Jump to content
IGNORED

FJ fundie families sending their children to school


JermajestyDuggar

Recommended Posts

I'd be really interesting to see how it may play out with cousins if some of the children of fundie families send their kids to school (Christian or public) and some don't, especially if they're living close together.  If, say, Whitney Bates sends her kids to school and Erin Bates Paine doesn't, but their kids of similar ages also spend a lot of time together, how would those kids see the differences in their schooling and education? Would it impact their interactions?

Plus, Whitney's kids would likely be socializing more with people outside their immediate circle than Erin's would, and thus that might have an additional impact on how close the third generation grows up to be and how they see the world. (Or it might not, clearly this is all hypothetical at the moment and has many influencing factors.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 99
  • Created
  • Last Reply
4 minutes ago, metheglyn said:

Plus, Whitney's kids would likely be socializing more with people outside their immediate circle than Erin's would, and thus that might have an additional impact on how close the third generation grows up to be and how they see the world. (Or it might not, clearly this is all hypothetical at the moment and has many influencing factors.)

I think this increased socialization is one reason a lot of fundie families are moving away from homeschooling.  Isolating your children to the nth degree sounds great when they are little, but then they grow up and suddenly they're supposed to get married young...but to whom?  Unless you're lucky enough for your daughters to be incredibly attractive, you're fundie royalty, or you luck into an extremely public gig like a TV show, it's HARD for young adults to find someone to marry when they have next to no social network outside the family.  It's basically all luck at that point, and while some like Erin Paine, Michael Keilen, and Joy Duggar Forsyth DO get lucky enough to still meet the one through their families, they are definitely the exception rather than the rule.  

We've seen many fundie families meet this issue, including some families like the Paines (who are high up in the IBLP world).  The Duggars have only been able to largely avoid it by having a TV show and widening their pool of acceptable suitors.  The Bates seem to be the only family with connections enough to make it work, though even they have marriages made through outside institutions like Crown.  When you're already planning to restrict who your children become romantically involved with heavily, you can't much afford to also destroy any chance they have of meeting people.  It's just not going to work, which is why so many of the original SAHD icons are unmarried in their 30s and many fundie families have at least one daughter who marries "late" simply because she struggles to meet the right one.  It's an obvious issue, and while they don't overtly address it, I do believe it is contributing to the move away from the hyper-isolation that used to be so popular with these folks...and homeschooling is an aspect of that.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, this discussion really highlights how different homeschooling for religious purposes is compared to secular homeschooling. I was homeschooled fundie-style and am currently homeschooling my own children secularly (I am spiritual, but my spiritual practices and beliefs are not a part of my children's curriculum). 

So obviously I'm not opposed to homeschooling per se, but I think teaching your children young-earth creationism as fact and avoiding sex education is neglect. (My sum total of sex education was reading a pamphlet called Almost 12: I didn't know there was a word for masturbation until I was 16). 

I do agree that the homeschooling is probably an appearance thing for some fundies, who are probably relieved to finally put their kids in school. 

Where I live, we don't have charter schools (rural area). You get what you get as far as public education is concerned. There's a private Christian school, but my kids would go to that over my dead body. I don't think the public school where I live is particularly "bad," but it's not "great," so I feel that homeschooling is a better choice for us right now. I don't really intend to homeschool past middle school, however. And if homeschooling stops working for us, my kids would go to public school. If I had money and lived a little farther south, there's a wonderful private school I'd be sending them to!

Homeschooling to keep your kids "protected from the world" backfires spectacularly, in my opinion. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, Briefly said:

We sent the Briefly daughter to Christian school for elementary.  The public school was not the best, the one she would have gone to was not very good and had large numbers of kids in each class.  We knew it was going to be a matter of "deprogramming" her on a regular basis until she got old enough to really understand things and we were right - it wasn't horrible, it is just the way it was. We picked the school we did because she was reading words before she was one year old and was speaking in full sentences before she was 18 months old, her reading ability was and still is extremely high.  When I was touring the schools, I heard the kindergarten class reading and it was very advanced.  At grade 6, we switched her to public school but it really was the best option for her when she went to elementary.  Her elementary school closed a few years ago and then the church that it was part of also did.  There have been a couple of Christian schools in the Tulsa area close.

One year? 12 months? 365 days?? 

Wow! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my area, I'm seeing fewer of the super-rigid isolationist homeschool, home church, etc.. families. We still have plenty of homeschoolers, but most of our homeschool community would probably be considered fundie lite in comparison with some of what went on in the 1990s and early 2000s. One of the more fundy churches started a co-op school for their members and that's where a lot of the most conservative families have ended up.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As much change as there can be is good, seeing as it could help some of them get out once they know what the real world is like.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

42 minutes ago, Nikedagain? said:

One year? 12 months? 365 days?? 

Wow! 

I assumed that was a typo and she meant she was saying words before a year! My earliest talker would mimic words at 6m, spoke at 9m and full sentences by a year. I never believed other people when they said their kids spoke that early until I had one who did. She started reading at 3, read chapter books when she was 4. my youngest is 7 and not reading yet, so I've experienced the spectrum of normal, lol. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are plenty of fundies that have sent their children to christian colleges at 18. It makes me wonder if this influences their choices. I wonder if they choose a Christian high school after homeschooling until 8th grade so the kids will have a sort of transition. Timothy Rodrigues is coming to mind. He was just driven across the country to go to college and it must be a huge adjustment for him. If Jill had allowed him to go to a Christian high school, maybe it wouldn’t be such an adjustment. I would prefer a transition to the typical classroom environment in 8th grade because I could then support them through it while they’re still living at home. Timothy is mostly on his own. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I went to a "Christian" school in Indiana. It was founded as an Episcopal school but by the time I went there, they were no longer affiliated with a specific denomination and claimed to "support Judeo-Christian values." About 10% of my HS grad class came from a homeschool/fundiegelical background. The parents' reasoning was college admissions/SAT prep. None of those kids were Ivy League bound but they still wanted their kids at Christian colleges and typically the homeschooling parent didn't know how to teach things like trigonometry, calculus, or lab sciences. Most of the kids that came from the homeschool background didn't integrate well with school culture. They didn't go to prom, the halloween carnival/homecoming, and skipped out on a lot of field trips. They also didn't do things like newspaper, theater, or choir with the rest of us. Most of their social life came from church. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’m reminded of some relatives I have that I’ve always considered fundie lite. Their kids went to a small Christian school and their lives revolved around church. They were a close family who spent a lot of time together. They sent their oldest son off to a small Christian college in another state. He called that evening and said he was coming home. He didn’t even last a day. His younger siblings did better at their Christian colleges. He’s a responsible married adult these days but at 18, he was so not ready to move out of state away from his family and friends. Of course this happens with non fundies too. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Nikedagain? said:

One year? 12 months? 365 days?? 

Wow! 

Yep, she surprised everybody.  When she was in about 3rd grade, she had a little boy tell her that she knew too many big words!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Georgiana said:

I think this increased socialization is one reason a lot of fundie families are moving away from homeschooling.  Isolating your children to the nth degree sounds great when they are little, but then they grow up and suddenly they're supposed to get married young...but to whom?  Unless you're lucky enough for your daughters to be incredibly attractive, you're fundie royalty, or you luck into an extremely public gig like a TV show, it's HARD for young adults to find someone to marry when they have next to no social network outside the family. 

I also wonder about how scandals like the SMorton and Willis family law suits impact too.  The Smortons show that when 2 families are so inter-connected, it means that when people take sides (100% rightly in that case) there's a huge family split.  And looking at the Willises, it's clear in hindsight that Toby Willis had nefarious/evil reasons for keeping them isolated.

I do buy the theory that a lot of the high profile moves have had pressure from outside sources, but I also think that the lack of marriage prospects will make a huge difference.  The Botkinettes and the Maxwells, for example, were girls to look up to, but now they're SAHDs "on the shelf", they're less women to aspire to be like and more to be pitied.  I definitely think the likes of the Rodrigueses will change their mind if they have 4 or 5 grown up daughters just hoping Prince Charming will show up...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

Your child was reading before the age of one? When did she start talking? 

8 months.  We still tease her that she started talking young and still hasn't stopped to take a breath!  When I was pregnant, I would talk to her and read to her.  When she was born, I read to her daily and I enjoyed it as much as she did.  I don't know that it had any affect on her reading and speaking, I think that's just how she is.  But there was a downside, when her reading ability was so far ahead of her actual age and it was kind of hard to find things that were not too grown-up for her to read.

Someone mentioned private school tuition.  I don't remember what we paid, it was a struggle at times but we managed it.  The school she was at was a good school but it was not the most expensive one.  There were a few that were cheaper cost, but it was the reading program at the school that was the main reason we picked it.  It went to 8th grade, but we had planned to go through elementary and then switch her to public school so she could build a friend/peer group with the kids she would probably graduate with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

31 minutes ago, Briefly said:

8 months.  We still tease her that she started talking young and still hasn't stopped to take a breath!  When I was pregnant, I would talk to her and read to her.  When she was born, I read to her daily and I enjoyed it as much as she did.  I don't know that it had any affect on her reading and speaking, I think that's just how she is.  But there was a downside, when her reading ability was so far ahead of her actual age and it was kind of hard to find things that were not too grown-up for her to read.

Someone mentioned private school tuition.  I don't remember what we paid, it was a struggle at times but we managed it.  The school she was at was a good school but it was not the most expensive one.  There were a few that were cheaper cost, but it was the reading program at the school that was the main reason we picked it.  It went to 8th grade, but we had planned to go through elementary and then switch her to public school so she could build a friend/peer group with the kids she would probably graduate with.

I remember reading about a child prodigy (Michael Kearney) who at the age of six months apparently told his pediatrician "I have a left ear infection!" That always freaked me out for some reason, lol. I can't imagine a baby that young communicating like that!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Briefly said:

We still tease her that she started talking young and still hasn't stopped to take a breath! 

#1 child and only daughter started talking around 18 months or so (it may have been earlier). We're all STILL waiting for her to shut up!!! Even now (she's 35), she talks so fast that its hard to understand her at times. But, she's like me, there's 3-4 conversations tied up in the one...we jump topics and understand each other. I don't remember when she started reading, it seems like she's always known how to read. But, once she knew how to read, she did NOT want to be read to...nope...nuh uh...serious shit fit time there. 

#2 child, #1 son probably didn't learn how to read until he started school. #3 child, #2 son, learned how to read when I was working with his older half-sister who had learning disabilities. He'd sit under the table...

Neither boychild spoke early and were both damn near impossible to understand until they were 4-5. 

All 3 always tested far above grade level for reading...I mean, we're talking years. #1 tested college-level by 3rd, 4th grade. #2 (the "slow one") usually tested 2-3 years ahead and #3 was testing at post-college level by 3rd, 4th grade or so. #2 always felt like the "dumbest" of the 3...poor kid...

****disclaimer...I never compared them to each other in front of them. #2 felt dumb b/c his siblings could make him feel that way. Truth is, all 3 range from very bright to fucking genius. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

And I can’t blame them. If I attended a church, I would want it to be large enough for a nursery or cry room. Along with lots of activities and vacation bible school.

Zsucifer judges you mightily.

4 hours ago, Lurky said:

I also wonder about how scandals like the SMorton and Willis family law suits impact too.  The Smortons show that when 2 families are so inter-connected, it means that when people take sides (100% rightly in that case) there's a huge family split.  And looking at the Willises, it's clear in hindsight that Toby Willis had nefarious/evil reasons for keeping them isolated.

I do buy the theory that a lot of the high profile moves have had pressure from outside sources, but I also think that the lack of marriage prospects will make a huge difference.  The Botkinettes and the Maxwells, for example, were girls to look up to, but now they're SAHDs "on the shelf", they're less women to aspire to be like and more to be pitied.  I definitely think the likes of the Rodrigueses will change their mind if they have 4 or 5 grown up daughters just hoping Prince Charming will show up...

You don't happen to keep fancy goldfish, do you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my fundie church, in the late 80s/early 90s only the strange people homeschooled.  By the time I left in the late 90s  (well, was booted out might be more accurate) only the strange people DIDN'T homeschool.  It existed way before then of course, but I think the explosion of the internet/lots of fundamentalist media turned it into a must-have fad amongst the True Believers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, formergothardite said:

The Bates are the closest to home churching. They started their own church which Gil pastors. I don't think their adult children attend it, though. 

I really wonder wether Kelly and Gil have hard feelings about their adult children not attending their church. Do Cherin and Zachney attend the same church?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, ophelia said:

I really wonder wether Kelly and Gil have hard feelings about their adult children not attending their church. Do Cherin and Zachney attend the same church?

 

Cherin nope.

Zachney I don't know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, ophelia said:

I really wonder wether Kelly and Gil have hard feelings about their adult children not attending their church. Do Cherin and Zachney attend the same church?

 

Zach seems to work a lot of Sundays. So his attendance wouldn’t be all that regular anyway. I’m not sure where they go to church when Zach isn’t working. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, feministxtian said:

#1 child and only daughter started talking around 18 months or so (it may have been earlier). We're all STILL waiting for her to shut up!!! Even now (she's 35), she talks so fast that its hard to understand her at times. But, she's like me, there's 3-4 conversations tied up in the one...we jump topics and understand each other. I don't remember when she started reading, it seems like she's always known how to read. But, once she knew how to read, she did NOT want to be read to...nope...nuh uh...serious shit fit time there. 

#2 child, #1 son probably didn't learn how to read until he started school. #3 child, #2 son, learned how to read when I was working with his older half-sister who had learning disabilities. He'd sit under the table...

Neither boychild spoke early and were both damn near impossible to understand until they were 4-5. 

All 3 always tested far above grade level for reading...I mean, we're talking years. #1 tested college-level by 3rd, 4th grade. #2 (the "slow one") usually tested 2-3 years ahead and #3 was testing at post-college level by 3rd, 4th grade or so. #2 always felt like the "dumbest" of the 3...poor kid...

****disclaimer...I never compared them to each other in front of them. #2 felt dumb b/c his siblings could make him feel that way. Truth is, all 3 range from very bright to fucking genius. 

Mr. Briefly's mom said that her 3rd child, which is Mr Briefly's brother, did not speak at all until he was about 3 or 4.  Nothing.  They thought he was deaf but that was ruled out, and he did not seem to have any developmental issues.  He just did not talk.  Then one day, he suddenly said "Mom I'm thirsty, can I have some water."  Apparently, he had figured out early on that he didn't need to talk. He had two older siblings and he just went along with them and just didn't need to ask for anything, etc., because his needs were being met anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Briefly said:

Mr. Briefly's mom said that her 3rd child, which is Mr Briefly's brother, did not speak at all until he was about 3 or 4.  Nothing.  They thought he was deaf but that was ruled out, and he did not seem to have any developmental issues.  He just did not talk.  Then one day, he suddenly said "Mom I'm thirsty, can I have some water."  Apparently, he had figured out early on that he didn't need to talk. He had two older siblings and he just went along with them and just didn't need to ask for anything, etc., because his needs were being met anyway.

#2 son just grunted and pointed. He had 3 older sisters who'd step and fetch for him all day every day. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, cara said:

Ugh I wish CPS would intervene and make all the Rodrigues kids get an education. 

It was discussed in Rodrigues subforum. CPS has low funds in their state, plus is a state where lots of kids are living worse than Rodrigues', because the rates of drug addict parents is really high. I think fundie parents are more comfortable in states with a weak CPS protection, while in other places they would be in the CPS radar.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.




×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.