Josiah and Lauren 12: Usual Duggar Social Media and Drift

[Iamtheway]

@neurogirl It sounds like you and your husband can communicate and talk about your sex life and that you are having respect for eachother while making your way at your own pace. I’m pretty sure that is the perfect way to get an amazing sex life. 

Stop caring about what ”should” happen and keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll get there. 

6 hours ago, neurogirl said:

I think Lauren actually looks totally rockin' in that red dress. My not-fundie but Christian grandma balked at the idea of me having a red prom dress once upon a time because red was for ladies of the night or something? Anyway, we usually see Lauren in kind of frumpy denim skirts and I think she looks fantastic. 

Also, and this is really personal and something I'm feeling sensitive about right now, but there's some negative talk about fundie couples who don't conceive right away having bad sex or not knowing how to have sex properly. And that somehow dooms their relationship. I've been looking for a place to put this to my online friends, but my husband and I got married this summer and even being intimate before marriage (though only with each other), haven't quite figured it out yet. For the past 4 years of us being sexually active, one or both of us has had had roommates (and we're shy), and/or were long-distance, so intimacy happened about once a month or even less frequently. Combined, we also struggled with depression/anxiety/eating disorder/medications for said mental health crises, which totally killed our sex drives and/or functioning. Now that we are married and into an apartment just the two of us, we should be all "good to go" and according to some thoughts about newlyweds, going at it like rabbits. But instead its rather emotional because my husband has been my first every thing, self-exploration does not work for me, and I don't know what i like. We are taking it slow and trying out different things, but I have so much anxiety about it now because we "should" be having crazy hot, frequent sex and instead its a thing we are working on.  (Also still a lot of anxiety in general, so I really think I need to work on that)

That being said, we are still very intimate in terms of cuddling, kissing, and more PG-13 activities, and my husband is a really great guy who is truly my best friend, is so caring, trying all he can, balances me out and helps me be the best me, and is the love of my life. We have been through a lot together and are happy, but it's very frustrating to us to hear from all forms of media and culture what "should" be happening if we really are so well suited and happy with each other. And I feel very happy with him but that cultural expectation makes me insecure.

Sorry for that rant. It's really embarrassing and I don't know who to tell so it's just been gnawing at me. I also didn't really know where to put it and it kind of came out here with one poster saying they bet Josiah and Lauren have bad sex because...home decorations? 

 

[VelociRapture]

8 hours ago, neurogirl said:

I think Lauren actually looks totally rockin' in that red dress. My not-fundie but Christian grandma balked at the idea of me having a red prom dress once upon a time because red was for ladies of the night or something? Anyway, we usually see Lauren in kind of frumpy denim skirts and I think she looks fantastic. 

Also, and this is really personal and something I'm feeling sensitive about right now, but there's some negative talk about fundie couples who don't conceive right away having bad sex or not knowing how to have sex properly. And that somehow dooms their relationship. I've been looking for a place to put this to my online friends, but my husband and I got married this summer and even being intimate before marriage (though only with each other), haven't quite figured it out yet. For the past 4 years of us being sexually active, one or both of us has had had roommates (and we're shy), and/or were long-distance, so intimacy happened about once a month or even less frequently. Combined, we also struggled with depression/anxiety/eating disorder/medications for said mental health crises, which totally killed our sex drives and/or functioning. Now that we are married and into an apartment just the two of us, we should be all "good to go" and according to some thoughts about newlyweds, going at it like rabbits. But instead its rather emotional because my husband has been my first every thing, self-exploration does not work for me, and I don't know what i like. We are taking it slow and trying out different things, but I have so much anxiety about it now because we "should" be having crazy hot, frequent sex and instead its a thing we are working on.  (Also still a lot of anxiety in general, so I really think I need to work on that)

That being said, we are still very intimate in terms of cuddling, kissing, and more PG-13 activities, and my husband is a really great guy who is truly my best friend, is so caring, trying all he can, balances me out and helps me be the best me, and is the love of my life. We have been through a lot together and are happy, but it's very frustrating to us to hear from all forms of media and culture what "should" be happening if we really are so well suited and happy with each other. And I feel very happy with him but that cultural expectation makes me insecure.

Sorry for that rant. It's really embarrassing and I don't know who to tell so it's just been gnawing at me. I also didn't really know where to put it and it kind of came out here with one poster saying they bet Josiah and Lauren have bad sex because...home decorations? 

I’m sorry you guys are struggling a bit. I think taking things slow was a good decision for you both because it’ll allow some time to figure out what works for both of you, while also allowing you both to get used to the new levels of intimacy and privacy you now have. I mean, you guys went from barely any time alone to suddenly living together without roommates - that alone would probably take some getting used to, even without the additional stuff you mentioned.

If you guys continue to have trouble then reaching out to a Doctor or Therapist with experience in this area could be a great choice. But I agree with @Iamtheway - I think you guys are doing a great job of building a strong and respectful relationship, which is a great foundation for all the other parts of marriage (including sex.)

[patsymae]

10 hours ago, Themanda Duggar said:

I don’t think this is a pathetic story.  I think it sounds like the excitement that you kids felt about getting your tree was important to your dad, and he made it happen however he could.

Wow. Thank you.

 

[samurai_sarah]

@patsymae

My family has a similar tradition. As an adult, I know that it started because my parents were poor. They didn't have the money to spend on an expensive tree, so dad made it an event. As the often overlooked middle-child, the morning of Christmas Eve was magical for me. Dad wrapped me up warmly, and took me, and only me to pick out our tree. Never mind that my brothers never wanted to go, and mum was indifferent - which, as a jaded adult explains why only I got to go. But that doesn't detract from the magic.

It was dad's Christmas gift back then, to see me happily pick a tree, and bounce around. These days, he gets socks... ?

[QuiverFullofBooks]

This seems like a good time to mention that I knew someone who saved money by buying two discounted Christmas trees that looked awful on one side. She cut off any remaining branches on the bad side of each tree, then put them on opposite sides of a wall, so that it looked like the wall had split the tree in half. 

[libgirl2]

13 hours ago, neurogirl said:

I think Lauren actually looks totally rockin' in that red dress. My not-fundie but Christian grandma balked at the idea of me having a red prom dress once upon a time because red was for ladies of the night or something? Anyway, we usually see Lauren in kind of frumpy denim skirts and I think she looks fantastic. 

Also, and this is really personal and something I'm feeling sensitive about right now, but there's some negative talk about fundie couples who don't conceive right away having bad sex or not knowing how to have sex properly. And that somehow dooms their relationship. I've been looking for a place to put this to my online friends, but my husband and I got married this summer and even being intimate before marriage (though only with each other), haven't quite figured it out yet. For the past 4 years of us being sexually active, one or both of us has had had roommates (and we're shy), and/or were long-distance, so intimacy happened about once a month or even less frequently. Combined, we also struggled with depression/anxiety/eating disorder/medications for said mental health crises, which totally killed our sex drives and/or functioning. Now that we are married and into an apartment just the two of us, we should be all "good to go" and according to some thoughts about newlyweds, going at it like rabbits. But instead its rather emotional because my husband has been my first every thing, self-exploration does not work for me, and I don't know what i like. We are taking it slow and trying out different things, but I have so much anxiety about it now because we "should" be having crazy hot, frequent sex and instead its a thing we are working on.  (Also still a lot of anxiety in general, so I really think I need to work on that)

That being said, we are still very intimate in terms of cuddling, kissing, and more PG-13 activities, and my husband is a really great guy who is truly my best friend, is so caring, trying all he can, balances me out and helps me be the best me, and is the love of my life. We have been through a lot together and are happy, but it's very frustrating to us to hear from all forms of media and culture what "should" be happening if we really are so well suited and happy with each other. And I feel very happy with him but that cultural expectation makes me insecure.

Sorry for that rant. It's really embarrassing and I don't know who to tell so it's just been gnawing at me. I also didn't really know where to put it and it kind of came out here with one poster saying they bet Josiah and Lauren have bad sex because...home decorations? 

things are very quiet between me and my husband for months now. In addition to the last two years of dealing with my mom and her dementia, my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer in April and passed away in August. We are dealing with trying to clean up his house to sell, financial issues, bills etc.... then I was sick with diverticulitis for 2 months.....Being "lusty" is very low on my priority list right now. 

[BachelorToTheRapture]

15 hours ago, neurogirl said:

I think Lauren actually looks totally rockin' in that red dress. My not-fundie but Christian grandma balked at the idea of me having a red prom dress once upon a time because red was for ladies of the night or something? Anyway, we usually see Lauren in kind of frumpy denim skirts and I think she looks fantastic. 

Also, and this is really personal and something I'm feeling sensitive about right now, but there's some negative talk about fundie couples who don't conceive right away having bad sex or not knowing how to have sex properly. And that somehow dooms their relationship. I've been looking for a place to put this to my online friends, but my husband and I got married this summer and even being intimate before marriage (though only with each other), haven't quite figured it out yet. For the past 4 years of us being sexually active, one or both of us has had had roommates (and we're shy), and/or were long-distance, so intimacy happened about once a month or even less frequently. Combined, we also struggled with depression/anxiety/eating disorder/medications for said mental health crises, which totally killed our sex drives and/or functioning. Now that we are married and into an apartment just the two of us, we should be all "good to go" and according to some thoughts about newlyweds, going at it like rabbits. But instead its rather emotional because my husband has been my first every thing, self-exploration does not work for me, and I don't know what i like. We are taking it slow and trying out different things, but I have so much anxiety about it now because we "should" be having crazy hot, frequent sex and instead its a thing we are working on.  (Also still a lot of anxiety in general, so I really think I need to work on that)

That being said, we are still very intimate in terms of cuddling, kissing, and more PG-13 activities, and my husband is a really great guy who is truly my best friend, is so caring, trying all he can, balances me out and helps me be the best me, and is the love of my life. We have been through a lot together and are happy, but it's very frustrating to us to hear from all forms of media and culture what "should" be happening if we really are so well suited and happy with each other. And I feel very happy with him but that cultural expectation makes me insecure.

Sorry for that rant. It's really embarrassing and I don't know who to tell so it's just been gnawing at me. I also didn't really know where to put it and it kind of came out here with one poster saying they bet Josiah and Lauren have bad sex because...home decorations? 

I was married in September and have hardly had sex since due to some health problems that can make even a hug painful if we're not extremely careful. It's hard feeling as though we're not doing what we "should" due to reasons that are out of our control and that we're trying to fix, but my husband and I are still happily married, despite our lack of a sex life and we still try to find ways to be close (kissing, holding hands, etc. As much as I can handle depending on the day). At least we know that we love each other and are here for each other no matter what. not just for sex. It's a small comfort, but at least I know we won't be getting a divorce because of sex or because we only married to have sex and don't love and respect one another as we should. It also helps me to know that he's on my side and here to help with my issues; not just wanting sex above anything else, and he absolutely respects my right to say no, which means more to me than I can express and is a prerequisite for a relationship to work.

[singsingsing]

The best piece of advice I've ever heard, which I truly think can be applied to most anything, from your sex life to your sleeping arrangements to your eating habits to your friendships to what you do for work to your hobbies to your goals: don't waste your time trying to be "normal" when you could be happy.

If something is making you unhappy, reflect on why that is. If it's that you genuinely wish it were different, start taking steps to either change it or make peace with it. But if it's mostly or solely because you feel like it "should" be different, that "people" expect something else, that "everyone else" is doing X, that "they" are going to judge you for not doing Y - screw "them". Because there are WAY more people in the same position as you than you realize, I can absolutely guarantee that, AND the only thing that matters, so long as you're not harming anyone, is your happiness (and your partner's happiness, if it involves him/her). Not what anyone else thinks your happiness should depend on. 

When it comes to sex, it sounds trite, but it's incredibly true: sex sells. Never, ever forget that. The people who are making you feel shame about sex, whether it's that you're not having enough, you're having too much, having it with the wrong people, having it the wrong way, etc. are trying to control you, often because they're profiting somehow from your shame, or they're trying to make themselves feel better because they are deeply insecure about their own sexuality. Those people can go rot. They mean nothing to you. No one has a perfect sex life, and anyone who thinks they do isn't going to be concerned with shaming, ridiculing, or dictating the sex lives of others.

[feministxtian]

Marriage and sex: Even if you're having sex every day, what are you doing for the other 23 1/2 hours a day to build that relationship? 

I currently am utterly and totally disinterested in sex. Between the pain in my back and the meds I'm on, my sex drive is zero. Fortunately that's never been a huge part of our relationship. Seriously, it's not a big deal. Don't believe that bullshit that because you're newlyweds you have to make like rabbits. 

[SweetJuly]

@singsingsing I love you! Eloquently and beautifully said.

 

[mstee]

@neurogirl The most important thing is that you and your husband are on the same page (sounds like you guys communicate well!) and that you’re okay with everything. I had a baby in the spring and had a rough labor and unexpected episiotomy and things were not hot and heavy for my husband and I for a while. I felt down about it after some friends mentioned barely waiting the 6 weeks postpartum and I was months out and still having pain. I talked with my husband about it and he didn’t realize that it had become such a big deal to me and it made me feel better that he was so understanding. No two bodies are alike, and whats right for you is really what matters. I will say that talking about it can be very helpful, too. Sometimes it’s nice just to vent. 

[PainfullyAware]

 

@neurogirl I had a medical condition that interfered with our ability to be intimate. It was really distressing and I can relate to all the 'shoulds' and mental tailspin. Several years later the condition improved but we still struggled with avoidance because of the mental side of it

 Have you heard about sensate focus exercises? Doing them really helped us to relax, connect and enjoy touch again. Basically you take turns mindfully giving and receiving light touch (caressing), 10-20 min as 'giver' each. First you start with non-sexual areas like hands, feet, arms, legs and over multiple sessions progress towards more sexual areas. You vary the type of touch (pressure, direction, of stroking and carressing). Mentally you stay present, coming back to the feeling when the mind wanders off or gets worried. After you share what you liked or didn't. Even after we became intimate again it helped to stay present and connected, not just automatically rounding the bases as fast as possible. Google and try it together if you'd like

Oh and so many newlywed married couples are not having constant sex. I read this:

" There is some question among sex therapists about what the true average is for couples in committed relationships. The answers can range from once a week to once a month! ... According to David Schnarch, PhD, through a study conducted with more than 20,000 couples, he found that only 26% of couples are hitting the once-a-week mark, with the majority of the respondents reporting sex only once or twice a month"

(I object to the 'only' and 'hitting the mark' in that quote, especially since that's the majority!)

[neurogirl]

@PainfullyAware Thank you for that recommendation! That sounds amazing for what I need. Really, thank you so much for sharing. I will tell my husband about that tonight. 

[Tiny Bubbles]

https://instagram.com/siduggar?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=1h6jlmx40oz0x

 Hope I've inserted the link to their IG account properly.

 Josiah and Lauren and someone else are flying. Lauren looks terrified to me - those eyes are trying but failing to smile! - but maybe I'm just projecting. 

[xenobia]

1 hour ago, Tiny Bubbles said:

https://instagram.com/siduggar?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=1h6jlmx40oz0x

 Hope I've inserted the link to their IG account properly.

 Josiah and Lauren and someone else are flying. Lauren looks terrified to me - those eyes are trying but failing to smile! - but maybe I'm just projecting. 

Josiah replied to at question about Duggar pilot licenses: "At this point, John and I have our pilots license. Jeremiah is working on getting his.". So I think that's Jeremiah who is flying with them. 

[tabitha2]

No. It’s not just you. She does looked terrified. Probably never been in small plane like that, let alone one piloted by her Husbands very young brother. She will  prett likely get over it eventually.

[VBOY9977]

Lawson commented something about “the bro” showing him how it’s done, so my guess is that Nathan is there

[Tiny Bubbles]

I truly can't imagine. Yikes!  Hope these three are taking safety very very seriously.  

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

15 hours ago, Tiny Bubbles said:

Lauren looks terrified to me - those eyes are trying but failing to smile! - but maybe I'm just projecting. 

I'm on the fence about Lauren's expression. She does look like she might be scared or nervous. But her eyes also remind me of how I look when I try to take a selfie. (I'm not a selfie-queen!  )

I'll try one shot. "Ugh! My eyes look all droopy and half closed!" Then I'll try again, while saying to myself, "Eyes open. Eyes open. EYES OPEN!"

[miss_batson]

Lauren and Merideth 

 

[miss_batson]

SiRen had a visit from Dillards

 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

I know Lauren probably wrote the caption, but someone unfamiliar with the D’s would never know Jill is Si’s sister by the way it’s worded. 

Is Jill close to any sibs outside her buddy team?

[mpheels]

Look so like they’re playing Life. I wonder how they deal with it when female players go to university and end up with non-fundie-approved jobs? Or the elements of gambling and debt? 

[Bobology]

1 hour ago, mpheels said:

Look so like they’re playing Life.

I was hoping they were playing Uncle Wiggly.

It would be interesting if there was a game called "Fundie Life" with the little cars being able to hold about 12-15 people, players graduating to be the family launderers and cooks, being able to own a fundie-approved business. And on the darker side, having to 'confess your sins' to the designated elder, going hungry, being submissive to the appointed headship. Ugh, it just turned into their real lives.

[front hugs > duggs]

I thought about how when we play life, sometimes I end up with 5 kids and I’m like whoa good thing this is a game. The very occasional need for a second car for the kids makes me weep!

A Duggar ending up with 5 kids in that game? They’d probably laugh at how small that is! A second car is ther norm