Seewalds 36: Waiting for the Next Cute Kid Video or Photo

[JesSky03]

My father in law decided to start over with his new wife pretty late in life so there are some interesting age gaps on that side...42,40,38,28(either an oops baby or the baby will fix the marriage baby),16, and 11. I think he only manages because his wife is a little younger than him and is high energy. 

[patsymae]

My mom had her last at 40 which was considered pretty old--really old--at the time. Then my aunt, who had 6 kids in rapid succession in her 20s (yes, Irish Catholic) got pregnant at age 48. Current generation very big on snipping and clipping when enough is enough.

[Carm_88]

Screenshot from a video on Jessa’s story!

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

For most of my childhood, I loved snacking on still frosty frozen peas.

All this late life surprise pregnancy talk has me imagining Mechelle reading here with hope and prayer in her heart.

[LawsonBatesEgo]

On 11/10/2018 at 1:58 AM, Crazy Enough to Join said:

Is it physically possible that Jessa is still quiverful with this long of a pregnancy gap at her age?

I don't know a lot about TTC/pregnancy since I don't have nor want kids of my own, but I know someone who had Irish twins by accident (11 month age gap, although the second was born a few weeks premature), and then wanted to have a third and couldn't conceive for almost 4 years despite actively trying. 

Fertility can be weird. 

ETA: I almost have a cousin who had their first child in their late teens (unplanned) and tried to have another child for years and tried some fertility treatments that were unsuccessful before they eventually just gave up on it because it wasn't meant to be and decided to be happy with the kid they had. Had an unexpected pregnancy when their first child was well into her teens. They kept it but I actually get the impression they regret it now - they would have basically been done with the hard part of child before turning 40, but now they won't be done until their mid 50s. They have said a few things that make it clear the wish they didn't go back for another round when they were almost done, especially because their younger child is quite difficult. 

Anyway, I could also see Ben and Jessa doing the thing where they are not actively trying for a baby,  but don't do anything to prevent either and "if it happens, it happens". I could easily see a couple with a 3 year old and an 1.5 year old not having as much sex as a childless couple or a couple with older children. 

[just_ordinary]

6 hours ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

I don't know a lot about TTC/pregnancy since I don't have nor want kids of my own, but I know someone who had Irish twins by accident (11 month age gap, although the second was born a few weeks premature), and then wanted to have a third and couldn't conceive for almost 4 years despite actively trying. 

Fertility can be weird. 

ETA: I almost have a cousin who had their first child in their late teens (unplanned) and tried to have another child for years and tried some fertility treatments that were unsuccessful before they eventually just gave up on it because it wasn't meant to be and decided to be happy with the kid they had. Had an unexpected pregnancy when their first child was well into her teens. They kept it but I actually get the impression they regret it now - they would have basically been done with the hard part of child before turning 40, but now they won't be done until their mid 50s. They have said a few things that make it clear the wish they didn't go back for another round when they were almost done, especially because their younger child is quite difficult. 

Anyway, I could also see Ben and Jessa doing the thing where they are not actively trying for a baby,  but don't do anything to prevent either and "if it happens, it happens". I could easily see a couple with a 3 year old and an 1.5 year old not having as much sex as a childless couple or a couple with older children. 

I think that might be the case: having unprotected sex just when you want to, without timing it just gives a chance of 30% per cycle (IIRC). So it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for her not to get pregnant for a while. 

[Four is Enough]

Do you think Michelle's daughters realize that her incredibly single-minded pursuit of pregnancy was not normal?

Except for Anna (yes, I realize she's not technically a daughter, but she set herself up for comparison with Michelle) they all seem to be on a slower track to parenthood than Michelle, and even Anna is going at a slower pace. Whether that is her own body's reaction to pregnancy, or the Turd putting his foot down, I don't know, but thank God. The world could be overrun with Duggars otherwise.

[singsingsing]

7 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

Do you think Michelle's daughters realize that her incredibly single-minded pursuit of pregnancy was not normal?

Except for Anna (yes, I realize she's not technically a daughter, but she set herself up for comparison with Michelle) they all seem to be on a slower track to parenthood than Michelle, and even Anna is going at a slower pace. Whether that is her own body's reaction to pregnancy, or the Turd putting his foot down, I don't know, but thank God. The world could be overrun with Duggars otherwise.

I think they realize it now. It may have taken going through pregnancy, childbirth, and having an actual child (or children) for them to have that epiphany, though. I really think that some (or all) of them totally expected to follow in their mother's footsteps until reality hit. Especially Jill - for some reason I think she expected to be just like her mother and have baby after baby after baby with relative ease, especially since she got pregnant so fast after she was married. 

It's like they get married and you listen to them talk about how they want as many children as God gives them, and children are a blessing and they'll just see what comes, etc. etc. and then you can almost see reality descend upon them once their first kid arrives.

[Four is Enough]

I've always said there's a big difference between "accepting as many kids as God gives me" and "I gotta get 'em all!" (you know, like Pokemon)

[Iamtheway]

4 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

I've always said there's a big difference between "accepting as many kids as God gives me" and "I gotta get 'em all!" (you know, like Pokemon)

I’m pretty sure God can work around any birth control they chose to use if he wants to. People get pregnant on the pill, with condoms, after vasectomies all the time after all. 

I knew a catholic family that was very much against abortion and birth control. All of them thought it was ok to have a vasectomy once they felt done with kids though. I never got that. How is that more ok then condoms? Isn’t that messing with God’s plan more? Or does that only count as one sin instead of one every time you use a condom?

[BachelorToTheRapture]

7 hours ago, Iamtheway said:

I’m pretty sure God can work around any birth control they chose to use if he wants to. People get pregnant on the pill, with condoms, after vasectomies all the time after all. 

I knew a catholic family that was very much against abortion and birth control. All of them thought it was ok to have a vasectomy once they felt done with kids though. I never got that. How is that more ok then condoms? Isn’t that messing with God’s plan more? Or does that only count as one sin instead of one every time you use a condom?

I've heard of Catholics who only view that as one sin, pray for forgiveness (and maybe a miracle baby), go to confession, you can still get to heaven while with other methods you sin every time you use them.

I really don't believe that any of the kids have moved far enough from their family's beliefs to do more than NFP as birth control. I don't think that Jessa is even doing that, the most I see her doing is not tracking her cycle and actively trying to conceive as quickly as possible. 

[StraightOuttaArkansas]

16 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

I've always said there's a big difference between "accepting as many kids as God gives me" and "I gotta get 'em all!" (you know, like Pokemon)

I agree with this so much. Taking as many as God wants to give should mean "if it happens it happens". I would go so far as to say that actively trying to get pregnant is not in line with that. What really got me though was Michelle talking to a fertility specialist. I would understand if it was about verifying some symptoms she was having and getting a medical opinion that it was menopause setting in (my mom had the hardest time understanding if that was what really happening and had no one one to ask because her mother had a hysterectomy and did not seem to have any menopause. Not real clear on that, but I get wanting to ask a doctor). That is not why she went though, IIRC, she wanted to know about having more babies and how to. That is really the "gotta get 'em all" attitude.  I really hope for their sake that her daughters formed different opinions.

[cascarones]

12 hours ago, Iamtheway said:

I knew a catholic family that was very much against abortion and birth control. All of them thought it was ok to have a vasectomy once they felt done with kids though. I never got tha

I'm not a perfect theologian and only quasi-Catholic since I'm not confirmed, but fellowship time has multiple purposes in the Church, one is the living giving aspect, the other is unity ("person-uniting") . So, while it is a sin and needs to addressed as one, the mental gymnastics are sterilization and barrier methods can be used if it is not done solely for the purpose of preventing children. This is why condoms aren't a sin anymore if used to prevent transmission of STDs, I believe AIDS was the specific example used in the reversal.

Vasectomies are tricker on straight medical terms. My Catholic friends who've chosen it justify the vasectomy, it is on the husband to use his body to shield his wife and family from harm. If she's not supposed to get pregnant again, or one coupled stated they view pregnancy as prolonged danger. I think there's quite a bit of biblical quote cherry picking involved.

Jeremy's main church and his mentor pastor do believe in birth control as the best choice for a family, chosen after a lot of prayer. Usually, the example most often used is being overwhelmed, not having the ability to love and guide your children properly. Tim Conway did a sermon about it.

[Melissa1977]

Tracking cycles and weaning babies in order to get pregnant the sooner the better is weird and unhealthy (both mentally and physically).

Tracking cycles and talking to your daughters about it, and making clear you're focused on having sex while they are babysitting their siblings is more than weird and more than unhealthy. 

I'm sure some of the daughters are aware of this. Jessa and Jinger, of course. Jill maybe not, but probably Derick is. And I'm sure some Bates girls are thinking the same. That doesn't mean they are using BC, but at least some of them are not trying to maximize the number of blessings.

[Glasgowghirl]

I'm not a practicing Catholic, I was raised Catholic and very few Catholics in my town have more than 3 or 4 children. The priest at the church i used to attend is considered strict about many things but he doesn't seem to care about people choosing to limit the size of their families. He was fine with my sister being unmarried and living with her boyfriend and still baptised my nephew's. I think a lot of priests realise that most people choose to limit their family size for practical reasons and choose to turn a blind eye against it.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, Glasgowghirl said:

I'm not a practicing Catholic, I was raised Catholic and very few Catholics in my town have more than 3 or 4 children. The priest at the church i used to attend is considered strict about many things but he doesn't seem to care about people choosing to limit the size of their families. He was fine with my sister being unmarried and living with her boyfriend and still baptised my nephew's. I think a lot of priests realise that most people choose to limit their family size for practical reasons and choose to turn a blind eye against it.

We were told in pre-cana (class before Catholics marry) that we were to follow our conscious on BC because parents have an obligation to make sure they have the resources to raise the kids they have (financial, emotional, etc.)

I know that's not everywhere - but as a whole Catholics aren't having giant families like we once did and no one cares.  I don't know one Catholic family (including my own) that is against BC at this point.  (Anecdata I know and I don't know any fundy Catholics)

[BachelorToTheRapture]

2 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

We were told in pre-cana (class before Catholics marry) that we were to follow our conscious on BC because parents have an obligation to make sure they have the resources to raise the kids they have (financial, emotional, etc.)

I know that's not everywhere - but as a whole Catholics aren't having giant families like we once did and no one cares.  I don't know one Catholic family (including my own) that is against BC at this point.  (Anecdata I know and I don't know any fundy Catholics)

I know a huge percentage of married catholic women (I believe around 97?) Use birth control at some point, but in my anecdata, my mom and most of her catholic friends believe birth control is evil and she had a smaller family for her friend group, only 5 kids. I would definitely consider her fundy Catholic. Some people I grew up with are the same in the next generation. Strictly following church teaching the only acceptable birth control is NFP or abstinence. 

[Playagirl]

My uber-Catholic parents used NFP to try to prevent and had 4 kids in under 5 years. Yeah, apparently it doesn't work so well when your periods are crazy all over the place inconsistent like my mom's were. After number 4 mom basically said screw this shit and went on the pill. In secret, of course, because at the time it was evil and sinful according to the Church. When I took my Catholic marriage preparation classes over 30 years ago, birth control had become acceptable in the Church, as long as it wasn't the pill which could prevent a fertilized egg from implanting, thus was considered an abortion. I've since become a godless heathen so I don't know what the official stance is now.

[singsingsing]

It must vary by priest or congregation then, because at least back when I was in university (only 5ish years ago) they were still preaching that birth control was wrong and if you used a condom your marriage wasn’t really consummated. ?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, singsingsing said:

It must vary by priest or congregation then, because at least back when I was in university (only 5ish years ago) they were still preaching that birth control was wrong and if you used a condom your marriage wasn’t really consummated. ?

Different parishs will handle things that could fall under "according to your conscience" differently and their personal beliefs creep in.

Like my daughter and many other girls were altar servers back when girls weren't technically allowed to do so.  I have no idea if thats been officially changed - but yeah, you'll have variance on how they teach stuff like that.

Just now, HerNameIsBuffy said:

if you used a condom your marriage wasn’t really consummated. ?

By that logic I was a virgin waaaay longer than I actually was.  I didn't realize it didn't count if it was wrapped!

[Carm_88]

4 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

It must vary by priest or congregation then, because at least back when I was in university (only 5ish years ago) they were still preaching that birth control was wrong and if you used a condom your marriage wasn’t really consummated. ?

Oh it very much does depend on the priest. Some priests are more with the current world and some are so fire and brimstone it isn't funny.

[Shadoewolf]

Because Oldest was reading over my shoulder and insisted I correct this...

Carry on....

 

[Daisy0322]

We are not catholic but we are religious. We take the "have as many children as you can safely have, comfortably take care of, and adequately provide for" route and I think most of our religious friends feel similar. 

[miss_batson]

One more adorable video of Spurgeon ?

 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, miss_batson said:

One more adorable video of Spurgeon ?

 

I'm wondering if Ben wrote that...some of those words do not seem particularly Duggaresque.