The went to convert the Greeks?????  What, because Apostle Paul didn't do it right the first time? FFS, these people.  "Mission" my ass. Just call it a vacation.

(Credit to r/DuggarsSnark for this) The other girl in the picture is apparently someone named Madison Nicole. Here is what she had to say about this mission trip. Those damn Greeks clingin

Holy freaking Hell, what an entilted, uneducated, snotty attitude. 

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front hugs > duggs

I actually feel really lucky/privileged about my first PIV experience. I felt I had been ready to have PIV sex with a guy in high school - we were not in an exclusive relationship, but were friends first and then casually started hooking up. I felt that I trusted him and he would be a good "first". He felt that it wasn't a good idea to take it to that next step because of the casualness of our relationship. I wasn't impressed at the time :pb_lol: , but looking back I really respect his decision and feel it actually shows a lot of respect for me.

I did end up having PIV sex in high school with a boyfriend, and can look back with anti-climatic fondness, which sounds maybe sad, but I feel like is actually pretty decent all things considered!

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is.it.real

I live in Sweden and we’re often viewed as progressive when it comes to sexuality and such. There are of course religious groups here too and I grew up with people who are ... And they where thought in school, in sex ed, that sex was like glueing two papers together, and the pastor who was invited glued two pieces of paper together. Then he tried to pull the papers apart, and the ripped papers where supposed to represent the soul of someone who had premarital sex

My daughter is two, but I’m already talking about some of this stuff with her in an age appropriate way. Things like when she’ll notice differences between our bodies and ask about it, I’ll explain that our bodies have “messengers” called hormones that start causing those differences when you hit a certain age. Or how she can say “No! I don’t like!” if she doesn’t like something someone is doing or she can say “Yes!” if she does*. Or how I make sure to use anatomical teens like “penis” and “vulva” during diaper changes. Or how I tell her it’s ok to explore her body in the bathroom if she’s curious about something. Once she starts asking about babies I’ll likely introduce the topic of sex in a similar manner, though I haven’t worked out the details yet.
Once she’s old enough for talks about sex I intend to make it clear that it’s her body and her choice, but that I hope she uses protection to keep herself healthy and safe - and that’s regardless of whatever her sexuality turns out to be. I’ll let her know that her dad and I hope she waits to have sex with someone she cares about, but only because it can sometimes make it a more positive experience to look back on later. If she has questions about my past (or my husband's) I’m happy to answer them if it helps her figure out what’s best for her. At the end of the day we just want her healthy, safe, and happy and I think being open and honest is probably the best way to go about that. As her mom I’m going to be one of the biggest influences regarding her views on sex and it’s my job to do what I can to give her the healthiest view possible and combat the harmful messages society is going to send her.
(And I intend to do the same thing with our next baby as well, regardless of what their sex turns out to be.)
*My sister has two boys and has been really great about teaching her oldest about consent now that he’s three. He’ll try to hug my daughter even if she pushes him away (because he’s 3 and that’s what they do) and my sister always steps in to pull him aside gently and remind him that she said no and she’s allowed to make choices best for her body. 


I believe it’s crucial to use the appropriate wording for body parts, as well as teaching consent from the beginning. As well as respecting and reinforcing when consent isn’t given. Children shouldn’t be forced to be touched (in any way) if they don’t give consent. Teaching consent is the best gift we can give the next generation.

I also want to share this little video with a clip from Conan and a Swedish child tv program. For context, “snopp” is a word for penis, and “snippa” a child word for vagina. Enjoy

http://
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VelociRapture
54 minutes ago, is.it.real said:

I live in Sweden and we’re often viewed as progressive when it comes to sexuality and such. There are of course religious groups here too and I grew up with people who are ... And they where thought in school, in sex ed, that sex was like glueing two papers together, and the pastor who was invited glued two pieces of paper together. Then he tried to pull the papers apart, and the ripped papers where supposed to represent the soul of someone who had premarital sex
 

 


I believe it’s crucial to use the appropriate wording for body parts, as well as teaching consent from the beginning. As well as respecting and reinforcing when consent isn’t given. Children shouldn’t be forced to be touched (in any way) if they don’t give consent. Teaching consent is the best gift we can give the next generation.

I also want to share this little video with a clip from Conan and a Swedish child tv program. For context, “snopp” is a word for penis, and “snippa” a child word for vagina. Enjoy emoji322.png

http://

 

Oh my god! That’s fantastic!!!! :laughing-rolling:

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J.O.Y.nomore
On 3/31/2019 at 10:50 PM, singsingsing said:

But if what you're feeling is pressure and shame, don't go down that road. First, because way more people are 'older virgins' than you think. Third, because the people who do care are probably not going to be people you really want to be with. These are completely arbitrary numbers, and frankly, nobody's going to be like, "Wow, she was a virgin till she was 29, but at least she didn't wait till she was 30! Dodged a bullet there!" 

Good points! Your 2nd point was good as well, just trying to save space since I'm quoting a lot of posts. #1 isn't something I'd thought about, but you're probably right. This isn't something I talk about IRL and I bet that goes for others as well. #3 made me laugh and brought the point home nicely.

On 3/31/2019 at 11:47 PM, Pecansforeveryone said:

I will second what @singsingsing said. I was waiting until marriage through out my 20's and early 30s due to shame/fear of hell regarding premarital sex. I became an atheist at 34 and was thru with having to wait until marriage. I had sex with a man I was casually dating, "just to get it over with." He turned out to be a jerk. I wish I had waited a little longer to find a better guy to have that experience with.

Despite talking about getting it over with, shame and fear is absolutely part of my problem. I'm sorry you dealt with the same thing.

On 3/31/2019 at 11:50 PM, JordynDarby5 said:

I really find it hard to believe that God or any deity really cares that much about whether or not someone has had sex before marriage. There's so much else for God to worry about then that. 

It SHOULD be; I wish it was that simple! True! I often think people are silly when they think God helps them make choices about wall color, etc. This is similar. My parents would be horrified if they realized how I felt (partially) because of religious teachings because they are anti-shame.

On 4/1/2019 at 12:09 AM, Smee said:

Yes, I really think societal pressure to have sex/feeling like you’re “too old” to be a virgin is no better than religious pressure to wait/feeling like you’ll be “impure”. Do it when YOU feel ready, with the person you want to.

I agree and, paradoxically, I struggle with both!

On 4/1/2019 at 8:41 AM, backyard sylph said:

...and I think they might have some deeper longings; of course, plenty of people live entire fulfilled lives without ever having sex, but some of us are more driven by it than others,

and I think there are at least a couple safe and legal paths you could take to explore some things. which might foster new energy and mental creativity or just give you something you feel you've been missing. I don't say it's what everyone needs or should do, just that it can be done. 

Exactly, I don't often feel attracted to people or feel urges. So, I wonder if I'm capable of sexual pleasure in a vanilla context. It kind of bothers me that I may not. Sorry for being dense, but what are you referring with other paths?

On 4/1/2019 at 10:19 AM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

He made a comment to my fiance that he was lucky to find a virgin, my fiance told him "that he was disgusting to insist his bride be a virgin when he was a disgusting man whore." 

I love that comment! I hold double standards in my own mind for men and women (only me tbh) and I'm trying to analyze them.

On 4/1/2019 at 1:19 PM, Carm_88 said:

We all spend far too much time measuring ourselves against the rest of society, do what you want when you want! We are not being graded on the bell curve, there is no failing at life! Do it on your own terms and tell everyone else to fuck off! 

I often feel like I'm failing at life (for many reasons)!! I struggle with comparison.

On 4/1/2019 at 8:55 PM, Satan'sFortress said:

To this day (and it has been almost 30 years now), I regret it.  I wish I HAD done it with the high school boyfriend, though.  So, double regret. I get what everyone is saying about the virginity being a sham, and I do agree.  Still,  I can't help but wish my first time had been with someone good and kind and who really loved me.  Even if we didn't end up together, it would have been a nicer memory.

I feel the same way about someone I dated almost a decade ago because I think he would've been a good first person since he was good, kind, and cared about me. :(

 

On 4/2/2019 at 2:07 AM, Smee said:

... Mr Smee and I actually had very similar histories, but he’d “counted” things I didn’t, probably because as a guy he felt social pressure to be having sex whereas as a girl I felt pressure to hold on to virginity. And of course, now that the heteronormativity of it is pointed out, of COURSE I don’t think of my lesbian friends as virgins! But they haven’t had PIV, and that was the standard I’d defined virginity as to myself.

Based on some people's definitions of virginity, I am not one. I love your point about your lesbian friends not being virgins just because they haven't had PIV sex. I don't think of my gay uncles as virgins, yet I've set the standard for myself as PIV.

 

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lumpentheologie

I've come to believe that sex isn't so much a specific activity as it is a kind of activity, like cooking or exercise are kinds of activities. People may very well disagree on what "counts" as cooking or exercise, especially when they're comparing themselves to others. But comparing yourself to others is a pretty useless thing to do in all three domains. It's true that people can be more or less experienced in all three areas, and they can prefer doing them in ways that are more or less intricate or intense, and they can really like doing them or they can not like doing them at all.  None of that really affects your value as a person though. 

I realize that this way of thinking about it might make it difficult or impossible to have a clear idea of exactly who or how many people you've (general you) had sex with, but I think that's a feature and not a bug. 

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backyard sylph
3 hours ago, J.O.Y.nomore said:

Exactly, I don't often feel attracted to people or feel urges. So, I wonder if I'm capable of sexual pleasure in a vanilla context. It kind of bothers me that I may not. Sorry for being dense, but what are you referring with other paths?

Thinking over the 30-somethings with little/no sexual experience I was considering, there's one who thinks she's demi-sexual, but I am wondering if she is looking quite in the right direction gender-wise, I couldn't say, three who were holding out for a husband but haven't really hardly dated, and one who seems afraid of relationships because she isn't seeing her family's experiences turn out the way she was told they would. I don't know how much they think about intimacy or what they want from it, but as with most of us, probably different degrees, and they won't know really until they experience more. 

Which they should absolutely do on their own terms! But, and I know this would be scary for some, you can make moves or overtures toward wanting to share some experiences with a friend you trust, or a friend of a friend, and also, well, there are sometimes services, but I don't know about them personally, so let me continue past that. One path if a person wants to be physically intimate in relationships is to make more connections to others through creative or physical activities. I don't mean "for singles." If you do things that are highly sensory; painting classes, friendly team sports, dancing, a martial art, etc. you will feel more physical toward at least some of the people around you, and definitely about yourself. I don't mean necessarily feeling sexual, but it could happen. I'm being long-winded because I don't want to be too direct and upset anyone. Some of it would depend on things like how easily you already find yourself aroused or not and what triggers that, how you regard yourself in terms of owning your own sexuality. 

I just remembered I spoke to someone long about writing on this topic. Gonna think about that now. We need to all support each other in positive ways.

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viii
18 hours ago, is.it.real said:

I believe it’s crucial to use the appropriate wording for body parts, as well as teaching consent from the beginning. 

 

I agree with using the proper terms - I absolutely hate it when parents give genitals cutesy nicknames. Although, it was a little startling when I facetimed with my 3 year old niece at 6:40 in the morning and she asked me how my vulva was. I'm glad that she's learning body parts but that's not something I was expecting to be asked so early in the morning! :pb_lol:

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tabitha2

When I small My mother called my genitals the treasure box as don’t let anyone touch your treasure. 

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singsingsing

So Joy is going to be a bridesmaid in Carlin Bates’s upcoming wedding (no surprise there). And Justin is an usher. They’re the only two Duggars in the wedding party. I wonder why Justin in particular.

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samurai_sarah

Duggars by the Dozen 37: Your new thread

 

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