Bro Gary Hawkins 8: F is for Felony and No Longer Funny

[griffin]

OMG FullofGravy -- Magical Griftery Tour! I'm DYING. That is brilliant! 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK Folks good old Becks can’t even do a correction.

Spoiler

 

[MarblesMom]

1 hour ago, griffin said:

Magical Griftery Tour!

This must become a something somewhere.  Too awesome to leave alone.

[Spinosaurus]

12 hours ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

OK Folks good old Becks can’t even do a correction.

  Hide contents

 

Or then again she might not.

'Wronderful' is a nice word, though.  Should it mean 'good in a bad way' or 'bad in a good way'?

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Sounds like the bus broke down.  Have they mentioned a bus before?  Would this be their van

[KnittingOwl]

On 11/16/2018 at 10:45 AM, Black Aliss said:

I think he was in the primary race for something or other. 

Yep. Senator!

He even has a Wikipedia page: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodspaceguy

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK Folks. Looks like Jesus fixed the bus!

[Alisamer]

Maybe he let it run out of fuel (again) and somebody pointed that out to him? Victory!

[Georgiana]

1 hour ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

Sounds like the bus broke down.  Have they mentioned a bus before?  Would this be their van

Can we just take a moment to appreciate that second post there?  Low-level AI can produce better approximations of English than Bro Gary.  

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Ok folks as I travel.

This is not a complete sentence.  Not even close.  But even as a phrase this makes no sense in the context.  As I travel what?  As you travel, people turn more to sin?  Bro Gary, that sounds causal!!!  Maybe you should STOP TRAVELLING (HAYMAYUN GOOD PREACHIN GEE!).

Quote

To man things that usest to be Sin.  To them today it is not.

Usest?   Bro Gary, you linguistic rascal, did you just use -est to try and put a verb in the past tense?  That's -ed, bud.  "To them today it is not" is so awkwardly worded it sounds like it came out of Google Translate.  Has Bro Gary outsourced his social media scam? I think he may be a Nigerian Prince.  

Quote

How do you know look around in the Church house

Even giving Bro Gary the benefit of a question mark after 'know', does anyone say "Church house"?  In my dialect of English, a church is a church.  There's no need to add house.  It's a building and a meeting place in itself.  Is the Church House something specific?

[Nikedagain?]

Didn't they leave the bus in WV? When it broke down about an hour after God got it for them? Now God got them an engine (or what the hell ever it needed) so they are going to get it and want to grift on the way there and back and grift help with putting the actual engine in? Does any of that sound correct? He broke my brain a while back...

But Folks. Take just a moment and imagine working with Bro and a youtube video (VIDYA, Hank Hill style!), and a bus engine.  

[Dandruff]

Is there a Plexus IQ formula?  I can think of a couple who could use some help.

Wonder what they'll be having for Thanksgiving.  Turkey with ween gravy?  Ween with turkey gravy?  Ween stuffing, ween pie, green ween casserole?

[mango_fandango]

Hopefully Gary won't act like a turkey have a seizure.

[Granwych]

9 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Maybe he let it run out of fuel (again) and somebody pointed that out to him? Victory!

Well, Bro has to start somewhere!  Maybe now he knows what the gas gauge is for,

7 hours ago, Dandruff said:

Is there a Plexus IQ formula?  I can think of a couple who could use some help.

Wonder what they'll be having for Thanksgiving.  Turkey with ween gravy?  Ween with turkey gravy?  Ween stuffing, ween pie, green ween casserole?

The Hawkins crew will be having turweenie!  With biscuit stuffing, and pink gravy of course!

Excuse me while I projectile vomit at the thought of such a desecration of a wonderful bird...

[Spanger]

OK folks, I found this here picture of Bro Gary’s actual thanksgiving dinner right here:

https://mashable.com/2014/11/15/hot-dog-turkey/#ghcN3k3p7sqk

 

[Candydandy]

Ok folks Plexus IQ sounds like something that needs to be invented- thanks @Dandruff for my morning laugh. I tried to decipher Bros latest postings but you know what it was just too confusing. Wonder where he will celebratin turkey day and lets hope there is no frying involved.

Sis Candy

 

[keepercjr]

Guys!  My headship and I were catching up on the late show w/ Colbert (we mostly just watch the stuff before the guests come on) and he did a “first drafts” segment w/ Halloween cards and this one had me cracking up and thinking of our Bro

 

[catlady]

18 hours ago, Dandruff said:

 green ween casserole

this is one of those things that, while we hope it does not exist, is probably out there lurking in a dark and scary corner of the universe.

[Dandruff]

11 hours ago, Spanger said:

OK folks, I found this here picture of Bro Gary’s actual thanksgiving dinner right here:

Good one!  Just needs some cat food gravy on the side...

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK folks the Hawkins family is enjoying Chinese food. The boys have work hard to get the motor out and they need help!  Bro is no help.  I wonder whose church basement they’ve invaded.

Spoiler

 

[Nikedagain?]

It sure SOUNDS like you're complaining you lazy asshole. 

[PumaLover]

We welcome all Chinese!! (Oh wait, wrong fundies.)

OK folks, I have been out of state and just peeking in briefly on my phone where I wasn't signed in. I legit laughed out loud at the "wrongful husband" post and my friend who I was traveling with said, "What?" and I couldn't even explain it to her. She knows a little about my fundie obsession but to explain Bro Gary and the Becks to her would have taken longer than our little vacation lasted. That said, my friend and I traveled 1500+ miles in 5 days in a Prius, and never once had to grift or replace the motor. Maybe Bro Gary needs to invest in a Prius.

[FeministShrew]

The older boy looks really angry and over it.
Bro. Gary, to get a "motor" out, you need an engine hoist. You need a really big one for a big RV. And that thing is an engine, not a motor. (I had that drummed into my head by my ex & his controlling patriarchal dad.)

[Alisamer]

I get the impression Gary is one of those guys who listens to other guys talk about car stuff, nodding and grunting appropriately, but having no idea in the universe what the heck they're talking about. Like he thinks having a penis should give him automotive knowledge, so he's going to pretend it has even though he's got no clue what he's doing. I have visions of him and the kids standing staring into the engine on the side of the road, praying over it and hoping desperately someone will stop who actually knows something. 

Get it towed to a shop, Gary. There's no shame in paying someone else to do something you can't do. You might want to get a job to pay for it, though.

[keepercjr]

LOL

Gary says they have called to local churches to ask for help with the motor but no one has called back.  I have no idea how they think they can do this.  

[Coy Koi]

On 11/16/2018 at 7:38 AM, Alisamer said:

It's very difficult for most people coming out of prison to find work. I have an acquaintance who was in for a few years (largely resulting from addiction and untreated mental health issues), and he had to have a place to live lined up before they'd let him out, and had to find a job within a certain amount of time. He wanted to join the military which would have been a good choice for him, but they have enough people now to be very picky, and wouldn't take him. He ended up finding a construction job through a friend of a friend, but it was dicey there at first. He's been clean for over a year now, I think, and doing fairly well. But it was very difficult at first, finding a job that would take him, and that would let him have the time to go to the frequent parole check-ins, keeping up with the NA meetings, going to therapy, etc. 

It often is very difficult for them to find work, and the types of job to allow people with criminal records are often physical labor, so if they aren't able to do that, all the worse.

I'm torn, because in one way I kind of understand the "NIMBY" (Not In My BackYard) mindset (which means: I don't care what happens outside my bubble, but just keep the criminal element away from me and mine), but mostly I understand that if we refuse to give people another chance to be contributing members of society, that alone will create a permanent class of criminals which will ultimately harm us all.

But then, I'm sick of this shit too. I had my car broken into/attempted stolen three times within a little over a year at my last apartment. It cost me a lot of money I couldn't afford to fix the windows and the steering column or whatever. And my brother-in-law manages a construction company and they employ some felons but when he found out an employee had a conviction for a child sex offense, he fired him on the spot, and I don't blame him a bit.

There are no simple answers here. (Well, there are some, like devote resources to help people resources BEFORE they become criminals. But that won't ALWAYS work, so there are always going to be hard questions too. But there don't need to be this many of them.)

On 11/16/2018 at 10:28 AM, Black Aliss said:

I miss Goodspaceguy (and the other perennial candidate for anything, Richard Pope). Maybe Dino Rossi will replace them as the Harold Stassen of the Northwest, always running, always losing.

Hasn't Dino Rossi come dangerously close to winning before though?

Ugh, he's the one who, about a decade ago, intentionally tried to distance himself from the Republican party by calling himself "GOP" instead. I have no idea how that could work, and I wouldn't think it would at all, except for the fact that my mom then told me that he wasn't a Republican but "some other party". Of course I told her she was wrong and explained what "GOP" means.

If I tried to tell her that story now I'm sure she'd have zero recollection of it, but it 100% happened. She wasn't really into politics then but nowadays she thinks she's an expert because she watches so much Fox "News". ?

On 11/16/2018 at 11:41 AM, Yogi said:

Just leaving this here. 

Doesn't the "Loving" frame Becky's using refer to the SCOTUS case, Loving v. Virginia, which legalized interracial marriage nationwide? If so, I'm 100% sure Becky doesn't know that.