Jinjer 45: First a Preacher then a Seminarian

[Meggo]

1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

I'm all for women having the hair they want. If they choose to please their husbands, fine, if they choose to please themselves, fine... my husband loves long hair, BUT: while I had longish hair when I met him, my hair was in an "upward" as in getting shorter phase.

I went into nursing school with very long hair, and pinning that all up under a cap was tiring, and difficult to keep neat, as I have very fly-away hair. By senior year, I had a shoulder length bob that could be pulled back into a stubby pony tail.

By the time I met Mr. Four, it was a chin length bob. After we got married, it was more of a boy cut and has remained so, because any more I'm all about the ease of it. My family's women tend to get a bit horse-faced as we grow older, and that wasn't a good look for me with long hair... so out it went.

My husband definitely prefers long hair - but I can't grow the type he likes - those long luxurious waves? Don't grow out of my head. It's to thin. So I get scraggly long hair (had it down to my waist LONG before I met him). 

So now it's shoulder length and I keep thinking of going Gennifer Goodwin short but I'm too scared. I haven't ever had hair that short - even after surviving all the bowl cuts of the 70s... But that's me - not him. 

[ati_escapee]

What creeps me out SO BADLY is that fundie girls have long hair because their dads "like it." My mom tried to explain this to be back when they were fundie lite/wanna be's and it creeped me out then, as a child. I've had short hair and long hair throughout my life. I grow it out, get annoyed with it, cut it, repeat. My husband likes my hair long I like it long too, that's why it's long. It's bad enough to let your husband dictate your hair, but your father?? Weird. ?

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

I'm all for women having the hair they want. If they choose to please their husbands, fine, if they choose to please themselves, fine... my husband loves long hair, BUT: while I had longish hair when I met him, my hair was in an "upward" as in getting shorter phase.

I went into nursing school with very long hair, and pinning that all up under a cap was tiring, and difficult to keep neat, as I have very fly-away hair. By senior year, I had a shoulder length bob that could be pulled back into a stubby pony tail.

By the time I met Mr. Four, it was a chin length bob. After we got married, it was more of a boy cut and has remained so, because any more I'm all about the ease of it. My family's women tend to get a bit horse-faced as we grow older, and that wasn't a good look for me with long hair... so out it went.

I think long hair does not work on every aging woman. It depends on the face shape and quality of hair. Now if ladies do not care about perhaps looking older, go for it. My mom, just as an example, is very thin, with a long face and thin, thin, thin hair. Her long hair just hangs and pulls her face down, which, Imo, ages her...to each her own. I’m sure at 80+ she doesn’t give a hoot.

[outtheblue]

1 hour ago, CharlieInCharge said:

Going back to the introvert - extrovert discussion. I recently had a very negative experience gettting involved in my community and trying to make friends. I feel like a large part of the conflict was my trying to be friends with a lot of folks who are strong extroverts. I am not at all, but I wanted to be involved and try to meet people after living here for six years and not making any friends. It all kind of fell apart and now I have been pushed out and all the extroverts are friends together. It’s been incredibly painful and it’s made me question if friendship is even something I can find and maintain in my life. I’m mostly putting this out there because I wonder if people have experience with ‘mixed friendships’. Can introverts and extroverts really be friends? Should I try to find other introverts somehow, folks who would understand me better? I’ve only had one ‘real’ friend in adulthood and she lives in another country and I haven’t seen her in over five years. I know this isn’t the place to ask for life advice, but the Duggars aren’t breeding and we all seem a bit bored, so why the hell not? 

I'm like you where I haven't made many friends since becoming an adult and I'm now 30. I've moved a couple times too. A few months ago I made a friend with an extrovert which I was ecstatic about because of the connection I craved with another female. The problem with our friendship though is her not understanding my needs quite yet and vice versa. I can go quite awhile without hanging out and be perfectly fine, in fact, I need it. We've both gotten busy though and haven't gotten to hang out in awhile (a month), and now she's gotten cold to me and seems to be moving on to other friendships. I'm not sure I can meet the needs of an extrovert in terms of friendship.

[lumpentheologie]

2 hours ago, CharlieInCharge said:

Going back to the introvert - extrovert discussion. I recently had a very negative experience gettting involved in my community and trying to make friends. I feel like a large part of the conflict was my trying to be friends with a lot of folks who are strong extroverts. I am not at all, but I wanted to be involved and try to meet people after living here for six years and not making any friends. It all kind of fell apart and now I have been pushed out and all the extroverts are friends together. It’s been incredibly painful and it’s made me question if friendship is even something I can find and maintain in my life. I’m mostly putting this out there because I wonder if people have experience with ‘mixed friendships’. Can introverts and extroverts really be friends? Should I try to find other introverts somehow, folks who would understand me better? I’ve only had one ‘real’ friend in adulthood and she lives in another country and I haven’t seen her in over five years. I know this isn’t the place to ask for life advice, but the Duggars aren’t breeding and we all seem a bit bored, so why the hell not? 

In my experience most of my friends are extroverts---like many introverts I'm not really one to go around introducing myself to strange people, so extroverts are the ones who make friends with me.  The other introverts I'm friends with I either met because an extrovert who made friends with me also made friends with them, or I met them at school, or online, or as a roommate. 

Extroverts often have a ton of friends, so if you don't want to hang out they can do something with someone else. It might be hard with a lonely extrovert, and in general anyone who doesn't respect your boundaries because you're different than them is someone to avoid.

The hardest part I've come across is how introverts and extroverts often evaluate the closeness of a friendship differently. I have a close friend who I really try to see twice a month and that is A LOT for me, and a huge show of friendship commitment, but he's extremely extroverted and wants to be hanging out with people 6 nights a week. This means that compared to some people he sees 3 times a week, he sometimes considers me a more casual friend. But when we do see each other we have a lot of heartfelt conversations and really bond, and I know he does really value me as a friend. We just had to have some discussions about our different needs. (It complicates things that quality time is one of my primary love languages, so I feel SO GUILTY when I let someone down by not spending time with them.)

But there are also extroverts who kind of make a project out of making friends with introverts---they know there are lots of interesting people the world is kinda missing out on, and they try to get us out of our shells a bit. My BFF is exactly like that. 

If you can, I'd try taking a class in something that interests you, or maybe joining a group where showing up is totally optional.  I think introverts often kind of need a shared interest to start a relationship, more than extroverts do. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

@CharlieInCharge, I feel for you truly. My one best friend lives on the other side of the country. I am a lot less lonely since I met my husband. The lonliness for 2-3 years before i met him was pretty epically crushing. I am an introvert who enjoys regularly  hanging out with one or two people. Larger groups are a lot more uncomfortable for me, especially as I don't drink and prefer not to socialize in situations where drinking is the center of the socializing. 

I don't mind ocassionaly going to a bar/brewery but I have harder time when it's "the default" hang out spot. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

11 hours ago, CharlieInCharge said:

I know this isn’t the place to ask for life advice, but the Duggars aren’t breeding and we all seem a bit bored, so why the hell not? 

why not?  you sound a lot like me, except I don't try.

extroverts are easier to be friends with for me as they push it forward, but friendships with introverts tend to be deeper as I connect better when I feel understood.

[QuiverFullofBooks]

@CharlieInCharge I agree that some shared interest or activity can be helpful. Church can be a great way to meet people, if there’s a religious community near you that’s reasonably close to your beliefs. (They can also be very cliquey, especially at first.) I have a very introverted friend who hosted monthly game nights because it gave her a way to socialize that allowed her to stay home and provided a topic of conversation. Good luck.

[SassyPants]

23 hours ago, CharlieInCharge said:

Going back to the introvert - extrovert discussion. I recently had a very negative experience gettting involved in my community and trying to make friends. I feel like a large part of the conflict was my trying to be friends with a lot of folks who are strong extroverts. I am not at all, but I wanted to be involved and try to meet people after living here for six years and not making any friends. It all kind of fell apart and now I have been pushed out and all the extroverts are friends together. It’s been incredibly painful and it’s made me question if friendship is even something I can find and maintain in my life. I’m mostly putting this out there because I wonder if people have experience with ‘mixed friendships’. Can introverts and extroverts really be friends? Should I try to find other introverts somehow, folks who would understand me better? I’ve only had one ‘real’ friend in adulthood and she lives in another country and I haven’t seen her in over five years. I know this isn’t the place to ask for life advice, but the Duggars aren’t breeding and we all seem a bit bored, so why the hell not? 

I second the try a faith group or a volunteer position. My county has a volunteer website with a full range of opportunities. I found both of these places a good starting point for meeting people. Like you, we moved for my husband's job and I retired at the same time, so I felt very, very isolated, so much so that my health was adversely affected.

[CharlieInCharge]

Sadly, it was a volunteer position I was pushed out of. I helped start a food pantry for our small rural town with three other ladies who have lived here a long time. Once things got established and I had done the paperwork, spent hundreds of dollars on promotion and made the delivery runs in my own vehicle for several months it was decided to form an ‘official board’ and I was not to be on it. After that I was no longer neeeded for anything apparently and was not informed of volunteer meetings or other events. I am sorry to unload all this, but I am feeling really bitter and disheartened after all of this and I have no one to talk to about it since everyone I met during the process is no longer talking to me ? This is the first time I’ve been able to vent a bit since it happened. Thanks. 

 

Edited to add: I was doing this both to do something positive as well as meet people in my area, so I feel like I failed on every level. The only good thing is the pantry is still going and seems to be doing well, but they also pushed out the remaining non-local volunteers. It’s caused some strife which sucks so much.

[Audrey2]

I know the libraries in my area also offer a good amount of programming. Besides seminars, they offer book clubs. One even has a night once a month that a different musician comes in and plays at the library and it also offers a board game night. I too am an introvert and have made some friends through my book clubs at the library.

[SassyPants]

31 minutes ago, CharlieInCharge said:

Sadly, it was a volunteer position I was pushed out of. I helped start a food pantry for our small rural town with three other ladies who have lived here a long time. Once things got established and I had done the paperwork, spent hundreds of dollars on promotion and made the delivery runs in my own vehicle for several months it was decided to form an ‘official board’ and I was not to be on it. After that I was no longer neeeded for anything apparently and was not informed of volunteer meetings or other events. I am sorry to unload all this, but I am feeling really bitter and disheartened after all of this and I have no one to talk to about it since everyone I met during the process is no longer talking to me ? This is the first time I’ve been able to vent a bit since it happened. Thanks. 

 

Edited to add: I was doing this both to do something positive as well as meet people in my area, so I feel like I failed on every level. The only good thing is the pantry is still going and seems to be doing well, but they also pushed out the remaining non-local volunteers. It’s caused some strife which sucks so much.

I am sorry that this happened to you! 

[Kailash]

@CharlieInCharge I promise that you do not want to be friends with anyone who would behave how the locals behaved towards you and others. Unspeakably rude, and they cut off their nose to spite their face by not allowing someone who worked as hard as you did and gave freely of your time and resources. They don’t deserve you! 

It wouldn’t surprise me if they botch things up and then come to you for help, acting like they are doing you a favor. Don’t fall for it. They took advantage of you once, don’t let them do it again. 

You tried really hard to expand your relationships with others and you should be proud of that and the fact that you created something that helps so many others. It says more about those who excluded you than it says about you. 

Don’t be afraid to try again. One true friend can make all the difference. They are out there. (They are probably one of the others who were excluded.)

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On ‎12‎/‎7‎/‎2018 at 6:01 PM, VelociRapture said:

Regarding Rouladen, I make it the way my dad says his grandma made it. Place the beef on top of a slice of bacon, spread Dijon mustard on the beef, add the pickles and carrots, roll it up, and secure with a toothpick. The bacon gets crispy when you brown the meat and it tastes so good! 

As for cooking v. baking - my husband and I can do both. We definitely have had our mess ups,  but we’re both pretty good at cooking and baking. If I had to pick, then I’d say he’s a slightly better cook and I’m a slightly better baker. 

I'm a few days behind here, but I had to Google Rouladen as I'd never heard of it, despite my mom's family being very German, and it sounds delicious, I'm going to have to give this a try some night, DH & DS would love it DD MIGHT.  The 1st recipe I saw had onion instead of pickles & carrots, but I would make mine like you have listed and the families with the onion & carrots as they aren't big pickle fans and I'm not an onion fan.

[libgirl2]

7 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I'm a few days behind here, but I had to Google Rouladen as I'd never heard of it, despite my mom's family being very German, and it sounds delicious, I'm going to have to give this a try some night, DH & DS would love it DD MIGHT.  The 1st recipe I saw had onion instead of pickles & carrots, but I would make mine like you have listed and the families with the onion & carrots as they aren't big pickle fans and I'm not an onion fan.

My  mom never used carrots, but anyway done rouladen is delicious. If I made that I think my husband would buy me a new car to thank me. Its one of his favorites. I have a friend who makes it as well and she gave me the recipe, but I'm kind of nervous to try it. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

I have never heard of rouladen. It sounds good, and I am not any particular bacon fan. 

[VelociRapture]

8 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I'm a few days behind here, but I had to Google Rouladen as I'd never heard of it, despite my mom's family being very German, and it sounds delicious, I'm going to have to give this a try some night, DH & DS would love it DD MIGHT.  The 1st recipe I saw had onion instead of pickles & carrots, but I would make mine like you have listed and the families with the onion & carrots as they aren't big pickle fans and I'm not an onion fan.

So, I didn’t realize I typed “carrots” until you pointed it out just now. I don’t have the remove in front of me, but I’m pretty sure I meant to type “Onions” instead. 

I’ve made it a few times now. It can take a while and be somewhat labor intensive for me, which is a bit of an issue when your toddler is constantly crying for your attention... but it’s delicious. My dad had it growing up and that was his request a few  years ago when I offered to cook him German food. He said it tasted almost exactly like what his Grandma (who he lived with) made. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, CharlieInCharge said:

Sadly, it was a volunteer position I was pushed out of. I helped start a food pantry for our small rural town with three other ladies who have lived here a long time. Once things got established and I had done the paperwork, spent hundreds of dollars on promotion and made the delivery runs in my own vehicle for several months it was decided to form an ‘official board’ and I was not to be on it. After that I was no longer neeeded for anything apparently and was not informed of volunteer meetings or other events. I am sorry to unload all this, but I am feeling really bitter and disheartened after all of this and I have no one to talk to about it since everyone I met during the process is no longer talking to me ? This is the first time I’ve been able to vent a bit since it happened. Thanks. 

Edited to add: I was doing this both to do something positive as well as meet people in my area, so I feel like I failed on every level. The only good thing is the pantry is still going and seems to be doing well, but they also pushed out the remaining non-local volunteers. It’s caused some strife which sucks so much.

I'm sorry these folks were such assholes, I've found that small town life is very hard to integrate yourself into unless you've got deep multigenerational roots there. It is also why we will NEVER EVER again live in a small town, I don't think it has anything to do with introvert/extrovert and everything to do with closed mindedness.  I'm fairly introverted and several very extroverted friends. Granted they do a lot of things without me, and I'm mostly OK with that, and otherwise annoyed at myself for my inability to "put myself out there" but that is MY issue not theirs. I do think it can help to have introverted friends because they just get it when you just don't want to do this or that.

[SassyPantswithASideofClass]

Growing up I was definitely an extrovert. Now in my late 20s, I've become an introvert. I don't really go out much, I have friends, but I keep my circle small. I've found the people I am truly friends with, are the ones that I hold dear to my heart.(They know the good, and bad of my life and vice versa)  I do have friends who are more just work friends or acquaintances.   My very best friends are 3 ladies and 3 guys who have known me either since we were kids in school or in our college years. We do have our moments when we don't see eye to eye but we love each other through all of life's ups  and downs.

[Coconut Flan]

Carry on here: