Bro Gary Hawkins 8: F is for Felony and No Longer Funny

[PumaLover]

Thanks @Beermeet. I don't know what the AF that means! I haven't been on FB but I'm sure I have a few friends who might share something similar. 

Oh and my husband is a Trump supporter. ?

[Beermeet]

9 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

Thanks @Beermeet. I don't know what the AF that means! I haven't been on FB but I'm sure I have a few friends who might share something similar. 

Oh and my husband is a Trump supporter. ?

Many people I love and respect are trump supporters.  It happens.  But, there are some that reach an unhealthy level, Steve is one.

[MarblesMom]

1 hour ago, PumaLover said:

Oh and my husband is a Trump supporter. ?

One of the few topics Mr MM and I could not speak about.

You have my condolences.

[FullOfGravy]

5 hours ago, PumaLover said:

God intervened and slowed the category down to a 2.

But according to the talking heads on TV, that's not necessarily a good thing?  Slowing the windspeed means the storm's diameter grows and more areas get rained on for longer, or something to that effect.  Did God intervene to make the storm more dangerous, G-Haw?  Haymayun and Hallelooyer.

 

5 hours ago, PumaLover said:

But there are a lot of stupid people in the world.

Yes, we have 8 whole threads about one of them.

 

5 hours ago, PumaLover said:

The news media is making up all this stuff about the weather. Some people think they know more than the weatherman.

But the weathermen (and women) are the ones giving the information to the news media.  Seems to me the people who think they know better than the meteorologists are the ones sitting in their armchairs eating weens and making crazy FB videos.

 

5 hours ago, PumaLover said:

Just got done with a funeral. Another one just got a call about hospice, and another one was moved to a home.

Oh my God, do people actually ask GHaw to speak at funerals?  That is horrifying.  For the record, if GHaw or anyone like him is allowed to speak at my funeral, I will haunt my family for the rest of their lives, and I will not be a friendly ghost.  Fair warning.

[SuperNova]

So...Gary is a preechur and he's sayin somethin', alot of somethin's all the time. He uses his words and nostrils to spread his message but does he ever include scripchur, I mean real scripchur?

Seriously, does he ever quote actual scripture in his rants? Does he ever have a sermon that has a point? Did his new old truck break down? Has it been repaired? Is he basement preaching again? I always have more questions than answers with Gary. 

[Candydandy]

Ok folks we’re back to weens, gravy and folding chairs. Bros loookin for some more churches to invade. Also pray for his bus motor to get to them - mybe try a large magnet?  Also his baby doll has been cookin up an artery cloggin feast.

 

[Alisamer]

13 hours ago, PumaLover said:

We're all going one of these days, whether by death or the Rapture. By the trump. The last trump. Not this trump, even though I do like this Trump, the one that's in office, President. Haymayun. OMG you guys. You cannot make this up.

WTH is this supposed to mean? I can usually tease out most of Gary's gibberish, but this one is throwing me.

In Tarot, the last trump is The World, which comes after Judgement. Unless you consider the Fool number 22 instead of 0. 

Maybe that's it. The Fool. Both Gary and Trump are foolish fools. And Trump's foolishness has already killed some people, I think. I wouldn't be too terribly sad if one or both of them walked right off that cliff. Fools.

[Snarkylark]

36 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

WTH is this supposed to mean? I can usually tease out most of Gary's gibberish, but this one is throwing me.

In Tarot, the last trump is The World, which comes after Judgement. Unless you consider the Fool number 22 instead of 0. 

Maybe that's it. The Fool. Both Gary and Trump are foolish fools. And Trump's foolishness has already killed some people, I think. I wouldn't be too terribly sad if one or both of them walked right off that cliff. Fools.

The trump refers to the trumpet that will sound when the rapture happens, not president trump, is what he’s trying to say. 

[littlemommy]

This was deleted but I was bad and screenshotted it first.

 

[Alisamer]

19 minutes ago, Snarkylark said:

The trump refers to the trumpet that will sound when the rapture happens, not president trump, is what he’s trying to say. 

Ah. That makes sense, I guess. I should have figured that out when my brain went to Tarot, because on Judgement an angel is playing the final trumpet.

It's the KJV thing getting me, I think. Trump instead of trumpet. 

Gary's still a fool.

[MsSaylor]

@littlemommy was there a picture of this feast? I have yet to see pinto fixins! Also I’m dying to know what creasey salad potatoes are.  

[AliceInFundyland]

Only bro could make potatoes sound bad. Very bad.

[Lisafer]

What in the hell are "creasey salad potatoes?"

ETA: just looked it up. I think he means "watercress salad" or "creasy salad," although that sounds way too healthy for Bro Gary.

[AliceInFundyland]

13 minutes ago, Lisafer said:

What in the hell are "creasey salad potatoes?"

ETA: just looked it up. I think he means "watercress salad" or "creasy salad," although that sounds way too healthy for Bro Gary.

That can’t be it. Bro doesn’t do green.

Hmm. Actually. They could be unhealthy. Some googling looks like they can be cooked like other greens -collard and the like.

[Lisafer]

20 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

That can’t be it. Bro doesn’t do green.

Hmm. Actually. They could be unhealthy. Some googling looks like they can be cooked like other greens -collard and the like.

Maybe some butter and bacon grease! lol

[AliceInFundyland]

1 minute ago, Lisafer said:

Maybe some butter and bacon grease! lol

That would do the trick! And as I scroll up to that post once again I see that it does look like it was all for breakfast.  Normally learning about new foods via FJ is fun. 

 

[Dandruff]

Cold slaw.  How did this guy manage to pass a written driver exam?

[Black Aliss]

On 9/10/2018 at 1:32 PM, SuperNova said:

Brian has the most unintentionally bad ass description of Santa Clause ever. A hermaphroditic pagan god drenched in blood, flying through the sky, being led by a team of drunken reindeer, bringing toys to children. He/she is powerful enough to ensnare devils and wandering spirits to aid him/her on their mission of benevolence. I imagine that he picks them up while delivering toys. Pulling their lonely little selves from dark corners and forgotten places. Perhaps these wandering spirits and devils find absolution through good works.

There's an awesome story waiting to be told here. It should be written and directed by Tim Burton. Santa Clause would be played by Johnny Depp of course. Helena Bonham Carter can be the head wandering spirit. 

That makes the original Bad Santa (as played by Billy Bob Thornton) look like a Sunday school teacher.

[PumaLover]

Holy Rufus friends… another live video. I have vodka tonight and I'm going in! Can't wait to hear what's on his mind today.

[MarblesMom]

I am watching, too.   OK, most listening (my comments in paranthesis)

Recliner preaching, shirt buttons a-popping, phone chiming, HALLALYER.

AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN.

Just enough edjukation to help ya.

Good preaching (yay Gary)

We have storms in life.  

Not boasting, but I have failed tests.

Take your halo off GOOD PREACHING

GOOD PREACHING (again)  AMEN

AMEN (again)

AMEN (again)

AMEN (again)

AMEN (again)

(Checking to see how long this live feed is)

AMEN (again)

AMEN (again)

AMEN (again)

Oh crap 5 more minutes.

AMEN (again)

AMEN GOOD PREACHING DOING A GOOD JOB

(again)

Big ole hug.   (No)

AMEN (again)

Talking about losing grandmas.  He has only lost 2 in 6 years.  Well, time will tell, G Haw.  (Sometimes you lose more than that.  Not wishing loss on anyone.)

[PumaLover]

Video starts out by looking up his nostrils in a very dramatic way. Some people waiting out the storm, some people leaving the storm. Just the way it is. God is still in control. Bro believes he's trying to wake up people and make them see that God is real. I mean, he already downgraded it from a Cat 5 to a Cat 2. (Miracles do happen!) Wind, water… someone opens a door and starts talking. LOL Just remember we the people of God need to get in touch with God. His phone goes off and he grabs for it. There's a lot of prayers that's been going on because of this storm. People started praying before the storm started. You better start praying before the storm because you need someone to go through the storm with (OK that actually was a pretty good sentence and well thought out, IMO.) Says some other stuff then Amen to the third power.

We are in a prayer less generation. Less prayers going on than ever. He said it in a church recently. The old men that's gone on to heaven, they took God serious. They prayed to God, they talked to God, they (either slept or suffered) with God. You could tell it in their preaching and in their witnessing. We got preachers today, they can preach and they can make the sounds and the noise. Is it Timothy that says they're ever learning, but never able to get to the truth. 

He's talking about education now. He believes you should get just enough education to help you. But we're sending our young people off to these colleges. Oh they're such good colleges. They come back and say the King James is not the word of God. Oh it's not this-a-way, it's that-a-way. (LOL) Honey, if it goes against God it's wrong. Stop fucking calling me honey. 

(Totally off topic but I'm working on a novel about a fundie girl who escapes and the guy who helps her get out turns out to be an asshole and an abuser. I'm kind of disturbed about what I'm writing and it's carrying over to other parts of my life.)

OK back to Bro, although my book is more interesting. We're going through a storm. It's a hurricane. Although now it's just a storm. It's raining and throwing cars and trees and buildings and houses. Something about growing and learning and trials. Don't feel like rewinding. Just go through a test. He's gonna go ahead and say this. He's not proud of this. He's let his flesh get in the way and he's failed those tests. (is he responding to us about his past?) Because why? He's tried to go through the storm by himself.  And some of you might say, Oh I'd never do that. Hogwash! Oh just take your halo off. You're not as good as you think you are. He's angry. Haymayn good preachin!

We've all failed God. Something about the prodigal son. He starts coughing. Must have asthma like me. Waiting looking for the child to come back. Come on back. A bunch of stuff about this. Too much to type. haymayn good preaching, keep it up. We want to act big. Paul said something about preaching the gospel. HAYMAYUNx3

This storm. Is god going to calm this storm? Something about a boat and rocking and rollin. Jesus got up and said Peace, be still. The closer you are to God the easier the prayers is. Haymayun (I'm drinking and it's really hard to type this. Good preaching, Hawkins. ? I paused the video and he looks so fucking smug. Holy shit what an angry preacher. And an angry person! 

We're a prayer less generation, we're a preaching generation, we're a powerless generation. Read the bible honey, it's in there! 

Somethin's coming to pass. Rightly divide the bible. If anyone wants to learn the bible, seek wisdom from God to learn how to divide it. (What does that mean?) Man has been made to destroy. Haymayn hallelujah good preachin. Yer doin a good job. We need Jesus to walk us through the storm. Jesus is down there, walking all over the storm. He's waiting for people to seek him. Peter had the faith and he lost the faith and right under the water he went. We need Jesus to take care of the storm. Say come, I'm ready to go, I'm sinking, I' m going under, things are bad. The lord wants to give you a big ol hug. Let's pray for these people down there in the storm. He doesn't know how many people will get killed or destroyed during this storm. He's got a sister down there. They need our prayers honey. They may lose cars and family members. We better take it to Jesus. Cuz Jesus is the only answer to any problem. He's rode out many a storm. 

We were born full of heartaches and troubles. Job said it. He's scratching his stomach as he talks. Job buried 10 children. I told my wife the other day, she lost a family member the other day. We've been together for awhile, the last 6 years, going on 7 years, we've only had two immediate family members, both of their grandmothers. On their way to heaven. Haymayun. That's pretty good. I know someone here who just lost three children, what's it been Becky, 6 or 8 weeks? (rest in peace, poor Henry children. So tragic that I can't even talk about it.) Three children they buried all at the same time. (And then some blonde bitch was there with her smartphone, taking smiling selfies and livestreaming it.) 

Bro is glad he's got someone to go through the storm with him. He sits up and says he's moving but it's ok. He's full of it anyway. Full of something. @FullOfGravy I think he's talking to you! LOL Make sure you got Jesus. Make sure you're saved. Make sure that you know that you know that you know that you're saved. Know so. First John 5:13 so that we know that we have eternal life, that we're borned again. Can you imagine what kind of supper we're going to have? Served by the almighty God. (Please let it be weens and pink gravy). He makes mention of wrongdoing in the past so I'm wondering if he's responding to what we were saying about his past. Bro, if you read here, please come clean and tell us the whole back story. 

I really hate him but I may have to make one of these screen shots my new profile pic. Or I may go back to Angry Kitten cuz he's way cuter. 

 

Spoiler

 

Spoiler

him yelling and calling us HONEY

oh shit I messed up the spoiler. so sorry!

[MarblesMom]

Just now, PumaLover said:

He's gonna go ahead and say this. He's not proud of this. He's let his flesh get in the way and he's failed those tests.

Yeah, according to court records, he did just that.  Wish he would admit it.  Might be GOOD PREACHING AYUMEN to those who are lost.   

Just sayin'

3 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

So tragic that I can't even talk about it.) Three children they buried all at the same time. (And then some blonde bitch was there with her smartphone, taking smiling selfies and livestreaming it.) 

Oh yeah, then there was THAT.  

[Dandruff]

9 hours ago, MarblesMom said:

Talking about losing grandmas.  He has only lost 2 in 6 years.

How many does he think he has?

[thoughtful]

Gary has the gift of the truly indecipherable Evangelical Fundie preacher -- speaking in tongues even though he's using English words.

I'd call it word salad, but, considering his taste in food, mixed-ween gravy might be more appropriate.

Or perhaps "cold slaw."

[mango_fandango]

The wonderful @Beermeet coined the term Weenese, although you’ve likely already seen that. 

It’s spaghetti alla Weenese, with a side of cold slaw and pinto mixings. And it sounds disgusting.