Bontragers and Bowers 3: Kittens Having None of Their Shit

[JermajestyDuggar]

The Bontrager tour schedule says they are in Texas today and Kansas tomorrow. So they may meet Axton tomorrow night at the earliest. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

It looks like the Bontragers know the Shaw’s. The Shaw’s know the Bateses and I think the oldest girl Macy would be a good match for Lawson Bates. She’s beautiful, stylish, fundie, and musical. I think Lawson wouldn’t marry a girl if she lacked any of those qualities. The second oldest Shaw (Holly) would be a cute match for Denver. 

[front hugs > duggs]

19 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It looks like the Bontragers know the Shaw’s. The Shaw’s know the Bateses and I think the oldest girl Macy would be a good match for Lawson Bates. She’s beautiful, stylish, fundie, and musical. I think Lawson wouldn’t marry a girl if she lacked any of those qualities. The second oldest Shaw (Holly) would be a cute match for Denver. 

Funny you mention that. I went to Macy's pubic IG and saw this post:

 

She is moving to TN....

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 hours ago, front hugs > duggs said:

Funny you mention that. I went to Macy's pubic IG and saw this post:

 

She is moving to TN....

Oh my... I bet she’s moving to Nashville for her music. But they will be so close to the Bateses that I’m sure they will hang out. I’m calling it. She will either court Nathan or Lawson. Probably Lawson,

[fundiefan]

On 3/27/2019 at 10:35 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

What’s funny is that I felt a little bit like you in the mainstream world! In my non fundie mainstream circles, I felt a little left out when I was married with no kids. I had a few friends who were in long term relationships and no kids. They were great to hang out with. But it was a little weird sometimes when I would hang out with friends who had kids. They would all just chat up a storm about pregnancy, babies, and stuff while I sat there quiet. I had little to add. And then my single friends would often want to go to the bars and party but I wasn’t really into that. I imagine what your dealing with is magnified times 100. I at least had some childless married couples to hang out with. You probably don’t have any since most of the married women in your church get pregnant right away. I hope you find a church that is a better fit when you move!

I was married for 13 years and never had kids. I never fit into anyone's pre-conceived circles then and now that I am divorced, I still don't- because I don't have offspring. Among my family & friends, the having & raising of kids was an identity and I couldn't contribute to mere conversatiosn about potty training or tantrums or homework or taxi-driving to whatever the kid had going on. Now, the kids are all young adults and I can't contribute to the grandparent conversations or parent of the bride/groom conversations, or the "family" designations (it's just family; "my" family, etc...)

I don't exactly begrudge anyone or how life is but I do feel resentment that none has even tried to understand my position or life. From buying gifts for all the kids for whatever reason to not having the responsibility to something as simple as no, I do not really want to spend my Saturday at the bowling alley with all of you and your  combined 15 kids having a "family" day.  If I didn't go to events like that, it was a check against me - and trust me, there have been times in life it has been tossed back at me. If I did go, I was not only miserable, I was entirely alone in my misery. 

It wasn't because I wallowed - it was because the facts of life and the social norms within my family & friend groups has absolutely no way to account for someone without kids and all that ccomes with. And if I didn't find it a "famly experience" to watch tons of kids slide down the sled hill and spill hot chocolate & cry because they're cold - I was the one who chose "not to participate". 

Adults without children are very often the odd ones out in many social and cultural groups and ways. There is no place to put us. 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Allison posted a picture of Micah. I think he looks like Bryn so far.

[Briefly]

He is adorable!  I love when babies have that "seen it all, done it all" look like he does.

[ophelia]

He looks so so tiny. And I agree, so far he looks like he is only Bryn's child. I hope this doesn't shatter Mitchell's manhood to harshly. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

My opinion is that Allison has been forced to become BFFs with Liz because she has no other choice. Her real sister BFF left her in December of 2017. Her brother boyfriends left her in September of 2017. Who is she going to hang out with when she’s stuck in a bus for 3 months straight? Liz is one of her only choices. How pathetically sad. I feel sorry for her. 

[HereticHick]

"close by choice, after years of praying and working hard" reeeeallly sounds like you don't like each other all that much, but you are the 2 SAHDs on the bus and have to work hard to tolerate each other.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, HereticHick said:

"close by choice, after years of praying and working hard" reeeeallly sounds like you don't like each other all that much, but you are the 2 SAHDs on the bus and have to work hard to tolerate each other.

Yep. And I doubt she will ever see that her parents put her in this position and are the direct cause of her constant misery. 

[usedbicycle]

Allison strikes me as a woman who constantly needs "heart talks" and "girl time" and one-on-one coffee dates and emotional validation. I've stopped spending too much time with people like that because it's so draining, I call them emotional vampires. Of course I enjoy catching up with my gals but it's not always to "pour out our hearts", we generally prefer to laugh and drink. 

I don't blame Liz for avoiding some of this smothering closeness until now. 

 

 

[HereticHick]

This also strikes me as oversharing your family's dirty laundry.  Does Liz really need the whole world to know that she hasn't always gotten along with her older sister?  Of course, the Bontragers looove to harp on the idea that brothers and sisters MUST.BE.BEST.FRIENDS.ALWAYS.OR.ELSE--its one of the major tenets of the Bontrager theology

[JermajestyDuggar]

37 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

This also strikes me as oversharing your family's dirty laundry.  Does Liz really need the whole world to know that she hasn't always gotten along with her older sister?  Of course, the Bontragers looove to harp on the idea that brothers and sisters MUST.BE.BEST.FRIENDS.ALWAYS.OR.ELSE--its one of the major tenets of the Bontrager theology

And the major causes of heart ache and jealousy in Allison the past 2 years.

[Lgirlrocks]

51 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

This also strikes me as oversharing your family's dirty laundry.  Does Liz really need the whole world to know that she hasn't always gotten along with her older sister?  Of course, the Bontragers looove to harp on the idea that brothers and sisters MUST.BE.BEST.FRIENDS.ALWAYS.OR.ELSE--its one of the major tenets of the Bontrager theology

Part of the problem is the older sisters helped raise and discipline their younger siblings. It’s hard to go from parent to friend. I don’t think I’d want to be friends with a sibling that disciplined me and maybe spanked me. Don’t know if they spank but they promote the pearls so I am assuming. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

32 minutes ago, Lgirlrocks said:

Part of the problem is the older sisters helped raise and discipline their younger siblings. It’s hard to go from parent to friend. I don’t think I’d want to be friends with a sibling that disciplined me and maybe spanked me. Don’t know if they spank but they promote the pearls so I am assuming. 

I agree. I believe they are 9 years apart. It’s almost a guarantee that Allison had to help with her when Liz was little.

[lilith]

4 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

Part of the problem is the older sisters helped raise and discipline their younger siblings. It’s hard to go from parent to friend. I don’t think I’d want to be friends with a sibling that disciplined me and maybe spanked me. Don’t know if they spank but they promote the pearls so I am assuming. 

They spank. Marlin has joked about it onstage.

[Black Aliss]

5 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

Part of the problem is the older sisters helped raise and discipline their younger siblings. It’s hard to go from parent to friend. I don’t think I’d want to be friends with a sibling that disciplined me and maybe spanked me. Don’t know if they spank but they promote the pearls so I am assuming. 

This. My older sister and I did not become close until I was in my late 30's. Because all the time before then she was the epitome of the bossy older sister and treated me like one of her kids, even when I was at University.

[singsingsing]

It strikes me as really passive aggressive and low of Allison to make a comment like that about her little sister. My sister and I are both adults and she’s only two years younger than me, and we’ve definitely had our ups and downs and haven’t always gotten along, but I would never make a public comment like that about her. It’s just plain mean.

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 hours ago, singsingsing said:

It strikes me as really passive aggressive and low of Allison to make a comment like that about her little sister. My sister and I are both adults and she’s only two years younger than me, and we’ve definitely had our ups and downs and haven’t always gotten along, but I would never make a public comment like that about her. It’s just plain mean.

I might make a joke on FB about my sister and I fighting as children. Like a funny anecdote. But that’s about it. My sister is pretty sensitive and if I said anything like Allison’s post on FB or Instagram, my sister would be hurt. 

[singsingsing]

58 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I might make a joke on FB about my sister and I fighting as children. Like a funny anecdote. But that’s about it. My sister is pretty sensitive and if I said anything like Allison’s post on FB or Instagram, my sister would be hurt. 

Especially because in this case the younger sister is so much younger and appears to still be VERY young. It’s just needlessly mean.

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Especially because in this case the younger sister is so much younger and appears to still be VERY young. It’s just needlessly mean.

I agree. When I was 15, my older sister was in the same high school as me and she thought it was funny to embarrass me. I HATED being embarrassed as a teen. I think most teens hate it. 

[usedbicycle]

My oldest sister is also 10 years older, and we definitely were not "friends" growing up, in fact we called her Mommy Jr because of sister-mom status. We became closer as adults, but 15-25 is a big age gap. I didn't have 25 year-old friends when I was 15, and vice-versa when I was 25. 

I agree with @HereticHick that these kids being forced to be best friends with each other is not healthy. They need friends that they actually CHOOSE to be around to develop their unique personality and interests. You can't choose family, so while fostering good relationships with them is important, they might not be "your people" in the way friends are. And that's OK.

[JermajestyDuggar]

27 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

My oldest sister is also 10 years older, and we definitely were not "friends" growing up, in fact we called her Mommy Jr because of sister-mom status. We became closer as adults, but 15-25 is a big age gap. I didn't have 25 year-old friends when I was 15, and vice-versa when I was 25. 

I agree with @HereticHick that these kids being forced to be best friends with each other is not healthy. They need friends that they actually CHOOSE to be around to develop their unique personality and interests. You can't choose family, so while fostering good relationships with them is important, they might not be "your people" in the way friends are. And that's OK.

The funny thing is, Allison and Chelsy always seemed to have plenty of non family friends. When they are home. But when the Bontragers travel for three months straight, they are forced to be BFFs. It’s just so obvious to me that Allison doesn’t want to tour with the family anymore. Her only escape is marriage. And she knows it.

[HereticHick]

32 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

. It’s just so obvious to me that Allison doesn’t want to tour with the family anymore. Her only escape is marriage. And she knows it.

They let one of their sons drop out of the band and stay home--although partly because he was courting.

I just don't see why they won't let Allison stay home and work at the hotel. Mitchell and Bryan can be her chaperone and guard her precious fundy maidenhood.

 She'd obviously rather do that, and Bryn can't spend as much time working at the front desk or whatever since the baby came along.  Its insane that the Bontragers have to hire outside people to work at the hotel while they travel, dragging Allison along with them.