You Can Judge Another Person's Marriage By Their T-Shirt

[debrand]

The writer noticed that a man had a t-shirt slogan that depicted the man as being more happy before marriage.

On the left was "Before", along with a stick figure man and woman looking very happy. On the right was "After", complete with the sad face on the man and a drawing that resembled a woman nagging/talking/yelling at the man.

Granted, it is not a shirt that I would find funny but considering the man was with his wife and child, it might be that the couple share a twisted sense of humor. Everyone in my family has an odd, off the wall humor so I tend not to judge someone by the slogans on their t-shirts(Unless they are racists or homophobic) I've known women who would have jokingly bought their husbands a shirt like that and they were happily married.

That simple shirt the man wore spoke volumes about the lack of respect this man must have for his wife, and for marriage. How is his young son going to learn respect for his mother, for his future wife, when this is what is displayed when they go out in public?

Worldview would have us believe that we are too sensitive if that bothers us or we are offended by that. That it's only a joke. That's what the enemy wants you to think. He wants you to enjoy that type of humor a little at a time until he wears you down and you start believing that it's normal. What it is, is sad.

The writer did not know the other couple. She had no way of knowing how they communicate or teased one another. Bringing Satan into the mix is over the top but it does sound like an effective way to keep people from enjoying laughing at what she doesn't find funny.

whomovedmycoffee.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-do-i-love-thee.html

next she informs readers all the way that her husband is fantastic. Good. I'm glad that she is happy but not all successful marriages/partnerships look the same

Remember, wives are not called to submit ONLY IF the husband leads. Husbands are not called to lead ONLY IF the wife submits

How the heck does the man lead if the wife refuses to follow? Does he force her to submit?

[debrand]

I'm not certain about the blogger's fundie status. I followed her comment from a Stacey McDonald post but it appears that her daughter is in hockey. Sometimes people can have a weird dichotomy in their religious beliefs. They can hold some fundie beliefs and be modern in other ways.

She also likes Voddie Bauchmann.

I'm not certain how to place her in the fundie spectrum. Maybe-hopefully-she will pass through it like some of us have.

:think:

She appears much younger than her husband. That doesn't mean that they have a bad marriage, but it was something that I noticed.

[Austin]

Lots of happily married men jokingly call their wives things like "ball and chain" or whatever and they think they're just being funny. If they have an offbeat sense of humor, his wife may have even bought the t-shirt for him and it's just a huge joke between them.

My husband and I don't refer to each other in those ways, but we certainly have other inside jokes that if someone else became privy to, they could make all sorts of wild assumptions about. So it's crazy to look at a t-shirt that's clearly meant to be humorous and turn that into some bizarre measure of that person's marriage.

[Swamptribe]

That's the kind of t-shirt, I may buy for my husband. Funny, we've been married for like 27 years.

[clibbyjo]

My husband's most favorite t-shirt(which I bought him) is made by the hockey company Bauer. It says "My equipment is still wet." How would she read that? He is a hockey player after all...

[MerryHappy]

I bought my hubby a 'game over' tshirt off of Tanga. It is a private joke between us that makes us both chuckle when he wears it.

Man, after all these years of marriage, I'm really glad we still have a sense of humor.

[emmiedahl]

I have a friend who often wears a shirt that has an arrow pointing to the side with the words: He's SO Lucky.

dh and I joke about this stuff all the time. We have been married for more than a decade, very happily for the most part. I vote that the wife bought it for him.

[Nothing2CHere]

Before my husband & I got married, his brother and sister-in-law bought him a shirt along those lines - one of these types:

The reason they bought him this shirt is because of our nephew. Their 3 year old son was going to be our ring-bearer. He saw the shirt and because the wedding was coming up and he had a role in it, ANY time he saw something with a bride and groom he automatically made comments about us. They also told us when he saw the shirt and told his mom she had to buy it for his uncle, he also asked, "Why is only [auntie] smiling?"

Hubby wore it for his bachelor party, and he's worn it for a few bachelor parties he's attended since then, but it doesn't usually get worn in normal rotation. Since he always felt that the game was just starting when we got married *mushy mushy mushy*

I didn't read the actual blog entry, but I do know that when I was a young teen romantic, I always found it sad when people told those insulting jokes about marriage. Because I was a young unmarried teen who believed in the fairy tale aspect of marriage. The older, married folks telling the jokes would tell me, "Oh, you just wait until you get married, then you'll understand!" Older and now married, I do have a little more insight into the jokes. I'm still not a big fan of some of the more disrespectful ones. But, I also know that liking or laughing at these jokes doesn't necessarily mean that people are jaded or stuck in loveless marriages void of respect. Marriage isn't always puppies and rainbows, and it's OK to admit that, and OK to laugh at the rough times - it can help get past them, instead of letting them become the marriage's norm. I get the impression that this blogger is still stuck in the "marriage must ALWAYS be puppies and rainbows!" mindset.

ETA: Yeah, and what Austin said. We have all sorts of little phrases and sayings that may seem disrespectful to outsiders, but are actually terms of endearment between ourselves.

[Swamptribe]

At our wedding rehearsal, when the bit about 'who gives this woman', my future husband turned to my father and said 'this is the part where she ceremoniously climbs off your back and on to mine'. Dad laughed for five solid minutes. (I had been supporting myself for several years at that point)

[Witsec6]

I actually do find that shirt offensive. I think it's sexist as it reinforces stereotypical ideas of men's roles in relationships, as if they've been sentenced to a horrible life because all women do is pressure men into marriage and then keep them imprisoned to their relationship. If Mr. nTk called me his "ball and chain" I would offer to unlock it for him and let him wander "freely" FOREVER.

It's one thing to joke about it between members of a couple, it's another to state it to other people.

[ems]

Before my husband & I got married, his brother and sister-in-law bought him a shirt along those lines - one of these types:

The reason they bought him this shirt is because of our nephew. Their 3 year old son was going to be our ring-bearer. He saw the shirt and because the wedding was coming up and he had a role in it, ANY time he saw something with a bride and groom he automatically made comments about us. They also told us when he saw the shirt and told his mom she had to buy it for his uncle, he also asked, "Why is only [auntie] smiling?"

Hubby wore it for his bachelor party, and he's worn it for a few bachelor parties he's attended since then, but it doesn't usually get worn in normal rotation. Since he always felt that the game was just starting when we got married *mushy mushy mushy*

I didn't read the actual blog entry, but I do know that when I was a young teen romantic, I always found it sad when people told those insulting jokes about marriage. Because I was a young unmarried teen who believed in the fairy tale aspect of marriage. The older, married folks telling the jokes would tell me, "Oh, you just wait until you get married, then you'll understand!" Older and now married, I do have a little more insight into the jokes. I'm still not a big fan of some of the more disrespectful ones. But, I also know that liking or laughing at these jokes doesn't necessarily mean that people are jaded or stuck in loveless marriages void of respect. Marriage isn't always puppies and rainbows, and it's OK to admit that, and OK to laugh at the rough times - it can help get past them, instead of letting them become the marriage's norm. I get the impression that this blogger is still stuck in the "marriage must ALWAYS be puppies and rainbows!" mindset.

ETA: Yeah, and what Austin said. We have all sorts of little phrases and sayings that may seem disrespectful to outsiders, but are actually terms of endearment between ourselves.

I saw that shirt last weekend when I went to the beach. I admit, I wasn't such a big fan of it. I definitely agree with what you've said, though, esp. the third paragraph. Having a sense of humor is healthy, despite what fundies think. And as you've said, it helps to laugh at the "not rainbows and butterflies" parts of life. IMO, couples with a sense of humor probably have stronger marriages, but that's just my own unmarried opinion.

Now that I think about it, though, I think what bugged me about the shirt was what notTHATkind mentioned - the subtle? sexism. Why is he the one frowning while the bride goes on smiling?

[NurseNell]

Man, after all these years of marriage, I'm really glad we still have a sense of humor.

A sense of humor seems lacking on many fundie blogs. Do you think in real life they have more humor? I read the tee shirt blog entry. It's just a shirt, she didn't know the man, maybe it was a joke between him and his wife. I didn't see it as so serious.

[Angri-la]

I hate the commercials and television programs that are sexist, showing men to be clueless baboons, who cannot get along without their wives. The one I hate right now is the one with the woman in a greenhouse complaining about her husband signing them up for some unlimited texting plan. She complains that she should have listened to her mother and married someone else. I find it particularly ironic that she is in a fully glassed in greenhouse and is complaining about her husband spending money, but the way she speaks to him? Like a foolish child.

Sure, my husband and I have in-jokes others might find offensive, but I never speak ill of him, even if I am cranky, to anyone.

[BexRani]

The only thing annoying is the nagging wife idea... When does nagging ever work? Lol. My hubby and I have lots of jokes between us. But this is kinda old stuff these jokes.

[fundifugee]

The writer noticed that a man had a t-shirt slogan that depicted the man as being more happy before marriage.

Granted, it is not a shirt that I would find funny but considering the man was with his wife and child, it might be that the couple share a twisted sense of humor. Everyone in my family has an odd, off the wall humor so I tend not to judge someone by the slogans on their t-shirts(Unless they are racists or homophobic) I've known women who would have jokingly bought their husbands a shirt like that and they were happily married.

The writer did not know the other couple. She had no way of knowing how they communicate or teased one another. Bringing Satan into the mix is over the top but it does sound like an effective way to keep people from enjoying laughing at what she doesn't find funny.

whomovedmycoffee.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-do-i-love-thee.html

next she informs readers all the way that her husband is fantastic. Good. I'm glad that she is happy but not all successful marriages/partnerships look the same

How the heck does the man lead if the wife refuses to follow? Does he force her to submit?

Umm, since she starts out by whining about the shirt, but then goes on to yammering about submitting to your husband, maybe her point is that the shirt should have the WOMAN with the sad face and the MAN with the big naggy mouth.

[BexRani]

Husband and wife are equal in marriage. My marriage anyways. Both give %100 to each other. If there is a major decision my husband has final say. But he always asks for my input. :)

[Austin]

Just speaking for myself, I was really just responding to the issue of whether one can judge another's marriage by a t-shirt. I wouldn't personally be a fan of my husband wearing a t-shirt like that (and I can't imagine him wanting to), but I certainly don't think it would sum up the marriage of another couple. Saying you can't judge a marriage by a t-shirt =/= I like the t-shirt.

[marmalade]

If y'all hadn't noticed, I have a very snarkish and dry sense of humor. I'd probably flip that original tee shirt's intentions on its head and wear it myself. Hey, my MIL says I should allow my husband to be a man and make the decisions.

He IS the sole provider while I attend grad school and pretty much has to keep his job because it has the best.medical.insurance.ever (or that you can get as "average joes" these days).

So yeah, I'd wear that shirt and my hubby would laugh at the irony. If the wife is fat, even better. The old guy is as skinny as the day we married (and won't allow me to buy him clothes to get him out of the 90's); my thyroid went wacko and I gained 30 lbs. and weigh about as much as he these days.

If my MIL saw that, she'd probably put me on the same shit list on which my SIL is placed. I'd be even worse because at least the SIL produced a grandkid in her mid-40's; we haven't had kids and at 48 and 51, none will be forthcoming.

[JesusFightClub]

Agreeing with what most posters said here...that could well be an in joke. I personally don't find it amusing, but that's me. Maybe husband and wife have a whole shared history behind it we are just not privy to.

I'm meeting a friend today and I have on a tshirt which will annoy him. He'll expect me to as our relationship is pretty much based on mutual insults ;) it is just friendly teasing which doesn't obscure the fact we are mates. A happy marriage will surely be like that too, maybe the wife laughs at the tshirt or bought it. But fundies are big into judging on clothing.

[bananacat]

Husband and wife are equal in marriage. My marriage anyways. Both give %100 to each other. If there is a major decision my husband has final say. But he always asks for my input. :)

I don't think you know what "equal" means.

[LynnKaboom]

My close friend and I have had this sort of contest with each other since we were in middle school- every birthday and Christmas, we try to buy the other one the most obnoxious T-shirt we can find. He's winning at the moment, I have to find something good for Christmas for him. Sometimes people have inside jokes like that- maybe they have a shirt contest too, or maybe it was a present from someone else. Maybe it was just laundry day and he had nothing else to wear (I've worn some damn strange things when I needed to do the laundry).