Josh, Anna, and M'kids part 18: The Prodigal Son Returneth

[Jana814]

19 minutes ago, tabitha2 said:

Just out of curiosity has anyone in the family ever written Anna a gushing post on her birthday ?  

Probably not. She definitely deserves one. 

[Bad Wolf]

it's my birthday, too. Happy birthday to me forget Josh.

[TheMustardCardigan]

Out of all the Duggars, I can’t even follow Anna on Insta because it’s just too depressing.

[PumaLover]

Happy birthday, @Bad Wolf! Hope you had a great day.

I don't spend a lot of time on Insta (as I hear the kids call it these days) so forgive me for asking, but is RANDOMLY capitalizing WORDS for EMPHASIS a FUNDIE thing or just an annoying thing that some people do? Just wondering because it reminds me SO much of Jill Rod, even down to the emojis. (smile)

Side note, Anna and her family (minus Josh) really are beautiful. Sucks about all the fundie-ness.

[clueliss]

To answer the realana question from the Jessa and Sierra threads.  Anna posted with correct declaration in her stories.  Yes, it’s a paid partnership.

[nickelodeon]

She praises him for being able to fix (almost) anything - almost because I guess even Anna knows he can't fix his terrible personality!

On a serious note, what the fuck does Anna gain from gushing about Smuggar to a public that is always ready to point out how disgusting he is? It seems like such a self-humiliating gesture. Sifting through critical comments has to be a lot of work and stress; what's the point?

[LegHumperBibleThumper]

8 minutes ago, nickelodeon said:

She praises him for being able to fix (almost) anything - almost because I guess even Anna knows he can't fix his terrible personality!

On a serious note, what the fuck does Anna gain from gushing about Smuggar to a public that is always ready to point out how disgusting he is? It seems like such a self-humiliating gesture. Sifting through critical comments has to be a lot of work and stress; what's the point?

I had the same thought but then I read the first 30 or so comments and they were all sickeningly positive and supportive. I don’t get it...

[Jana814]

1 hour ago, LegHumperBibleThumper said:

I had the same thought but then I read the first 30 or so comments and they were all sickeningly positive and supportive. I don’t get it...

I don’t get it either. 

[TZmom]

2 hours ago, nickelodeon said:

She praises him for being able to fix (almost) anything - almost because I guess even Anna knows he can't fix his terrible personality!

On a serious note, what the fuck does Anna gain from gushing about Smuggar to a public that is always ready to point out how disgusting he is? It seems like such a self-humiliating gesture. Sifting through critical comments has to be a lot of work and stress; what's the point?

Or,  like why doesn't she turn off the comments? I'm pretty sure that's a thing you can do. 

Maybe she secretly wants him to see all the horrible comments written about him. 

[libgirl2]

15 hours ago, Bad Wolf said:

it's my birthday, too. Happy birthday to me forget Josh.

Happy birthday! 

[Georgiana]

4 hours ago, nickelodeon said:

On a serious note, what the fuck does Anna gain from gushing about Smuggar to a public that is always ready to point out how disgusting he is? It seems like such a self-humiliating gesture. Sifting through critical comments has to be a lot of work and stress; what's the point?

Back in the Glory Days of Smugness, when they were both quite smug and still on the show, Anna once made a comment that I think gave us great insight into why she handles Josh the way she does.  

On his way out the door, Josh was supposed to take the trash out because it was on his way out and because this would save Anna from having to do so with multiple littles in what I believe was not great weather.  He was well aware this was the expectation, he may have been reminded even...but naturally, Josh walked out the door without the trash.  The camera then asked Anna about it, who said something to the effect of "Yes, he forgets to help out at home sometimes (wording and situation implied that this forgetfulness was pretty regular), but I always remember that I COULD be one of those women who has to work, so I'm grateful for him."

Now, I am sure that Anna does genuinely want to be home with her kids.  But the way she said it made it clear that she find the prospect of working terrifying.  Like she believes that working women are miserable creatures who find no enjoyment and are essentially forced into a life they hate just to pay the bills.  And then it hit me: this IS what she believes.  It's what she was raised to believe.  She was brainwashed into seeing working women as objects of pity who are absolutely miserable but have no other options because "feminism" got to them and now they won't let a man take care of them. She was told growing up that NO woman could have a career AND be truly happy, because women only find true happiness at home with their kids while their partner supports them.  These people are pretty up front about the belief that this is the ONLY way for a woman to find true happiness and purpose.

So I think she gushes about Smuggar because she has been brainwashed to believe that this is the best she can get.  She's married to him, and she can't divorce him and remarry in their cult.  She can divorce him, but then she'd have to be a miserable working woman until she could remarry.  And even then, there's no guarantee that the man she remarries would be able to keep her at home with 5 kids and counting.  So she has to make the best of the gross man she has.  She's been taught that this is literally the best she can do in this situation, so why not make the best of it?

She's trying to convince everyone that this is good and OK and that she's happy where she is.  And I would wager #1 on that list of people she's trying to convince is herself.    

[justodd]

2 hours ago, Georgiana said:

Back in the Glory Days of Smugness, when they were both quite smug and still on the show, Anna once made a comment that I think gave us great insight into why she handles Josh the way she does.  

On his way out the door, Josh was supposed to take the trash out because it was on his way out and because this would save Anna from having to do so with multiple littles in what I believe was not great weather.  He was well aware this was the expectation, he may have been reminded even...but naturally, Josh walked out the door without the trash.  The camera then asked Anna about it, who said something to the effect of "Yes, he forgets to help out at home sometimes (wording and situation implied that this forgetfulness was pretty regular), but I always remember that I COULD be one of those women who has to work, so I'm grateful for him."

Now, I am sure that Anna does genuinely want to be home with her kids.  But the way she said it made it clear that she find the prospect of working terrifying.  Like she believes that working women are miserable creatures who find no enjoyment and are essentially forced into a life they hate just to pay the bills.  And then it hit me: this IS what she believes.  It's what she was raised to believe.  She was brainwashed into seeing working women as objects of pity who are absolutely miserable but have no other options because "feminism" got to them and now they won't let a man take care of them. She was told growing up that NO woman could have a career AND be truly happy, because women only find true happiness at home with their kids while their partner supports them.  These people are pretty up front about the belief that this is the ONLY way for a woman to find true happiness and purpose.

So I think she gushes about Smuggar because she has been brainwashed to believe that this is the best she can get.  She's married to him, and she can't divorce him and remarry in their cult.  She can divorce him, but then she'd have to be a miserable working woman until she could remarry.  And even then, there's no guarantee that the man she remarries would be able to keep her at home with 5 kids and counting.  So she has to make the best of the gross man she has.  She's been taught that this is literally the best she can do in this situation, so why not make the best of it?

She's trying to convince everyone that this is good and OK and that she's happy where she is.  And I would wager #1 on that list of people she's trying to convince is herself.    

There’s also the possibility that she sees the criticisms against Josh as her faith being tested, and by not addressing them, she’s proving her godliness. I used to know someone who used that kind of thinking to explain away a lot of rather head-scratching behavior. 

[Someone Out There]

15 hours ago, LegHumperBibleThumper said:

I had the same thought but then I read the first 30 or so comments and they were all sickeningly positive and supportive. I don’t get it... 

DuggarSnark on reddit seems to indicate that the negative comments are deleted.  So I guess they are the weeded out comments?

[lumpentheologie]

Isn't it necessary in IBLP for women to praise their husbands in front of others?  I think Anna's trying hard to do everything she's supposed to be doing in the hopes that Joshly won't stray again. 

[Peaches-n-Beans]

17 hours ago, LegHumperBibleThumper said:

I had the same thought but then I read the first 30 or so comments and they were all sickeningly positive and supportive. I don’t get it...

My great aunt is one of those. When I visited her last year she had a signed picture of the Duggars taped (yes taped not held up with a magnet like a normal person) to her fridge in double sided tape. When I asked her about when she'd gotten it (which in my defense I did mostly because she lives in a place in Illinois that is so small the town unincorporated some 20 years go so not anywhere the duggars would go) She not only launched into a long winded description of how "misunderstood" Josh was but into another one about how strong Anna was for "standing against Satan's pull" It was... jarring albeit not surprising. 

[fraurosena]

16 hours ago, Georgiana said:

She's been taught that this is literally the best she can do in this situation, so why not make the best of it?

 

She has been taught that this is what god chose for her. And he supposedly knows better than she does what's good for her. She believes that this is the best she will get. So of course she is trying to convince herself that everything is OK. Because if it isn't, then that would mean that her perfect god made a mistake. And that, to her mind, is impossible.  

[kmachete14]

You can also just compartamentalize really horrible things about someone you "love." It's not that hard for me to understand how after Josh came back from his Jesus rehab that she just wiped her memory clean. It's been a few years, and presumably he's been on his best behavior. I'm sure the comments could be a source of hurt, but perhaps her memory is so faded/she's blocked it so much that she really doesn't think it was that bad after all . . .

[HurricaneBells]

Its more double sided for us because both things are an issue and molestation the bigger one. Either she or her daddy already knew about the molestation thing so its cheating on her that was likely her biggest hurt. She is certainly not the first and wont be the last to stay in a marriage where one cheated. He is disgusting but he is also her husband and if she was going to choose to go on negatively and hate him, that defeats the purpose of forgiving him.

[Carm_88]

To Anna, Josh has asked for forgiveness and received it. Repented and all of that. The rest of it doesn't matter. No matter how hurt, sad, or disgusted she was, her faith is saying that she has to forgive him. She is stuck in a religion where she does not matter. She will never matter as much as Josh. 

[FundieCentral]

I also think people are capable of enduring quite a surprising amount of cognitive dissonance. I believe it’s also typical of abused partners that they can both be terrified of the abuser but at the same time love and look up to him/her, and suppress the fear or hatred for self-protection. We cannot know what Anna truly feels, but I could also imagine that it is simply still too painful to really think about Josh’s actions and what that reveals about his character. She may be at a point in time where she is just happy the the storm is over and she can get up in the mornings without crying, and for the time being this is the situation she’s accepted. Possibly in the future she will work through this and if no improvements have been made at that point, she may reconsider. I don’t know. I think if I was in her shoes, that would be my natural tendency.

[nickelodeon]

16 hours ago, lumpentheologie said:

Isn't it necessary in IBLP for women to praise their husbands in front of others?  I think Anna's trying hard to do everything she's supposed to be doing in the hopes that Joshly won't stray again. 

It is! I’ve been rereading some IBLP material lately and there’s so much emphasis on husband-ego-stroking at the expense of the wife’s happiness and health, but I’m still amazed at how self destructive Anna’s being here.

[Peas n carrots]

"Your ability to enjoy a hard day’s WORK and come home with a SMILE."
Anna, girl. C'mon now. [emoji2955]

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So many levels of terrible...just meta terrible.

[lizzybee]

I knew a woman who grew up IBLP and was married to a man who had repeatedly beaten and raped her. She loved to talk about how he'd changed; of course he hadn't. It was so obvious she was terrified of him, but her mouth was always saying something different. She was so "cheerful" and "happy" and friendly. When she'd initially gotten away from the abuse, her family (everyone she loved) encouraged her to go home to him because he'd "repented." Their marriage didn't end until he left her for another woman. It was genuinely the worst living situation I've ever seen in real life. He wouldn't get a job and wouldn't do the things they needed to do to get government assistance. They had literally nothing and she stayed and did nothing either. People from the church were buying clothes and giving them food so the children weren't starving. 

All that to say, this is the mindset Anna has been taught for her entire life. He's her husband and it's her duty to love him no matter what he does. If he's doing all the things he's supposed to be doing, she's trained to publicly praise him for it. It's been harped and beaten into her from birth. She's thankful he's providing and thankful he even comes home because remember "expectations ruin relationships!"

It seems like they're all going out of their way to excessively praise him for doing what he "ought." It makes me wonder why they're being so enthusiastic about it right now. What's the big picture with that?  

[fluffernutter]

Unrelated to the conversation but last night I had a dream about Anna. She had 5 boys, and had finally given birth to a girl. She named her Sue at first, then they decided to change the name when they found out it wasn't biblical. I swear my dreams are ridiculously random and wacky. 

[adidas]

@fluffernutter I think there is a Susannah in the bible? but my dreams pay no attention to logic or reason most of the time either