Maxwell 25: Pies, Cakes, Tarts, and Tortes

[HerNameIsBuffy]

18 minutes ago, acheronbeach said:

The way he weirdly zooms in on faces make them look like Gollum.

Okay, I didn't want to say anything but this can be because of the photographer right?

I know a photographer has to work with what he has and can't make people look like supermodels, but it seemed like certain shots which could have made people look more attractive were missing?

Idk - they seemed happy which makes it seem like a pleasant wedding - but Idk if I'd have been thrilled if they were my pics.  Because I will totally blame the photographer for not making me look like Valerie Bertinelli on a good day!  (kidding)

[nomoxian]

9 hours ago, OhNoNike said:

They’re so weird about stuff, I bet they didn’t publish it until now so either 1) no one would deface it or 2) people couldn’t easily find where they live. 

They've already been doxed.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

5 minutes ago, nomoxian said:

They've already been doxed.

All the more reason to protect themselves from that happening again.  I don't blame them a bit.

[FloraKitty35]

2 hours ago, acheronbeach said:

OMG those photos.  Sorry, he's improved, but I still say he's not very good.  Some are lovely, but some are so weird.  

The groomsmen and groom posing on the stairs look like they're about to burst into the "No More Dames," musical number from Hail Caesar.  The way he weirdly zooms in on faces make them look like Gollum.  So many pictures of the backs of peoples' heads.

That said, the wedding itself looks like a lot of fun.

And Chris's photography website is still really LOLworthy.  Oh, man, some of those photos are terrible!!!

 

(FYI, for those that haven't seen, No More Dames is an extremely gay musical dance scene, led by a smokin' hot Channing Tatum)

The photo of the bride taken from the back is (imo) a decent photo, but there are some real doozies like the one where they look like they're getting ready to dance.

[Palimpsest]

2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

What shocks me is that he's so in demand he is hired from out of state couples. 

Oh, honey, he isn't in demand.  He has never been in demand.  He is no Arndt.  He's only ever done 2 or (at most) 3 weddings a year and (strangely) 2 of the last 3 have been Mennonite.  The others are probably all devout Max-humpers.  Perhaps Stevehovah has a Mennonite following or they are Bont connections and Chris is really cheap.

My guess is that his Maxwellian restrictions (although he loosened those up a lot) knock out the average Fundie.  Or they look at his portfolio and gag.  There are plenty of other Fundie photographers far, far, better than Chris.

Believe me, this latest lot represent the best wedding photos Chris has ever produced.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

9 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Oh, honey, he isn't in demand.  He has never been in demand.  He is no Arndt. 

 No he isn't!  I bet Chris has never even owned his own cleats!

10 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

He's only ever done 2 or (at most) 3 weddings a year

Now I'm back to wondering about finances which are clearly none of my business ... how is he supporting such a large family in what looks to be a comfortable manner on the amount of work that is more at the hobbyist level?

And all those boys bought houses in cash.  I've been in IT for a long time and they didn't do that on the back of their 1 ton ramp.  

Who gave Stevehova a license to print money?

[SassyPants]

5 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

To paraphrase Chandler Bing:

Could those bridesmaid dresses BE any more pink?? 

And I know it’s been mentioned on here before, but OF COURSE every album starts off with a photo of the church. Cuz that’s the most important thing. 

Then, how come the Maxwells don't attend one?

[mango_fandango]

Because Steve is Lord. Steve preaches a very narrow view of Christianity, more extreme than many fundies we follow, and by having his own church he can keep his family under control. Stevie doesn’t seem like the type to take direction from anyone else, he has to be in control. 

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

Because Steve is Lord. Steve preaches a very narrow view of Christianity, more extreme than many fundies we follow, and by having his own church he can keep his family under control. Stevie doesn’t seem like the type to take direction from anyone else, he has to be in control. 

PS- Steve is one brick shy of a complete load.

[SPHASH]

New post up.  Griselda Teri says you should keep your calendars and document every occasion and special event.  You mean like Brett Kavanaugh?

[HereticHick]

I am so disappointed to learn that the Maxwells in Leavenworth are in Kansas's 2nd Congressional District instead of the 3rd.  Because if they lived in the 3rd and were about to be represented in the United States Congress by a Native American lesbian kickboxer, I was going to do a celebratory fast.

[Jana814]

11 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Because Steve is Lord. Steve preaches a very narrow view of Christianity, more extreme than many fundies we follow, and by having his own church he can keep his family under control. Stevie doesn’t seem like the type to take direction from anyone else, he has to be in control. 

Excitily, that’s why he started his own church. He needs to control everyone & everything. I think he choice doing church in a nursery home because he wanted to control the elderly in some way. 

[usedbicycle]

Teri, I can't wait for you to document the wedding of a daughter! Now that would be a true first!

[singsingsing]

psst... I've been doing tarot readings for some of our favourite fundies over in No Holds Barred, and for anyone interested, I've done the Maxwells recently... *slinks back out into the night*

Actually, wait, I have a comment to make on their most recent post.  I would love to see them document the 'first' of a child (especially a female child) going their their first day of school, graduating with their class, going away to university... Or how about the 'first' of one of your daughters coming home to visit over the holidays (because, you know, she has her own life somewhere else) and bringing her boyfriend who you've heard so much about but haven't met yet because you don't have complete control over her body, soul, and every move? Or how about the 'first' time one of your kids realizes you've been full of shit their whole lives and they don't have to live under Father Steve's umbrella of tragic authority? There are just so many possibilities.

[kpmom]

Just curious, but if any of the daughters ever do get married would they have the wedding at the nursing home since that is sort of their church?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

5 hours ago, SPHASH said:

New post up.  Griselda Teri says you should keep your calendars and document every occasion and special event.  You mean like Brett Kavanaugh?

Or like Advent calendars?  I agree!  Chocolate and wine for everyone!  

Thanks for the reminder, Teri  

[Jana814]

15 minutes ago, kpmom said:

Just curious, but if any of the daughters ever do get married would they have the wedding at the nursing home since that is sort of their church?

I wonder the same thing. But I don’t think that would happen. Maybe if they were to marry they would a church close to them to have the ceremony. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

48 minutes ago, Jana814 said:

I wonder the same thing. But I don’t think that would happen. Maybe if they were to marry they would a church close to them to have the ceremony. 

Or they would choose the church Steve and Teri were married in because the Max daughters can’t have anything of their own. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Or they would choose the church Steve and Teri were married in because the Max daughters can’t have anything of their own. 

If a Maxwell daughter were to get married I think they'd be married by Steve in their own backyard.

Meatless burritos, box of animal crackers for the reception.  Just enough to serve half the people invited.

I do hope they have tents up though, to protect guests from the droppings of all the flying pigs filling the sky.

[Jana814]

8 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Or they would choose the church Steve and Teri were married in because the Max daughters can’t have anything of their own. 

Very true. I can see them doing that!  

[Palimpsest]

1 hour ago, kpmom said:

Just curious, but if any of the daughters ever do get married would they have the wedding at the nursing home since that is sort of their church?

Not the back yard.  All the humpers would want to come.  My guess is they would borrow the same church they borrowed to for the baptisms of some of the grandchildren and have the reception in the basement.  The food will be a job lot of bean burritos, some smoked meat and Teri's favorite salad.   One lettuce leaf for each guest and a couple of peas.  I'm sure they will have a Biblical shower at the NH though.  All the old ladies would love to bless them with material goods.

As for Teri - I'm really shocked that she doesn't remember the last time she watched the BEAST.  She certainly remembers how long she home schooled:

Quote

What firsts do you wish you had documented? Lasts? How are you documenting them now?

Firsts: None really.  I remember most important anniversaries.  Perhaps losing my virginity and the first time I slept with my husband?  Two separate dates and neither was my wedding day.  My bad.

Lasts:  Perhaps the last time I went to church when it wasn't for either a wedding or a funeral?  The last time I saw Paris?  It was in the spring, love was in the air,  life was a love affair and every pair of arms a rendezvous for two ...

and a  for anyone who can identify that earworm.

How do I document important dates now?  I dunno, Teri. I have a dead tree list of birthdays and anniversaries and add to it as necessary in case both my laptop and phone crash at the same time.  

What more do she want anyway?   Should I log every time I have sex just in case it is the last?

ETA.  I have added November 14th to my calendar.  I need to remember when Sarah's new book is hitting the market.  I can't wait to read about little Emma and Ethan's adventures in Maxhell.  Not.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

14 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Should I log every time I have sex just in case it is the last?

 This made me laugh so hard it brought tears to my eyes...and also very sad about the state of my own life.

And Teri - I don't even remember my own age half the time.  Not lying, I just sometimes have to do the math...you can't expect me to remember anything else.

[freethemall]

30 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Not the back yard.  All the humpers would want to come.  My guess is they would borrow the same church they borrowed to for the baptisms of some of the grandchildren and have the reception in the basement.  The food will be a job lot of bean burritos, some smoked meat and Teri's favorite salad.   One lettuce leaf for each guest and a couple of peas.

But the real question is, if they serve Terri's favorite salad for a Maxwell daughter wedding, will we finally learn how they slice the lettuce with a pizza cutter??????

[usedbicycle]

38 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Should I log every time I have sex just in case it is the last?

Kind of off subject but this reminds me of an "inspirational" story in a Christian marriage book I read a long time ago. It was about elderly parents who went on an expensive vacation to Hawaii, and no one understood how they could afford it. They gathered their married kids to share their secret: since their wedding night, they put $1 in a jar every time they had sex. 

I found that to be so gross and disturbing! Can you imagine tipping the boat guy $10 and thinking, "There go 10 quickies while the kids were napping"! Not to mention giving the kids a mental image of their parents' thousands of sexual encounters. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

3 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

Kind of off subject but this reminds me of an "inspirational" story in a Christian marriage book I read a long time ago. It was about elderly parents who went on an expensive vacation to Hawaii, and no one understood how they could afford it. They gathered their married kids to share their secret: since their wedding night, they put $1 in a jar every time they had sex. 

I found that to be so gross and disturbing! Can you imagine tipping the boat guy $10 and thinking, "There go 10 quickies while the kids were napping"! Not to mention giving the kids a mental image of their parents' thousands of sexual encounters. 

So what happened if neither of them had cash?