Christian organization lets you borrow an orphan for the holidays

[SecularMusic]

A friend from my fundie days is holding a Facebook fundraiser to raise money so that she can host two orphans from the Ukraine for Christmas. An organization, http://www.openheartsandhomes.org/, arranges for orphans from eastern Europe to spend a month with Christian U.S. families. Afterward, they return to the orphanage.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea. Sure, the orphans will celebrate Christmas with gifts, abundant food, and a temporary family. But, I would imagine that returning to the orphanage would be depressing, knowing what they lack. Am I a scrooge, or does this raise red flags for anyone else?

[artdecades]

I mean, i feel like the money could go better to making general life at the orphanage better and ALSO give them toys and whatnot for christmas.

[JermajestyDuggar]

22 minutes ago, artdecades said:

I mean, i feel like the money could go better to making general life at the orphanage better and ALSO give them toys and whatnot for christmas.

I agree. I am so completely tired of the charity that is just for show. This is like a mission-cation but in reverse. You get to brag on social media, post sweet pictures of those poor orphans on Christmas morning, and then you send them back to the orphanage never to see them again. How is this helpful? 

[Briefly]

I've heard of this a couple of times, it seems to be aimed at hoping the child will be adopted into the host family.  But so many people think that they are "saving" children by adopting them and are not adopting them for the right reason - not everybody, I just have that opinion about a lot of fundy bloggers.  I've seen them referred to as child collectors and that might have been on this site.

[PinkPrincess0213]

Feel like that fits into what Kathryn Joyce wrote about in her book, The Child Catchers. This idea bothers me. The same way it bothers me when people collect presents and bring them in to the family and make a big deal about being the ones who do it. Give the family some dignity please. I would love to see data on how many kids get adopted out of a program like this.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

I think this is cruel.  Ignorant dumbf**k fundies.

[Ozlsn]

This is the most WTAF thing I have seen today. How anyone could think this is a good idea I have no clue. Do these kids speak English? How is spending a month effectively doing an exchange going to benefit them? I suppose the immersion might help with English skills. 

Maybe you could suggest to your friend that it would be cheaper and a better idea for her to go and volunteer over Christmas at the orphanage. Same warm glow of public sanctity and facebook photos, possibly some benefit to them and the kids.

[nastyhobbitses]

So many red flags, especially if they're not screening the hosts.

At first I thought of what my parents used to do when my sister went to a boarding school with a high international student population, which was "adopting holiday orphans", or kids who couldn't afford to go home, didn't feel like taking the super long flight home (a lot of them were from China), or wanted to experience the holidays in America -- they'd host the kids for Thanksgiving or Christmukkah and really ramp up the cultural elements so they'd get to learn about American culture (and if the kids were good friends with my sister, they'd occasionally, with my sister's assent, mess with them and make up a silly tradition and claim it was an ancient and longstanding custom). They still do it occasionally, and I think it's a really nice thing to do. Why not do something like that? Host an international student (preferably one who's an adult so there's less chance for exploitation) who's already here and might miss home. 

[JillyO]

There's an adoptive family we used to follow on here that did that once. I'm blanking on the name right now. I think they had a few adult bio kids, and had adopted 15+ kids (most of them special needs) later on. Anyone remember who I'm talking about?

Anyway, they did this "host an orphan for a Christmas season" thing as well. I believe in this case, the kid came from China. On the plus side, part of the program was that the kid got extensive dental work done while in the US. However, I feel like showing a child what a holiday among loving family can feel like, only to send them back to their orphanage afterwards, is a special kind of crue. In their case, I thought it was even worse because the family HAD actually adopted several children from China, so I can only imagine the child thinking "why not me?" Messed up all around.

[HarryPotterFan]

5 hours ago, artdecades said:

I mean, i feel like the money could go better to making general life at the orphanage better and ALSO give them toys and whatnot for christmas.

Also orphanages can be incredibly abusive and corrupt.  I’ve talked about this organization on the board before, but the non-profit JK Rowling started (Lumos) tries to reunite children with family (both extended family and their actual parents - a lot of their parents can’t afford to feed their kids and such so they get tricked into giving their kid up). They also promote/help community orgs and services, try to educate governments and the public, etc. So donating to a charity like that would be so much better than this twisted fake act of loving-kindness.

[Melissa1977]

In Catalonia, some families foster refugee saharaui kids during the summer. They are supposed to get dentist/medical appointments, probably new clothes and school items and to spend a great vacation far from the desert. Sounds nice BUT it's like showing them an incredibly comfortable way of life and then, getting returned to a refugee camp. I don't know, it sounds cruel to me. Why not to raise money to send a dentist there, for example? 

I know that most people do it for a good reason. But sometimes they talk about the experience in a way that seem they just had an entertainment or are using it as a way to *sacrifice* and feel holier-than-you (even in a secular way). 

 

[Granwych]

Good grief.  This reeks so much of an ego fuck for the "adopting" family--spend mucho$$$ on some poor kid so that said family can brag about how generous and wonderful it is.  

[elliha]

My childhood friend's family did this two summers with Russian orphans. They were children who were stuck in the orphanage but extremely unlikely to either return to the original family but the family also did not consent to adoption either in Russia or abroad. So this was done part to let these kids have some kind of family connection (writing after the stay was encouraged for both of them) but also to give them an adventure and a chance to do something that many non-orphan Russians could not do at the time, go abroad. I know plenty of families who did this but in these cases it was only kids that could not be adopted who would go on the trips so that the families would have no illusion that this could ever happen. I do know a family who helped their "summer kid" to eventually as an adult live in Sweden but most of them stayed in Russia as adults. 

Was it sad to back to the orphanage afterwards? Likely but they still got to do stuff the kids that stayed behind didn't and they were not told this would be anything but a visit. I know my friend's family kept in contact with the girls they hosted (3 of them) up to their late teens but they did not keep in contact once they turned adults so I don't know what happened to them then.

[luv2laugh]

I think it could be hard for the children to be immersed into family life for short term and then taken away.

[LittleFox]

I know of a few non-religious organizations that have similar child hosting programs though not necessarily centered around holidays. Mostly they are meant for older children who are generally given some autonomy about whether they would like to be adopted or want to continue their life in their foster family/ orphanage in their home country. Because they often have little or no experience with healthy family lives being hosted can give them a sense of what it would be like to get adopted and also what it would be like to leave their home country for a brand new one. 

As for the reason behind this particular program no idea. The insistence that being in a "Christian" home will be somehow more loving and fulfilling for them than any other home irks the crap out of me though.

[Glasgowghirl]

The Parish I was part of growing up every summer had families take in families from Chernobyl and the surrounding areas. It was usually children and teenagers, though some younger children came with their parents. My friend's aunt used take kids in, the same groups often came back the following year, they got to travel around Scotland and enjoyed their time.

This to me seems totally different, this seems like renting a child just to make people think they are better than everyone else. These Children a getting hope of having a new family for a few days then dumped back into an orphanage, this is going to emotionally damage a child.

[Ausje]

12 hours ago, JillyO said:

There's an adoptive family we used to follow on here that did that once. I'm blanking on the name right now. I think they had a few adult bio kids, and had adopted 15+ kids (most of them special needs) later on. Anyone remember who I'm talking about?

Anyway, they did this "host an orphan for a Christmas season" thing as well. I believe in this case, the kid came from China. On the plus side, part of the program was that the kid got extensive dental work done while in the US. However, I feel like showing a child what a holiday among loving family can feel like, only to send them back to their orphanage afterwards, is a special kind of crue. In their case, I thought it was even worse because the family HAD actually adopted several children from China, so I can only imagine the child thinking "why not me?" Messed up all around.

That was Jean at noplacelikehome. They did eventually adopt the boy who spent Christmas with them. They made him wait until they'd organised a second adoption, though, in order to collect both children in one trip.

[PennySycamore]

4 hours ago, Glasgowghirl said:

The Parish I was part of growing up every summer had families take in families from Chernobyl and the surrounding areas. It was usually children and teenagers, though some younger children came with their parents. My friend's aunt used take kids in, the same groups often came back the following year, they got to travel around Scotland and enjoyed their time.

This to me seems totally different, this seems like renting a child just to make people think they are better than everyone else. These Children a getting hope of having a new family for a few days then dumped back into an orphanage, this is going to emotionally damage a child.

Our old parish did the same kind of thing with kids from Northern Ireland.  IIRC, Protestant kids spent the summer with Catholic families and Catholic kids went to Protestant families.  It got the kids out of a war zone for the summer and maybe helped them to learn to live with others of the other faith.  I don't know if that program is still ongoing. 

[SecularMusic]

On November 12, 2018 at 7:38 PM, artdecades said:

I mean, i feel like the money could go better to making general life at the orphanage better and ALSO give them toys and whatnot for christmas.

This is true given that the $2,800 cost to sponsor an orphan would buy toys and enough groceries for a nice Christmas dinner for an entire classroom of kids in the school district where I work.

Based on her Facebook posts, my friend sees this as a "ministry" that God wants her to "step out in faith" to fulfill. Plus, she thinks it will help her children appreciate their upper middle class life.

cant wait to see the posts after they arrive. She just posted "four more weeks until the orphan kiddos get here for Christmas."

[Briefly]

19 hours ago, JillyO said:

There's an adoptive family we used to follow on here that did that once. I'm blanking on the name right now. I think they had a few adult bio kids, and had adopted 15+ kids (most of them special needs) later on. Anyone remember who I'm talking about?

Anyway, they did this "host an orphan for a Christmas season" thing as well. I believe in this case, the kid came from China. On the plus side, part of the program was that the kid got extensive dental work done while in the US. However, I feel like showing a child what a holiday among loving family can feel like, only to send them back to their orphanage afterwards, is a special kind of cruel. In their case, I thought it was even worse because the family HAD actually adopted several children from China, so I can only imagine the child thinking "why not me?" Messed up all around.

Are you thinking of the Pattersons?  They live in Wimberly, TX and the adopted a little girl (Chrissie) that had severe heart issues.  They adopted her to get the surgery she needed but she never regained consciousness and died a few days after the surgery.  Her name is Lorraine and I can't remember what her husband's name is.  The adopted quite a few children, somkine with severe needs.  I'm kind of on the fence about them, one one hand I think they really do care about the children and take care of them.  But then they also had a building they were wanting to turn into a conference center for adoption missionaries and were asking for donations to furnish it.

I think they hosted a couple of brothers from Russia that they wanted to adopt, but then the boys had a family member who adopted them after they went back to Russia.  I think it was Russia but it might not have been.

[JillyO]

1 hour ago, Briefly said:

Are you thinking of the Pattersons?  They live in Wimberly, TX and the adopted a little girl (Chrissie) that had severe heart issues.  They adopted her to get the surgery she needed but she never regained consciousness and died a few days after the surgery.  Her name is Lorraine and I can't remember what her husband's name is.  The adopted quite a few children, somkine with severe needs.  I'm kind of on the fence about them, one one hand I think they really do care about the children and take care of them.  But then they also had a building they were wanting to turn into a conference center for adoption missionaries and were asking for donations to furnish it.

I think they hosted a couple of brothers from Russia that they wanted to adopt, but then the boys had a family member who adopted them after they went back to Russia.  I think it was Russia but it might not have been.

No, I've never heard of the Pattersons. @Ausje is right: I was thinking of the There's no place like home blog. They have 5 adult bio kids and 16 adopted children (all from China, I believe). I had totally forgotten about them... might be time to catch up on what they've been up to.

[JermajestyDuggar]

28 minutes ago, JillyO said:

No, I've never heard of the Pattersons. @Ausje is right: I was thinking of the There's no place like home blog. They have 5 adult bio kids and 16 adopted children (all from China, I believe). I had totally forgotten about them... might be time to catch up on what they've been up to.

I was just looking at that blog and noticed that their son was married this summer and had an odd rule for the wedding. I’m guessing he just didn’t want his younger adopted siblings to come to the wedding. Usually it’s 18 and older if it’s an adult only wedding. 

[Ozlsn]

@JermajestyDuggar I would just assume that 21 and over was for alcohol related reasons, but that's because that's what I associate the age of 21 with for the USA. It's also unusual for any wedding, even one with an 18-and-over invitation list to exclude siblings though. Then again I do wonder how close you are likely to be to your 16 adopted siblings, especially if you had already left home before the adoptions started. I can't get over them being able to adopt 16 times - how on earth did they afford it?

[Aine]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I was just looking at that blog and noticed that their son was married this summer and had an odd rule for the wedding. I’m guessing he just didn’t want his younger adopted siblings to come to the wedding. Usually it’s 18 and older if it’s an adult only wedding. 

I just can't imagine the callousness of leaving my siblings, adopted or not, out of my wedding. Every 'adult only' wedding I have been to has been with the exception of immediate family kids (like siblings, first cousins, and nieces and nephews).

I'm a psychologist in my home country and nearly a licensed one in my adopted country. I cannot imagine anyone recommending this as a 'good'  idea. It's that self-congratulatory ego-boost that people get from voluntourism to orphanages. Spend the money to give that child a chance at schooling (that could often be funded in full by a 'volunteer's airfare or the child's airfare to the host country). You want to host them? Host them while they go to community college or college as an international student after you contribute to their schooling. They aren't a photo opportunity and you are only showing them everything they don't have and won't unless you take the blind leap and adopt them and truly love them no matter what.

I grew up in Aboriginal communities and we would have 'volunteers' come in from church groups and do fun things with us but add nothing to the community, take a lot of photos, and whisper to each other how sad it was. That was in a developed and English speaking country  and I still (at the time) thought they cared about me because they took photos and cuddled me and were fun. Eventually I realized it was fake when they never came back, even an 8 hr drive away, and nothing changed. It was confusing enough for me and I can't imagine what it would be like for international orphans coming to a family that uses them to feel good about themselves for a few weeks.

[ladyjanegrey]

In Jean Fritz's fictionalized autobiography Homesick she mentions that her family and another family were going to share an orphan over the Christmas holidays. The orphan (Millie? Lee?) was going to spend one week with the other family, then the two families would get together for a Christmas party and at the party they would hand off the orphan to Jean Fritz's family, where Millie(?)  would then spend a week with the Fritzs'. During a game of hide'n'seek at the Christmas party Lee(?) stormed off to the car, saying she didn't spend a week with the Fritzs' and if I remember right, she demanded to be taken back to the orphanage. Not that I blame the girl, it kind of sounded like the other family was a bit of a nightmare to live with... 
(For context, the contents of Homesick took place in 1920s China.)