Lori Alexander 55: God Frowns Upon Lying, Lori

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Lady of Reason is a big commenter at the Wintery Knight blog. Always the first to chime in. Part of me thinks she is a master troll. She tries too hard. Too many exclamation points, but then again that is also how these type talk. 

[Koala]

I would hope it's Lori (hard to believe there's someone else that nasty out there), but I don't think it is.  

Lori just isn't smart enough to sound like someone else.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

She has this blog, so too much work for Lori to keep up with. 

https://aladyofreason.wordpress.com/

[delphinium65]

7 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

She has this blog, so too much work for Lori to keep up with. 

https://aladyofreason.wordpress.com/

I'm surprised Lori hasn't yet butted heads with Lady of (un)Reason.  The Lady of Reason blog is self described as 'a blog for women who are in the secular community as atheists, agnostics and non-religious but have socially conservative values.'  Does Lori think atheists can ever be right, since they don't get their morals from any god?  Surely devotion to her god is of the utmost importance, since everything she says she claims is 'Biblical'?  So how can she accept agreement from a self-proclaimed atheist, when that lack of belief violates what is allegedly the core of her preaching teaching?  Shouldn't she be attacking Lady of Reason on that basis alone? 

[sleepy_doggos]

So how can she accept agreement from a self-proclaimed atheist, when that lack of belief violates what is allegedly the core of her preaching teaching?  Shouldn't she be attacking Lady of Reason on that basis alone? 

The reasoning might be something like 'this has to be true because even the atheists agree with us'. It would be proving a universal truth.
Cognitive dissonance.

[Pink Muffin]

About daycare.
Here in Sweden almost every child goes to daycare since both parents need to work, it´s expensive living here too. But we don´t have daycare for babies, the two most common ages to start are 12 months that´s the earliest they can start, and 18 months.

I hope I can explain how the parental leave works 

The parental leave is 480 days and the parents can decide how many days mom/dad takes out. Except for 90 days that are assigned for the dad, if he don´t want to take them the mother can´t take over the days. After delivery the father has 10 workdays he can take out to be with the mother and baby, so two weeks total.

Payment for parental leave is 80% of your salary, but max 91 dollars per day, so if your salary is so high that 80% is more than 91 dollars, too bad, you only get the 91 dollars.
Of the 480 days are 390 days with the 80%, 90 days you get 21 dollars a day.

You can make your days last longer if you take out payment for 5 days a week instead of 7 days a week. And since we have 25 days statutory vacation per year you can mix those days to your parental leave and keep the baby home longer.

And then we have this thing called "vård av barn" care of children. You can be home 120 days a year with a sick child, the payment is the same as parental leave 80% of your salary. Your employer can´t deny this, its statutory. This you can take out until the child turns 11 years. (But if your child has some illness that makes it hard to leave him/her home at 11 years you can go to the doctor and get a medical certificate, usually for a year at a time, so you can stay home longer. My son got very high fevers, he hallucinated and was really off, so I got the medical ceritficate and could stay with him until he turned 13, then he did not get so high fevers anymore.

And the cost for daycare don´t take the mothers whole salary, we have something called "maxtaxa" that is the highest amount of money you need to pay, that is 151 dollars a month. And that is the highest the daycare can make you pay, most parents pay less than that.

So yeah, I guess we got it kind of good here. And I can imagine what Lori would think about this.

Sorry for the wall of text (I get seriously Ken wibes) but i thougth it would be fun to share how things are here.

 

[Frog99]

On 10/9/2018 at 4:31 PM, squiddysquid said:

Thyroid issues in expecting mums can cause horrible birth defects and of course it screws with your fertility too, so I hope she takes some standard meds as well.

I think Alyssa very strongly desires a baby and as such has been on a journey to figure out her fertility challenges. I know what that’s like- I had unexplained fertility- a period every 28 days like clockwork but never ovulated. Fertility treatments worked for us. I don’t know if they have tried that option. It’s stressful, overwhelming, and invasive.  It bothers me that she’s posting on a fertility blog with little education about the matter, encouraging women to see a functional provider (I’m sure she’s hoping it becomes a referral source for her). I feel like it’s akin to taking advantage of people. 

15 hours ago, SuperNova said:

The type of services that Alyssa offers are predatory and I really wish she would just stop. There are people out there who feel like no one else can help them, regular medicine has failed them and they want answers. I remember when I first got sick and just couldn't accept that I was never going to be the same again. I refused to believe that this was my new normal. I've had every kind of alternative treatment that I could find and there was always someone just like Alyssa who had a carrot to dangle and take my money. 

That’s the word I was looking for- predatory. 

7 hours ago, delphinium65 said:

.well, she's not completely wrong.  She says 'I encourage every mother who is working outside of the home to figure out exactly how much income she brings home after deducting the costs of daycare, wear and tear on the car, extra clothing, gas, food that she can’t prepare from scratch, not having time to compare prices and shop frugally, and so on. The amount that she brings home may be much less than she thinks and she may be able to find a way to live simply and frugally within her husband’s income.'  

I hate it when she says that because it comes from an assumption that women don’t have the capacity to make a significant contribution to the household. And that’s nonsense. My income has generally been 4 times the cost of childcare (now it’s less than 1% of my take home. I have always shopped frugally and cooked from scratch. 

5 hours ago, Alisamer said:

She considers daycare workers "unconcerned strangers"? WTF?

The kids I kept as babies in daycare have their own kids in school now, but I still remember most of their names. I remember one who was the result of a rape at a party. I remember one whose mother was a young teenager, but who was doing a great job at parenting her. I remember one who was Cuban-American, and spoke a little later than some others because she was growing up bilingual. I remember one who looked like a tiny old man, and really enjoyed having stories read to him. I remember the toddler and baby brother who ended up in DCS care, after a visit to the hospital found multiple broken bones in various stages of healing in the infant. I remember we took photos and kept records of the toddler's bruises, just in case, because we were worried about them. 

Lori and followers - you do not feed, change, hold, rock, snuggle and read to a baby 5 days a week and remain an "unconcerned stranger", any more than Lori's nanny was an "unconcerned stranger" to HER children. Daycare providers are partners in a child's care. They communicate with the parent, share concerns, help with learning skills, and celebrate milestones. They know the baby and it's schedule. And sometimes, they have to protect children who are in abusive situations.

This times a million. My childcare provider has very much become extended family. I am so grateful to her. I don’t know anyone in childcare that doesn’t love children and strive to nurture and protect them. 

[Evangeline]

Any calculations need to include loss of social security and 401k earnings and the likelihood of re-entering the workplace at the same or similar income level once the kids are grown. I stayed home for several years and don't regret it but getting back into the workforce was much harder than I bargained for and I have very little saved for retirement. Many of my friends who stayed home have no hope at all of ever getting a good job now that they haven't worked in 15 or so years. 

[Hisey]

The astonishing thing about Alyssa is that she is SO uneducated.

She didn't go to college--ok, lots of people don't. But she really didn't go to high school either. She spent three years being "homeschooled" by Lori.

Alyssa went back to public school as a senior (even though her brothers were in private school), presumably so she could get a degree from a brick and mortar high school. Ken has said that while Lori was homeschooling, the kids did attend a science coop at least once. Did they bother to do this for Alyssa, or just the boys? I don't know. It's clear there was a huge preference for the boys, in terms of educational opportunities. Imagine sending your girls to public school, while the boys go to private! And they did this for Cassi, too, sent her to public in 8th grade, then moved her when they started disapproving of her friends.

I get the feeling that Alyssa's high school "homeschooling" consisted taking lots of dance classes. Remember, she and Lori didn't get along when she was a teen (that's understandable, Alyssa). I doubt they would've accomplished much, even if Lori had the brains to teach high school subjects.

So Alyssa is very, very ill equipped to teach any sort of science or medicine. Does she even know the meaning of the terms she uses?

 

[ladyicantxplain]

@Briefly and the others here who have commented about the (ALCR) chat room comments: 

Even if I had screen shot them, I couldn't share them here.  It is disgusting. It is infuriating. I have counseled women who have physical ailments that cause pain during sex, and others who cannot stand certain positions because of pain or conditions in their bodies. These women were advised to never say no. They were advised that their bodies are not their own, using scripture badly perverted to illustrate this perspective.

One woman who shared is an admin, or once was (I have no way of now knowing if she still is.)  I am quite certain that this woman would never share in the chat room about her own struggles, so she did so privately on pm.  I have no idea if she is still being abused.  All of this needs to be exposed and shut down immediately, but I have no idea how to do it, so I continue to pray.  I do know that when I tried to locate the previous conversations I'd had with the women, at least two had left the chat room permanently and one deactivated her facebook.  I did not know any of these women face to face IRL.

Please, if you are a praying person, pray this is shut down. The blog and the room.  I can hardly believe I ever sought help there for my own struggles.  It was like poison. The only redeeming thing about it is that I have found some really good online Christian sisters out of it all, who stay in touch with me.  I am hopeful to meet at least two of them face to face someday soon.

Thanks for listening to my ranting about this. It's been a couple years since I was there; the most recent pm I got was at least seven months ago.  I do continue to counsel those who have left.  May God have mercy.

 

[SuperNova]

7 minutes ago, Hisey said:

So Alyssa is very, very ill equipped to teach any sort of science or medicine. Does she even know the meaning of the terms she uses?

Alyssa'a knowledge reads like an article from the Mayo clinic patient information website. My guess is that if she tried to read an article from a medical journal written for MD's she would quickly be out of her depth. 

[Frog99]

@ladyicantxplain I am joining you in prayer for those women and those we don’t know about who are victims of Lori’s teachings. 

Her blog and FB page have taken a very dark turn and so many of her fangirls suffer from a major lack of discernment.

[Briefly]

44 minutes ago, ladyicantxplain said:

@Briefly and the others here who have commented about the (ALCR) chat room comments: 

Even if I had screen shot them, I couldn't share them here.  It is disgusting. It is infuriating. I have counseled women who have physical ailments that cause pain during sex, and others who cannot stand certain positions because of pain or conditions in their bodies. These women were advised to never say no. They were advised that their bodies are not their own, using scripture badly perverted to illustrate this perspective.

One woman who shared is an admin, or once was (I have no way of now knowing if she still is.)  I am quite certain that this woman would never share in the chat room about her own struggles, so she did so privately on pm.  I have no idea if she is still being abused.  All of this needs to be exposed and shut down immediately, but I have no idea how to do it, so I continue to pray.  I do know that when I tried to locate the previous conversations I'd had with the women, at least two had left the chat room permanently and one deactivated her facebook.  I did not know any of these women face to face IRL.

Please, if you are a praying person, pray this is shut down. The blog and the room.  I can hardly believe I ever sought help there for my own struggles.  It was like poison. The only redeeming thing about it is that I have found some really good online Christian sisters out of it all, who stay in touch with me.  I am hopeful to meet at least two of them face to face someday soon.

Thanks for listening to my ranting about this. It's been a couple years since I was there; the most recent pm I got was at least seven months ago.  I do continue to counsel those who have left.  May God have mercy.

 

My thought was more that I wondered if she could be reported and shut down.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

If Alyssa wants to help people and their health problems why not become at least a nurse? But as some have noted here she probably doesn't have the education level to get through college and the shame that would come from her mom of embarking on a career. 

[SilverBeach]

12 hours ago, delphinium65 said:

The amount that she brings home may be much less than she thinks and she may be able to find a way to live simply and frugally within her husband’s income.'  Don't get me wrong, Serena Lori can take her 'woman, stay home and submit!' bullshit and stick it where the sun don't shine, and living within one income isn't the Holy Grail of marriage, but I think taking a moment to add up costs versus benefits is a good idea. 

Wages aren't everything. The wife's job could be providing health insurance and other benefits. Also, the wife is earning Social Security credits (US) and is making a more secure retirement for herself. Spouses are also positioning themselves to earn more in the future by gaining valuable work experience. Lots of considerations other than just take-home pay.

[ladyicantxplain]

2 hours ago, Briefly said:

My thought was more that I wondered if she could be reported and shut down.

I wish I had the cajones to do it when I was in there, years ago.  Really, it is one of the more regretful things in my life that I was so steeped in fear of a stranger on the internet - or some other irrational fear-based thought - that I didn't report her. 

[Beermeet]

6 hours ago, delphinium65 said:

I'm surprised Lori hasn't yet butted heads with Lady of (un)Reason.  The Lady of Reason blog is self described as 'a blog for women who are in the secular community as atheists, agnostics and non-religious but have socially conservative values.'  Does Lori think atheists can ever be right, since they don't get their morals from any god?  Surely devotion to her god is of the utmost importance, since everything she says she claims is 'Biblical'?  So how can she accept agreement from a self-proclaimed atheist, when that lack of belief violates what is allegedly the core of her preaching teaching?  Shouldn't she be attacking Lady of Reason on that basis alone? 

This is something that pisses me off the most with these crazy hyper religiouspeople and some not to crazy hyper. The idea that one NEEDS to have *insert religion here* in order to be a decent person and after death benefits.  No one knows what happens after we die.  Not one human ever. Certainly absurd to think *insert religion here * equals being a decent or great person.  That's ego boosting rhetoric, that's it.  

[lilwriter85]

5 hours ago, Frog99 said:

 

I hate it when she says that because it comes from an assumption that women don’t have the capacity to make a significant contribution to the household. And that’s nonsense. My income has generally been 4 times the cost of childcare (now it’s less than 1% of my take home. I have always shopped frugally and cooked from scratch. 

 

That's bugged me as well. She has done posts in the past where she basically believes that working women don't bring in all that much and she also had some doodle where said that working women were spending a lot of their money on childcare, designer clothes for work, work meals, and transportation costs. Of course, Lori never considers that costs of children varies from location to location and depending on salaries. 

Other things that Lori doesn't consider is that some working women aren't on Monday through Friday/9 to 5 schedules. Some working could be at home during the day with their kids or at least part of day which might mean that they aren't relying on outside childcare.  Years ago, my cousin worked weekends and her daughters in daycare three days during the week and so that probably reduced childcare expenses.  Lori doesn't take into account that some men work different schedules and they could be at home with kids during the day while the wife is working.

[Sarah92]

4 hours ago, ladyicantxplain said:

@Briefly and the others here who have commented about the (ALCR) chat room comments: 

Even if I had screen shot them, I couldn't share them here.  It is disgusting. It is infuriating. I have counseled women who have physical ailments that cause pain during sex, and others who cannot stand certain positions because of pain or conditions in their bodies. These women were advised to never say no. They were advised that their bodies are not their own, using scripture badly perverted to illustrate this perspective.

One woman who shared is an admin, or once was (I have no way of now knowing if she still is.)  I am quite certain that this woman would never share in the chat room about her own struggles, so she did so privately on pm.  I have no idea if she is still being abused.  All of this needs to be exposed and shut down immediately, but I have no idea how to do it, so I continue to pray.  I do know that when I tried to locate the previous conversations I'd had with the women, at least two had left the chat room permanently and one deactivated her facebook.  I did not know any of these women face to face IRL.

Please, if you are a praying person, pray this is shut down. The blog and the room.  I can hardly believe I ever sought help there for my own struggles.  It was like poison. The only redeeming thing about it is that I have found some really good online Christian sisters out of it all, who stay in touch with me.  I am hopeful to meet at least two of them face to face someday soon.

Thanks for listening to my ranting about this. It's been a couple years since I was there; the most recent pm I got was at least seven months ago.  I do continue to counsel those who have left.  May God have mercy.

 

I'm definitely praying for those women caught up in that. It's such a hard mind set to break free of. I've seen some of it from being an intern at a Christian counseling facility. The stuff I heard made it very difficult to continue going to church. 

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, lilwriter85 said:

Lori doesn't take into account that some men work different schedules and they could be at home with kids during the day while the wife is working

Lori has said in the past that it's not dad's job to be with the kids at home. She has also said that it makes no difference if the kids are at school. Working would distract mom from her most important job of raising the kids and being a helpmeet. Not to mention that it would put the woman under the authority of someone else and that might conflict with her husband's control. 

[Hisey]

I understand and respect FJ's rules about posting private chatroom convos. But I still find it disturbing that women are being hurt in that chatroom. If there is someone in this chatroom who willing to share their screenshots, perhaps they could be posted in a nonFJ site (like Things Godly Women Say, for example). Or perhaps a blog could be set up just to dump the screenshots.

 

[Kailash]

On 10/9/2018 at 2:57 PM, Hane said:

One of the gals at my church threw a Cinco de Mayo lunch-cooking party and I attended because it sounded like fun. It turned out to be vegan, which I was OK with even though the actual recipes weren’t actually authentic—and also oil-free and salt-free. As I choked the food down, our hostess started going on and on about how great a vegan/no-salt/no-oil diet is for “leaky gut” and other fake conditions. I heroically kept my yap shut, then went out and got a donut for dessert.

“Leaky gut” may or may not be fake, but the premise is valid. There is such thing as intestinal permeability. 

 I have been taking ibuprofen every day for weeks now, because of my back. I started noticing that my stomach really hurt if I ate whole grains. Turns out ibuprofen usage should not last that long and it can cause issues digesting gluten, dairy and fat among other things. I had never heard of leaky gut but I googled my symptoms and that’s what came up. I realize this doesn’t prove it exists but it made sense to me. Obviously, I stopped taking the ibuprofen (dr. gave me steroids and a muscle relaxer instead.) I also started doing a few things for “leaky gut” and they have helped. (I’m giving gluten a break, taking probiotics and cutting down on sugar.)

tl/dr: Fake or not, I’m glad the material on leaky gut is out there. 

[klein_roeschen]

34 minutes ago, Kailash said:

“Leaky gut” may or may not be fake, but the premise is valid. There is such thing as intestinal permeability. 

 I have been taking ibuprofen every day for weeks now, because of my back. I started noticing that my stomach really hurt if I ate whole grains. Turns out ibuprofen usage should not last that long and it can cause issues digesting gluten, dairy and fat among other things. I had never heard of leaky gut but I googled my symptoms and that’s what came up. I realize this doesn’t prove it exists but it made sense to me. Obviously, I stopped taking the ibuprofen (dr. gave me steroids and a muscle relaxer instead.) I also started doing a few things for “leaky gut” and they have helped. (I’m giving gluten a break, taking probiotics and cutting down on sugar.)

tl/dr: Fake or not, I’m glad the material on leaky gut is out there. 

The most prominent sideeffects of Ibuprofen and other NSAR's is stomach pain. It is a so called sour pain med, because it accumulates in pH sour tissue. Tissue under pain and inflammations are sour, but also the stomach, the part of our body with the lowest pH and this causes the issues. It is recommedated to take it during a meal, to lessen the effects it has on the stomach. It is also recommended to stop taking Ibuprofen when such issues came from taking it. Since you stopped taking it and was put on a steroid, a strong antiinflammatory med, this solved your stomach issues causes by the Ibuprofen.

[cara]

https://www.thebillfold.com/2015/07/lets-kill-til-its-dead-the-myth-that-moms-salary-pays-for-childcare/

This is a great article that challenges the idea that mothers are responsible for covering the cost of childcare. 

 

Quote

 

"1) We as a society pay women less.

2) We tell them that since they make less, they should be the ones who stay home.

3) We feel justified in paying them less."

 

Quote

"Childcare doesn’t merely allow a mom to work, it allows both parents to work, or however many parents are involved. So everyone’s incomes go towards that cost. Add up the total income and then subtract the amount of childcare before you ask yourself, “Is it worth it for one of us to stop working?” Why is that so hard?"

 

 

[Hane]

@cara, excellent points. As mentioned upthread, women who are out of the external workforce for extended periods of time miss out on one vital thing in particular: contributing toward their retirement fund. Someone I know was all braggy about being a SAHM all the years she was at home with her kids—and now it’s biting her in the butt as her husband (who works for a small family business) is nearing retirement, as their income will be extremely limited.