Alyssa & John 2: Getting By on Their Looks and Fashion Sense

[JermajestyDuggar]

My guess is that she will not get pregnant again soon because of this. And the largest gap between pregnancies will be now. I bet Zoey will be 2 before she gives birth again. But I bet she will eventually get pregnant again. Just not right away. 

[VelociRapture]

John took Allie out for a special Father-Daughter birthday dinner:

No snark. That’s actually legitimately cute and a really nice way to make her feel special while mom gets better.

[squiddysquid]

So where is loving grandma Kelly Bates while her daughter is having heart surgery with 3 kids under 5 at home?

They flew out to Florida for Zoey Joy's 1st birthday on March 29 but I doubt they're still there. #motheroftheyear

 

[fluffernutter]

Oh my gosh I just saw this. My oldest daughter had SVT as a baby and child. The first time, she was in the hospital for several days. Hers was triggered from fevers, and that first time they said if it wouldn't had slowed down due to the meds they gave her she could've died. It was so scary. After that, she had a pediatric cardiologist and every time she got sick we needed to take her pulse every hour. She had four more hospitalizations before she eventually grew out of it. I didn't know it could happen in adults. I'm so glad she got it checked out. 

[Melissa1977]

3 hours ago, squiddysquid said:

So where is loving grandma Kelly Bates while her daughter is having heart surgery with 3 kids under 5 at home?

They flew out to Florida for Zoey Joy's 1st birthday on March 29 but I doubt they're still there. #motheroftheyear

 

Staying with a baby, a toddler and a little girl? Cooking for them? Doing laundry? Taking them the park? Actually being helpful for her own daughter? Are you kidding? Kelly is just unable to do anything useful these days.

I think John is a pretty decent father and I wouldn't be surprised if he keeps the house for a few days. Some young fundies agree that men can do home chores. In addition, he has his family there, and probably are more helpful than Kelly and Gil.

 

[lumpentheologie]

5 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

John took Allie out for a special Father-Daughter birthday dinner:

No snark. That’s actually legitimately cute and a really nice way to make her feel special while mom gets better.

I'm glad they could spend some time together and Allie had fun, but the fundie father-daughter "dating" is just so weird and I wish they would stop it. 

[squiddysquid]

If your daughter had to have heart surgery would you be like

"fun party, see ya, hope you make it".

I wouldn't leave their side - what the hell is wrong with that woman?

Why was she there for Zoe's party and not for Allies+ Alyssa's heart surgery?

 

[VelociRapture]

4 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

I'm glad they could spend some time together and Allie had fun, but the fundie father-daughter "dating" is just so weird and I wish they would stop it. 

Using that term isn’t just a Fundie thing though. I’ve heard it used a lot by secular parents over the years too. I use it myself rarely when talking to my husband - it’ll either be, “Why don’t you plan a Daddy-Daughter date for after busy season?” or “Velocitoddler and I had a special Mommy-Daughter date for lunch today!”

I’d guess that’s the difference maybe? That Fundies seem to mainly use the terms “Daddy-Daughter” and “Mother-Son”? I also don’t view the term “date” as having strictly romantic connotations either, so that’s probably at play here too. 

9 hours ago, squiddysquid said:

So where is loving grandma Kelly Bates while her daughter is having heart surgery with 3 kids under 5 at home?

They flew out to Florida for Zoey Joy's 1st birthday on March 29 but I doubt they're still there. #motheroftheyear

 

It’s possible Alyssa didn’t want her parents there. She thrives in quieter and calmer environments and her family definitely isn’t quiet or calm or good at respecting boundaries. She and John might have felt that they could handle things fine on their own. Or John’s family (who actually live in Florida) might have been a better option for helping out if this surgery was a sudden or unexpected kind of thing - if that’s the case then Kelly might not have been able to get there anyways due to travel and she might not have been able to switch her travel plans last minute to be there for the surgery instead of the birthday party.

I do agree that not even a message on Instagram is weird for them though. Usually Kelly is all over that stuff. Several of Alyssa’s siblings (Lawson, Michael, ZachNey, and Cherin) commented on her post, but I didn’t look far enough to see if her parents or other siblings did as well. Both Anna Duggar and Jill Dillard left supportive messages too. I would assume they reached out to her privately, but it just looks a bit weird that they didn’t reach out publicly when their whole brand is about being a big, loving, and supportive family. 

[19tacos&counting]

I thought the video of alli giggling and just beside herself with excitement was pretty adorable.

I would almost bet zoey will be over 2 before baby #4 arrives. She would have to get pregnant within 2 months to be due before zoeys first birthday. I am going to pray they have more sense than that buttttt nothing would surprise me at this point. 

[lumpentheologie]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

Using that term isn’t just a Fundie thing though. I’ve heard it used a lot by secular parents over the years too. I use it myself rarely when talking to my husband - it’ll either be, “Why don’t you plan a Daddy-Daughter date for after busy season?” or “Velocitoddler and I had a special Mommy-Daughter date for lunch today!”

I’d guess that’s the difference maybe? That Fundies seem to mainly use the terms “Daddy-Daughter” and “Mother-Son”? I also don’t view the term “date” as having strictly romantic connotations either, so that’s probably at play here too. 

Right, but fundies don't mean the same thing you and your husband mean. There's a whole right-wing Christian THING of dads dating their daughters, and it's part of the same patriarchal package as dads guarding their daughters' hearts and even deciding who their daughters will marry.  Dads are basically a temporary stand-in for the daughter's future husband, and the daughter learns to love, serve, and obey Dad the way she will her future husband.  Here's one of many blog posts urging dads to do this: https://wearethatfamily.com/2015/02/6-reasons-dads-date-daughters-anyone-else/

With Allie dressed up like that and given a rose like she's going to baby prom, I'm sure this is what John is doing. They'll probably be going to creepy father-daughter virginity-pledge proms in 8-10 years, if those are still a thing then.

I don't think mothers really date their sons in the same way, at least in the fundie community.  It would mess up the most sacred tenet that the man is the one with authority in a dating situation. 

[nickelodeon]

Dressing up a birthday outing like a mini version of an adult romantic date with flowers and dinner is pretty harmless, but it’s powered by the same patriarchal logic behind dads “proposing to” their daughters with purity rings, Duggar daughter-in-laws having a “first look” with their dads at their weddings, and whatever the fuck the Longs’ “covenant wedding” freak show was. I don’t see the Websters taking part in events that extreme, but they’re definitely flirting with the core philosophy.

[justmy2cents]

14 hours ago, squiddysquid said:

So where is loving grandma Kelly Bates while her daughter is having heart surgery with 3 kids under 5 at home?

Kelly just posted pictures of her and Gil at the hospital with Alyssa so they were there at some point. 

[onyourwayhome]

I feel like “Bizz” may be having her doctor/OR charges waived for all the named publicity. Her parents even mention the doctor by name and she did multiple times. I respect the hustle. Glad she’s ok, sounds scary.

[wandering woman]

I'm not sure why everyone assumed Kelly wasn't with Alyssa. How do we know that? A photo was recently posted of Kelly and Gil in Alyssa's hospital room.

[OyToTheVey]

41 minutes ago, onyourwayhome said:

I feel like “Bizz” may be having her doctor/OR charges waived for all the named publicity. Her parents even mention the doctor by name and she did multiple times. I respect the hustle. Glad she’s ok, sounds scary.

I respect the hustle. But that's not always the case. I had to have emergency ear surgery, freak accident, tripped, fell, hit my head and my earring fucked up my ear and neck, I mention that doctor all the time when people notice my scars. I def paid for the surgery but I also want to promote him because he saved me. They might just be like me and super grateful and feeling blessed that they found a good doctor. I feel like it's my 'ministry' to do word of mouth, the most powerful advertising.

 

PS: I hate defending these people.

[VelociRapture]

6 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

Right, but fundies don't mean the same thing you and your husband mean. There's a whole right-wing Christian THING of dads dating their daughters, and it's part of the same patriarchal package as dads guarding their daughters' hearts and even deciding who their daughters will marry.  Dads are basically a temporary stand-in for the daughter's future husband, and the daughter learns to love, serve, and obey Dad the way she will her future husband.  Here's one of many blog posts urging dads to do this: https://wearethatfamily.com/2015/02/6-reasons-dads-date-daughters-anyone-else/

With Allie dressed up like that and given a rose like she's going to baby prom, I'm sure this is what John is doing. They'll probably be going to creepy father-daughter virginity-pledge proms in 8-10 years, if those are still a thing then.

I don't think mothers really date their sons in the same way, at least in the fundie community.  It would mess up the most sacred tenet that the man is the one with authority in a dating situation. 

I’m aware of purity culture and their weird parent/child dynamics. I thought I had kind of said that much in my post, but looking back I probably wasn’t clear about that. Suffice to say, I agree.

[VineHeart137]

Gil and Kelly were in Florida for Alyssa's surgery. Kelly didn't post about it until today.

 

[Melissa1977]

I like both Kelly and John messages. Focused in Alyssa's health, compassionate and not using the situation to preach. I also like how they describe Alyssa: tough and a trooper. Not a keeping sweet lady. Definitely, Duggars would have written it different.

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I like both Kelly and John messages. Focused in Alyssa's health, compassionate and not using the situation to preach. I also like how they describe Alyssa: tough and a trooper. Not a keeping sweet lady. Definitely, Duggars would have written it different.

 

I almost feel like Michelle has a really hard time dealing with the feelings that come with loss and serious medical procedures. This is all speculation on my part: but I get the feeling she wants to freak the fuck out but she’s always just pushing her feelings inside and trying to keep calm and sweet. So she writes these robotic messages because she’s stuffed her actual feelings so much that I really don’t think she can even properly name her feelings much of the time. I really think fundie beliefs caused this in her. Michelle seems so detached from her feelings while Kelly doesn’t. 

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I almost feel like Michelle has a really hard time dealing with the feelings that come with loss and serious medical procedures. This is all speculation on my part: but I get the feeling she wants to freak the fuck out but she’s always just pushing her feelings inside and trying to keep calm and sweet. So she writes these robotic messages because she’s stuffed her actual feelings so much that I really don’t think she can even properly name her feelings much of the time. I really think fundie beliefs caused this in her. Michelle seems so detached from her feelings while Kelly doesn’t. 

Complete speculation here, but she may have some level of recurring trauma stemming from Josie’s emergency birth, her NICU stay, and the loss of Jubilee. I know I still have moments where I have trouble with my daughter’s premature birth and NICU stay and our experience was nowhere near the the type of chaos Michelle and JimBob would have been faced with. I could be completely wrong about that, but a lot of preemie and NICU families struggle with the experience after everything is over and it wouldn’t shock me if I was right given their stance on mental health (pray about it.)

[J'Lurker]

Alyssa clearly should have prayed the arrythmia away. It's her punishment for not wearing prairie dresses to swim in the ocean. 

In all seriousness though.... you can just spontaneously develop this problem? It isn't just three babies in three years is hard on a body? Or... my parents were more concerned with the state of my mother's uterus to learn how nutrition works? My hypochondric ass is now clenched and my anxiety is yelling that I probably already have this. How could I not, I wear pants and blaspheme for Christ's sake!

And @VelociRapture (congratulations!!!! SO excited for you)... I agree with your point about Michelle being actively traumatized. But I think it was after jCaleb. If she had real grief counselling that didn't tell her God was punishing her for her choices... well, we might never have our beloved FJ.

 

[Syriana]

8 hours ago, J'Lurker said:

In all seriousness though.... you can just spontaneously develop this problem? It isn't just three babies in three years is hard on a body? Or... my parents were more concerned with the state of my mother's uterus to learn how nutrition works? My hypochondric ass is now clenched and my anxiety is yelling that I probably already have this. How could I not, I wear pants and blaspheme for Christ's sake!

 

1

Several things can trigger an episode, but in a lot of cases a specific trigger isn't found/identified (clothes and language choices aren't on any list of triggers I've ever seen so you're ? )

[miss_batson]

[Melissa1977]

9 hours ago, J'Lurker said:

Alyssa clearly should have prayed the arrythmia away. It's her punishment for not wearing prairie dresses to swim in the ocean. 

In all seriousness though.... you can just spontaneously develop this problem? It isn't just three babies in three years is hard on a body?

3 pregnancies in 4 years is not that hard for a healthy woman. I mean it's a hard work raising the kids, but not to the point of causing an illness. Allie and Lexi are 21 months apart, it's a pretty normal gap. I think you misunderstood how arrithmia works.

[nausicaa]

On 4/13/2019 at 4:43 AM, squiddysquid said:

I wouldn't leave their side - what the hell is wrong with that woman?

I think we are forgetting that we don't know what Alyssa wanted during the surgery. 

I can promise you I would not want my mother glued to my side. Just the thought raises my blood pressure.