Dillards 64: Now with Multi-Level Marketing!

[nastyhobbitses]

1 hour ago, RidiculousFundies said:

Im genuinely asking, does it only work that way if a spouse passed away? How do they think it works in the case of divorce? Where my mom and dad are divorced and she remarried, would she end up in heaven with my dad again? What happens to her second husband? 

This was a massive plot hole in Titanic: 

Rose's heart does go on. She presumably marries another dude (because her last name is Calvert when we meet her as an old lady) and has kids with him. Then she dies and goes to Fancy Titanic Heaven and reunites with Jack. So her husband of lord knows how long and the father of her children can just fuck off to another afterlife, I guess? Do you get to go to the movie-afterlife of your choice depending on how virtuous you were in life? Does her husband who probably had to put up with like 70 years of "Jack's dick was bigger" go to Fancy Avatar Heaven? Or Fancy Terminator Heaven? Why are the servants who died on the Titanic stuck as servants for all eternity in Fancy Titanic Heaven? That's dark as fuck. 

This is why I should not watch Titanic drunk. 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

3 hours ago, Knight of Ni said:

A friend tried to pull me into Amway. He even brought his “mentor “ with him to talk to me too. I was really not interested and trying to be polite. They were so insistent that at one point it almost seemed easier to agree to sign up then keep telling them no. Every excuse I gave them they had an answer for why Amway would be a solution to the problem.  “My grades actually improved when I started selling Amway” was one line they tried. Umm yeah because Amway will really help me on the thermodynamics portion of physical chemistry not to mention the Krebs Cycle. Eventually I just had to give them a hard no that I wasn’t joining because I didn’t want to and that’s it. The thing that really ripped me off was that the first few minutes of the meeting was them talking about how Amway totally wasn’t an MLM and how it was different then all those other scams. He even demonstrated this with little pictures of pyramids and arrows. They told me that I was making a big mistake because their products just sell themselves. To hear my friend talk about it people just walk up to him on the streets or the gym to ask him about buying. All he has to do is hold a product and people will fall all over themselves to get it. 

Yeah, glad I dodged that bullet. 

SC-AMWAY endorsed by the SCAM Secretary of Education who wants to give us back fake for-profit colleges, like Bill Gothard's law school. ... Now back to Derrick and Jill

[NakedKnees]

7 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

In their version of Christianity they don't believe in marriage in Heaven. They believe couples who were married on earth will be together in Heaven just because they love each other, but it won't be marriage in the earthly sense so there won't be any issues in cases like Cathy's where someone was married to multiple people on earth.

Sounds sexy 

Honestly though, that sounds boderline polyamorous to me. I get it that the only form of romantic love this religion accepts is within one hetero marriage at a time (or just one marriage ever, sometimes). It begs the question: what if her second husband dies before she does? Will she be excited to see BOTH husbands in heaven? I get it that marriage isn't a thing in heaven, but potentially loving two other souls at once must be... but that's just not an issue like it is on earth because it's heaven?

I don't understand heaven. Actually, my MIL is a devout baptist on her third marriage (both previous husbands died after divorces). I should ask her what she thinks.

[AprilQuilt]

48 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

This was a massive plot hole in Titanic: 

Rose's heart does go on. She presumably marries another dude (because her last name is Calvert when we meet her as an old lady) and has kids with him. Then she dies and goes to Fancy Titanic Heaven and reunites with Jack. So her husband of lord knows how long and the father of her children can just fuck off to another afterlife, I guess? Do you get to go to the movie-afterlife of your choice depending on how virtuous you were in life? Does her husband who probably had to put up with like 70 years of "Jack's dick was bigger" go to Fancy Avatar Heaven? Or Fancy Terminator Heaven? Why are the servants who died on the Titanic stuck as servants for all eternity in Fancy Titanic Heaven? That's dark as fuck. 

This is why I should not watch Titanic drunk. 

Also, WHY does Heaven have to look like the Titanic? Rose had a terrible time on the Titanic. It wasn't that good for anyone. The amount of trauma it led to, you wouldn't think anyone would be that delighted to go back there.

 

(OK, so maybe it's like, in Heaven everything is restored, nothing is broken, even great big ships. But presumably the people who drowned on it would have quite liked to be restored to their homes and families, who'll have missed them and suffered without them. I refuse to believe that being waitstaff on the Titanic was the sparkling pinnacle of all their lives)

[finnlassie]

Just now, AprilQuilt said:

Also, WHY does Heaven have to look like the Titanic? Rose had a terrible time on the Titanic. It wasn't that good for anyone. The amount of trauma it led to, you wouldn't think anyone would be that delighted to go back there. 

 

(OK, so maybe it's like, in Heaven everything is restored, nothing is broken, even great big ships. But presumably the people who drowned on it would have quite liked to be restored to their homes and families, who'll have missed them and suffered without them. I refuse to believe that being waitstaff on the Titanic was the sparkling pinnacle of all their lives) 

I mean, she did get a good dickin' in that ship.

[AprilQuilt]

2 minutes ago, finnlassie said:

I mean, she did get a good dickin' in that ship.

I did a proper LOL

[Carm_88]

Fun Fact: There was a Joseph Dawson who died in the sinking of the titanic. When James Cameron visited Fairview Cemetery in Halifax to get a sense of the history, he saw Joseph's headstone. It was written as J. Dawson, he called him Jack and that is how we have Jack Dawson. Joseph Dawson did not look like Leonardo Dicaprio and his body was recovered, hence the headstone! 

[justoneoftwo]

The way I thought it was is that there is no marriage in heaven.  So one wouldn't romantically be with anyone, you would just be with everyone you loved in any way?  But there is no romance or sex or anything like that. . . so its okay to love multiple people?  The LDS always point out that their marriages are forever and exist in heaven and your family exists in heaven.  Its the big draw. 

[nastyhobbitses]

10 minutes ago, finnlassie said:

I mean, she did get a good dickin' in that ship.

When you get right down to it, Titanic is just a granny telling everyone about the time she fucked a guy on a cruise. 

[HarryPotterFan]

23 minutes ago, AprilQuilt said:

Also, WHY does Heaven have to look like the Titanic? Rose had a terrible time on the Titanic. It wasn't that good for anyone. The amount of trauma it led to, you wouldn't think anyone would be that delighted to go back there.

 

(OK, so maybe it's like, in Heaven everything is restored, nothing is broken, even great big ships. But presumably the people who drowned on it would have quite liked to be restored to their homes and families, who'll have missed them and suffered without them. I refuse to believe that being waitstaff on the Titanic was the sparkling pinnacle of all their lives)

Maybe they are all servants in her heaven but not their own? Like everyone gets their own version of heaven? I think in Supernatural heaven was a long hall withh a bunch of rooms, each accessed a different person’s heaven. I always reference that show on these threads because it taught me most of what I know about the New Testament (like names of angels and such)

Also it’s not heaven unless you have sex, WiFi, and Harry Potter

[QuiverFullofBooks]

Wouldn’t it suck to be a celebrity in heaven? Shakespeare has all of eternity to talk to every English major and actor who ever thought way too much about him. My fundie friend posted something the other day about her dad meeting Aretha Franklin in heaven, and I was like, let the woman take a look around first! Maybe there are famous people avatars in heaven to handle everyone’s need for attention.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

I asked my ex’s fundy pastor what happens in heaven in a divorce.  He said our marriage is STRUCK OUT OF THE BOOK!!!  I guess there’s a marriage book, like who knew.  I said GOOD, and walked away cause I really hope so.  

[Dandruff]

1 hour ago, HarryPotterFan said:

Also it’s not heaven unless you have sex, WiFi, and Harry Potter

I like to think there will be spiritual sex (100% consensual), total awareness with no need for WiFi, and access to complete libraries with no waiting lists or fear of eyestrain.

An asshole I used to work with pushed hard for me to join his MLM.  It wasn't Amway, but it sounded a lot like Amway.  I refused to buy it, then refused to sell it, despite him using every manipulation possible to convince me otherwise.  I knew damn well I didn't have three friends who would be willing to deal with that BS any more than I was.  After several extended conversations with co-worker dude, I said no yet again and told him that my answer was NOT going to change.  He got pissy and stopped coming by.  The End.

[artdecades]

I feel like we’re all missing the obvious answer here: Cathy will be in a throuple with her first and second husbands in heaven. 

[Rachel333]

2 hours ago, NakedKnees said:

Sounds sexy 

Honestly though, that sounds boderline polyamorous to me. I get it that the only form of romantic love this religion accepts is within one hetero marriage at a time (or just one marriage ever, sometimes). It begs the question: what if her second husband dies before she does? Will she be excited to see BOTH husbands in heaven? I get it that marriage isn't a thing in heaven, but potentially loving two other souls at once must be... but that's just not an issue like it is on earth because it's heaven?

I don't understand heaven. Actually, my MIL is a devout baptist on her third marriage (both previous husbands died after divorces). I should ask her what she thinks.

Well they don't believe in marriage in Heaven so it's not a romantic type of polyamory.

And actually, the Bible never condemns polygamy for everyone so a lot of those Christians do believe that polygamy is technically acceptable but just not something they should practice today.

[justoneoftwo]

3 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

Well they don't believe in marriage in Heaven so it's not a romantic type of polyamory.

And actually, the Bible never condemns polygamy for everyone so a lot of those Christians do believe that polygamy is technically acceptable but just not something they should practice today.

Yep, and the LDS never said the "principle" was wrong, only that they follow the law of the land.  If it becomes legal things should be interesting as the modern church won't accept it.  Or maybe they will just ignore that part.

[Rachel333]

1 minute ago, justoneoftwo said:

Yep, and the LDS never said the "principle" was wrong, only that they follow the law of the land.  If it becomes legal things should be interesting as the modern church won't accept it.  Or maybe they will just ignore that part.

It is legal in some countries! But the church rules are the same in those countries.

[justoneoftwo]

3 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

It is legal in some countries! But the church rules are the same in those countries.

They are?  How do they justify that?  I've always wondered but didn't want to insult people by asking!

[Rachel333]

4 minutes ago, justoneoftwo said:

They are?  How do they justify that?  I've always wondered but didn't want to insult people by asking!

Well they believe that God currently wants church members to be monogamous on earth. It's not just a matter of polygamy being illegal.

[justoneoftwo]

4 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

Well they believe that God currently wants church members to be monogamous on earth. It's not just a matter of polygamy being illegal.

Great, thanks!

[Drala]

My idea of heaven in pretty mundane: It's all the ice cream I can eat without weight gain or problem a1c levels.

[ItsaJjungle]

I think that we’ll all recognize each other in heaven and say “wassup.” But otherwise we won’t give a shit. Because God’s there (and I’m assuming he’s the bomb-diggity) and if I’m interpreting my Bible correctly the streets are made of gold and everything is beautiful and we’ll be singing and eating at the marriage supper of the lamb. I’m pretty sure the food in heaven will be spectacular, but everything is perfect so no one will get fat. So I plan on doing a crap-ton of eating when I get to heaven. And admiring all the pretty sparkly stuff. And then eating some more. My husband can do whatever he wants. I won’t care. 

[JordynDarby5]

I've never understood the idea that there's no marriage in Heaven. If you end up with your love ones that's going to include your spouse if you have one? It just doesn't make sense to me. You recognize people in Heaven aren't you going to recognize your spouse as your spouse?   

[MarblesMom]

From the last thread: "With 3 defendants there is no way he is getting through for less than 6 figures."

Great typo!  I don't know how to capture the original poster, but this was great!

8 hours ago, RidiculousFundies said:

Im genuinely asking, does it only work that way if a spouse passed away? How do they think it works in the case of divorce? Where my mom and dad are divorced and she remarried, would she end up in heaven with my dad again? What happens to her second husband? 

I had a long chat with my pastor about meeting up with people in heaven.... like, what if you really didn't like your relatives?  Are you stuck with them forever?  What about a rapist, or abuser?  Do you have to hang out?

He said (after looking a little confused) "those are great questions."

So, what is the answer?  There are people I knew here on Earth I have NO interest in spending eternity with.

[Rachel333]

17 minutes ago, JordynDarby5 said:

I've never understood the idea that there's no marriage in Heaven. If you end up with your love ones that's going to include your spouse if you have one? It just doesn't make sense to me. You recognize people in Heaven aren't you going to recognize your spouse as your spouse?   

Yes, you remember who you were to each other on earth, you just won't be married in the same way. Here's a short piece on it from Randy Alcorn, who wrote an incredibly popular book about Heaven.

(Personally, I don't believe in Heaven at all, this is just what Evangelicals typically believe about Heaven!)