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Dillards 68: Jill "Can" Cook


HerNameIsBuffy

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28 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

As someone with actual allergies and intolerances, I am not going to choke something down just because I’m afraid of offending the cook. I value my own well-being more than your cooking. I try to let people know about my restrictions in advance and I never expect other people to accommodate my dietary needs - if they’re cooking something I can’t eat I will happily fend for myself later. All I ask is to not be shamed or pressured into eating something that will make me sick.

There are quite a few foods that will make me vomit, I'm not going to get sick and feel awful and weak afterwards to make anyone feel good. 

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3 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

So Derick is her top blessing, above her children? Those beautiful, sweet children who absolutely love Jill and (I'm sure) try to please her and do their best, are "less blessing" than Derick? Ahem

I'm sure Jill would put her kids at the top of her blessings list too, but prioritizing your husband above your kids is a big thing in fundiedom. Michelle used to talk about it, so little wonder that Jill recycles the same language. I think this idea is also at the heart of Derick's #nokids posts; he's repeating old Duggar lines about the importance of "mom and dad time" in maintaining properly unequal family relationships.

This idea has also been leaking into mainstream vanilla evangelical culture; those annoying youtubers Sam and Nia have done videos about it. Vom.

1 hour ago, Rachel333 said:

I also have a daughter. She was a women’s and gender studies major in college. Naturally, she loathes mayonnaise. 

Wait, so it's not millennials that are killing mayo, it's... the social sciences????? :O

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I don't know whether to be proud or embarassed about what I made for dinner last night.... proud, because everyone ate it and lliked it, embarassed because it used canned mushrooms and cream of mushroom soup! 

 

I'd started out with hamburger and three leftover baked potatoes, and I got the idea to make a deconstructed shepherd's pie. The plan was to saute the hamburger, onions, and fresh mushrooms, cover them with cheddar cheese soup, toss in some frozen mixed vegetables, and top it with shredded cheese, bake it, and serve. Well, we didn't have fresh mushrooms OR      cheddar cheese soup, so my daughter decided cream of mushroom was ok, and found some canned sliced mushrooms  to add to that.

So it was hamburger, onion, potatoes, chopped, mushrooms, bacon bits, mushroom soup (with the juice from the canned mushrooms to thin it out) and shredded cheese on top, baked for about a half hour.  EVERYONE ate it and liked it! 

So... success, or fail?

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7 minutes ago, nickelodeon said:

This idea has also been leaking into mainstream vanilla evangelical culture;

My mom's fundy lite evangelical church was positing this even in the late 70s.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to pay attention to your marriage once you have kids and remember that you're still a couple as well as parents...because that can be hard to do at times.  But if I had to rank who was most important and came first it was always going to be the little people we brought into the world without asking them....not the fully grown adult with agency who should have the ability to take care of himself.

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12 hours ago, ViolaSebastian said:

My first serious boyfriend was an extremely, extremely picky eater. After we moved in together, it was assumed that I'd be preparing three meals a day. As I was 21 and hadn't found my inner bitch yet, I complied. I was just learning how to cook, and I'm sure some things were better than others, but every. single. thing. I made was met with rude comments or just not eaten at all after I'd spent time and effort making it.* It was so, so disheartening and for quite a long time I felt like I just wasn't a good cook. It wasn't until my thirties that I tried to cook seriously again (beyond hamburger helper and spaghetti) and found that I'm actually alright at it. But man, did he sure tear down my self-confidence in my ability to cook. 

*Rest assured, he made absolutely zero effort to cook the things that he would like instead of leaving me to do it. 

Not mad AT you but GRRR I would have slapped that guy upside the head with my cast iron pan for ,1 demanding me to cook him 3 meals a day, FUCK YOU asshole there is the kitchen, 2, complaining about the food, again ASSHOLE there is the kitchen, don't like, make your own. I'm glad you got rid of that guy he wasn't worth anyone's time.

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21 hours ago, Glasgowghirl said:

It's a creepy teddy made from Turkey stitched together, I'll see if it uploads now.

article-2528439-1A45BB1800000578-901_634x500.jpg

Is it stuffed with cornbread stuffing?

10 hours ago, LilMissMetaphor said:

I hate cooking for picky eaters and anyone with multiple allergies--or "intolerances" which magically come and go according to the will of the person involved.  I can't tell you how many times I've pointed out that because this specific product has sodium benzoate in it, they shouldn't be able to eat it, because they claim to be allergic to it, but then they say, "Oh, I can have that when it's in Oreos.  I don't know why, I just can."  Um, because you WANT that to be true?

There's nothing fun about cooking a dinner for a brother who can't eat onions, a brother-in-law who can't eat dairy, a sister who can't eat anything even remotely processed or with additives (except the ones she tells you afterwards are totally fine).  Ok then, here's your potatoes, your flavorless meat, and your veggies (which you aren't going to eat anyway because they're healthy and you don't really "care" for them).

I hate that too. I have a legitimate allergy to all nuts. These people make others not take my allergy seriously. 

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8 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

My mom's fundy lite evangelical church was positing this even in the late 70s.

My childhood United Methodist church was spouting this as late as the early 2000s (before I walked away from the church/religion). I was totally gobsmacked that I should put my (then) husband ahead of my child. 

The Sunday School class I attended had this as a topic one Sunday:  If you and your husband/kid(s) were in a sinking boat, JESUS COMMANDED (or was it God, or was it just in the Bible?) that the adults try to save each other, abandoning the child(ren). Made me sick to think about it then, and makes me cringe now - to think that I even remotely may have "bought in" to such fucking bullshit.

 

 

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The pastor of my liberal-ish Presbyterian church in Canada spouted the same thing in the early 2010s! She told a story about how she and her one daughter would play this 'what would you choose' game and one day the daughter asked, "Mummy, if you could only save one of us, who would it be, me or Daddy?" And my pastor said, "I would save your father." And then she went on to tell us about how spouses have to put each other first, because the death of a child is a terrible tragedy but your spouse is your main support system (or something along those lines). I was very surprised, to say the least.

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As a rule, I detest cooking, BUT it has become my sworn devotion to learn. Why? Because my husband has finally convinced me to move back to Canada and (canadians I'm sorry,  I love ya'll) Canadian food tastes like cardboard to me and the kids. Every time we go (which is very often) I pretty much immediately start dropping a ton of weight and become really depressed. Sooo I need to perfect actually cooking the food we're used to before we move or 4/5 members of the family will starve. 

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Yes, children need to see that their parents care about and cherish one another.

BUT, young, dependent minors need to be a priority over needy adults.

Laying in bed having sweet fellowship while your kids are eating out of cans with a spoon, are stuck sitting at the table unmonitored as infants, running around the stairs and getting a head stuck between the slats, getting lost in an airport is utter BS.

Yes, the parental bond and relationship needs to be beyond strong and close; a priority if you will, but in day to day operations, for many years, children's needs have to come before parental desires.

TLDR; if you need a buddy team and sister moms to care for your children, you have TOO MANY children to safely and appropriately manage.

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5 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

My childhood United Methodist church was spouting this as late as the early 2000s (before I walked away from the church/religion). I was totally gobsmacked that I should put my (then) husband ahead of my child. 

The Sunday School class I attended had this as a topic one Sunday:  If you and your husband/kid(s) were in a sinking boat, JESUS COMMANDED (or was it God, or was it just in the Bible?) that the adults try to save each other, abandoning the child(ren). Made me sick to think about it then, and makes me cringe now - to think that I even remotely may have "bought in" to such fucking bullshit.

 

 

Huh.  Well, if I'm ever in a boat where it's up to me to decide whom to save, God help the adults if kids are on board.

It's human instinct to take care of children first, I thought.

I would have been a shitty wife if living in a time where food was scarce and my headship needed nourishment to be able to work....because I'd totally have been feeding adults bare minimum saving as much as possible for the kids.  

I'm usually quite a pragmatist but...my babies!

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3 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

The pastor of my liberal-ish Presbyterian church in Canada spouted the same thing in the early 2010s! She told a story about how she and her one daughter would play this 'what would you choose' game and one day the daughter asked, "Mummy, if you could only save one of us, who would it be, me or Daddy?" And my pastor said, "I would save your father." And then she went on to tell us about how spouses have to put each other first, because the death of a child is a terrible tragedy but your spouse is your main support system (or something along those lines). I was very surprised, to say the least.

Many parents have a "what if" talk way before disaster hits. In our home, we agreed that the children's needs and safely, especially when they were little, would come first. We were OK with that. The kids are gone and we are still plugging along. 

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6 minutes ago, BabyFactoryClosing said:

As a rule, I detest cooking, BUT it has become my sworn devotion to learn. Why? Because my husband has finally convinced me to move back to Canada and (canadians I'm sorry,  I love ya'll) Canadian food tastes like cardboard to me and the kids. Every time we go (which is very often) I pretty much immediately start dropping a ton of weight and become really depressed. Sooo I need to perfect actually cooking the food we're used to before we move or 4/5 members of the family will starve. 

Hmm... am I the only Canadian wondering what 'Canadian food' is? I mean, besides poutine, butter tarts and beaver tails which I don't think the majority of us eat on a daily basis. :pb_lol: I'm wondering if you just have the misfortune to stay with people in Canada who cook really bland food. Don't worry, unless you're in a super rural spot you should have no problem finding what you need!

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1 minute ago, singsingsing said:

butter tarts

I just googled....how have I never heard of these delightful concoctions?  Just added to my list of things to try to make someday.  

What other yummy secrets are you all hiding up there?  

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You could try Nanaimo bars. I don’t like them but they are considered a quintessential “ Canadian “ food.

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1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

As someone with actual allergies and intolerances, I am not going to choke something down just because I’m afraid of offending the cook. I value my own well-being more than your cooking. I try to let people know about my restrictions in advance and I never expect other people to accommodate my dietary needs - if they’re cooking something I can’t eat I will happily fend for myself later. All I ask is to not be shamed or pressured into eating something that will make me sick.

If you would like, I have several recipes that might be good especially with regards to your allergies. Let me know and I am more than happy to share with you. If not, I am totally cool with it. In my family, we have people who are allergic to gluten, dairy, strawberries and nuts. We try our hardest and 95% of the time it works, but we make sure we can all eat it without causing any illnesses or ER trips. 

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10 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Hmm... am I the only Canadian wondering what 'Canadian food' is?

Yeah, I have no idea what Canadian food is. I would actually say that it varies from region to region what people eat most. I know cod and other fish things are commonly cooked here and in the Maritime provinces; but you're not going to find that as easily in Saskatchewan.

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15 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I did homemade perogis exactly once and never again.  An incredible amount of work when out local Polish deli sells them homemade which are amazing...and don't break apart when cooking like mine tend to.

 

We make them every year for Christmas. Takes an entire day - you're covered in flour... but... it's tradition.

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18 minutes ago, Botkinetti said:

You could try Nanaimo bars. I don’t like them but they are considered a quintessential “ Canadian “ food.

I actually have a recipe for Nanaimo Bars.  I've never made them as my husband hates nuts of all kinds except peanuts.

ETA:  I should make them sometime when my husband is out of the country.  I was going to make a tomato soup cake for Thanksgiving and I might add these bars.  Yeah, my husband will be out of the country on T-day.

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18 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Hmm... am I the only Canadian wondering what 'Canadian food' is? I mean, besides poutine, butter tarts and beaver tails which I don't think the majority of us eat on a daily basis. :pb_lol: I'm wondering if you just have the misfortune to stay with people in Canada who cook really bland food. Don't worry, unless you're in a super rural spot you should have no problem finding what you need!

Its partially this and partially the rural aspect yes :( in the many many years we've been together we've tried every single restaurant in the town we're moving to and the adjacent towns and they're all..... just a little bland. Like, the quality is good dont get me wrong! The meat is tender, the bread is awesome etc theres just zero spice on anything and considering around here we fry off our taste buds by age 2 I just cant taste any of it ?. Theres one Mexican restaurant that's decent and the owners are from where I'm from and they lament that they cant get what they're used to cooking with.

Like we went for Thanksgiving last month and my father in law was like "hey help me with the turkey" and I was like heck yes! And we.... took the bird out of the bag and put it in a roaster and.... put the roaster directly in the oven. That's it. I was floored. I was like "what are we putting on it? What are we injecting it with?" 

The answer was absolutely nothing and no one from the roughly 100 people from 11 families that gathered that day thought it was weird at all. 

Mashed potatoes were literally just mashed potatoes.

I'm sure theres lots of areas that actually use flavor but in over a decade across three provinces I haven't found them yet ?.

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6 minutes ago, BabyFactoryClosing said:

Its partially this and partially the rural aspect yes :( in the many many years we've been together we've tried every single restaurant in the town we're moving to and the adjacent towns and they're all..... just a little bland. Like, the quality is good dont get me wrong! The meat is tender, the bread is awesome etc theres just zero spice on anything and considering around here we fry off our taste buds by age 2 I just cant taste any of it ?. Theres one Mexican restaurant that's decent and the owners are from where I'm from and they lament that they cant get what they're used to cooking with.

Like we went for Thanksgiving last month and my father in law was like "hey help me with the turkey" and I was like heck yes! And we.... took the bird out of the bag and put it in a roaster and.... put the roaster directly in the oven. That's it. I was floored. I was like "what are we putting on it? What are we injecting it with?" 

The answer was absolutely nothing and no one from the roughly 100 people from 11 families that gathered that day thought it was weird at all. 

Mashed potatoes were literally just mashed potatoes.

I'm sure theres lots of areas that actually use flavor but in over a decade across three provinces I haven't found them yet ?.

Oh no! I feel your pain. A few years ago we travelled back to where my grandparents are from, and while I wouldn't call the food bland, they definitely did not understand the concept of spice. We found the only Asian restaurant in town and ordered the spiciest thing on the menu. They warned us that it was VERY SPICY! We started eating it and... no spice. :pb_lol:

If you're in a more urban area you'll definitely be able to find restaurants that are more to your taste, and grocery stores that are pretty well stocked. But rural living can be tough that way. I hope you can make it work, there's nothing worse than having to eat food you hate day in and day out!

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@LilMissMetaphor,  I don't mind accommodating people with actual allergies or strong food dislikes, but I have a problem with people that just decide all of a sudden that they are "allergic" to some food that they've been eating apparently with no problem for years.  My mother-in-law was in her 50s when suddenly she could not eat chicken anymore.  She had to eat salmon because she was "allergic".  Of course, I found out about her "allergy" when I served chicken for dinner one evening when they were visiting.  Her little boy aka my husband also developed an "allergy" to chicken sometime in his 50s.  It didn't last though.  He likes chicken too much.   I do like for my m-i-l.

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2 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

I'm another mayonnaise hater, and a millennial to boot which means I'm killing the mayonnaise industry. There was an amazing article about this a few months ago. The lady is not happy that millennial don't like mayonnaise. It contains lines like:

 

Thank you for sharing that article; I had no idea I was a subversive until I read that. 

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While I like cooking in general it can get hard if your goal is to make elaborate dinners every day. Assuming your children get a warm lunch at school, I don’t see the need to have a warm dinner every day (and in summer I definitely don’t see the need to have a warm meal every day). We have just bread/sandwiches at least twice a week for dinner and really enjoy that. Cooking and dinner is our “family time” so it doesn’t really matter what we eat and cook but to spend time together. 

I am a bit astonished what you seem to put out every day. Like- wow. I would be exhausted because a lot of things sound very complicated or with a ton of ingredients or elaborate ways to prepare (especially with meat). I mean cooking spaghetti bolognese from scratch doesn’t take longer than 45min even though it would taste nicer having the sauce cooking for way longer. Pasta with sauce/ stir fry can be super easy, quick and cheap (here it is cheaper to buy in season vegetables than good quality meat). Together with bread twice that already covers 4 days of the week. Potatoes with spinach and eggs is also a simple, cheap and quick meal. 

Nothing from above is what I would call elaborate cooking but I really don’t think that is what you need to do when money and time is tight. That is why I am a bit perplexed when people say they don’t know how to make quick and cheap dinner without an excessive amount of cans and stuff (no shaming in general. seriously we all use processed food at some point- I mean mustard, ketchup anyone???). And if your partner/children complains maybe it gets to be his/her job or they just have to suck it up. No one always gets what one wishes for. As long as everyone is fed with a reasonably healthy meal and had enough to be full everything is well. Not every day has to be a culinary epitome. 

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2 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

 My mother-in-law was in her 50s when suddenly she could not eat chicken anymore.  

I am in my 50s, and I "suddenly" cannot eat gluten anymore. Why? Because I finally - after a lifetime of struggle - figured out the CAUSE of my eczema and other issues.

 

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