Bontragers and Bowers 3: Kittens Having None of Their Shit

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

locker room talk?

I fear young Master Bontrager going to be running for a county council seat in a few years--then state legislature

That wouldn’t surprise me at all. Actually I will be surprised if he never runs for anything at all. 

[usedbicycle]

Yuck yuck yuck. 

My husband is part of a secular, diverse men's support group. They sit down and talk about their FEELINGS. About how to be a better partner, father, son, friend, and provider. How to be supportive to women in this me-too era. They acknowledge the pressures our society has put on men and can cry and laugh together without shame. Anyway, it's something that has really benefitted him.

The last thing our world needs is a men's group that's about virility and pushups. Those men are going to leave feeling even crappier about themselves and go home and belittle their wives to affirm their power. Seriously, that's what machismo culture entails. 

[Jigsaw3]

Welp. Allison hates touring. From her blog:

Quote

I’m a midwest country girl whose favorite season is winter. Also a lover of quiet mornings in my favorite chair, sunrises seen from my front porch, and a big kitchen for big cooking. Also very prone to motion sickness.

I’m currently traveling full time, traversing all parts of the south (truthfully, my least favorite part of the US as weather is concerned), living in a tiny bus.

We often stay on paved parking lots, sometimes in town or at least close to busy roads.

The front porch, big kitchen, and favorite chair? Well, yeah, they’re nowhere nearby.:)

(Of course, this is all followed by some self-gaslighting text about choosing joy in the life Jesus has led to you.)

I feel so sorry for the poor woman. She's in her late 20s, she's able to take care of herself, she's active and entrepreneurial, she has hopes and dreams, she's a homebody, and she's forced to be part of this dog-and-pony show because fundamentalism and patriarchy. She doesn't have a choice. (Or, she doesn't think she has a choice -- she's been raised to believe she must do as her family commands her to do.)

[browngrl]

I often wonder if fundie girls/women lie to themselves. They say (as Alison does in her post) that they LOVE being at home and in the kitchen but then they spend all their time being entrepreneurial, traveling etc. If someone truly loves something then they find a way to make it happen. Fundie girls are more limited in their options but maybe she could have found a way to work behind the scenes at home e.g. before her brothers married she could easily have stayed home to look after them. I suspect that more than a few fundies actually like working and traveling and that they are not so tied to the stove as they claim. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, Jigsaw3 said:

Welp. Allison hates touring. From her blog:

(Of course, this is all followed by some self-gaslighting text about choosing joy in the life Jesus has led to you.)

I feel so sorry for the poor woman. She's in her late 20s, she's able to take care of herself, she's active and entrepreneurial, she has hopes and dreams, she's a homebody, and she's forced to be part of this dog-and-pony show because fundamentalism and patriarchy. She doesn't have a choice. (Or, she doesn't think she has a choice -- she's been raised to believe she must do as her family commands her to do.)

She’s mid twenties. She and Jesse Maxwell are almost the exact same age. Don’t ask me why I know random stuff like that, lol.

But I’ve noticed in both Allison and Chelsy’s writing a certain kind of forced cheeriness. If they say anything negative, they have to follow it up with something positive or some religious crap about being grateful. I get the feeling that at least the females in the Bon family are not allowed to complain. And keeping a smile on their faces at all times is a must.

[Bazinga]

I feel bad that all of these kids, especially the olders, are forced to live on that bus for months at a time. I just don't understand. I get that it is their "ministry", but they have a legit farm at home. Why not stay home and ACTUALLY teach your children, and let them be active participants in their local community/ family farm. Instead they get forced into a smelly bus, where they probably get subpar daily lessons (because they are on a crowded bus), and just have to sit there until they are let off the bus to then sing. I feel like traveling "musical" fundies are the worst of all.

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 hours ago, Bazinga said:

I feel bad that all of these kids, especially the olders, are forced to live on that bus for months at a time. I just don't understand. I get that it is their "ministry", but they have a legit farm at home. Why not stay home and ACTUALLY teach your children, and let them be active participants in their local community/ family farm. Instead they get forced into a smelly bus, where they probably get subpar daily lessons (because they are on a crowded bus), and just have to sit there until they are let off the bus to then sing. I feel like traveling "musical" fundies are the worst of all.

It does seem pretty awful. I will concede that there are some positives though. But not many. They at least get to see friends and family they normally don’t get to see. And they get slightly out of their bubble (ok very slightly). They went to a Hutterite community last year. I know some fundies would never be that tolerant *cough* Steve Anderson *cough* I know the Hutterites are fundie too but at least the Bons can hang out with other types of fundies.

I’m guessing Allison enjoys her job and has a lot of friends in IA. I can’t blame her for wanting to stay home. Plus her sister is going to have a baby soon. And they will be much further away on the bus compared the distance if they’d stayed at home. 

[petrushka]

 Allison, an adult woman with her own preferences and goals must still submit to her father's plans in a way that I doubt her brothers do.  Seems to me Carson dropped out of the music ministry a few years ago to work on his own business and the world didn't come to an end.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

18 minutes ago, petrushka said:

 Allison, an adult woman with her own preferences and goals must still submit to her father's plans in a way that I doubt her brothers do.  Seems to me Carson dropped out of the music ministry a few years ago to work on his own business and the world didn't come to an end.  

Yes he did! Even before he started a relationship with Lina!

[ophelia]

From another perspective you could as well say that maybe his father decided that it was up to him to stay home and take care of the farm while the rest is gone. But I totally agree with you - it would probably be harder for Allison to put her feet down and tell her father that she doesn't want to take part in the bus life no more.

[deborahlynn1979]

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just over here being SO SATISFIED being single! What a blessing! Oh, I love this stage in life SO MUCH I have to blog about it constantly! Everyone should be content like ME. I'm not freaking out about my shelf life, no way, no how. Nothing to see here, folks."

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, deborahlynn1979 said:

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just over here being SO SATISFIED being single! What a blessing! Oh, I love this stage in life SO MUCH I have to blog about it constantly! Everyone should be content like ME. I'm not freaking out about my shelf life, no way, no how. Nothing to see here, folks."

There is a tiny part of me feeling sorry for her.

1) she’s obviously not ok with being single. It was probably fine when her 3 brothers and sister were all still single with her. But watching them marry and leave all in a 4 month period must have been hard. Especially since she seemed to use her brothers as “faux boyfriends.” I’m not saying there was anything incestuous. But her brothers would send her flowers, give one another back rubs, and go on sibling dates together. And now they all have families of their own and she’s still single. 

2) she obviously doesn’t love traveling on the cramped bus for 3 months. It is probably even less fun now that 2 of her brothers and her sister BFF is not with them. 

3) it is likely she will miss the birth of Chelsy’s baby and won’t get to see the baby right away.

4) she will likely be disappointed in selling essential oils. She might do much better than her sisters in law. But I doubt she will rake in the money. Her market is completely saturated and unlikely to need yet another seller.

[Palimpsest]

@deborahlynn1979, that is how I read it too.  Allison's blog is actually her ad in the personal columns, as she can't possibly go on Christian Mingle.

What she meant to say:

"I’m a midwest country girl whose favorite season is winter. Also a lover of quiet mornings in my favorite chair, sunrises seen from my front porch, and a big kitchen for big cooking because I can't wait to be a SAH wife and mother of many arrows!"  

Travelling with the band is actually her best bet at finding Prince Charming, even if she hates the cramped quarters, but she can't appear to enjoy it too much.  She's really a homebody.  Promise.  And she must shout to the world that she is sooo blessed, family oriented, Godly and perfect.

I'm surprised that she can be absent so long from her pivotal role as "Director of HR" for the Dutch Country Inn.  I assume she is monitoring TripAdvisor reviews from the road.

Interestingly, in the nauseating post about how to be the perfect sister in law she claims to be Mitchell's boss.

Quote

I took this picture one day when Mitchell and I were working. People ask me all the time about our work relationship. Technically speaking, I am his “boss” but I’m convinced I learn way more from him, and the truth is that neither of us bosses the other……..it’s just a mutual learning/growing and the privilege of getting to work together.  I have also had the opportunity to live with Mitchell and Bryn several times for a period of time, and it’s been such a blessing. Not every couple would let their sister move in just weeks after their wedding.:)

No, not every couple would want their sister to move in at any time during their marriage, let alone just after their honeymoon. 

More strangeness from that post: 

Quote

When they [her brother's] were dating:

If they were going on a date instead of spending time with the family, I never complained.

When they sat with their girlfriend instead of me in church, I smiled and was glad.

When they needed a helping hand planning surprises or doing anything related to their relationship, I tried to always be available and excited!

As they neared the wedding, I kept a positive attitude and didn’t complain about how much I would miss them and how times would never be the same. Instead, I helped them count down the days.:)

What a saint.  Apparently in her world it is the norm to be jealous and angry as your siblings form new relationships.   

[refugee]

1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

More strangeness from that post: 

What a saint.  Apparently in her world it is the norm to be jealous and angry as your siblings form new relationships.   

To me, it sounds like she was actively stuffing down any negative feelings and keeping sweet.

If they were going on a date instead of spending time with the family, I never complained. (Even though deep deep down in my heart, I wanted to protest.)

When they sat with their girlfriend instead of me in church, I smiled and was glad. (Even though I felt abandoned.)

When they needed a helping hand planning surprises or doing anything related to their relationship, I tried to always be available and excited! (I tried. I really did. Even though I wished someone was planning surprises for *me*.)

As they neared the wedding, I kept a positive attitude and didn’t complain about how much I would miss them and how times would never be the same. Instead, I helped them count down the days.:) (Even though I wished I was counting down the days to my own escape. I kept a positive attitude--if you grit your teeth, it looks just like smiling!--and I didn't complain about how much I would miss them and how times would never be the same even though I was constantly thinking those thoughts. But mum and dad taught us to take every thought captive for Christ! So I put on a positive attitude and ignore the fact that I'm dying inside.)

[deborahlynn1979]

I can feel a bit sorry for her as well, but honestly, the only thing keeping her where she is, is herself. She's not a delusional wacko like the Maxwell sisters, with no real marketable skills: she's worked at the inn, is sociable, cute, and could probably get a retail job (barista, maybe? waitress?) somewhere if she wanted to. She could move closer to Chelsy and John, get a roommate, and live the life she wants, maybe even meeting a nice guy at a local church. She's the cause of her own unhappiness, but she's too brainwashed to realize it.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Well, at least she gets to hang out with Josie Bates when on tour...

[VBOY9977]

Well, Josie is like 5 years younger than her and is already married, so I doubt she makes her feel much better about herself

[JermajestyDuggar]

33 minutes ago, VBOY9977 said:

Well, Josie is like 5 years younger than her and is already married, so I doubt she makes her feel much better about herself

She’ll probably get plenty of leg humping though. All the teenage fundie fan girls will squee with delight. You know Josie?!?!?! I want to post so badly, “Yes, all the fundies know each other.”

Allison could always set her sights on Nathan. I’m sure he wants to be married just as much as she does. And she’s a farm girl, not a city girl like Ashley who broke his heart. Furthermore I doubt Allison would cut her hair. We know Nathan thinks women should have long hair and Allison probably agrees.

[Palimpsest]

46 minutes ago, VBOY9977 said:

Well, Josie is like 5 years younger than her and is already married, so I doubt she makes her feel much better about herself

My first thought was Josie Duggar, who is 9!  You mean Josie Bates (whatever her married name is) who is 19?

I doubt Allison feels completely on the shelf at the ripe old age of 24.  Chelsy was 27 when she married, after all.  I think Ally is just getting impatient because of all the recent weddings and wanting her turn.

In fact, Allison doesn't have to look outside her own family to feel envy of younger and teen brides.  If she does.  Carolina Bowers was 21 when she married Mitch and I think Cassidy was even younger when she married Joshua, who was 20.  All hail the double wedding!  Mitchell and Brynn were both mid 20s when they married though.  

Allison may look at Carolina and Cassidy and be happy that she had the time to look around a bit, check out a few possible mates, lose a couple of heart pieces, and spend time with the family band before settling down to produce babies.  Who knows.

Why is it that whenever I type family band I hear that Real Housewife of wherever screaming "Family V-a-a-n!" ?

 

 

[zcccrv]

The Bible Bee blog photo which required some modification.

[PennySycamore]

@Palimpsest,  I think you might be thinking of The RHOC's Vicki Gunvalson.

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 hours ago, zcccrv said:

The Bible Bee blog photo which required some modification.

Aww Rebecca is the tiniest one on that stage. 

[Melissa1977]

16 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Allison could always set her sights on Nathan. I’m sure he wants to be married just as much as she does. And she’s a farm girl, not a city girl like Ashley who broke his heart. Furthermore I doubt Allison would cut her hair. We know Nathan thinks women should have long hair and Allison probably agrees

The other Bontrager girl is very pretty and seems outgoing. Is she too young for Lawson? 

 

[VBOY9977]

35 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

The other Bontrager girl is very pretty and seems outgoing. Is she too young for Lawson? 

 

... she’s 15 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

The other Bontrager girl is very pretty and seems outgoing. Is she too young for Lawson? 

 

Yeah, Liz is 15 and Rebecca is 11. The only adult unmarried Bons are Allison and Denver. Taylor will be 18 in a year.