Bro Gary Hawkins 9: He still makes my dinner come back up

[3splenty]

Esteemed ladies and gentlemen of FJ, may I present...this, um, post I saw on Facebook.

It looks hideous, but thought it might be something Bro Gary would enjoy.

Presenting: Weiner Loaves!

[Lillymuffin]

6 minutes ago, 3splenty said:

Esteemed ladies and gentlemen of FJ, may I present...this, um, post I saw on Facebook.

It looks hideous, but thought it might be something Bro Gary would enjoy.

Presenting: Weiner Loaves!

That whole thing is disturbing, but for me, I think the worst part is that it “stays good for two months.” Oh, honey, no. It wasn’t good to start with. 

[pamplemousse]

58 minutes ago, 3splenty said:

Esteemed ladies and gentlemen of FJ, may I present...this, um, post I saw on Facebook.

It looks hideous, but thought it might be something Bro Gary would enjoy.

Presenting: Weiner Loaves!

Ew, gross!  

I just hope Bro Gary hasn't seen this and gotten any ideas.

[Spinosaurus]

3 hours ago, 3splenty said:

Esteemed ladies and gentlemen of FJ, may I present...this, um, post I saw on Facebook.

It looks hideous, but thought it might be something Bro Gary would enjoy.

Presenting: Weiner Loaves!

 

Fate!  On my YT suggestions page today there popped up:

 

[pamplemousse]

Hot dog water slushie?! Whoever came up with that is totally deranged.  Wasn't there a Limp Bizkit CD years ago titled something like Hot Dog Water and Chocolate Starfish?  That came to mind when I saw that barf-coction.

[FullOfGravy]

5 hours ago, 3splenty said:

Esteemed ladies and gentlemen of FJ, may I present...this, um, post I saw on Facebook.

It looks hideous, but thought it might be something Bro Gary would enjoy.

Presenting: Weiner Loaves!

So, a bunch of sliced hot dogs in what looks like gelatin?

1) Why?
2) There is no definition of loaf that could possibly include this... thing.
3) This cannot possibly be so difficult or time-consuming to make that it would be worth paying someone else to do it.
4) Dear sweet merciful God, WHY?????

[3splenty]

My other thought was, "who in their right mind would make this purchase?"

[Spinosaurus]

Well, who in their right mind would vote for Donald Trump?  And yet...

[Granwych]

16 minutes ago, 3splenty said:

My other thought was, "who in their right mind would make this purchase?"

I might buy it for shits & giggles, but partake of such a feast? Nevah!

[smittykins]

And I thought SpaghettiOs in a Jello ring with Vienna sausages in the middle was bad...

[keepercjr]

OK FOLKS Bro G has gone public again!  You can watch his preaching right now live at the tent revival!

[griffin]

That poor kid can NOT carry a tune and neither can Becky. Don't they hear themselves? I mean it's just brutal hearing them try. Furthermore, it's torture listening to Gary try to read. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

44 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

OK FOLKS Bro G has gone public again!  You can watch his preaching right now live at the tent revival!

Praise the Lawd!!!!!    The Bro wouldn’t friend me, must have looked at my Facebook and figured I was not his type!!  My feels were very hurt!

[keepercjr]

1 hour ago, griffin said:

That poor kid can NOT carry a tune and neither can Becky. Don't they hear themselves? I mean it's just brutal hearing them try. Furthermore, it's torture listening to Gary try to read. 

I am just watching now.  From pictures posted earlier, they have the normal chairs, not the camp chairs he was trying to get.  I fast forwarded till the family was singing.  Yikes it is awful.  Even one of the live watchers who likes them is saying he is off key in the comments.  But who cares cuz it is for Jesus!  Gary starts off slobbering over trump and telling a bad joke about Hillary.  He says if Hillary was in the white house she wouldn't be going to the church house (LOL as if trump goes to church).  At least Trump loves America.  He says he loves Trump and thanks god for him. 

Now he is "reading" some bible verses, if you could call it that.  He reads each word, one at a time.  No flow, just word, word, word.  He tried quoting a verse from memory but couldn't quite do it.  He is yelling now.  Not sure about what exactly.  He screams that he doesn't get invited back to a lot of places to preach.  He is scary.  He tells the audience to "amen" him since he keeps amening himself. 

He says God speaks to him.  Gave him his message for the preaching tonight in the afternoon from God.  He says he prayed that God would send a revival to Ennis.  I guess he got his prayer cuz here we are watching him preach from Ennis at a revival.  God is asking why you call him Lord but don't do what he asks you to do.  He wants to visit Israel but he would have to fly and he "don't fly".  He is screaming again, off the stage and walking around screaming at everyone.  Go to 51 min to watch this!  John the Baptist is his favorite person in the bible and he wants to hang out with him in heaven.  says he will go to prison for standing for god if the world keeps going the same way it is going.  The lady who commented about the singing comments that she is watching a madman (she likes him though).  Screaming, he says he doesn't go to "movie shows", "dance halls", "liquor joints" and then he literally screams "woooo".  I can't really make it a word but it is SOMETHING.  Go to 53 min to see.  Says in a mocking voice "whats wrong with that" and then says it is in the bible.  I don't know where the bible says anything about movies and dance halls...

He is still screaming.  if you are thinking about doing things you shouldn't be doing then you are guilty.  Not praying is sin.  He is calmed down a little and is talking about how you will be judged.  He has been in a few courtrooms and it wasn't fun and is nothing like what will happen later.  He says something about tv and references I Love Lucy and Andy Griffith (LOL).  He is getting hot how and wiping his brow and has removed his jacket.  Screaming again.  He isn't ashamed of Jesus.  Everyone should know that you go to church.  They invited some poor cashier at the store today to the revival meeting and he is mocking the guy saying that he wasn't interested in that stuff.  He says he is mean on facebook.

He is reading from the bible again and can barely pronounce some of the words.  He mocks a preacher for saying he doesn't have sunday night service because nobody comes and he doesn't want to waste God's money.  Gary finds that unacceptable.  People should be in church all the time.  (Gary you don't work so how could you possibly understand the reasons why people can't go to church everyday). 

I fast forwarded a bit as this thing is so damn long and I don't have enough time.  He rambles on about his wife being a woman but says she "ain't never been happier".  That is kinda sad if this is the time of her life.  If you don't tithe, you are a "god robber".  As if he tithes anything LOL.  He is rambling about being glad he is poor with his "man truck" and is now talking about his old bus.  I think he wishes he had more money.  Still talking about money.  Says you should give your money to the Lord.  If you are retired and have some savings and some retirement coming in that the $ comes from the Lord and you should use it to help missionaries.  Oh god there is still 30 min left. 

Buddha is screaming and burning like sausage in hell.  He can't get you to heaven.  Screaming mocking people who say "god if you was really real my circumstances would be different".  The camera angle is his profile and I am concerned about his shape and his health (only for his kids, don't give a flip about him or becky).  This can't be healthy.  He is all a big round belly.  I think he is a heart attack waiting to happen. 

Jesus can take care of your finances.  He says he eats good.  I guess on every one else's dime.  God takes care of him.  says he doesn't have to pay for his food in texas. 

Now on to "sodomites" and making fun of transgender people "god that is sick".  He is a vile man. 

It is over and gary put on a red zipped up sweater and his tie is sticking out of the bottom.  It almost looks like "something else" is sticking out.  Becky is "singing" and it is really bad.  I don't know who told her she can sing.  Knowing the words does not make one a singer. 

[wallysmommy]

The cry of the dying moose.  The pastor looks like a Gary clone.  Gary was all wound up about summer revival.  I call that cruel and unusual punishment for the children that get drug to these services.  He is a stroke looking for a place to happen.

[Spinosaurus]

@keepercjr, you are a hero!  I don't think I could stand that much Bro in one go.

I wonder if he wants people to donate their money to God via him?

[FeministShrew]

Thanks for the play-by-play, @keepercjr! Just reading that is triggering to me. Flashbacks to the FWB-turned-nondenom church I belonged to while married to my kids' dad. Bro Gary is apparently just like Bro David who was the dictator pastor-for-life. 
I've often wondered if there's a secret training school where uneducated fundie preachers learn to strut & stomp & scream. The Bro Gary-type is a dime a dozen around here.
 

[wallysmommy]

They also teach them how to speak -- and-ah-God-ah-said-ah-unto-ah-Moses-ah-tell-ah-Fairo (intentionally misspelled for pronunciation)-ah-let-ah-my-ah-people-ah-go-ah.

My uncle was a highly educated Assembly of God minister who was very careful in his enunciation and diction.  He could do the best imitation of this ever.

When I was a child we went to camp meeting every summer--June in south Louisiana.  Hell on earth.  T.L. Lowery, king of Church of God preachers/evangelists, would be the guest speaker every year.  He was fit, and good looking, totally unlike Gary Hawkins. One time he felt the spirit and jumped up onto the pulpit.  They talked about it for years.  I don't think Gary could jump up on a 2 inch platform.

[mango_fandango]

Movie shows, dance halls and liquor joints? He talks like he’s from the 50s. 

I LOLed at the idea of him going WOOOO! Big deal Gary. No one cares what you do or don’t do. 

[Four is Enough]

I fervently love being a Catholic. We have incense, we have midnight Mass, we have a plethora of saints, we have the Virgin Mary, we have candles, we have processions, we have confession, BUT WE DON'T HAVE GARY HAWKINS.

 

Blessed Be God. (and if you've ever been to Benediction, you know what I mean.)

[Briefly]

Thanks for taking one for the team, @keepercjr. I don't think I could keep my dinner down if I had to be subjected to that!  He .is beyond vile.  He is out of touch with reality.  I wonder how many people that have been subjected to his "preaching" got what he said about courtrooms, and how many of them have a clue why he might have been in one.

[thoughtful]

 

23 hours ago, keepercjr said:

"movie shows", "dance halls", "liquor joints"

Gary, are you living in 1912?

ETA - just saw Mango_Fandango's post. GMTA. but I think I came closer to the correct era -- I was already alive in the 50s, and nobody (well, except maybe Bro Gary's parents!) talked like that back then.

[mango_fandango]

It’s bizarrely old-fashioned, anyway 

I don’t go to dance halls either, and I haven’t been to a movie show in a long time CAN I GET A HAYMAYUN?

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

@mango_fandango but what about the liquor joints? ?    What about joints!!!!

[mango_fandango]

Well, I last went to a bar on Sunday. Not only was it a bar, I went on the LORD’S day. I went for something non-alcoholic, though... I’m not much of a drinker*. I go for sweet, fruity cider. That’s the hard kind to Americans. Sometimes I’ve seen fundies mention drinking hot apple cider and I momentarily go “FUNDIES DRINKING???” before remembering. 

* or, as Bro Gary would say, a dranker. 

Cider in the U.K. is alcoholic, to clarify.